Parents can help their teenage children avoid patterns of emotional overreaction, says psychologist Michael Hawton. His new book The Anxiety Coach is a guide for parents on how to help young people manage their emotions and develop resilience.

Parents can guide their teenage children away from patterns of emotional overreaction, says psychologist Michael Hawton.

His new book The Anxiety Coach is a guide for helping young people manage their emotions and develop resilience.

"We need to give kids skills to overcome life's challenges," he tells Kathryn Ryan.

Listen to the interview

Michael Hawton is the founder of Parentshop - a resource hub for parents, educators and child family specialists.

Human brains haven't significantly changed in the last 25 years so today's high levels of adolescent anxiety seem to come from our environment, Hawton tells Kathryn Ryan.

Kids don't get as much sleep as they used to, and often not as much as they need. They're bombarded by information and don't get the "radical downtime" previous generations of children enjoyed.

They're also overusing important words like 'anxious', 'depressed' and 'traumatised' to describe everyday annoyances, he says.

Hawton's wife, who provides learning support at a New South Wales high school, says the first thing out of many teenager's mouths, however minor their challenge, is "I'm anxious".

This is problematic because the words we use to frame adverse or challenging experiences can really shape our experience, Hawton says.

"If you keep using inflammatory words and phrases to describe small events to yourself and other people, eventually that will have an effect - it will affect you in the long term because it becomes a pattern of behaviour."

Some parents find it tricky to put their own protective feelings aside when their child faces a problem, but it's important to do that.

Psychological overprotection - when parents quickly jump in to solve problems because it distresses them to see their child distressed - won't help that child become more resilient, he says.

If a child tells you that they're anxious, be supportive and compassionate and ask solution-based questions to help them think through their situation.

"We need to help kids start scaffolding alternative ways to think about the problem they might be facing. If parents can use those micro-moments... instead of helping the child avoid a problem... they can help the child to wrestle with the difficulties themselves…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details