Just because you leave a relationship, doesn’t mean it has left you. Do you ever stew in the aftermath of a relationship long after it’s gone, using it as an excuse not to move forward? Oh yeah, many of us have done that. And it’s painful because you don’t believe there’s someone else out there for you. Maybe you torture yourself by stalking your ex’s Facebook page, and even though you intellectually know it’s over, part of you still holds out hope… even if he or she is engaged to someone else.

We hold onto relationships when were afraid we don’t deserve more. Keeping some sort of emotional connection (even if we use it to punish ourselves) feels better than letting go. If we let go, will we EVER feel this way again? It feels hopeless because where we are is incredibly painful, yet we can’t imagine being anywhere else.

It’s hard to let go—I get it. Oh I get it! But if you don’t free yourself from this bind you’ve created, you’ll never be able to open yourself up to a healthy, happy relationship. Your heart will always be occupied by the one you can’t let go of; not free to give to someone else. To start the process of letting go, recognize it’s a distraction from your feelings. Those painful emotions (rejection, inadequacy, lack of value, scarcity, etc.) are trying to get your attention—connect with them. FEEL them. Focusing on your ex will just keep you from the hard work of feeling your feelings and moving on. It’s not fun, but it’s the only way to break free. There’s so much more on the other side. I promise.