When things feel out of control, it can undermine you, sending you spiraling. You may find yourself in a pit of anxiety, despair, anger, etc. because you realize your control was an illusion. Maybe you wake up one morning and something sets you off, like an annoying email or text. Then you get a flat tire, making you late for a meeting, and this series of unfortunate events continues throughout the day. As a result, you misdirect your frustration toward someone else… when it has nothing to do with them. Your overreaction is about your own negative feelings and lack of control.

The thing is, life is going to do whatever it does. When you try to control it, you’ll constantly end up disappointed. And when you overreact, exploding at your partner instead of dealing with the negative emotions yourself, you can destroy relationships. It’s your desire for control (fueled by your negative beliefs) that leads to these outbursts. Instead of holding on so tightly, surrender to what is. Accepting things as they are will keep you from flying off the handle. And yes, it’s hard!

When you’re hit with a cyclone of crap, take a breath and realize it’s not about the events—it’s something deeper. Look at what’s triggering you as it’s tied to your negative core beliefs (i.e. I’m not good enough, I can’t do anything right, I suck, I’m not cut out for X, etc.). Once you identify the belief, don’t fight it. Accept it and a funny thing starts to happen: you’ll come to believe it’s not true. You’ll realize you really AREN’T an incompetent loser and it was just a string of bad luck. Then you’re able to let go and take everything in stride. Bad things happen to everyone; it’s all in how you respond.