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How does a Dom/sub dynamic keep working when both of you keep changing? Dawn and I sit down and talk it through.
FREE for D/s couples: 7 Tips For A Rock Solid D/s Dynamic
https://infinitedevotion.com/7-tips?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep048&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Rapture, our flagship course on devotional Dominance and submission
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep048&utm_content=notes_top
For this one I asked Dawn to sit down with me and just have a conversation, the kind we usually have over breakfast. We start with something I tell every couple we work with: life is the dynamic, and the dynamic is the relationship. Dawn talks about her fear of becoming a doormat when she said yes, and what she found instead, a lifetime of self-abandonment she is still unwinding. We get into why the dynamic has to evolve as we evolve, and how disorienting that can be for the one leading.
I share how I learned that patience with Dawn is everything, and why her letting go runs on her own timeline. We talk about being masterpieces and works in progress at the same time, and why tracking her cycle has been the single most helpful thing I've done as her Dominant. Dawn tells the woman she was before saying yes what she knows now, and then she gives me honest feedback on how I can lead her better.
A dynamic that evolves with both of you is the whole of what Dawn and I teach in Rapture, from how I lead to how she lets go into it. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep048&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
Why does slowing down make a man more magnetic to the woman he loves? This one is for the men.
FREE for dominant men: 12 Steps To Dominance
https://infinitedevotion.com/12-steps-to-dominance?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep047&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Becoming a Dominant Man, the 12-step path to the authentic Dominance she can trust
https://infinitedevotion.com/becoming-a-dominant-man?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep047&utm_content=notes_top
We talk a lot about women slowing down. In this episode I turn it toward men. Dawn shares how she feels everything about a man, and how quick fire energy (fast talking, twitchy, not listening) leaves her nervous system feeling unsafe. I talk about learning calm from my father, how the pace of my nervous system shows up in how I walk, eat and talk, and how I can often see my own tension in Dawn before I notice it in myself.
I give away a practice I have never told Dawn about: when she is tense, I relax the spot at my sternum, and she opens. We get into presence as integrity to the moment, the bouncer in Florida who calmed a whole restaurant without a word, and why dominance means controlling yourself. Dawn and I share the day I got graspy and needy and it went badly, why no one can multitask, and how to touch her with all of your attention in your hand.
Slowing down inside is self-control, and Becoming a Dominant Man is the 12-step process I built to show you where to focus on yourself so you become a man she can melt into. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/becoming-a-dominant-man?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep047&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
What does living a 24/7 Dom/sub marriage really look like day to day? Dawn and I answer your questions.
FREE for D/s couples: 7 Tips For A Rock Solid D/s Dynamic
https://infinitedevotion.com/7-tips?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep046&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Rapture, our flagship course on devotional Dominance and submission
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep046&utm_content=notes_top
Dawn and I sit down with a long list of your questions about our marriage and our dynamic. We start with whether a permanent commitment means abandoning yourself, why grooming and physical appearance matter, and whether Dawn is submissive to anyone besides me. We answer whether I let her drive, how I reach her when she's in a turbulent headspace, and whether a Dom should ever manipulate his submissive for her own growth.
From there we get into whether this can work with anyone, whether it's his fault if she cheats, and what reminding a submissive of her place means when we are equal but opposite. Dawn shares why her collar never comes off, how we each grew up, and how we met through a Craigslist job ad. We finish with why I need her to challenge me, how to make praise land, why information alone won't get you there, and how her submission has changed through her cycle.
So many of these answers come back to the same thing: two people growing step by step, letting go of blame, and living equal but opposite. Rapture is our flagship course for couples, built from everything Dawn and I have lived. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep046&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
What becomes possible when leaving is no longer an option? Dawn and I talk about why we've made our marriage permanent.
FREE for D/s couples: 7 Tips For A Rock Solid D/s Dynamic
https://infinitedevotion.com/7-tips?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep045&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Rapture, our flagship course on devotional Dominance and submission
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep045&utm_content=notes_top
When I posted a clip saying I will never leave Dawn, no matter what, it struck a chord with a lot of people. In this episode we talk about what that permanence means to us, especially since we've both been the one to leave a past marriage. Dawn shares the story of her divorce and the two pastors who told her two different things, and I talk about my first marriage at 21. We get into the difference between a positive decision to be all in and a promise made to avoid feeling abandoned.
Dawn shares how knowing I'm not going anywhere has freed her from the fear of abandonment and given her room to discover who she is. I talk about how it lets me be imperfect, and how her steady love let me receive love I didn't have to earn for the first time in my life. We get into the vulnerability of this kind of commitment, forgiveness, why spiritual connection needs existential safety, and how one foot out the door keeps you from feeling everything you can. We close with me professing my commitment to Dawn.
Choosing permanence from a positive place is what let our dynamic grow into the intimacy and desire we live now. Rapture is our flagship course for couples, built from everything Dawn and I have lived. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep045&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
Whose needs come first in a Dom/sub relationship, and why? Dawn and I walk through the hierarchy that shaped our first years, and how we grew past it.
FREE for D/s couples: 7 Tips For A Rock Solid D/s Dynamic
https://infinitedevotion.com/7-tips?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep044&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Structuring Your D/s Dynamic, build the structure that makes your deepest desires real
https://infinitedevotion.com/structuring-your-ds-dynamic?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep044&utm_content=notes_top
Early in our dynamic we lived by a simple hierarchy: the submissive's needs first, the Dominant's needs second, the Dominant's wants third, and the submissive's wants last. It gave Dawn the safety to start letting go of a lifetime of people pleasing and self-sacrifice. Over time I asked her to stop sorting needs from wants at all, to bring me every desire, and to let me decide what she really needed.
We talk about the difference between having needs and being needy, why speaking up before you're empty changes everything, and how childhood patterns narrow the ways we let love in. Dawn shares what it's like to not know what she wants, and I explain why leading from a place of trying to please her quietly puts her in charge. The Dominant's needs come second because his needs only get met once she is free, filled up, and able to receive all of him.
The hierarchy of needs is one of the structures that made our dynamic work. Structuring Your D/s Dynamic walks you through building yours, including how you'll handle needs, wants, rules and rituals. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/structuring-your-ds-dynamic?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep044&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
What does it really mean to live in truth, and why is it the highest value in our marriage?
FREE for D/s couples: 7 Tips For A Rock Solid D/s Dynamic
https://infinitedevotion.com/7-tips?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep043&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Rapture, our flagship course on devotional Dominance and submission
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep043&utm_content=notes_top
I've said before that the highest value in our Dom/sub relationship is the truth. In this episode Dawn and I unpack what that word means to us, after a commenter on my other podcast, Conscious Dominance, said it all sounded like a different language. I share how I chased money, status and reputation so hard for so long that I eventually broke, and how that showed me who I was born to be. Dawn talks about growing up with truth as religious right and wrong, and learning to feel alignment in her body instead.
We get into how suppressed desires, like the one that led me to ask Dawn to be my submissive, point us toward the truth, and what truth goosebumps and tears feel like. I talk about integrity, why we have to disintegrate the beliefs we borrowed before we can integrate around who we are, and the grief that comes when the lies die. And we share why a man and a woman doing this work side by side, inside a commitment that is permanent and free of codependency, is the highest calling I know.
Living in truth together is the ground everything else in our dynamic grows from. Rapture is our flagship course for couples, where Dawn and I teach the whole of it, from authenticity and trust to the intimacy and union this episode points toward. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/rapture?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep043&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
What does life actually feel like on the other side of all this inner work? I asked Dawn to tell you.
FREE for submissive women: The Self Respecting Submissive Woman, Dawn's manifesto
https://infinitedevotion.com/self-respecting-submissive-woman?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep042&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Living Surrendered, Dawn's workshop on letting go of control
https://infinitedevotion.com/living-surrendered?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep042&utm_content=notes_top
Dawn and I talk a lot about the work this kind of relationship asks of both of us. In this episode I ask her what it's really like to be her now. She describes the freedom of leaving a prison she built for herself, how she had to drop codependency, people pleasing and a false sense of individuality to find her own essence, and why submission means I get to carry the walls so she can live wild and free. I share how I watched her keep shrinking for years so she would never make a mistake.
We get into what safety feels like in her body now, how fear lost its grip once she let it burn down, and how she went from struggling to receive my edge to craving it. Dawn talks about her cycle, learning patience with herself, the rest day that changed her relationship with fitness and food, and trusting her body as a feeling instrument while I make the logical calls. And she talks about energetic orgasms, one of which happens right there on camera without me touching her.
If you're the woman who keeps herself small and in control so she never makes a mistake, Dawn made Living Surrendered for you. It's her workshop on how she let go of control, with the full Q&A. Watch it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/living-surrendered?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep042&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
Every man is searching for freedom. Is he taking the cheap kind, or earning the real thing?
FREE for dominant men: 12 Steps To Dominance
https://infinitedevotion.com/12-steps-to-dominance?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep041&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Becoming a Dominant Man, the 12-step path to the authentic Dominance she can trust
https://infinitedevotion.com/becoming-a-dominant-man?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep041&utm_content=notes_top
This one is for Dominant men, and for the women who want to understand them. I work through an idea out loud while Dawn reflects it back: in every relationship there are two relationships happening at once, the physical and sexual one where I lead and give, and the emotional one where Dawn gives and I receive. Both have to be tended in polarity, or the circuit breaks and things go flat. Underneath it all, men are always searching for freedom, and we go after it either by chasing comfort or by building the strength to be free no matter what.
We get into numbing, distraction and the nice guy's habit of dodging hard conversations as little moments of cheap freedom, and how decades of choosing the easy route leave a man with no fire left in his eyes. Dawn challenges me that taken freedom was never freedom at all, and shares what she felt when the spark came back into my eyes as I poured myself into this work after a job that was draining me. I talk about confronting childhood pain, cold showers, how her emotions became energy once I opened my heart, and why love is the check that keeps authority from becoming tyranny.
If you've been taking the easy freedom and feeling your life get smaller, Becoming a Dominant Man walks you through the process I went through to build my own inner strength. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/becoming-a-dominant-man?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep041&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
Part two of Ask a Sub, the slightly sexier half of your questions, answered by Dawn.
FREE for submissive women: The Self Respecting Submissive Woman, Dawn's manifesto
https://infinitedevotion.com/self-respecting-submissive-woman?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep040&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Submissive Foundations, how to be a submissive and never lose your self respect
https://infinitedevotion.com/submissive-foundations?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep040&utm_content=notes_top
We're back with part two of Ask a Sub. Dawn talks about the close friends who understand our dynamic, how family responds to her collar, and why she doesn't need anyone else to understand what we have. She shares how she relates to God now that we've stepped outside organized religion, what to do when a hurried life mutes your desire, and her advice for negotiating a contract: speak up, keep your no, put an end date on it, and let your Dominant lead the writing. We also get into how we handle conflict and why owning your side is what makes repair possible.
Then Dawn answers how long it took to move from duty to truly desiring sex, and I explain why desire is a feeling that can never be forced. We take on questions from women working while wanting to submit, including a teacher whose job asks a lot of her masculine, and why a woman's heart is her masculine. Dawn shares a favorite date night, dancing in her stilettos in the front row for a guilty pleasure pop band, and closes with how to stop seeing sex as dirty or wrong, including two books that helped her.
So many of these answers come back to a submissive who speaks up, keeps her no, and lets herself want more. Submissive Foundations is where we teach the ground that kind of submission stands on. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/submissive-foundations?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep040&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
Dawn answers your questions about life as a 24/7 submissive, from what she does all day to how she tells Sir something he won't want to hear.
FREE for submissive women: The Self Respecting Submissive Woman, Dawn's manifesto
https://infinitedevotion.com/self-respecting-submissive-woman?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep039&utm_content=notes_top
GO DEEPER: Submissive Foundations, how to be a submissive and never lose your self respect
https://infinitedevotion.com/submissive-foundations?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep039&utm_content=notes_top
So many questions came in for Dawn that we split this into two parts. She starts with women who are new to submission and afraid that letting go of all the doing leaves them with nothing, and shares what her days actually look like now, from quiet mornings in the sun to the space she never had when she was constantly busy and distracted. She also answers how to tell Sir what is bothering you in a way that is honest and respectful.
Dawn is clear that if you are not speaking up, that is self-abandonment, and you cannot receive love while you abandon yourself. We get into what to do when you fear his reaction, why she does not separate D/s from the rest of life, whether we are too good to be true, how she found God outside of religion, and what to do if you feel used. We finish with how to complement your man without caretaking him, and why the submissive's needs come first.
If you want to submit the way Dawn does, with your voice and your self respect fully intact, start with Submissive Foundations. Start it here:
https://infinitedevotion.com/submissive-foundations?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=ds_ep039&utm_content=notes_bridge
MORE FOR YOUR D/s JOURNEY
Devotional D/s, start here: https://infinitedevotion.com/dominance-submission
Every course: https://infinitedevotion.com/store
D/s coaching with Andrew: https://infinitedevotion.com/ds-coaching
The Infinite Devotion Community: https://infinitedevotion.com/community
All free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources
LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion
Andrew Reign's book, Infinite Devotion: How Love and Desire Grow Together for a Lifetime: infinitedevotion.com/book
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