Okay girlfriend, we're going there. We're talking about the thing nobody talks about when it comes to eating disorders: sex, intimacy, and what's happening (or NOT happening) in your bedroom.
If you've noticed your sex drive has disappeared, you're avoiding intimacy with your partner, you can't be present during sex because you're too busy worrying about what your body looks like, or your relationship is suffering and you don't know why - this episode is for you.
Host Lindsey Nichol gets incredibly vulnerable about her own experience with blocked intimacy during her eating disorder - how she was physically shut down, emotionally unavailable, and performing instead of experiencing. She shares the research-backed reasons why eating disorders completely sabotage intimacy (spoiler: your body is literally in survival mode), and gives you practical tools to address it.
This isn't just about emotional connection - we're talking about SEX. Physical intimacy. The bedroom. Your relationship with your spouse or partner. Because your eating disorder isn't just stealing your relationship with food and your body. It's stealing your relationship with your partner too.
In this episode, you'll learn:
This is real talk. This is vulnerable. This is the conversation we need to have. So grab your favorite Tarjay journal and let's get into it.
Content Note: This episode discusses sexual intimacy and eating disorders openly. Best listened to in a private space.
In This Episode, You'll Hear:
Lindsey's Vulnerable Truth
The Research Nobody Talks About
The Question We're Answering Why is intimacy blocked when you struggle with an eating disorder? And what can you actually DO about it?
The 5 Reasons Why Intimacy Gets Blocked:
Reason #1: Your Body is Literally Shutting Down
When you restrict food, your body goes into survival modeSex, reproduction, intimacy are NOT essential for survivalYour hormones tank: estrogen, progesterone, testosterone plummetYour libido disappears completelyYou lose your period (amenorrhea)Your energy is non-existentResearch shows women with anorexia and bulimia have significantly disrupted hormone levelsAll of these hormones impact sexual desire and functionIf you have zero sex drive, if intimacy feels like a chore, if you're exhausted - your body is saying "I don't have resources for this"Your body is trying to keep you alive, not reproduceReason #2: You're Disconnected From Your Body
When you spend every day hating, criticizing, punishing your body - you disconnectYou dissociate from physical sensationsThe problem: You can't experience pleasure in a body you're not connected toIntimacy requires being IN your body, feeling sensations, being presentBut when you're trapped in your head analyzing what you look like - you're performing, not experiencingResearch: Women with eating disorders report significantly higher body image concerns during sexual activityThis directly correlates with lower sexual satisfaction and avoidance behaviorsYou can't enjoy intimacy when you're worried about appearance the entire timeReason #3: The Shame is Paralyzing
Body shame doesn't stay in the mirror - it follows you into the bedroomWhen you feel disgusting in your own skin, how are you supposed to let someone see it? Touch it?The shame is so heavy that many women avoid intimacy altogetherMaking excuses, shutting down, pulling awayBeing vulnerable and exposed when you feel shame about your body is terrifyingIntimacy requires vulnerability - shame blocks that completelyReason #4: You're Emotionally Unavailable
When you're consumed by an eating disorder, there's no room for anything elseYour entire mental and emotional bandwidth is taken up by food thoughts, body checking, planning, restricting, compensatingYou don't have capacity to show up emotionally for your partnerCan't connect, can't be present, can't be intimate beyond the physical actIntimacy requires emotional availabilityWhen your eating disorder is screaming 24/7, you're not available - you're survivingReason #5: Control Issues Prevent Vulnerability
Eating disorders are about CONTROLIntimacy requires letting GO of control, being vulnerable, surrenderingIf you can't let go of control long enough to eat without anxiety, how can you surrender during intimacy?The same rigidity and need for control with food shows up in the bedroomIt blocks true intimacy completelyThe Impact on Your Relationship:
Distance and disconnection in your relationshipYour partner might feel rejected, confused, helplessThey might think you're not attracted to them anymoreThey might think they did something wrongYou feel guilty, broken, like you're failing at one more thing"I can't do anything right - not food, not my body, and now not my relationship"The Truth You Need to Hear: This is not a personal failure. This is a SYMPTOM of your eating disorder.
The Hope: Research shows that as women recover from eating disorders, sexual function, desire, and satisfaction improve SIGNIFICANTLY. Recovery doesn't just give you food freedom - it gives you intimacy freedom too.
If your relationship is suffering, recovery is the answer. Not just for food. Not just for your body. But for your relationship too.
What You Can Do About It (6 Action Steps):
Step 1: Check Your Intimacy Temperature
Get honest with yourself. On a scale of 1-10, where is your intimacy RIGHT NOW?
Not where you think it should be. Not where it used to be. Where is it TODAY?
Get real about what's actually happening. You can't change what you won't acknowledge.
Step 2: Recognize This is an ED Symptom
Stop blaming yourself. Stop thinking you're broken or wrong or failing.
This blocked intimacy is a SYMPTOM of your eating disorder.
Your body is depleted. Your hormones are disrupted. You're disconnected. You're consumed.
This is about your eating disorder stealing one MORE thing from you.
Name it for what it is: An eating disorder symptom.
Step 3: Bring It Into the Light - Talk to Your Partner
This is the scariest step, but it's the most important.
You have to talk to your spouse or partner about what's going on.
When to Have This Conversation:
What to Say (Script): "Hey, I need to talk to you about something that's been hard for me. I've been struggling with my relationship with food and my body, and it's affecting our intimacy. I want you to know it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. My body is depleted, my hormones are off, and I'm having a hard time being present. I'm working on it, but I need you to know what's going on."
Step 4: Start Small With Reconnection
You don't have to fix everything overnight. Start somewhere small.
Just start. Somewhere. Anywhere.
Step 5: Work on Body Acceptance
You don't have to LOVE your body to be intimate.
But you do have to accept that your body is allowed to:
The more you work on accepting your body (not loving it, just ACCEPTING it), the more available you'll be for intimacy.
Step 6: Prioritize Your Recovery
If you want intimacy back in your relationship, you MUST prioritize recovery.
Because the eating disorder is the blocker.
Key Takeaways:
✨ Your ED isn't just stealing food freedom - it's stealing intimacy too
✨ Blocked intimacy is a SYMPTOM, not a personal failure
✨ Your body is in survival mode - sex is not a priority when you're starving
✨ You can't experience pleasure in a body you're disconnected from
✨ Body shame follows you into the bedroom and paralyzes intimacy
✨ You're emotionally unavailable because the ED consumes all your bandwidth
✨ Control issues with food show up as control issues with intimacy
✨ Research shows recovery improves sexual function, desire, and satisfaction
✨ You need to talk to your partner - bring it into the light
✨ Start small: reconnect with non-sexual touch first
✨ Body acceptance (not love) opens the door to intimacy
✨ Recovery gives you your relationship back
Powerful Quotes from This Episode:
"Let me just be really honest with you. When I was in the thick of my eating disorder, intimacy was one of the first things to go""I wasn't experiencing intimacy. I was performing it. And I was anxious the entire time""Research shows that women with eating disorders experience significantly higher rates of sexual dysfunction, lower libido, avoidance of intimacy, and relationship dissatisfaction""But we don't talk about it. We suffer in silence. We fake it. We avoid it. We make excuses""When you're restricting food, your body goes into survival mode. And guess what's not essential for survival? Sex. Reproduction. Intimacy""You can't experience pleasure in a body you're not connected to""Intimacy requires you to be IN your body. But when you're trapped in your head analyzing what you look like - you're performing""Body shame doesn't stay in the mirror. It follows you into the bedroom""When you're consumed by an eating disorder, there's no room for anything else""Eating disorders are about control. And intimacy requires letting go of control""This is not a personal failure. This is a symptom of your eating disorder""Recovery doesn't just give you food freedom - it gives you intimacy freedom too""If your relationship is suffering, recovery is the answer""You can't change what you won't acknowledge""Stop blaming yourself. This blocked intimacy is a SYMPTOM""You don't have to have all the answers. You just have to be honest about what's happening""You don't have to love your body to be intimate. But you do have to accept it""Your eating disorder has stolen enough from you. Don't let it steal your intimacy too"Research-Backed Information:
Sexual Dysfunction & Eating Disorders:
Recovery Improves Everything:
Questions to Reflect On:
On a scale of 1-10, where is your intimacy right now?Are you avoiding intimacy? How often?Are you going through the motions or truly present?What are you thinking about during intimacy? (Your body? His reaction? What you look like?)When did intimacy start feeling like a chore instead of connection?Do you insist on lights off? Shirt on? Certain positions only?Are you disconnected from physical sensations during sex?Can you feel pleasure or are you too in your head?What body parts are you most self-conscious about during intimacy?Have you talked to them about what's going on?Do they know you're struggling with an eating disorder?Do they understand why intimacy has changed?Are you making excuses or being honest?Is blocked intimacy motivation for you to prioritize recovery?What would it mean to get intimacy back in your relationship?Are you willing to do the work to heal this area too?What's one small step you can take today?Who This Episode Is For:
This episode is essential listening if you:
The Conversation Starter (What to Say):
The Script: "Hey, I need to talk to you about something that's been hard for me. I've been struggling with my relationship with food and my body, and it's affecting our intimacy. I want you to know it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. My body is depleted, my hormones are off, and I'm having a hard time being present. I'm working on it, but I need you to know what's going on."
Important Truths About Intimacy & EDs:
Your Libido Disappearing is NOT Your Fault: It's biology. Your body is in survival mode. Sex is not essential for survival. Your hormones are disrupted. This is a symptom.
You're Not Broken: Your body is responding exactly as it should to starvation and restriction. This is protective, not defective.
Your Partner Isn't the Problem: Even if you're attracted to them, your body can't prioritize sexual function right now. This isn't about attraction.
Shame is the Enemy: The shame you feel about your body during intimacy is what's blocking connection. The body itself isn't the problem - the shame is.
Recovery Restores Everything: This isn't permanent. As you nourish your body, your hormones will regulate. Your libido will return. Your ability to be present will come back. Intimacy can be restored.
You Deserve Intimacy: Even with an eating disorder, you deserve connection, pleasure, and intimacy. But you have to do the recovery work to get there.
Ready for Support?
Work with Lindsey One-on-One: If you're ready to prioritize your recovery - not just for food freedom, but for your relationship too - Lindsey offers personalized recovery coaching where you work through:
Your relationship deserves you showing up fully. Your partner deserves you being present. YOU deserve to experience intimacy without shame, anxiety, or the ED blocking it.
Recovery gives you that. And Lindsey is here to help you get there.
Ready for Support?
Option 1: The Recovery Collective Join Lindsey's group coaching program where you'll get:
Option 2: One-on-One Personalized Coaching work directly with Lindsey for:
Learn more about both options at www.herbestself.co
You don't have to navigate this alone. Let's walk through recovery together.
Connect with Lindsey
Website: www.herbestself.co Private Facebook Community: Her Best Self Society www.herbestselfsociety.com 1:1 Client Applications: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google FormsSubscribe & Review:
If this episode resonated with you—if you saw yourself in Lindsey's rejection story—please subscribe to Her Best Self wherever you listen to podcasts and leave a review. Your reviews help other women who are tired of perfectionism and people-pleasing find this show and realize they're not alone.
Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear the truth!
About the Host
Lindsey Nichol is a former competitive figure skater turned God-led entrepreneur, boy mom, and digital CEO. She understands how core beliefs formed in childhood can create and maintain eating disorder patterns, and she's passionate about helping women identify and transform these beliefs to find lasting freedom.
If this episode helped you feel hopeful again and remember your worth isn't found in your body or on your plate, please share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Your support helps more women break the chains of limiting beliefs.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
