Most insecurely attached people have an identity crisis going on that either they are aware of or completely checked out of. Many identify as introverts that are avoidants or anxious avoidants, but really they are isolationists. The clock says 5 and they are looking for the sanctity of their home. Sometimes being the isolationist lets them come out and play for a bit in a group—but do not get too close and do not bring them drama, they will run once again. On the other side of the coin are the more extraverted insecurely attached peeps—the ones who cannot be alone and go from relationship to relationship. Being around others keeps them from dealing with what is going on inside…yes, they avoid too, but their outer actions to do it look different than those who lone wolf it.

Both are emotional isolationists. Both are two sides of the same coin. Where one may run for cover from a group the other will make the group their thing. Both need validation, but have different ways of gaining it. One needs it covertly and the other overtly. Being in a group or avoiding them is a symbol of where you can do work with yourself. If you need to be in one or do not know who you are or you avoid them like the plague, there is a deeper reason. There are grey areas, as we are all individuals, the point is there is an identity crisis here and it is okay to cross the line into the things you would never do. Perhaps that is something to look at?

As you grow into valuing yourself you actually find a balance between the extra and intra. You find that your voice wants to be heard where you were quiet and where you were loud you have gotten quieter, speaking up when it really matters. Insecure attachment has a huge impact on our choices and how we see ourselves. As you grow, be prepared to enter more of the middle ground rather than either extreme.