In this episode, I’m sharing another clip from my conversation with Joe Dillon, a divorce mediation specialist, where we move from defining high-conflict communication into practical techniques for actually reducing it. We explore how shifting from “why” questions to “help me understand” lowers defensiveness and creates a sense of validation and safety, allowing for more reflective dialogue. We also introduce the concept of “detached engagement”—staying emotionally present without getting pulled into reactivity—and how this helps prevent escalation while maintaining connection. Throughout, we highlight how small shifts in tone, curiosity, and emotional regulation can fundamentally change the course of a conflict. 

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Dr. Anthony Mazzella is a psychoanalyst and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in narcissism, personality disorders, and relational dynamics.