You’re a superstar! You’re smart, witty and you’ve heard it from everyone: they say you’re a catch! So why haven't you met anyone? Your friends don’t get it and neither do you. The bigger question is, who are you presenting yourself to be? Is it your true self or someone you’ve invested in making into a perfect you? You may be afraid the real you will be rejected, and perhaps you were a long time ago. So you’ve invested a lot of energy into molding yourself into someone different, working hard to be the version of yourself you think someone will want. This happens a lot with insecure attachment, stemming from a lack of value. Don’t stress about that as many of us don’t have a clue about self-worth! To gain validation, you’ll twist yourself into a pretzel, then get mad at yourself for doing so. You go back and forth between the real you and the not-so-real you, not even realizing you’re doing it. It’s a great strategy for keeping emotional intimacy at a distance… and scratching your head as to why you never have the relationship you want deep inside. I’ve been there!

Hiding and performing will not lead to an authentic, emotionally available relationship. You are rejecting the real you before anyone else can get close. When you catch yourself acting like a superstar, look at the parts of yourself you’re rejecting. You’re overcompensating. Being you is never about exerting extra effort—the insecurity you feel is motivating it and it’s just looking for validation. It will leave you stuck in a constant battle with yourself. Ask why you’re ignoring who you really are. How much effort are you willing to put into creating this superstar version of yourself? And more importantly, is it even working? Is it leading to the relationship you want? Instead of complicating things, look for the ease and show up as the flawed human you are. It’s time to chill out. No effort needed to be you.