Evolutionary Men

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about the shadow of shadow work, what it demands from us beyond catharsis, and why release is only the first step that must extend into accountability. We break down the three-phase arc of release, responsibility, and repair, sit with the cultural pressure on men's groups right now to do more than hold space for pain, and get into what real carefrontation looks like when you care too much to stay quiet.

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What's your Evolutionary Edge (and blindspot) as a man? Take the free assessment to find out at quiz.evolutionary.men.

In this episode I sit down with my wife Violet Lange to talk about the gap no amount of solo work can close. You've done your reading, you've done your shadow work, you feel solid, and then a woman walks into the room and you freeze, shrink, or bury your desire. You can practice alone forever, but you only get good at the feminine in front of the feminine. We get into why so many men get so few reps, why the dating world is the worst possible place to learn, and what opens up when the container is built for practice instead of outcome.

Violet's frame is simple: this is practice, not pickup. When the agenda is gone and the safety is real, you stop managing how you come across and start meeting the parts of yourself you usually keep hidden. This is the work that pairs with men's groups, not the work that replaces them, the cross-training most guys don't know they're missing. If you've done your work with the men and still lock up the moment polarity enters the room, this one is for you.

Violet's co-ed practice container, the Love Field, opens this summer. Details at violetlange.com/thelovefield

In this episode I take Scott Galloway's framework for young men, the provider, protector, procreator model, and make the case that it's necessary but not sufficient. I use Ken Wilber's four-quadrant map to show that the two quadrants Galloway skips, interior life and real male connection, are exactly where the crisis lives. Then I name the two missing pieces that round out his framework and don't replicate the same provider / manbox trap men have been stuck in for ages. Finally I point to the parts of Galloway's own life that have already shown him what he left out of the book.

What's your Evolutionary Edge (and blindspot) as a man? Take the free assessment to find out at quiz.evolutionary.men.

Join a Men's Group:

• Men's Group Experience
• Pillars of Presence
• The Heart of Shadow

In this episode I sit down with Keith Martin-Smith, an award-winning author, Zen priest, martial artist, and one of my oldest, dearest friends. We've been sitting in circle together for almost 20 years.

Keith grew up in a working-class Irish Catholic family on the East Coast, where his father never shed a tear his entire life and shutting down was just what men did. We get into how he came out of that conditioning, what 20 years of Zen and men's work has transmitted to him, and why the most elite warriors on the planet are also the most sensitive men in the room.

A few things we get into:

• Why most men are reacting to their lives instead of responding
• The difference between being seen and being known
• What a real men's group does that therapy structurally can't
• Why it's important for nice guys to feel their anger

If you've ever wondered what men's work actually is beyond the caricature, this is a solid place to start.

Learn more about Keith

Attend the Strength with Heart Masterclass June 7th, 2026

Curious which of the 9 masculine archetypes you embody and your strengths and edges as a man?

Discovery your type and take the free assessment at quiz.evolutionary.men.

In this episode I talk about freeze, the response in men that hides in plain sight. Fight gets respect. Flight at least looks like movement. Freeze just looks like you vanished, and most of the time nobody even clocks it, including you. Plus on top of that a lot of men get praised for being steady when what's actually happening inside them is immobilization.

I've lived inside this one for most of my life, in the conversations that mattered, the choices I couldn't make, the moments I needed to show up and couldn't find my way there. In this one I get into what's actually happening in your body when you freeze up, why the pattern runs so deep, how to head it off at the pass when possible, and what happens when you do really freeze and can't get yourself out of it.

Curious which of the 9 masculine archetypes you embody?

Take the free assessment at quiz.evolutionary.men.

In this episode I bring on Benjamin Roth and Jeff Raab to explore how improv and theater work can help men get out of their heads and into their bodies. We talk about the courage it takes to make bold choices without overthinking, how to stay present when you cant control the outcome, and why developing comfort with failure might be one of the most important masculine capacities for navigating life and relationships.

Join the online workshop Sunday March 29th at 1pm Pacific.

Register at https://evolutionary.men/improv

The Guests

Benjamin Roth participated in the first cohort of Evolutionary Men’s Pillars of Presence. He is part of the main faculty at the LA-based improv studio Improv for the People, where he has taught for 8 years. He is passionate about combining his improv background with years of practice in mindfulness, embodiment and authentic relating to support others in cultivating their unique personal expression to have better relationships with themselves and with others. 

Jeff Raab completed the Heart of Shadow program in 2025. He is a theater artist and educator, performing professionally all over the country and teaching theater students of all ages. He is a certified Miller Voice Method teacher, and teaches Voice and Diction in the Theater Department at Southern Connecticut State University. He holds an MFA in Classical Acting, trained Clown and Commedia dell’Arte at the Dell’Arte School of Physical Theatre, and is certified in energy healing practices including Shamanism and Reiki. Everything he does is ultimately in service of activating creativity and empowering authenticity. www.jeffreymichaelraab.com.

After more than 3 years and 7 cohorts of The Heart of Shadow program and retreat for men, Luke and I are thrilled to be teaming up with my wife Violet to bring the experience to women.

Many of the men that work with us ask how they can support their partners and the women in their life, and we're thrilled to say we think The Heart of Shadow for Women is one of those ways!

The three of us talk about shadow work and the many ways its the same for men and women, and the many ways it's different!

Learn more about the Heart of Shadow for Women at https://heartofshadow.com/women

In this episode I bring on my friend and practicing couples therapist Ryan Ginn to break down what separates great couples therapy from a waste of your time and money. If you've ever felt like you and your partner were just venting to a silent witness every session, or you're trying to figure out where to even start looking for the right fit, this one's for you.

Ryan and I get into the leadership quality you want from a therapist, why nervous system training matters way more than just talking about your problems, and how to know when it's time to find someone new. We also cover the trap of litigating the past, what it means to actually train your relational capacity in session, and the willingness both partners need to bring for any of it to work.

Learn more about Ryan at https://ryanginn.com and https://www.beingmen.net/

Lead your relationship with more depth in my Pillars of Presence program

Reconnect, Repair, and Reignite your relationship at via 12 Epic Dates and Evolutionary Couples

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler, my co-facilitator in the Heart of Shadow program, to dive into shadow work for one of the most common struggles I see in men: knowing what you feel but not being able to say it. That chasm between awareness and expression, between what's happening inside and actually moving sound through your body and into a conversation. We break down why so many of us freeze when it matters most and what's actually underneath that freeze.

We explore the origin stories of why our nervous systems learned to lock things up in the first place, the difference between vulnerability and transparency, and why a men's group is often the only place where you can finally practice bringing yourself forward in a way that actually sticks. If you've ever had words stuck in your throat with a partner, struggled to have a hard conversation, or just felt like something is blocked between what you know and what you can say, this one's for you.

Join the next Heart of Shadow cohort at https://heartofshadow.com

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to explore how shadow work can transform your sex life. We dig into why so many men use ejaculation as their primary emotional release tool and what happens when sex becomes responsible for making us feel better. We unpack the connection between safety, relaxation, and arousal, and why performance anxiety often stems from deeper places we don't want to look at. We also explore what shifts when sex becomes an expression of connection rather than a destination to escape to. If you've ever wondered why "better sex" isn't about technique, this one's for you.

Shadow work creates the capacity to feel more, stay present, and stop using sex to discharge what we haven't learned to process. When we release our partners from the burden of managing our emotional lives, something opens up. And when we have a group of men to hold our vulnerability, we stop needing our intimate relationships to do all that work. The path to better sex runs through your gut, your heart, and the shadows you've been avoiding.

Join the next Heart of Shadow cohort at heartofshadow.com

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