Today's episode is part 1 of a 2-part interview with my dear client, Jen Kirkman. Jen is currently a writer/producer on the one-hour comedy Etoile for Amazon Prime. She was a writer/producer on 4 seasons of the The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Amazon Prime). Jen hosts a weekly solo podcast, "You Are A Lot" (An ADHD Podcast) - which is about navigating life with ADHD. Jen is a New York Times Bestselling author of two books. She has toured the world as a stand-up comedian and has two critically acclaimed stand-up specials on Netflix. You're going to LOVE this conversation - enjoy!

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How long is your to-do list right now? If you’re like most ADHDers, you’ve got a laundry list of things that you’ve been carrying around for years now — and it’s anchoring you down.

It’s time to stop holding this never-ending to-do list over your head and feeling guilty about not accomplishing the things on it. This isn’t serving you.

I want to help you remove this unnecessary pressure from your life. In this podcast episode, we’re walking through how to let go of that anchor weight so you can quit being hard on yourself and create realistic expectations about what you truly want to get done.

This is an interactive episode, so I’d love for you to grab a pen and some paper. You’ll walk away with a clear vision of:

What you can let go from your list

Stop trying to do all the things. We’re here to love and support ourselves with the expectations we set. If you’re ready to burn your to-do list, this episode will help you focus your attention on what’s really important.

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When it comes to ADHD, there are a lot of myths out there. For instance, you may have heard (or believed) that ADHD is an excuse. I can’t tell you how often I see clients worry that they’re using it as an excuse while working to set their lives up for success.

Look: ADHD is NOT an excuse. It’s an explanation. It’s an explanation of why certain things are hard for you, why your memory sucks, why you’re terrible with time management, why you have exposed emotions.

Other myths like ADHD is overly diagnosed, ADHD medication is dangerous or addictive, and everyone has a little ADHD are common. They’ve created beliefs around the disorder that just aren’t true.

As a person with ADHD, it’s your job to be educated in the diagnosis so that you understand what you’re dealing with. This also allows you to teach those around you how they can best support you and your relationship.

Because here’s the thing: Just because there's more access to information and people are being diagnosed more readily, it does not mean that there’s an overdiagnosis of ADHD.

And no, ADHD medication is *not* addictive. In fact, when used correctly, it can actually help lower the risk of addiction.

Oh, and just because someone struggles with some of the symptoms common to ADHD doesn’t mean that they have the disorder. That diagnosis is reserved for those who experience symptoms to a debilitating degree. 

So, if you’re ready to further educate yourself on what it means to have ADHD so you can speak the truth and bust myths when they come up, episode 241 of the I Have ADHD Podcast is for you.

For more education and support around your ADHD, I highly encourage you to check out my group coaching program, FOCUSED. Starting in January, you’ll have access to my brand new course called “How to Build Self-Trust (Even When You Have ADHD).” If you’re curious about what 2024 would look like if you finally trusted yourself, click here to learn more.

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As we look to a new year, most of us start to think about what we want to do over the next 365 days. What do we want to change from 2023? 

I’ve evolved a lot in my approach to goal planning over the past year. So I wanted to share a class I just taught in my group coaching program for this podcast episode because I think it will be validating for a lot of you as you look ahead.

This is not a shame fest for the things you didn’t get done in 2023. And it’s not a hype fest for hustle as we move into 2024. It’s a very ADHD-friendly class.

As ADHDers, we tend to shame ourselves for what we haven't been able to do. We often feel defeated before we even get started on a plan for a new year. But hear me out: maybe it’s okay for us to just live in reality, accept who we are, and make our plan based on where we are today We can create our vision around a kind, compassionate way of interacting with ourselves. 

If you’re ready to take a look back at 2023 and figure out what worked and what didn’t work, I highly encourage you to listen to this episode. Adults with ADHD tend to struggle with self-reflection, so this can be challenging if you’re not doing it correctly.

We also struggle with prioritization and organization. So, my approach to goal setting can be a great aid for you as you envision what you want the next year to look like. I’m handing you some questions to ask yourself based on your capacity, your current level of self-trust, and what you actually want to achieve in 2024.

Before you sit down to write your goals or open your Notes app to jot down your vision for next year, I want you to think about who you want to be and what you want out of next year — then break down the domino effect of what needs to happen first. 

I promise you that this class will help you feel empowered and not overwhelmed as we transition into a fresh calendar year. It’s a small time investment that can have some impactful results for you in 2024.

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Welcome to the second podcast episode of my series on self-trust. In episode one, we talked about how challenging it can be for someone with ADHD to trust themselves and the decisions they make. 

I highly encourage you to start there if you haven’t listened already, but if you only have 30 minutes, this episode will give you tangible takeaways that you can start applying today. 

First, I want to tell you that this is not a quick fix. This is deep work. It takes time. But it’s worth working toward because self-trust is at the foundation of every decision you make. It’s the foundation of being a grown adult. 

Here’s the thing: If self-trust was not built for you as a child like it was for most people, you’re going to have to build it on your own as a grown adult. What does that mean? To start building trust with yourself, you need to:

I want to help you start making progress toward these goals. I want to help you make 2024 the year you begging to trust yourself.

I’ve built an incredible roadmap for you inside my group coaching program, FOCUSED. This type of progress is best made in the community. Come surround yourself with people who will validate you, your needs, your emotions, and your experiences.

Click HERE for details on what the FOCUSED ADHD coaching program includes!

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One thing that I’ve noticed in myself and other adults with ADHD that I coach is a massive lack of self-trust.

We don’t trust ourselves to follow through. We don’t trust ourselves to make good decisions. We don’t trust ourselves to manage money wisely or to curb our impulsive spending habits.

We don’t trust that we’re good parents or that we’re good at our jobs. We are never really sure if we’re doing “the right thing” or if we’re “on track” with where we’re supposed to be.

For the average ADHD adult, life feels very wobbly.

Instead of feeling grounded within ourselves like confident adults, we often look to others to gauge how we’re doing. I can’t tell you how many ADHDers I’ve talked to who seem to live by the motto, “If other people are happy with me, then I can be happy with myself.”

Well, that stops now. Join me for this 2-part series on How to Build Self Trust (yes, even with ADHD). In today's episode you'll learn why adults with ADHD don't trust themselves, and next week we'll discuss what we can do about it.

We would love to have you join us in FOCUSED!

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Have you noticed that your relationships look different than other people? Friendships and partnerships are harder for adults with ADHD, largely due to the fact that we’re highly sensitive to rejection.

Research has shown that ADHDers have experienced more rejection than their neurotypical peers. This results in several relational tendencies that can lead to toxic dynamics.

Because they know how awful it feels for people to be upset with them, they constantly say yes to other people, even when their plate is already full. They spend time with people who don’t fill their cups. They exhaust themselves by overcommitting to avoid the feeling of rejection.

Adults with ADHD also tend to dismiss red flags and not hold others accountable for their flaws because they know they’re also hard to live with (they’re often late, they talk too much, they’re impatient, etc.).

These tendencies can result in some truly toxic, boundaryless relationships. But there are things you can do to change the dynamic and put yourself in the driver’s seat of your relationships.

In this episode, I’m giving an overview of relationship dynamics with ADHD. You’ll leave with several immediate steps you can take to create a healthier view of relationships.

And, if you want an in-depth look at how ADHD can impact your relationships, be sure to check out my four-part series (starting at episode 178) on relationships and ADHD or my series on rejection-sensitive dysphoria (beginning at episode 204).

If you’re feeling really inspired after listening today, I encourage you to join my group coaching program, FOCUSED. In 2024, I’ll be teaching brand new content on how to have self-trust even when you have ADHD. You don’t want to miss out!

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Over the past three episodes, we’ve been talking about the basics of ADHD and how you can live your best life with this neurodivergent condition. It’s a great beginner ADHD series for anyone who needs a refresher or is curious to learn more.

My stance is that ADHD is NOT a superpower, despite what you may have seen on social media or heard from well-respected people in the industry. On the contrary, it’s a massive privilege to thrive with ADHD.

I believe people with ADHD are incredible and can lead wonderful lives. But to do this, they have to choose to live in the reality of what it means to have ADHD and have lots of access to treatment, coping strategies, and support.

In this episode, I’m sharing the five steps you should take if you want to finally gain control of your life as an adult ADHDer. These steps include getting an accurate diagnosis and educating yourself about ADHD.

I get it - not everyone is privileged to get the correct diagnosis and treatment plan. Not everyone can have the supportive relationships needed to help tackle adult ADHD. To those friends, I say, continue listening to my podcast for tips and tricks.

I promise to share everything I can to help you feel confident in the beautiful life you’re creating. Remember: We all start somewhere. It’s OK to feel overwhelmed by ADHD, but with the right tools, you can make big improvements in your life.

I also encourage you to check out my group coaching program FOCUSED which has helped thousands of people live the life they want, and it can help you too.

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Is ADHD a superpower? Is it not a superpower? We’ll talk about that today, in our “Getting Back to Basics” series, part 2.

If you’ve been around here a while, you know that my position is – NO! ADHD is not a superpower. It’s not a gift. It’s not awesome!

When people say ADHD is a gift or a superpower, they point to traits like creativity, hyperfocus, and inventiveness.

So sure, Simon Sinek, if you’re a rich, white, super smart, privileged man, you can look at some of the qualities that you have and say – “ADHD is an amazing quality of my life.”

But here’s the thing: If you’re a student struggling in school with very few resources, without the privilege of a diagnosis, treatment, or support, who’s being made fun of or rejected by their peers, then – NO, ADHD is not a gift. 

Labeling ADHD as a superpower invalidates people who are struggling with this neurodevelopmental disorder. It can even lead to victim-blaming: “If ADHD is awesome, then I’m the problem.”

In my opinion, this is not the right way to address ADHD. It’s actually quite the opposite.

I worked for a decade with students and their parents. I, myself, am a parent to two children with ADHD. I’ve found out, time and again, that telling children the truth, validating their struggles, and giving them coping skills is a better way to go.

Saying ADHD is awesome invalidates your true experience and reality. Instead, understand ADHD challenges and understand how to cope and reach out for help and support.

It's so important for us to live in the reality of what ADHD is and how it affects us.

As you navigate your ADHD journey, I want you to know that YOU are amazing, not ADHD. YOU are the gift, not ADHD. Your personality, your goodness, and your generosity are all gifts. Don’t let ADHD take the credit for your badassery!

If you want help better understanding the role ADHD plays in your life, I invite you to check out my group coaching program FOCUSED. Come join our incredible community of like-minded people who are learning to thrive with their diagnosis instead of just surviving.

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Hello, my friend. I’m so glad that you’re here and that you’re taking steps to live your best life while you’re on this ADHD journey. Today, we’re going back to the basics of ADHD — because sometimes the noise can cause us to forget what’s *actually* going on inside these beautiful brains of ours. 🧠

Those of us who were diagnosed with ADHD as adults often try to mask our symptoms and hide them from the outside world because we are so used to experiencing rejection as children. If we don’t get the support we need, it can be easy to let these symptoms debilitate us and hinder our progress in life.

If you feel you have ADHD, I’m here to encourage you to talk to a clinician. Have a convo with someone who knows about the disorder and can help you navigate your symptoms. You can also visit my website for a full list of ADHD symptoms.

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