Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

By Casey O'RoartySociety & Culture Education Relationships Parenting Kids & Family

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Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens episodes

February 20, 2018Eps 132: A conversation with Liz Haske about letting go of worry
Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Today’s guest is Liz Haske, a mother, an international teacher and instructional coach and children’s book author. She has over 15 years elementary classroom experience in six different countries and is super passionate about empowering children to be their most courageous selves. Her first book, When Worry Takes Hold, was released in November 2017 and aims to help young children cope with worry by using mindful breathing. Join us!

“It’s about a young girl who’s afraid to do different things and she realizes that she has the power inside her and if she puts her hands on her belly, she can be brave.”

“Stories help us be better people if we are reading the right books”

“We want to empower these little people to realize they can do it. They can develop the tools and they can be confident and they can face what is presented to them in healthy and positive ways.”

“Worry gets bigger and bigger the more that we do it.”

“We can be brave, and everyone has worries … whether it’s helping our kids be brave or us being brave to face whatever parenting challenge it may be.”

“Courage is just a deep breath away.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:

The basis & inspiration for When Worry Takes Hold

Worry as a visitor and the power to ask it to leave

Acknowledging & expecting worry

Externalizing worry and setting limits

Following the why – getting to the root of big feelings

Manifestations and signs of worry

Addressing underlying worry vs. addressing the behaviors

Taking a wide view to problem solving worry

How not to take worry related behaviors personally

Why trying to talk kids out of their worries doesn’t work

Managing worry as a practice

Tools for managing worry and how they can be applied to other situations

Mindful breathing vs. “Let’s take some deep breaths”

The power of mindful breathing

How to know when to get professional help (duration, intensity, impact, age appropriateness)

Journaling worries to find patterns and icebergs

Liz’s upcoming projects on the horizon

The importance of exercising self-compassion

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

I’m going to answer it in two parts. I’d say the first way, which is for me personally, is finally having the courage to do something I’ve been dreaming about for over ten years and the absolute joy of going through the learning process of taking an idea and turning it into something that kids can hold in their hands and hopefully read and become better because of it. So that is absolutely Joyful Courage.

But I think it’s also in the context of kids the feeling that they get when they face their fear and they realize how empowered they are. It might not be breathing is their strategy, but perhaps When Worry Takes Hold might be a book that just starts a conversation with them and an adult in their life that, “Yeah, you know what, I do get a bit worried. Let’s try this breathing thing.” And, “You know what? This breathing thing isn’t working for me.” But then, there’s now this opening for more tools to be introduced because it’s something that’s been brought to the surface.

The book ends with, “Courage is just a deep breath away.” I think that when children can realize this, they’re empowered. There’s really a pure sense of pride and joy in being brave and finding courage and so that’s kind of what it means to me.

Resources:

When Worry Takes Hold

Where to find Liz:

Facebook

Instagram

Website

Twitter

:::::

Chaos to Calm

New offer from Casey!!

This is a four part video training that will support you in transforming the climate of your home. More information at http://www.joyfulcourage.com/chaos

:::::

Mother’s Journey

Are you interested in bringing A Mother’s Journey to your community? Get in touch with me! All MJ workshops happening because people like you reach out and say COME! Fill the room with the mamas you love and enjoy a say of love and learning. Email Casey at [email protected] to explore the possibility.

:::::

All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
39 min
February 13, 2018Eps 131: How to use routines to shift the dynamics in your home
A solo show all about routines
There are a couple tools, that when put into place, make the whole parenting journey easier. You have heard me talk about special time, that one on one time that is so important for building relationship and a solid foundation of belonging and significance for our kids.
Challenges coming up in the LLWJC group
mornings, bedtimes, defiance, meltdowns, sibling issues
We find ourselves putting out fires
We find ourselves being overtaxed
We find ourselves slipping OUT of who we want to be and INTO crazy parent
This is also where we loose sight of the way that we are contributing to the chaos at hand….
We blame out kids
We fall into the trap of “it is always so difficult”
We forget that there is always a flow that comes after the ebb….
Yes, special time helps with the challenges mentioned about.
The relationship we nurture with our kids is what has the biggest impact on their behavior, absolutely.
AND, another tool that is super helpful to come back to, again and again, is co-creating routines.
Now, if you are someone with challenges in the morning, or after school, you may be thinking, but we have a routine, and it isn’t working!!!
GREAT.
Not all routines are created equal.
Routines are made to be modified and changed up
Routines designed to be HELPFUL for everyone will be the most USEFUL
Mindset matters
This is not about getting your kids to do what you want them to do
This is about helping your children feel like capable, contributing members of the family
This is about the process, the opportunity that exists inside the challenge that is currently at the surface
Take a deeper look…
Co creating routines means that you are CO CREATING
Find a time of day when everyone is feeling good, connected
Opening up the conversation to child about how they experience the challenging time of day, validate their feelings, listen and let them know you are taking their sharing to heart – this is not time to talk them out of what they are experiencing or getting them to “see your side”
Clear out the space through taking accountability for your behavior. This is really important.
Ask for their help to make that time of day easier/better for everyone
Brainstorm ideas/tasks
Offer/counter offer if you need to
Be open to their ideas
Be firm/not rigid around your non-negotiables
“This is what is important to me, how could we make that work?”
“What is your idea for that?”
Cross off anything that isn’t related/reasonable/respectful/helpful on the list
Work together to create a visual reminder
Try it for a week
But, but, but what if it doesn’t “work”
Shifting to what is “helpful”
Focus on the process
TRUST the process
Let the routine be the boss
Revisit at the end of the week and tweak if necessary
So many routines….
Housework
Family Meetings
Mornings
Afterschool
Bedtime
Take it slow – let go of urgency
How you show up matters
Be in your practice of curiosity and openness – catch yourself when you want to judge (roshambo/coin flip) Currently in a new routine of turning screens off from 5-7. This is a slippery place for us….
Recently posted a handout on the live and love page – will put it in the show notes – for walking through this process. Let me know if you have any questions!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
34 min
February 13, 2018Eps 131: How to use routines to shift the dynamics in your home
Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

A solo show all about routines

There are a couple tools, that when put into place, make the whole parenting journey easier. You have heard me talk about special time, that one on one time that is so important for building relationship and a solid foundation of belonging and significance for our kids.

Challenges coming up in the LLWJC group

mornings, bedtimes, defiance, meltdowns, sibling issues

We find ourselves putting out fires

We find ourselves being overtaxed

We find ourselves slipping OUT of who we want to be and INTO crazy parent

This is also where we loose sight of the way that we are contributing to the chaos at hand….

We blame out kids

We fall into the trap of “it is always so difficult”

We forget that there is always a flow that comes after the ebb….

Yes, special time helps with the challenges mentioned about.

The relationship we nurture with our kids is what has the biggest impact on their behavior, absolutely.

AND, another tool that is super helpful to come back to, again and again, is co-creating routines.

Now, if you are someone with challenges in the morning, or after school, you may be thinking, but we have a routine, and it isn’t working!!!

GREAT.

Not all routines are created equal.

Routines are made to be modified and changed up

Routines designed to be HELPFUL for everyone will be the most USEFUL

Mindset matters

This is not about getting your kids to do what you want them to do

This is about helping your children feel like capable, contributing members of the family

This is about the process, the opportunity that exists inside the challenge that is currently at the surface

Take a deeper look…

Co creating routines means that you are CO CREATING

Find a time of day when everyone is feeling good, connected

Opening up the conversation to child about how they experience the challenging time of day, validate their feelings, listen and let them know you are taking their sharing to heart – this is not time to talk them out of what they are experiencing or getting them to “see your side”

Clear out the space through taking accountability for your behavior. This is really important.

Ask for their help to make that time of day easier/better for everyone

Brainstorm ideas/tasks

Offer/counter offer if you need to

Be open to their ideas

Be firm/not rigid around your non-negotiables

“This is what is important to me, how could we make that work?”

“What is your idea for that?”

Cross off anything that isn’t related/reasonable/respectful/helpful on the list

Work together to create a visual reminder

Try it for a week

But, but, but what if it doesn’t “work”

Shifting to what is “helpful”

Focus on the process

TRUST the process

Let the routine be the boss

Revisit at the end of the week and tweak if necessary

So many routines….

Housework

Family Meetings

Mornings

Afterschool

Bedtime

Take it slow – let go of urgency

How you show up matters

Be in your practice of curiosity and openness – catch yourself when you want to judge (roshambo/coin flip) Currently in a new routine of turning screens off from 5-7. This is a slippery place for us….

Recently posted a handout on the live and love page – will put it in the show notes – for walking through this process. Let me know if you have any questions!

:::::

Chaos to Calm

New offer from Casey!!

This is a four part video training that will support you in transforming the climate of your home. More information at http://www.joyfulcourage.com/chaos

:::::

All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need??

Joyful Courage SHIRTS

Women cut tanks and tees are ready for you to BUY NOW!! Wearable reminders for how you want to show up in the world.

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
31 min
February 06, 2018Eps 130: Ending the Food Battle with Julie Miller
Julie Miller is on with us!
Julie is on a mission to live a delicious life and bring joy back to the family dinner table. She is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator who holds a Master’s Degree in Human Nutrition from Bastyr University. She has over 16 years’ experience sharing food and nutrition philosophy with diverse communities throughout the Seattle area.
Julie currently specializes in helping families find their own positive feeding dynamic so that food is less of a parenting chore and more of a nourishing experience. She believes that connection between adults, children and food sets the stage for a lifetime of personal wellness, including healthy eating. Julie knows, as a Mom, that the constant demand to prepare and serve food can get just a wee bit tiring and tricky. She emphasizes reducing the drama and eating minimally processed foods, while ensuring that children and adults meet their nutritional needs to support growth, development and wellbeing.
Content:
Got into nutrition for personal reasons
Had kids and discovered PD
So much judgment in parenting – especially fierce around food
Helps parents to make parenting around food a nourishing experience for everyone
Most typical complaint? “I don’t like it”
Second biggest? Picky eating
Parental Fatigue – parents DON’T want to cook but DO want to feel kids good food
PD says – “Eating, sleeping, pottying, you can’t make them do it!”
You CAN work on belonging, significance and influence
They need to be guided, not forced
Division of responsibility – defining roles (Ellen Satter’s work)
Parent responsible for what, when, where AND maintaining connection
Child responsible for what they eat and how much
Story about Rowan drinking caffeine
Over 12 100mg isn’t terrible
Under 12 no caffeine
Guide THEM in using the information to make informed choices
Until it is personally meaningful for them to feel the effects of their choices, behavior won’t change
AND they learn what they live
Before bed snacks….
Timing
Thank you bites??
What about suggesting…..
Serve food family style. Parents can mentioned all the items that are available, then the parents job is done….
What about the salad??
Short term vs long term goals
Let go of judgement
Invite kids into planning/cooking to bulk up their belonging/significance/influence
Your job is to provide food, provide some structure and love them unconditionally
Let go of self judgement/what others think/fear <3

Find Julie:
www.harmonioustable.netemail at [email protected] Live workshops in Seattle – reach out to hire Julie

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
47 min
February 06, 2018Eps 130: Ending the Food Battle with Julie Miller
Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Julie Miller is on with us!

Julie is on a mission to live a delicious life and bring joy back to the family dinner table. She is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator who holds a Master’s Degree in Human Nutrition from Bastyr University. She has over 16 years’ experience sharing food and nutrition philosophy with diverse communities throughout the Seattle area.

Julie currently specializes in helping families find their own positive feeding dynamic so that food is less of a parenting chore and more of a nourishing experience. She believes that connection between adults, children and food sets the stage for a lifetime of personal wellness, including healthy eating. Julie knows, as a Mom, that the constant demand to prepare and serve food can get just a wee bit tiring and tricky. She emphasizes reducing the drama and eating minimally processed foods, while ensuring that children and adults meet their nutritional needs to support growth, development and wellbeing.

Content:

Got into nutrition for personal reasons

Had kids and discovered PD

So much judgment in parenting – especially fierce around food

Helps parents to make parenting around food a nourishing experience for everyone

Most typical complaint? “I don’t like it”

Second biggest? Picky eating

Parental Fatigue – parents DON’T want to cook but DO want to feel kids good food

PD says – “Eating, sleeping, pottying, you can’t make them do it!”

You CAN work on belonging, significance and influence

They need to be guided, not forced

Division of responsibility – defining roles (Ellen Satter’s work)

Parent responsible for what, when, where AND maintaining connection

Child responsible for what they eat and how much

Story about Rowan drinking caffeine

Over 12 100mg isn’t terrible

Under 12 no caffeine

Guide THEM in using the information to make informed choices

Until it is personally meaningful for them to feel the effects of their choices, behavior won’t change

AND they learn what they live

Before bed snacks….

Timing

Thank you bites??

What about suggesting…..

Serve food family style. Parents can mentioned all the items that are available, then the parents job is done….

What about the salad??

Short term vs long term goals

Let go of judgement

Invite kids into planning/cooking to bulk up their belonging/significance/influence

Your job is to provide food, provide some structure and love them unconditionally

Let go of self judgement/what others think/fear <3

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Joyful Courage to me is the invitation to live boldly with your own truth, to hold tight to your own convictions and values for your family and your children, and to do it in a joyful way….

Find Julie:

www.harmonioustable.net
email at [email protected]
Live workshops in Seattle – reach out to hire Julie

:::::

Chaos to Calm

New offer from Casey!!

This is a four part video training that will support you in transforming the climate of your home. More information at http://www.joyfulcourage.com/chaos

:::::

All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

Joyful Courage SHIRTS

Women cut tanks and tees are ready for you to BUY NOW!! Wearable reminders for how you want to show up in the world.

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
44 min
January 30, 2018Eps 129: Solo Show - Using the Iceberg Metaphor to Understand Behavior
Content:
Solo show today – from the car…. Thank you for having grace for my audio quality this week!! Feeling inspired to share with you on my way to yoga class.
All about the Iceberg Metaphor
Shout out to all the parents of teens out there who are showing up and sharing and willing to be vulnerable
Connecting seeing an iceberg as a metaphor for children’s behavior
Unwanted behavior is the “tip” of the iceberg
The behavior that we see
Under the surface -
What’s opening the door to the behavior?
Perception of connection
Perception of influence
Perception of mattering
Trauma/adversity
Kids are ALWAYS making meaning with their underdeveloped brain – and forming beliefs from that place
Lacking skills for navigating the challenges/emotions that show up
Moving from a place of strengthening relationship as a way to understand what is below the surface, to help us influence the behavior at the tip
Episode 104 on Making Amends
Always be moving towards nurturing relationship
What are some of the things YOU do to look under the surface? Head over to Live and Love with Joyful Courage and share!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
23 min
January 30, 2018Eps 129: Solo Show - Using the Iceberg Metaphor to Understand Behavior
Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Content:

Solo show today – from the car…. Thank you for having grace for my audio quality this week!! Feeling inspired to share with you on my way to yoga class.

All about the Iceberg Metaphor

Shout out to all the parents of teens out there who are showing up and sharing and willing to be vulnerable

Connecting seeing an iceberg as a metaphor for children’s behavior

Unwanted behavior is the “tip” of the iceberg

The behavior that we see

Under the surface -

What’s opening the door to the behavior?

Perception of connection

Perception of influence

Perception of mattering

Trauma/adversity

Kids are ALWAYS making meaning with their underdeveloped brain – and forming beliefs from that place

Lacking skills for navigating the challenges/emotions that show up

Moving from a place of strengthening relationship as a way to understand what is below the surface, to help us influence the behavior at the tip

Episode 104 on Making Amends

Always be moving towards nurturing relationship

What are some of the things YOU do to look under the surface? Head over to Live and Love with Joyful Courage and share!

:::::

Journey to Joy Ecourse

Journey to Joy is a 3-part offer.

Each Module contains a video, audio and workbook to guide you in doing your work.

You will increase your awareness around the areas you are stuck (you know, the irritation that never seems to go away... the exhaustion, the guilt and shame that shows up so often after you have "dealt with" the challenges your kids bring on a regular basis.

You will spend time exploring new choices, new ways of being... Inviting in the qualities that are missing. Love, compassion, self-acceptance and non-judgement... You will learn how to open up your body and allow these emotions in.

You will create a practice for teaching your body and mind a NEW pattern, making this new way of being more readily available when you need it.

SO EXCITED to share this with you! Get more info and register at www.joyfulcourage.com/joy

:::::

All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
20 min
January 23, 2018Eps 128: Liz Blackwell-Moore is on Breaking Down how to Navigate Adolescents and Drug Use (YIKES!)
Alright - My guest today is Liz Blackwell-Moore. I connected with Liz through my friend, and one of your fave podcast guests, Julietta Skoog from besproutable.com. I am so excited to have Liz on today to talk about an incredibly relevant topic – kids and drugs. GAH. I know. No one really WANTS to talk about this, but we have to.
Liz has been working in the field of substance use since 2000. Her current work involves working with community coalitions and organizations to provide training on prevention strategies as well as technical assistance to translate public health research into practice and implement a restorative trauma-informed approach to addressing public health problems.
So basically, Liz is going to break it all down for us in a way that is helpful. She lives in Portland, Maine with her wife, two happy kids, and a puppy.
Content:
Liz shares about her early work with people involved with substance abuse and was drawn to exploring prevention work
How can we make “systems” (including the family) better for young people, with more support in their lives?
What the “risk taking years” feels like, according to Casey
Liz shares her moms’ analogy of the two boats
Adolescent brain development
It’s like a house being build bottom up
Built through interactions and the environment kids experience
Reward center develops first – ready to go, “volume turned up”
Front, logical part of brain not fully developed, and not integrated
W/o the desire to try new things, how would they ever leave home??
The perception and science of marijuana and adolescence
National Academy of Sciences – research on the research
Young people using
Impacts learning and memory
Significant effects on mental health
“Regular use” – once every 30 days
2xs more likely to become depressed
3xs more likely to have suicidal thoughts
Kids with MH issues are more likely to use/self-medicate
Initially make people feel calm/relaxed
Brain likes to do what’s easy so eventually wants more
What about vaping
Tobacco companies are SO LAME – trying to suck in kids
Some kids just the flavoring
Not regulated – we don’t know what is in it
Lots of kids ARE putting nicotine and weed into the vape
All drugs impact the reward center of the brain – putting young people at a greater risk of addiction later in life
Rewires/primes the brain for addiction
How do we get them to wait????
Relationship is the most powerful tool we have… Share our values… AND – THEY HAVE CRAZY REWARD CENTERS!!! GAH!!!
Be present, listen, develop a strong relationship
Set clear expectations – bring it up in a variety of ways
Continue to bring it back to what their goals are, how might risky behavior get in the way?
Help them to “see” the bigger picture
Restorative practices: Hold them accountable while offering support
What are you getting out of this?
What were you thinking?
How else can you get thrills?
Social connection?
Is this a mental health issue?
Having these conversations REQUIRES the adults to be in solid relationship with their kids
Also, our stuff shows up and gets in the way – fear, rigidity
Ok to say, “this is disappointing” “this is hard for me” – they need to know how they are impacting their parents
Teens aren’t great with nuance
SLEEP MATTERS!!
Natural consequences are powerful
Boundaries are MESSY
How do we balance nurture and structure?? It’s a dance
How do we know when it really is a problem?
Major changes in physical appearance
Personality
Participation
Peer group changes
Public image has changed
org – online resources
20-minute guide – helping parents use motivational interviewing 20inuteguide.com
Find your people!
There is uncertainty and change AND we all have flexible, learning brains – we can be resilient!!

Resources:https://the20minuteguide.com/http://www.drugfree.org/
Where to find Liz:
Birchlanestrategies.com (under-construction) Linked in

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
55 min
January 23, 2018Eps 128: Liz Blackwell-Moore is on Breaking Down how to Navigate Adolescents and Drug Use (YIKES!)
Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Alright - My guest today is Liz Blackwell-Moore. I connected with Liz through my friend, and one of your fave podcast guests, Julietta Skoog from besproutable.com. I am so excited to have Liz on today to talk about an incredibly relevant topic – kids and drugs. GAH. I know. No one really WANTS to talk about this, but we have to.

Liz has been working in the field of substance use since 2000. Her current work involves working with community coalitions and organizations to provide training on prevention strategies as well as technical assistance to translate public health research into practice and implement a restorative trauma-informed approach to addressing public health problems.

So basically, Liz is going to break it all down for us in a way that is helpful. She lives in Portland, Maine with her wife, two happy kids, and a puppy.

Content:

Liz shares about her early work with people involved with substance abuse and was drawn to exploring prevention work

How can we make “systems” (including the family) better for young people, with more support in their lives?

What the “risk taking years” feels like, according to Casey

Liz shares her moms’ analogy of the two boats

Adolescent brain development

It’s like a house being build bottom up

Built through interactions and the environment kids experience

Reward center develops first – ready to go, “volume turned up”

Front, logical part of brain not fully developed, and not integrated

W/o the desire to try new things, how would they ever leave home??

The perception and science of marijuana and adolescence

National Academy of Sciences – research on the research

Young people using

Impacts learning and memory

Significant effects on mental health

“Regular use” – once every 30 days

2xs more likely to become depressed

3xs more likely to have suicidal thoughts

Kids with MH issues are more likely to use/self-medicate

Initially make people feel calm/relaxed

Brain likes to do what’s easy so eventually wants more

What about vaping

Tobacco companies are SO LAME – trying to suck in kids

Some kids just the flavoring

Not regulated – we don’t know what is in it

Lots of kids ARE putting nicotine and weed into the vape

All drugs impact the reward center of the brain – putting young people at a greater risk of addiction later in life

Rewires/primes the brain for addiction

How do we get them to wait????

Relationship is the most powerful tool we have… Share our values… AND – THEY HAVE CRAZY REWARD CENTERS!!! GAH!!!

Be present, listen, develop a strong relationship

Set clear expectations – bring it up in a variety of ways

Continue to bring it back to what their goals are, how might risky behavior get in the way?

Help them to “see” the bigger picture

Restorative practices: Hold them accountable while offering support

What are you getting out of this?

What were you thinking?

How else can you get thrills?

Social connection?

Is this a mental health issue?

Having these conversations REQUIRES the adults to be in solid relationship with their kids

Also, our stuff shows up and gets in the way – fear, rigidity

Ok to say, “this is disappointing” “this is hard for me” – they need to know how they are impacting their parents

Teens aren’t great with nuance

SLEEP MATTERS!!

Natural consequences are powerful

Boundaries are MESSY

How do we balance nurture and structure?? It’s a dance

How do we know when it really is a problem?

Major changes in physical appearance

Personality

Participation

Peer group changes

Public image has changed

org – online resources

20-minute guide – helping parents use motivational interviewing 20inuteguide.com

Find your people!

There is uncertainty and change AND we all have flexible, learning brains – we can be resilient!!

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

For me it means trying to see those amazing things that are happening as you move through adolescence – having the courage to stick with your values and follow our instincts…

Resources:
https://the20minuteguide.com/
http://www.drugfree.org/

Good reading on the teen brain:
Dan Siegel Brainstorm
Francis Jensen The Teenage Brain

Links for young people:
http://www.teen.drugabuse.gov/
*This is National Institute of Drug Abuse website for teens

http://www.protectwhatsnext.com/
*This is a website out of Colorado for young people specifically about marijuana use

Where to find Liz:

Birchlanestrategies.com (under-construction)
Linked in

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Journey to Joy Ecourse

Journey to Joy is a 3-part offer.

Each Module contains a video, audio and workbook to guide you in doing your work.

You will increase your awareness around the areas you are stuck (you know, the irritation that never seems to go away... the exhaustion, the guilt and shame that shows up so often after you have "dealt with" the challenges your kids bring on a regular basis.

You will spend time exploring new choices, new ways of being... Inviting in the qualities that are missing. Love, compassion, self-acceptance and non-judgement... You will learn how to open up your body and allow these emotions in.

You will create a practice for teaching your body and mind a NEW pattern, making this new way of being more readily available when you need it.

SO EXCITED to share this with you! Get more info and register at www.joyfulcourage.com/joy

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All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?

Joyful Courage SHIRTS

Women cut tanks and tees are ready for you to BUY NOW!! Wearable reminders for how you want to show up in the world.

DAILY INTENTION CARDS

What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.

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52 min
January 16, 2018Eps 127: A solo show about WHY our job is to hold space for our kids and HOW to do it
This is a solo show.
Today I talk about holding space for having a 15 YEAR OLD!! WHOA!! It's intense. What does this container look like? What does it mean to be present, available and confident.
How to “hold the container”
Our response matters
What to do becomes more clear when we practice being in the moment, vs in our emo/fear
Practice being with our overwhelm without letting it takes us over (observers)
Our kids make mistakes
BUT WHAT DO WE DO???

Kids do better when they feel better. – Jane Nelsen
Kids want to succeed, they don't always know how. – Ross Greene
A Misbehaving child is a discouraged child. – Rudolf Dreikurs
Humans are always moving towards a sense of belonging and significance, am I connected? Do I matter? – from Aderian Theory
The most powerful tool you have for influencing behavior is the relationship that you nurture with your child. Choosing into the work of Joyful Courage, which really means being willing to grow and practice awareness, being present to your child and your experience, and hold space for your kids, no matter how they are showing up, THIS will nurture and preserve relationship.

Thank you so much for listening today – super DUPER appreciate all you moms and dads out there doing the work of making the world a better place through showing up well for your children!!

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29 min

About Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

From the publisher's feed

Welcome to the Joyful Courage Podcast - a place where parents of tweens and teens come to find inspiration, information and encouragement in the messy terrain of adolescence