Getting past insecure attachment can leave us wondering what that actually looks like. We have no clue. When you start dating, it’s hard to tell what’s good for you. Do you slip into your old ways out of habit? Is there a connection or not? Are you afraid? What’s going on for you?

You go deep into analysis, trying to figure out how to proceed so everything is clear in your mind (I better be careful about doing this or not doing that!) You might spend hours thinking, making lists and doing mental somersaults instead of doing the one thing that will help you get clear: living through the experience by doing. You have to actually date to work through it. You have to allow yourself to experience what you would usually walk away from or talk yourself out of. You have to step into the messy, convoluted, uncomfortable as f*%@ fear.

If you’ve been an avoidant, I guarantee dating someone who is NOT an avoidant will feel like a trip to Mars. You’ll feel uncomfortable, and yet, there might be something oddly soothing about it too because it’s something you crave. But if you find yourself slipping into your old yo-yo ways, stop and get inside your body. Relax into that feeling of tightness and fear so you can let it go. Only then will you have real clarity about what is going on with you. You can’t just read about it or listen… you have to take action and feel the emotions that come with it. Don’t lock yourself away from these opportunities to heal… take them and really live.