Your version of reality is very much your own; no one else sees the world exactly the same way you do. This becomes particularly muddled when you reflect back on events, making yourself out to be a martyr, victim, rescuer or persecutor based on your belief system. You believe what you want to believe, and your perception is used to justify your feelings of anger, blame, self-righteousness, etc. You can make yourself out to be the good guy or the bad guy based on your interpretation of the same event. Perhaps you’ll expect confirmation from others whose perception may or may not align with yours.

In a dating scenario, say your date wasn’t interested in a commitment, but still wanted to hang out as friends. Even though you wanted more, you agreed, hoping things would change. Perhaps you even convinced yourself that the relationship was more than just friendship by watching every detail of their actions or nuance of their words, but when things didn’t turn out the way you wanted, you built a story where he/she was the villain and you were the helpless victim.

Realizing the past may not be exactly as you remember it can release you from your limited view of life. How freeing it is to not paint yourself into a corner with the only possibility being your skewed memory! Allowing for different perspectives, and being able to see those alternative viewpoints, can empower you to make choices out of love rather than fear. When you hold tightly to your view out of fear, you’re using your bias to keep yourself in a particular emotional state—whether positive or negative. With the dating scenario, taking responsibility for seeing things the way you WANTED to can help you make different decisions in the future. You are in control of how you look at events in the rear view mirror. To have greater emotional freedom, realize there are multiple perspectives, and yours is simply one of them.