The Loving Truth

You've been telling yourself you'll deal with your marriage later.

After the kids graduate.
After they turn 18.
After they're grown and out of the house.

Because surely, if you can just hold on until then, divorce will be easier on them.

But is that really true?

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, we're exploring one of the hardest questions parents face when considering divorce: Is there actually a right time to end your marriage when you have children?

Here's what I want you to consider.

Divorce will impact your kids whether they're 4, 14 or 24.

When they're young, they may not understand what's happening. When they're older, they may think they understand.

But they've never lived inside your marriage. They haven't walked in your shoes. And they can't possibly know everything that brought you to this decision.

What matters enormously is how you and your spouse choose to move through the divorce.

I've worked with women whose adult children blamed them for the divorce, said devastating things, or even cut them out of family pictures.

Because somewhere along the way, those children came to believe they needed to choose sides.

But Mom is still Mom. And Dad is still Dad.

Your children don't need to decide who's right or wrong. They don't need to manage your emotions or carry your anger.

They need to know they're allowed to love both of you.

• Why waiting until your kids are grown doesn't necessarily make divorce easier.
• How divorce affects young children and adult children differently.
• Why children sometimes respond with anger, blame or judgment.
• How parents can unintentionally put their children in the middle.
• What you can do to help your children navigate divorce without feeling they must choose sides.

You can't protect your children from every painful experience.

But you can show them how to move through difficult things with integrity, emotional maturity and grace.

And that might be one of the most important things you ever teach them.

Reflection Question:

Are you staying because you genuinely believe it's what's best for your children, or is there also a part of you that's afraid of what making a different choice would require?

You’ve been trying so hard.

Reading the books.
Listening to the podcasts.
Thinking about what needs to change.

But somehow, nothing is actually changing.

You tell yourself you’re doing everything you can to fix your marriage.

But are you?

Because there’s a big difference between thinking about fixing your marriage and actually doing the uncomfortable things required to change it.

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, we’re talking about three ways we unknowingly set ourselves up to fail when we’re trying to create change.

And this isn’t just about marriage.

We do the same thing when we’re trying to lose weight, grow a business, change a habit or make pretty much anything in our lives better.

We research instead of taking action.

We take action, but we’re really just phoning it in.

Or we finally do the hard thing, it doesn’t immediately work, and we decide nothing is ever going to change.

That’s what happened with Emily.

She finally worked up the courage to tell her husband what needed to change in their marriage. It was uncomfortable. It didn’t go particularly well.

And after one difficult conversation, she was ready to give up.

But one hard conversation isn’t evidence that your marriage can’t change.

Sometimes we confuse “not yet” with “not possible.”

And if you do that, you can quit long before you’ve actually given yourself, your partner or your marriage a real chance.

In this episode, I’ll also walk you through a simple four-step process for figuring out what to do next and whether what you’re doing is actually working.

Because when you keep showing up and doing your part, one of two things will eventually happen:

The marriage begins to change.

Or you get clearer that it probably isn’t going to.

Both are valuable information.

Because the goal isn’t to save your marriage at all costs.

And the goal isn’t to leave.

The goal is to know that you gave it your best effort so that whatever you decide next, you can trust yourself in that decision.

• The three ways we unknowingly sabotage our own efforts to create change
• How research can become a really sophisticated form of avoidance
• What “phoning it in” looks like inside a marriage
• Why expecting results too quickly can cause you to quit too soon
• The four-step process I use to help determine whether something is actually working
• How the “warmer, colder” game can help you figure out your next move
• Why the resilience and self-trust you build in the process may matter as much as the outcome

At some point, you have to stop thinking about what needs to change...

and start doing the things that could actually change it.

Am I giving my marriage my best effort, or just enough effort to tell myself I’m trying?

There’s a time to keep fighting for something.

And there’s a time to let it go.

The hard part is knowing which is which.

We’ve been taught that winners never quit. That giving up means we failed. That if we just try harder, hang in there longer or find one more thing to try, eventually things will get better.

But that isn’t always true.

Sometimes continuing to fight is exactly what’s required.

And sometimes continuing to fight is simply refusing to accept what is.

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, we’re talking about one of the hardest questions you might ever have to answer:

When is it time to give up on your marriage?

Because there’s a big difference between quitting because something is hard and recognizing that what you’re hoping for may no longer be possible.

There’s a difference between a rough patch you need to work through and a new reality you need to accept.

And sometimes the most difficult thing isn’t trying harder.

It’s telling yourself the truth.

I’ll walk you through three practical ways to evaluate whether it makes sense to keep investing your time, energy and heart into your marriage, or whether you’re fighting for something that cannot become what you need it to be.

• How to distinguish between a rough patch and a reality that has fundamentally changed.
• The difference between giving up too quickly and accepting what you cannot change.
• How to consider both the cost and the potential payoff of continuing to fight for your marriage.
• What to consider when something foundational in the marriage has changed and cannot be undone.
• Why your survival brain will almost always have something to say when you consider doing something difficult.
• Why we’re so much more comfortable celebrating beginnings than honoring endings.
• How to determine whether more effort can actually create the change you’re hoping for.

Quitting doesn’t always mean you failed.

Sometimes it means you’ve stopped fighting with reality.

Reflection Question:

Am I holding onto my marriage, or holding onto what I wish it could be?

You’ve heard the term quiet quitting when it comes to work.

But what happens when you quietly quit your marriage?

You stop trying to fix what isn’t working.
You stop asking for what you need.
You stop expecting anything to change.
You’re still married. You’re still living under the same roof. You’re still doing all the things.

But emotionally, you’ve already left.

And in some ways, that can feel easier.

It’s easier than getting your hopes up only to be disappointed again.
It’s easier than having another conversation that goes nowhere.
And it’s certainly easier than facing the possibility of ending your marriage.

But easier in the moment doesn’t necessarily mean easier in the long run.

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, I’m talking about what happens when we quietly give up on our marriages without ever actually making a decision about them.

I know something about this because I quietly quit my first marriage at 36. Looking back, there’s one thing I wish I had done very differently.

Because if you’re choosing to stay in your marriage, I think there’s a bigger question worth asking:

Why wouldn’t you try to make it better?

Not by trying harder at all the same things you’ve already tried.
Not by having the same conversation for the 47th time.
And not by doing all the work while your spouse does nothing.

But by getting honest about where you are, what you’ve actually tried and what would need to change for this marriage to become something you would want to stay in.

• What quiet quitting a marriage actually looks like.
• Why emotionally checking out can feel safer than continuing to hope or making the decision to leave.
• The one thing I would do differently if I could go back to my first marriage.
• Why your spouse deserves to know when you’ve stopped participating in the marriage.
• The difference between trying everything and trying everything you know to try.
• Why avoiding the decision doesn’t make the underlying problem disappear.
• How to get more intentional about the marriage you’re choosing to remain in.

You cannot control whether your marriage ultimately works.

But you can control how you show up inside of it.

And years from now, regardless of how the story ends, you’re going to want to be able to look back and feel good about the choices you made along the way.

Reflection Question:

If I’m staying, am I actually choosing this marriage or just avoiding the decision to leave?

You show up at work.

You communicate clearly. You follow through. You have the difficult conversations. You understand that trust matters.

But then you come home...

And somehow, the person who matters most gets whatever is left.

We avoid the conversation. We stop being curious. We make assumptions. We get a little lazy about connection. And then we wonder why the marriage isn’t thriving.

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, Sharon explores the connection between how we lead at work and how we show up in our marriages.

Because so many of the things we know make someone a good leader are the exact same things required to create a strong marriage.

Communication. Trust. Consistency. Connection. The willingness to have hard conversations. The ability to adjust when what used to work no longer does.

You wouldn’t repeatedly avoid an important conversation at work and expect things to magically improve.

You wouldn’t break trust with your team and expect them to keep following you.

You wouldn’t stop showing up and still expect great results.

And yet, sometimes that’s exactly what we do in our marriages.

Maybe the question isn’t simply whether you’re married to the right person.

Maybe there’s another question worth asking:

What kind of partner are you being inside the marriage you have?

• Why being a good communicator requires more than simply talking
• What “quiet quitting” can look like inside a marriage
• Why every relationship is ultimately asking: Can I count on you?
• How trust gets built and broken through the choices we make every day
• Why strong marriages need intentional points of connection
• Why what worked in one season of your marriage may not work in the next
• What your marriage might be revealing about how well you’re leading yourself

We’re often very intentional about how we show up at work.

Maybe it’s time to bring some of that intention home.

Reflection Question:

If your marriage were your job, would you still be employed?

You’ve been watching his behavior.

Waiting for proof that this time really is different.

Waiting until you feel safe enough to let your guard down and trust him again.

But what if trusting him isn’t actually the only issue?

What if part of the reason you still can’t trust him is because you don’t fully trust yourself?

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, we’re talking about the part of rebuilding trust after betrayal that doesn’t get nearly enough attention.

Because yes, he has to become trustworthy.

But you also have to know that if something happens again, you will have your own back.

• Why trusting your partner also requires trusting yourself
• How repeated betrayal can erode confidence in your own judgment
• Why the walls protecting you from getting hurt may also be keeping you lonely
• How to create enough safety within yourself to risk trusting again

Trust after betrayal takes time.

Reflective Question:

What would need to change for you to trust yourself, regardless of what your partner chooses to do?

Divorce can feel impossible.

Until the day staying feels worse.

If you’re struggling in your marriage to the point where you’re considering divorce, sometimes what you need isn’t more advice.

You need to hear from women who are actually doing it.

Not perfectly.
Not without fear.
But courageously.

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, I’m sharing stories of women who stayed for years hoping something would change, until they finally had to ask themselves:

At what point does staying become self-abandonment?

You’ll hear about Sandy, who realized she didn’t want to spend decades waiting to finally feel at peace.

And Annie, who is at the beginning of divorce with a husband who doesn’t want it. She’s scared. It’s hard. And she keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

• What it looks like to move through divorce successfully, not just survive it.
• How to keep moving forward when your spouse makes it difficult.
• Why your decision to leave may trigger people who choose to stay.
• Why everyone arrives at their answers in their own time.
• When talking about your marriage becomes a substitute for actually dealing with it.

Because there comes a point when talking about how unhappy you are isn’t helping anymore.

That doesn’t mean you have to leave.

It means you have to deal with what’s true.

Reflection Question:
Are you staying because you still believe in your marriage, or because leaving feels too hard?

Most people think cheating is black and white.

You either cheated or you didn’t.

But an affair rarely begins with the affair.

It begins with the text you wouldn’t want your spouse to see.
The flirtation you didn’t shut down.
The connection you’re keeping secret.
The attention you’re seeking outside your marriage.

One seemingly harmless choice becomes another. And another.

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, I’m talking about micro-cheating: the small choices that may not technically qualify as an affair, but still chip away at trust and create distance in your marriage.

• What micro-cheating actually looks like.
• The difference between privacy and secrecy.
• Why couples need to define betrayal before a line gets crossed.
• How small choices can slowly erode trust.
• Why every choice turns you either toward your marriage or away from it.

Because the most useful question may not be:

Does this technically count as cheating?

It may be:

If your spouse could see every text, interaction and choice you’re making, would anything need to change?

Your faith tells you marriage is forever.

But your marriage is hurting you.

So…now what?

In this episode of The Loving Truth Podcast, we’re stepping into some tricky territory: faith, marriage, abuse and divorce.

One of my members recently told her husband that she intends to separate and move toward divorce after 12 years of verbal, mental and emotional abuse.

Then she went to church and heard her pastor preach that God hates divorce, even when abuse is present.

Because, he said, the abuser could always change.

And just like that, she was questioning herself again.

Have I done enough?
Have I tried everything?
What if he really could change?

Here’s the thing…

I’m not here to tell you what to believe about God.

What I believe is simply what I choose to believe. It’s right for me. That doesn’t mean it needs to be right for you.

But if you’re wrestling with this question, I think that matters.

Because there’s a difference between what you’ve been taught to believe and what you actually believe.

There’s also a difference between what someone could become and who they have consistently shown themselves to be.

At some point, we have to be willing to look at both.

• How to separate what you were taught to believe from what you actually believe.
• Why questioning doesn’t necessarily mean you’re losing your faith.
• Why the possibility that someone could change can keep you holding on for years.
• How fear of judgment can make an already difficult decision feel almost impossible.
• How to honor what you believe without abandoning yourself in the process.

I also share some of my own journey with faith and why I struggle with any teaching that asks a woman to become stronger at enduring abuse rather than asking the person abusing her to stop.

Because maybe the question isn’t whether someone else thinks you’ve tried hard enough.

Maybe it’s:

After everything you’ve tried, what has your experience shown you?

Reflective Question:
What would I need to know, see or experience to trust that I’ve done all I can do?

The world feels uncertain right now.

And when the world feels uncertain, we tend to hold tighter to what feels familiar.

Even when what’s familiar doesn’t feel particularly good.

Sharon is seeing more women choosing to stay in unhappy, disconnected marriages right now. Not because their marriages have gotten better, but because everything outside the marriage feels less certain.

The marriage you were once seriously considering leaving can suddenly feel safer than the unknown of divorce.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve changed your mind about the marriage.

It means something else may matter more right now.

In this episode, Sharon explores what happens when the question, “Should I stay or go?” gets quieter and you find yourself choosing to stay in a marriage you’re not sure you would choose under different circumstances.

Through the story of Evelyn, who is married to a man who can feel like two entirely different people depending on whether he’s sober or high, we’ll look at what it means to make peace with a marriage that isn’t what you want it to be.

Because acceptance isn’t helplessness.

Acceptance is getting honest about what is true, what you can control, and what you’re choosing from here.

We’ll also talk about something that has to be part of any honest conversation about divorce in midlife: money.

Not to scare you into staying.

But to help you make a decision with your eyes wide open.

• Why uncertainty can make an unhappy marriage feel safer than divorce.
• How our need for safety can take priority over connection and intimacy.
• The difference between feeling stuck and consciously choosing to stay.
• What acceptance looks like when your marriage isn’t what you want it to be.
• Why the financial realities of divorce in midlife deserve a seat at the table.
• How to create more peace with the choice you’re making right now.

You may not love every choice available to you.

But there is a big difference between “I have no choice” and “This is the choice I’m making right now.”

What would need to shift within me for me to genuinely feel at peace with the life and marriage I’m choosing?