Knowledge For Men

Steven DeSalvo’s first book ‘Relationship Dynamics’ in the EVOLVE series helps to answer the question: ‘How can we change our world and the course of human evolution with positive outcomes for this planet and all of its inhabitants? This first book in this series has helped many to change and navigate to healthier relationship dynamics.

As a certified Permaculturist, his goal is to serve others in the attaining their highest evolutionary potential through writings and personal appearances to increase awareness and personal responsibility.

He moved to northern California in 2011 where he now resides and works as an independent writer, publisher, speaker and life coach. Often called a Renaissance man, Steven DeSalvo has a diverse background of creative, artistic, business and personal interests including writing and blogging on his web site www.BecomeAnAdult.com.

“Live your true authentic self”~Steven DeSalvo

1. Introspection is the First Step to Better Relationships

You will never succeed in relationships with others until you are in a great relationship with yourself. And creating a great relationship with yourself requires that you spend time in introspection, truly learning who you are and falling deeply in love with yourself.

If you want to develop healthy relationships with others, start by spending time by yourself and investing in the man that you want to be, the rest will follow.

2. You Have to Create Systems for Conflict Resolution

In all relationships, no matter how “perfect” they may seem, you will face conflicts. It is inevitable. But what separates relationships that last from those that crash and burn is. There is such a thing as an elegant argument, but you have to be willing to let go of your need to be right.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, truly listen to them and what they are saying, not just the words that are coming out of their mouths, but the underlying message behind everything that they say. If you do this, your relationships will be happier, you will be happier, and life will be far more fulfilling.

3. A Healthy Relationship is Two People Setting Each Other Free

A healthy relationship is two people setting each other free, it is not one person completing another person, or one individual trying to fix another individual, it is two whole individuals who both have something unique to offer each other, coming together and sharing their gifts, talents, and love with one another.

If you get into relationships looking for someone to complete you, you will always be disappointed, but if you go into relationships looking for someone who is already complete whom you can join with and create an amazing life together, you will live a life of fulfilling and happy relationship.

Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game, Rules of the Game, Emergency, and Everyone Loves You When You're Dead and The Truth, An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

He is also the co-author of three other New York Times bestsellers – Jenna Jameson's How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Mötley Crüe's The Dirt and Marilyn Manson's The Long Hard Road out of Hell. A writer for Rolling Stone, Strauss lives in Los Angeles.

"The underlying cause of most unfulfilled lives, is simply that we are too close to ourselves to see clearly enough to get out of our own way"~Neil Strauss

1. Understand how to Gauge Feedback

Life will often give you feedback about how you are doing across various areas. You may find yourself repeating the same patterns, getting into the same type of relationships, or making the same mistakes. Whatever the case, if you want to make a change you have to gauge feedback.

You have to look at the patterns in your life and discover what lesson they are trying to teach you. What does it say about you and your life that you are constantly dating the same type of girl and falling into the traps of "project dating"? What can you learn from the fact that you are constantly losing jobs after a few months?

Take a cold hard, honest look at your life and look at what the feedback is telling you and then change accordingly.

2. Your Level of Self Esteem will Equal the Level of Your Relationships

Have you ever heard the phrase opposites attract?

Well that's bull shit. Like attracts like, and if you are finding yourself getting into relationships with women where you are both in an unhealthy emotional relationship, odds are, your own self esteem is lacking.

If you want to attract better women, first become better yourself and change what you accept from others and from yourself. If you have low self esteem you will never be able to attract a woman with high self esteem, and if you have high self esteem, you will never get sucked into a toxic relationships with a woman who has low self esteem.

3. Finding Your Passion is Simple

If you want to find your purpose, and passion, do stuff you love.

That's it. If you love doing something, then keep doing it, don't worry about whether it's your real purpose or whether you should change careers to follow the money, simply do things that you love doing and you will never fail.

Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game, Rules of the Game, Emergency, and Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead and The Truth, An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships

He is also the co-author of three other New York Times bestsellers – Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Mötley Crüe’s The Dirt and Marilyn Manson’s The Long Hard Road out of Hell. A writer for Rolling Stone, Strauss lives in Los Angeles.

“The underlying cause of most unfulfilled lives, is simply that we are too close to ourselves to see clearly enough to get out of our own way”~Neil Strauss

1. Understand how to Gauge Feedback

Life will often give you feedback about how you are doing across various areas. You may find yourself repeating the same patterns, getting into the same type of relationships, or making the same mistakes. Whatever the case, if you want to make a change you have to gauge feedback.

You have to look at the patterns in your life and discover what lesson they are trying to teach you. What does it say about you and your life that you are constantly dating the same type of girl and falling into the traps of “project dating”? What can you learn from the fact that you are constantly losing jobs after a few months?

Take a cold hard, honest look at your life and look at what the feedback is telling you and then change accordingly.

2. Your Level of Self Esteem will Equal the Level of Your Relationships

Have you ever heard the phrase opposites attract?

Well that’s bull shit. Like attracts like, and if you are finding yourself getting into relationships with women where you are both in an unhealthy emotional relationship, odds are, your own self esteem is lacking.

If you want to attract better women, first become better yourself and change what you accept from others and from yourself. If you have low self esteem you will never be able to attract a woman with high self esteem, and if you have high self esteem, you will never get sucked into a toxic relationships with a woman who has low self esteem.

3. Finding Your Passion is Simple

If you want to find your purpose, and passion, do stuff you love.

That’s it. If you love doing something, then keep doing it, don’t worry about whether it’s your real purpose or whether you should change careers to follow the money, simply do things that you love doing and you will never fail.

Ryan Michler is the founder of the Order of Man blog and podcast which helps men to master the 8 core areas of their life. He is also the founder of his own financial planning firm and a veteran of the Iraqi war.

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened"~Mark Twain

1. Most of Your Fears Will Never Be Realized

Something that most men never realize until it is too late, is that most of the things that they fear will never come to fruition, and lead lives of quiet desperation, paralyzed by fear, and unable to take action.

Odds are, if you start that business you won't go bankrupt, if you take that trip you won't get kidnapped and murdered, if you ask that girl out you won't get wine splashed on your face and cursed out.

Most of your fears are completely irrational and will never actually happen. Realize this, take the steps necessary to mitigate risks, and GET ON LIVING!

2. Who Are You Not to Start?

One of the questions that inevitably comes up for most men whenever they look to start a business, improve their body, or their dating lives is

"Who am I to do this?"

Let me ask you a better question

"Who are you not to do this?"

Are you really so selfish that you would rob the world of your gifts, talents, and abilities out of fear? Are you really so selfish that you would rob your family, your friends, and your country of the amazing changes and difference that you can bring about simply because you don't feel worthy?

How dare you even consider keeping your gifts inside of you! You have a responsibility to share yourself and your gifts with the world, in fact, you cannot be a "real" man until you do so.

3. Take Small Steps to Get Where You Want

Whenever you have a big goal, it's easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed with how far you are from your goal. But the simple way to get around this frustration is to take small daily action.

If you want to start a business, begin by simply writing on your blog every night for an hour after work, if you want to get in better shape, start by doing 10 pushups every morning and adding one each day, if you want to get better with women, start by just casually talking to girls in line at the grocery store.

Your goals don't have to be big and scary. Start small and keep taking daily actions and you will get there.

5. Self Mastery is About Virtue

Often times, people wonder what the meaning of self master is, and simply put, it's about mastering virtue.

It's about integrity and doing the right thing even when it's hard. It's about saying no to watching adult websites even though you want to, about saying no to having another drink despite the jeers of your social circle, it's about staying faithful to your spouse, and it's about doing what you said you would do no matter what.

Ryan Michler is the founder of the Order of Man blog and podcast which helps men to master the 8 core areas of their life. He is also the founder of his own financial planning firm and a veteran of the Iraqi war.

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened”~Mark Twain

1. Most of Your Fears Will Never Be Realized 

Something that most men never realize until it is too late, is that most of the things that they fear will never come to fruition, and lead lives of quiet desperation, paralyzed by fear, and unable to take action.

Odds are, if you start that business you won’t go bankrupt, if you take that trip you won’t get kidnapped and murdered, if you ask that girl out you won’t get wine splashed on your face and cursed out.

Most of your fears are completely irrational and will never actually happen. Realize this, take the steps necessary to mitigate risks, and GET ON LIVING!

2. Who Are You Not to Start?

One of the questions that inevitably comes up for most men whenever they look to start a business, improve their body, or their dating lives is

“Who am I to do this?”

Let me ask you a better question

“Who are you not to do this?”

Are you really so selfish that you would rob the world of your gifts, talents, and abilities out of fear? Are you really so selfish that you would rob your family, your friends, and your country of the amazing changes and difference that you can bring about simply because you don’t feel worthy?

How dare you even consider keeping your gifts inside of you! You have a responsibility to share yourself and your gifts with the world, in fact, you cannot be a “real” man until you do so.

3. Take Small Steps to Get Where You Want 

Whenever you have a big goal, it’s easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed with how far you are from your goal. But the simple way to get around this frustration is to take small daily action.

If you want to start a business, begin by simply writing on your blog every night for an hour after work, if you want to get in better shape, start by doing 10 pushups every morning and adding one each day, if you want to get better with women, start by just casually talking to girls in line at the grocery store.

Your goals don’t have to be big and scary. Start small and keep taking daily actions and you will get there.

5. Self Mastery is About Virtue 

Often times, people wonder what the meaning of self master is, and simply put, it’s about mastering virtue.

It’s about integrity and doing the right thing even when it’s hard. It’s about saying no to watching adult websites even though you want to, about saying no to having another drink despite the jeers of your social circle, it’s about staying faithful to your spouse, and it’s about doing what you said you would do no matter what.

Richard La Ruina is an entrepreneur London's top dating coach, and author of "The Natural." He has spent the past 10 years of his life building his company PUA training and traveling the world teaching men how to have better relationships and overcome their limiting beliefs with women.

"Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible. And if it is humanly possible, it is within your reach"~Marcus Aurelius

1. What One Man Can Do Another Man Can Do

If there is anything you want to accomplish, no matter how difficult and impossible it may seem, know that if one man can do it, so can you.

Whether your goal is to create a 7 figure lifestyle business, date the girl of your dreams and overcome your social anxiety, or build the ripped sexy physique you've always dreamed of, if someone else has achieved it so can you.

What one man can do, another man can do. If it's been done it can be done again.

2. Learn to Delegate Effectively

As you work towards building a life on your terms you have to realize that there will come a point when you have to let go and learn to delegate. The goal of every entrepreneur should be to run his business and not let his business run him.

If you can build an incredible team who can effectively do the things which you dislike and allow you to focus all of your energy on the things that you enjoy, your life and your business will flourish and you will experience more fulfillment and joy as a result.

3. Freedom Brings More Happiness than Money

A mistake that many novice's make when it comes to the pursuit of happiness is assuming that more money will always mean more happiness. The truth is that happiness comes from having an impact and having freedom.

Who do you think is happier? The corporate CEO earning $2,000,000 a year who works 80 hours a week with only one weeks vacation, or the lifestyle entrepreneur who earns $90,000 a year and spends his time traveling, enjoying time with his family, and pursuing his passions?

Pursue freedom, not an extra 0 in your bank account.

4. Stuff Doesn't Make the Man

So often in dating and relationship, men think that if they have all the right stuff, all the money, the nice clothes, the expensive cars, then attracting beautiful women will be a cake walk.

However, nothing is further from the truth.

Material objects don't make a man attractive, personality, charm, passion, and humor are what make a man attractive. While money can certainly boost your odds once you have the character traits in place, they do not work as an end all be all.

5. You Can't Find Your Purpose without Exposure

So often you hear people complaining that they do not know their purpose and their passions, but the simple fact is, they haven't gotten their ass away from the TV in weeks and have experienced so little of life, they wouldn't know their passion if it kicked them in the balls.

If you want to find what your purpose is and find what you are passionate about, you have to expose yourself to new and exciting things, take that salsa class, start that business, try things and fail.

Only by exposing yourself to new things will you have a chance at finding that one thing that you want to dedicate part of your life to.

Richard La Ruina is an entrepreneur London’s top dating coach, and author of “The Natural.” He has spent the past 10 years of his life building his company PUA training and traveling the world teaching men how to have better relationships and overcome their limiting beliefs with women.

“Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible. And if it is humanly possible, it is within your reach”~Marcus Aurelius

1. What One Man Can Do Another Man Can Do 

If there is anything you want to accomplish, no matter how difficult and impossible it may seem, know that if one man can do it, so can you.

Whether your goal is to create a 7 figure lifestyle business, date the girl of your dreams and overcome your social anxiety, or build the ripped sexy physique you’ve always dreamed of, if someone else has achieved it so can you.

What one man can do, another man can do. If it’s been done it can be done again.

2. Learn to Delegate Effectively 

As you work towards building a life on your terms you have to realize that there will come a point when you have to let go and learn to delegate. The goal of every entrepreneur should be to run his business and not let his business run him.

If you can build an incredible team who can effectively do the things which you dislike and allow you to focus all of your energy on the things that you enjoy, your life and your business will flourish and you will experience more fulfillment and joy as a result.

3. Freedom Brings More Happiness than Money

A mistake that many novice’s make when it comes to the pursuit of happiness is assuming that more money will always mean more happiness. The truth is that happiness comes from having an impact and having freedom.

Who do you think is happier? The corporate CEO earning $2,000,000 a year who works 80 hours a week with only one weeks vacation, or the lifestyle entrepreneur who earns $90,000 a year and spends his time traveling, enjoying time with his family, and pursuing his passions?

Pursue freedom, not an extra 0 in your bank account.

4. Stuff Doesn’t Make the Man 

So often in dating and relationship, men think that if they have all the right stuff, all the money, the nice clothes, the expensive cars, then attracting beautiful women will be a cake walk.

However, nothing is further from the truth.

Material objects don’t make a man attractive, personality, charm, passion, and humor are what make a man attractive. While money can certainly boost your odds once you have the character traits in place, they do not work as an end all be all.

5. You Can’t Find Your Purpose without Exposure

So often you hear people complaining that they do not know their purpose and their passions, but the simple fact is, they haven’t gotten their ass away from the TV in weeks and have experienced so little of life, they wouldn’t know their passion if it kicked them in the balls.

If you want to find what your purpose is and find what you are passionate about, you have to expose yourself to new and exciting things, take that salsa class, start that business, try things and fail.

Only by exposing yourself to new things will you have a chance at finding that one thing that you want to dedicate part of your life to.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby holds a PhD in counseling psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is also a board-certified life coach based in Colorado.

Dr. Bobby has appeared numerous times on news programs around the country (FOX 5 New York, CBS News Denver, FOX 35 Orlando) as a relationship expert, and has been featured on Time.com and in the New York Post, Natural Health magazine, and New York Magazine. She is one of nine national dating coaches trained at the headquarters of Match.com and is a featured expert with EXaholics.com, a 12-step breakup recovery platform.

"Act from your values instead of your feelings"

1. Internalizing Your Problems will not Solve Them

So often as men, after something that is emotional and difficult, we decide to internalize our emotions due to the societal conditioning (e.g. just be a man and get over it). However, this path rarely if ever is the solution.

Men were made for companionship and finding a friend or family member who can help them cope with the pain and be there to hold the space whenever they are struggling is absolutely essential.

If you are not already, find a mentor or a men's group where you can be yourself and talk about your issues without judgement. Breakups suck, they suck worse alone.

2. Stressful Relationships Create More Intrigue

One of the more interesting things about relationships is that relationships which have an element of "stress" or uncertainty and mystery tend to be more intense and more emotional, regardless of how much face time you got with the person.

As your emotions are triggered with all of the excitement and confusion around your partner and their upcoming actions, you begin to become emotionally invested. This is why relationships that may have been short lived can still be emotionally devastating when they finish.

Realize that stressful relationships are a double edged sword. While they can elicit a great response from women and create a number of amazing adventures together, they can also do a lot of emotional damage if not handled properly.

3. You Have to Realize that Ex-aholism is a Genuine Problem

Because of how our society views break ups and relationships, it is often easy to fall into the trap of believing that ex-aholism is not a real problem, even when you find yourself up until the early hours of the morning Facebook stalking your ex girlfriend.

Like any addiction, the first step to recovery is admitting that your ex is a problem and is still plaguing your emotional life. Once you do this, you are operating from a place of power where you can move forward in your recovery.

4. This too Shall Pass

Something you must realize as you go through all the phases of recovery is that this too shall pass. Your biochemistry is messed up from the last relationship and it's a natural part of human life. Realize this and accept that there will be pain for a while but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

You will be able to move on and have the relationships you've been wanting for so long. You will create the life you have been dreaming of and you will no longer struggle with depression over your ex.

This too shall pass, just hold on and make it through.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby holds a PhD in counseling psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is also a board-certified life coach based in Colorado.

Dr. Bobby has appeared numerous times on news programs around the country (FOX 5 New York, CBS News Denver, FOX 35 Orlando) as a relationship expert, and has been featured on Time.com and in the New York Post, Natural Health magazine, and New York Magazine. She is one of nine national dating coaches trained at the headquarters of Match.com and is a featured expert with EXaholics.com, a 12-step breakup recovery platform.

“Act from your values instead of your feelings”

1. Internalizing Your Problems will not Solve Them 

So often as men, after something that is emotional and difficult, we decide to internalize our emotions due to the societal conditioning (e.g. just be a man and get over it). However, this path rarely if ever is the solution.

Men were made for companionship and finding a friend or family member who can help them cope with the pain and be there to hold the space whenever they are struggling is absolutely essential.

If you are not already, find a mentor or a men’s group where you can be yourself and talk about your issues without judgement. Breakups suck, they suck worse alone.

2. Stressful Relationships Create More Intrigue 

One of the more interesting things about relationships is that relationships which have an element of “stress” or uncertainty and mystery tend to be more intense and more emotional, regardless of how much face time you got with the person.

As your emotions are triggered with all of the excitement and confusion around your partner and their upcoming actions, you begin to become emotionally invested. This is why relationships that may have been short lived can still be emotionally devastating when they finish.

Realize that stressful relationships are a double edged sword. While they can elicit a great response from women and create a number of amazing adventures together, they can also do a lot of emotional damage if not handled properly.

3. You Have to Realize that Ex-aholism is a Genuine Problem

Because of how our society views break ups and relationships, it is often easy to fall into the trap of believing that ex-aholism is not a real problem, even when you find yourself up until the early hours of the morning Facebook stalking your ex girlfriend.

Like any addiction, the first step to recovery is admitting that your ex is a problem and is still plaguing your emotional life. Once you do this, you are operating from a place of power where you can move forward in your recovery.

4. This too Shall Pass

Something you must realize as you go through all the phases of recovery is that this too shall pass. Your biochemistry is messed up from the last relationship and it’s a natural part of human life. Realize this and accept that there will be pain for a while but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

You will be able to move on and have the relationships you’ve been wanting for so long. You will create the life you have been dreaming of and you will no longer struggle with depression over your ex.

This too shall pass, just hold on and make it through.

John Lee Dumas is the host of the wildly successful 7-day podcast, Entrepreneur on Fire, and creator of several high level masterminds and business courses for aspiring entrepreneurs and podcasters. John has created a multimillion dollar company with Entrepreneur on Fire and continues to grow his brand and business with books, courses, and seminars.

"Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value"~Albert Einstein

1. Work on Being of Value

So often in today's society and achievement driven market place, we focus so heavily on being a man of success that we forget to be a man of value.

We worry more about how others perceive us and how our possessions are ranked against other men that we never pause and slow down to realize that the important thing is who you are and not what you have.

So focus on being a man of value, a man of character, of honesty, of kindness, and compassion, and everything else will follow.

2. Embrace the 7-2 Lifestyle

If you want to experience financial freedom and really live the life of your dreams, you need to get on your grind and embrace the 7-2 lifestyle. Aka working from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m.

If you have a family, with bills, a house and all the other bells and whistles and you aren't pleased with where you are, then investing your time in the evenings on your side hustle is truly the best way to escape the grind and achieve the financial freedom you desire.

3. Provide Great Value and the Money will Come

Most of us who start businesses expect to see revenue flow immediately, however, this is almost never the case. If you want to build a kickass income online, then you have to start with offering kickass value for free to your audience.

You have to give away your best work, build trust and get raving fans, and after a period of time (it took John 9 months of daily podcasts before he made any income) you will reap the financial rewards.

4. Invest in Yourself and Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

People will often say that once they are successful, then they will start investing in themselves, in their health, their knowledge, their abilities etc. however the truth is that you will never achieve any real success until you start investing in yourself and getting outside of your comfort zone.

The quickest way to ensure financial freedom and success is through massive personal development, because their is rarely a man who's income exceeds his level of personal development.

Realize that this doesn't have to be expensive either. You can rent a book from a library, find old personal growth tapes online, take cold showers, journal, or even use your work as a way to grow your patience and tenacity. Do whatever you have to do, but keep on growing.

5. Balance is Key

For type-A "alpha" males, taking time off and balancing their work and life is often difficult. It's difficult to make time for yourself, to just allow yourself to relax and watch TV or go out at the end of the day, but it is necessary.

Unless you are a somewhat crazy, Gary Vaynerchuk type guy who derives all of his fulfillment from work and achievement, taking time for yourself and taking time to build relationships and fun into your life is a must.

So treat yo'self and just relax.