When insecurely attached, a lot of us tend to have unreasonably high expectations of other people. We expect them to show up the way they we want them to, and if they don’t, there’s a problem. We do this to validate we’re ok; that we deserve love and attention. And to avoid disappointment. We’re in a constant state of reaction because we can’t handle disappointment, and at the same time we sabotage the situation to make sure we are rejected so we can feel bad about ourselves. Fun, huh?

If you have a partner who isn’t performing to your standards, it means you aren’t accepting them for who they are. Maybe they do something you don’t like, so you make assumptions about what they believe about you… they don’t value you, they don’t love you, they question your motivation, etc. You personalize their behavior as a means of confirming your negative beliefs. The people in our lives are mirrors for us, and when you don’t want to look at certain parts of them, it’s a clue to what you don’t want to see in yourself.

Instead of being judge and jury to the people in your life, exercise compassion. They are flawed humans just like you. Perfection is an illusion, so stop manufacturing expectations no one can achieve. All it does is create the disappointment you’re trying to avoid. Once you accept your own imperfections, you’ll start to accept others’. Plus it’s impossible to avoid disappointment, so better to learn how to deal with it when it happens.