Do you look for validation from someone who doesn’t give it to you? Each time you do this it reinforces your deeper belief that you don’t matter; you’re not important; you don’t have value. Then what happens is you draw people to you who treat you like you’re the booby prize because it matches those feelings inside. It’s a pattern that manifests as people-pleasing, perfectionism, clinging, overstepping boundaries, working hard for validation and more. When you focus on the other person like this, you give them power over your emotional state. Staying in this “booby prize” situation gives your negative beliefs evidence that this is all you deserve, strengthening them so the pattern is harder to break.

If you are in a relationship with someone (either casual or serious) and you’re more concerned with what they think of you than how you actually feel, you are operating from the belief you have little or no value. It’s a familiar feeling because it already exists inside you, which is why you stay, even though it’s painful. Healthy relationships don’t operate this way. To move from booby prize to THE prize, you have to build your value… brick by brick. Shifting your focus away from someone you seek validation from can feel like moving an elephant, but you do it by consistently honoring yourself and speaking your truth. Understanding your negative beliefs and where they come from will help in making this shift and breaking the pattern. No one else can make you feel like the prize—you have to do that yourself.