Human Potential Lab

Today we welcome Eric Barker, the author of The Wall Street Journal bestseller Barking Up the Wrong Tree. His book has sold over half a million copies and has been translated into 19 languages. It was even the subject of a question on “Jeopardy!” Eric is also a sought-after speaker, having given talks at MIT, the Aspen Ideas Festival, Google, the United States Military Central Command (CENTCOM), and the Olympic Training Center. His newest book is called Plays Well with Others.

In this episode, I talk to Eric Barker about relationships. We tackle the misconceptions on loneliness, marriage, and body language. Eric shares practical tips that we can apply in our own relationships such as how to keep passionate love alive and how to catch liars. We also touch on the topics of communication, vulnerability, community and health. 

Website: bakadesuyo.com

Twitter: @bakadesuyo

Topics

02:18 Plays Well with Others

05:11 Loneliness is perception

08:38 Marriage requires crazy love and work 

10:57 Gottman’s Four Horsemen of Divorce

15:26 Keeping passionate love alive 

19:02 Emotional endings and love maps 

24:28 The Scary Rule 

28:14 Dunbar’s number

30:49 Parasocial relationships 

35:32 Body language is overrated

39:04 How to catch a liar

42:11 Story of connection

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Today we welcome philosopher Skye Cleary. She is a lecturer at Columbia University and the City College of New York. Skye is the author of Existentialism and Romantic Love and co-editor of How to Live a Good Life. Her writing has appeared in The Paris Review, Aeon, Business Insider, TED-Ed, and The Los Angeles Review of Books, among other outlets.

In 2021, she was a MacDowell Fellow and In 2017, she won the New Philosopher Writers’ Award. Her latest book is called How to Be Authentic. 

In this episode, I talk to Skye Cleary about Simone de Beauvoir’s life and how it has informed her existentialist philosophy. As a feminist during the forties, Simone was passionate about freedom of choice. It's not a surprise then that her definition of authenticity also revolves around self-determination. Authenticity is not about finding a true self, but rather a process of creating who we want to be. We also touch on the topics of gender, power, social justice, narcissism, and fulfillment.

Website: skyecleary.com

Twitter: @Skye_Cleary

Topics

01:54 French existentialist philosophy

04:05 “One is not born, but rather becomes, woman”

09:58 Creating our essence

12:46 Transcending our impulses

18:01 Creative rebellion

22:19 Skye’s Critique of Simone de Beauvoir

24:03 Authenticity is responsible freedom

27:33 Power and freedom

32:00 Skye’s background in philosophy

33:15 Intersubjectivity: the foundation of ethical relations

34:48 Inauthenticity, social media, narcissism

38:37 Windows of freedom, genetics, motherhood

41:38 Fulfillment is embracing life 

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Today we welcome Colin Seale, the founder and CEO of thinkLaw. Colin was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, where his struggles gave birth to his passion for educational equity. Using lessons from his experience as a math teacher, attorney, and keynote speaker, he helps educators teach critical thinking to all students, regardless of race or achievement through his award-winning organization thinkLaw. Colin is also the author of Thinking Like a Lawyer. His latest book is called Tangible Equity. 

In this episode, I talk to Colin Seale about tangible equity in education. For Colin, real equity work should help reduce the predictive power of demographics on outcomes. In order to do that, we need to teach kids how to think for themselves, so they learn to question instead of comply with unfair systems. Colin shares concrete actions that educators can take to contribute towards tangible equity. We also touch on the topics of privilege, race, bias, and gifted education. 

Website: thinklaw.us

Twitter: @ColinESeale

Topics

02:55 What is tangible equity?

05:28 Reforming the pathways to success

09:33 Why equity has become a challenge 

16:42 The pressure of success and compliance

18:56 Critical race theory in schools

25:01 Understanding race and privilege 

30:53 Colin as a keynote speaker 

35:15 Leveraging privilege for equity

36:39 We all have power 

41:50 Disrupting gifted education

49:24 Shatter the ceiling of education

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Today we welcome Josh Szeps who is a television, radio and podcast host who shakes up the status quo with his fierce intellect and infectious sense of humor. Josh's interviews with prominent figures and celebrities like Jane Goodall, Ron Howard, Russel Brand, and Neil Patrick Harris have attracted billions of online views and sold out event tickets. Currently, he can be heard on ABC Radio Sydney and on his award-winning podcast Uncomfortable Conversations.

In this episode, I talk to Josh Szeps about what it means to think freely. In this social media age, it's become increasingly challenging to become an independent thinker. Our tribal nature and online echo chambers tend to reinforce ideologies we already believe in. Even the way we talk sounds scripted! Josh and I discuss how to genuinely search for truth so we can broaden our worldviews. We also touch on the topics of intersectionality, wokeism, ethics, and racism.

Website: linktr.ee/joshszeps

Twitter: @joshzepps

Topics

02:35 Are we living in a simulation?

10:39 The clique of provocateurs

16:58 Compromise through conversation

23:27 The excess of wokeism

27:01 Moral foundations and disgust

31:36 Racism in the gay community

35:11 Reverse racism

37:00 Respecting individual identity over group identity

43:16 Should we be proud of intrinsic attributes? 

49:08 Scripted ideologies

51:40 How to overcome binary thinking 

58:01 Pushing limits through radical curiosity

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Today we welcome Hitendra Wadhwa, Professor of Practice at Columbia Business School where he teaches Columbia’s most popular leadership course, the award-winning “Personal Leadership & Success.” Hitendra is also the founder of Mentora Institute, which is at the forefront of creating a new model of leadership that is agile, authentic, and attainable. Hitendra’s research and teaching on personal leadership have been covered by Forbes, Fortune, CNN, Psychology Today, Wall Street Journal and others. He is the author of Inner Mastery, Outer Impact.

In this episode, I talk to Hitendra Wadhwa about personal development. Growth is often associated with the mastery of skills. But Hitendra reminds us that inner work is also growth. The internal battles we face lead us to become more attuned to our most authentic selves. In order to unlock our full potential, Hitendra shares with us Five Core Energies and how to activate them. We also touch on the topics of leadership, service, purpose, and transcendence. 

Website: www.hitendra.com

Twitter: @HitendraWadhwa

Topics

02:31 Hitendra’s background and upbringing 

06:16 Personal leadership

09:23 Public leadership

13:44 Ashoka the Great

18:01 Dominion over yourself

21:30 Authenticity and our real selves

27:05 Core Energy: Purpose

29:33 Core Energy: Wisdom

30:48 Core Energy: Growth

32:04 Core Energy: Love

33:33 Core Energy: Self-Realization

37:34 Conceptualizing the Five Core Energies

39:50 Living vs leading 

43:41 The mystic in all of us

48:22 From inner dominance to inner surrender

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Today we welcome Kristi Nelson, the executive director of A Network for Grateful Living. Her life’s work in the non-profit sector has focused on leading, inspiring, and strengthening organizations committed to progressive social and spiritual change. Being a long-time stage IV cancer survivor moves her every day to support others in living and loving with great fullness of heart. She is the author of Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted. 

In this episode, I talk to Kristi Nelson about gratefulness. She differentiates gratefulness from gratitude by describing the former as an orientation towards life, without being dependent on internal or external circumstances. Kristi shares with us the practice of Stop, Look, Go and her five guiding principles that can inspire you to live a life of gratefulness. We also touch on the topics of positive psychology, mindfulness, play, and self-compassion.

Website: gratefulness.org

Topics

03:01 Kristi’s cancer diagnosis 

04:17 Gratitude vs gratefulness

08:50 Gratefulness during hard times

12:37 Reclaim play, curiosity, courage

15:58 Life is a gift

18:08 Everything is a surprise

20:41 The ordinary is extraordinary

23:48 Appreciation is generative

26:55 Say yes to your life

32:46 Love is transformative

34:35 Stop, Look, Go

38:18 Befriending our full selves

40:43 Leaving a grateful legacy

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Today we welcome three-time #1 New York Times bestselling author Mark Manson. Before becoming an author, he was a blogger. His blog started in 2007 and within a few years it was being read by more than a million people each month. Today, his site is read by more than 15 million people each year. Mark’s books have sold over 14 million copies worldwide and have been translated into more than 65 languages. According to Amazon Charts, his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck was the most-read non-fiction book worldwide in 2017. 

For this episode, we did something a little different. Mark Manson and I had an unstructured chat about issues that we both care deeply about. We tackled all sorts of questions like: What makes social media so polarizing? Why are self-help quotes so cheesy? Are all pick-up artists narcissists? Does free will exist? We hope you enjoy the conversation about relationships, politics, self-esteem, and neurodiversity as much as we did.

Website: markmanson.net

Twitter: @IAmMarkManson

Topics

02:03 Mark and Scott as adolescents 

04:30 Online discourse in a hyper-connected world   

11:36 Troll behavior and non-verbal cues

17:18 Extreme curiosity and criticism of politics

25:00 Mark hates Tiny Buddha?

29:59 The self-help industry 

33:24 Neurodiversity and empathy 

39:30 Are all traits double-edged swords? 

46:26 Co-dependency of grandiose and vulnerable narcissists

54:48 Scott’s unique value proposition

57:08 The bachelor life vs the married life

1:04:22 Co-writing Will Smith’s biography

1:08:53 Free will, law and punishment

1:12:53 Overrated or underrated: meditation

1:15:49 Overrated or underrated: twin studies

1:18:31 Overrated or underrated: self-esteem

1:21:22 Overrated or underrated: social media

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Today we welcome Michael Bungay Stanier, the Founder of Box of Crayons. He is the author of the best-selling book The Coaching Habit, with over a million copies sold. He was a Rhodes Scholar and in 2019 was named the #1 thought leader in coaching. Michael has a masters degree in Philosophy from Oxford, a law degree and a BA with highest honors from the Australian National University. His latest book is called How to Begin. 

In this episode, I talk to Michael Bungay Stanier about how to begin. When we set goals, the most popular framework that often comes to mind is the idea of SMART goals. Instead of starting with what’s measurable, Michael urges us to start with what’s important. He shares his criteria for identifying what a worthy goal is, as well as advice on how to stay committed to that worthy goal. We also touch on the topics of coaching, empathy, change, and community.

Website: www.mbs.works

Twitter: @mbs_works

Topics

02:22 About Box of Crayons

03:20 Michael’s interest and expertise in coaching

07:15 The Coaching Habit

12:20 “SMART goals are dumb”

16:32 What is a worthy goal?

23:19 The magic is in the drafting

25:50 Before action, learn to commit

30:27 Adaptive change vs technical change

33:01 Calling in the directions

37:51 Stick with the journey

43:20 Celebrate the journey

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Today we welcome back Steve Magness who is a world-renowned expert on high performance. He has been a consultant on mental skills development for professional sports teams, including some of the top teams in the NBA. Steve is the co-author of Peak Performance, The Passion Paradox, and the author of The Science of Running. Collectively, his books have sold more than a quarter-million copies in print, ebook, and audio formats. His latest book is called Do Hard Things. 

In this episode, I talk to Steve Magness about real toughness. The prevailing narrative around achievement extols the merits of unrelenting resolve. To show vulnerability is to show weakness. According to Steve, the hyperfocus on external bravado is detrimental to performance and mental health. He outlines his four core pillars of resilience to replace our broken model of toughness. We also touch on the topics of stoicism, self-esteem, emotions, mindfulness, and sports psychology.

Website: stevemagness.com

Twitter: @stevemagness

Topics

04:49 Why machismo is so popular 

08:47 UFC vs artistic swimming 

14:15 Ditch the facade, embrace reality

19:31 Accept what you’re capable of

24:24 Know when to grit and when to quit

26:38 Listen to your body

31:34 Do hard things more efficiently

35:17 Steve’s 4 minute mile

39:42 Personal wins

43:12 Respond, instead of react

47:12 Transcend discomfort

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Today we welcome Alexi Robichaux who is the co-founder and CEO of BetterUp, a mobile platform that brings together world-class coaching, AI technology, and behavioral science to deliver sustainable positive change. Alexi is also the Chairman of Youth Leadership America (YLA). They have collaborated with leading companies including Disney, Google, and Hilton Hotels to coach and mentor future leaders. Alexi holds a B.A. in political science and non-profit management with summa cum laude distinction from the University of Southern California.

In this episode, I talk to Alexi Robichaux about the future of coaching. There are countless ways to practice coaching, but Alexi believes coaching must be rooted in science-backed techniques for reliable outcomes—which is precisely what they do at BetterUp. Coaching is not a replacement for therapy, but it can help individuals become more resilient and purposeful in their daily lives. We also touch on the topics of self-actualization, flow, languishing, imagination, and Alexi’s vision for the future of coaching.

Website: www.betterup.com

Twitter: @arobichaux

Topics

04:06 What is coaching?

07:30 Better Up’s coaching model

10:26 Coaching vs therapy 

14:37 What good coaching looks like 

19:40 Peak experiences and dichotomy transcendence

25:22 Research and innovation as a for-profit business

30:39 Humanistic coaching philosophy

32:45 How to overcome languishing

37:10 Better Up Labs

41:40 Alexi’s current coaching practice

44:30 The future of coaching

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