I was a control freak most of my life, keeping everything tightly held. But as I have learned may times over… control is an illusion. If you aren’t happy with your situation, it’s not about the outside; it’s about the inside. Trying to control people or situations serves as a distraction from the lack you feel inside: lack of attention, value, importance, love, etc. Those feelings are painful, so you go into overdrive to prove you’re a good person worthy of love, value and attention. You need that external validation because you don’t feel it inside.

Control manifests in work and relationships. Maybe you are bad at delegation because you’re afraid something won’t get done the way you want. Or you try to control other people’s perception of you by being a workaholic so they say, “Wow, so-and-so is always working late. What a dedicated team player!” But controlling how other people see you is an illusion, and it will keep you running in circles. If you find yourself wanting to control something, ask yourself why and what it’s enabling you to avoid. Who would you be if you were to let go of control? It’s always deeper than it appears on the surface, and there is a whole life waiting for you when learn to let go and let things be.