The Loving Truth

How to Keep Your Peace Through a High-Conflict Divorce


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If you need to end a relationship, you want to try to do it in the most loving and peaceful way possible. This is something I say often, but there’s one problem with it: not everyone wants to be loving and peaceful about separating.

One of my clients, parent coach Julie Zivah, finds herself in a highly contentious divorce with her husband of 22 years. Yet she has found a way to keep her peace while still going through the process. And she wanted to be on the podcast to take us through her journey as someone in a high-conflict divorce.

In this episode of The Loving Truth podcast, you’ll hear about how Julie’s divorce has gone thus far and how she’s learned to stay calm and zen. You’ll learn about the hard realizations she’s had about her relationship with her husband and kids, the tools she’s used to help navigate her situation mentally and emotionally, and her supportive mindset and approach as her family’s dynamic continues to be in transition.

2:20 - Julie describes where she was mentally and emotionally in her marriage when we started working together

5:40 - How Julie got to the decision to end her relationship with her husband

8:35 - Does Julie ever get cold feet and feel tempted to change her mind?

11:21 - The moment Julie knew her divorce wasn’t going to be loving and peaceful (and an important side note about her approach to this conversation)

14:15 - Julie shares one of the hardest realizations in this process and how her relationship with her kids has changed

21:57 - The importance of a dependable adult for kids and teaching your kids how to manage difficult people

24:05 - How Julie’s experience has changed her parent coaching practice

26:03 - Collaborative divorce proceedings with a high-conflict personality and what happened when Julie switched to a non-collaborative process

31:09 - The tool that helps Julie do things with love and kindness while going through a difficult divorce

34:40 - How Julie kept her peace when things got really tough and she had moments of doubt

38:47 - The importance of using helpful tools when you’re not in crisis

40:14 - Julie’s advice if you suspect a high-conflict separation on the horizon

46:01 - Where Julie’s relationships with her partner and kids stand today


Mentioned In How to Keep Your Peace Through a High-Conflict Divorce

High Conflict Institute

Splitting and Don’t Alienate the Kids! by Bill Eddy

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The Loving TruthBy Sharon Pope

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