How often do you find yourself in a situation where you just cannot take being there another minute longer? The appeal of running away, distracting and hiding when anxiety or discomfort surfaces is huge. Our society even teaches us how to dispose of things: cut bait, kick someone to the curb, cut your losses, etc. Those tactics may provide immediate relief, but it doesn’t help you grow. You may not even realize you do it, because you’ve been doing it for so long, it’s just what you do. Let’s say you’re on a date and don’t feel attracted to the other person. In fact, you have this overwhelming urgency to leave but you don’t know why. You picture yourself at home and cozy in front of the TV, so your mind tries to quickly plot an escape. Sure escaping is easy (and the voice in your head sure is persistent!), but what if you became curious about why you want to run and explored that for a minute? Don’t you want to know what is happening inside of you that creates this feeling?

What you are trying to avoid is exactly what you need to stay with in order to grow. Stop running and sit still for 90 seconds to actually BE with your feelings. What fear is being triggered? What negative belief is running the show? Breathe into it. These situations where you want to bolt are not about the other person—they are about you, so use them as opportunities to learn about yourself. When you make a conscious choice not to run, you can change your life because it means you have the courage to sit with the discomfort and break old patterns. You are accepting and allowing and learning, which is where real growth comes from.