Overthinking is about fear and avoidance. When something happens around us, our brains work overtime to create a strategy for dealing with it. It becomes a game of mental ping pong, which is not productive because we’re just reacting to events outside of us. Aside from making us crazy, it can also be unpleasant for those around us. Ever been around someone who changes their mind 1,000 times? Yep, that’s fun. Mental strategizing is a way of avoiding our feelings.

If you’re dating or in a relationship, how many times do you overthink texts you send? When to send it, how he/she will react when reading it, etc. You play out every possible scenario in your head, and send the text to get the response you’re looking for instead of what’s authentically true. Vulnerability is scary, so the brain takes over and tries to control the outcome. Except it doesn’t work, and it just ties your stomach up in knots. You have to get out of your head and focus on your feelings instead. Yes, folks, everything comes back to feelings.

Mental strategies and problem-solving will NOT make unpleasant feelings go away. It’s a distraction where you expend a ton of energy to end up nowhere productive. Instead of staying in this state of friction, ask yourself what your goal is. Are you actually working toward a solution or are you just creating more problems? You’ll find it’s often the latter. The next time you feel yourself caught in your head, second-guessing yourself and making yourself crazy, STOP. Recognize what you’re doing, then connect with your gut. Stop sending yourself on a wild goose chase when a straight line will do just fine.