You’ve done some work on yourself and have achieved a certain level of self-awareness, yet your relationship status doesn’t reflect that. Each time you dip your toe back into dating to see if things have changed, you say, “Yep, just as unsuccessful as before!” Then you go back into your cocoon hoping the next time you emerge you’ll find that perfect person.

Unfortunately, personal growth isn’t suddenly rewarded by the universe. No one pats you on the back and says, “Good work, you deserve a relationship now!” You actually have to put your learnings about yourself into practice. And to do that you need to throw away your old checklist and open yourself up to different experiences, which is emotionally risky and uncomfortable. You have to stop playing games, hiding out, being mysterious and all the other avoidant behaviors that haven’t worked. The reason you keep attracting jerks is that you’re not DOING things differently. If you say you want a relationship, you actually have to get in the ring and practice breaking old patterns… with another person.

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