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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part VII of XII]

In this final autobiographical portion of this series focusing on the complexities of the LDS eternal marriage doctrine, Valerie and Nathan reflect on their own relationships with fear and shame as driving forces in their own formative years.

This conversation spans several topics including fears around singlehood (and the deep psychological wounds inflicted by the current doctrine on LDS singles) and fears that one's formal relationship with the church (oddly, not with each other and not God…) could rip otherwise deeply loving and bonded families apart as well as estrange heavenly parents from their children. 

Also of significance, they explore the possibility that fear (not love...) might be a primary means by which the institution motivates belief, loyalty, and compliance. Losing one’s dearest loved ones FOREVER is, after all, a pretty scary idea…and one that might motivate just about anyone to do/believe just about anything. 

The salient point here, is that love can bond us to each other, God, and love-infused Christian doctrine in ways that fear and shame NEVER CAN. And when motivated by love, we (humans and institutions) become more and more like the loving God who created us and daily nurtures us. Next up in this series: several touching interviews with individuals uniquely impacted and shaped (and currently reshaping for themselves) the LDS Eternal marriage theology.

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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part VI of XII]

In this very personal episode, Val and Nathan talk about their own lived experiences around the LDS eternal marriage doctrine and specifically how they have navigated concepts of patriarchy and eternal polygamy. 

Valerie expands the concepts of masculinity and femininity and shares thoughts on how these concepts are often confused with our socialized understandings of maleness and femaleness. She goes on to explore why these misunderstandings get in the way of relational development and impedes our unique individual development as beautiful combinations of both masculine and feminine strength and energy.

They also talk about why institutionalized patriarchy can and often does insidiously make its way into the home and consequently is growth-stunting and intimacy-killing in relationships both in this life and beyond. These ideas need to be talked about. Formalized doctrine supporting patriarchy and eternal polygamy hurt women. They hurt men. They hurt marriage. They hurt the spiritual, psychological, and relational development of every person in the systems where they are formally upheld.

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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part V of XII]

In this very personal next several episodes in this series on the LDS theology of eternal marriage and its implications, Val and Nathan talk about their own marriage and how both individually and as a couple they have experienced plenty of soul-struggle in an effort to find the path that celebrates both relational intimacy (in all of its forms) as well as deep commitment to one's own and the others' personal growth.

Val and Nathan walk through a timeline that follows their early more orthodox beliefs and practices in marriage and family, its impact, the accompanying suffering (different, but significant for each of them) and their eventual (and ongoing) change of paradigm.

This paradigm shift has changed everything...from the way they self define, spend their time, and see themselves interacting in the world--as actors and creators of their own precious lives.

Books referenced in this episode: 

• Living An Examined Life, by James Hollis
• The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello: Image Pocket Classics, by Anthony de Mello

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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part IV of XII]

In this fourth part of their ongoing series on the complexities of the LDS doctrine of eternal marriage, Val and Brannon tackle yet another tough but important facet of this subject: the possible engines that drive us all too often…Here are just a few of the many examples they explore in this episode: 

1] FEAR:

• The fear of the eternal consequences of not marrying.
• The fear of divorce and it’s stigma in this life and implications in the next life.
• The fear of sharing faith expansion with a frightened partner. 
• The fear of ruining one’s eternal family by one’s spiritual expansion experiences.

2] SHAME:

• The shame coming with the silence when we feel compelled to not doubt.
• The shame of destroying our marriages as we evolve and grow and internalize that we are “betraying” our partners, parents, children, posterity.

Val and Brannon’s deepest desire is to expose the IMPACT of our current theology and its massive implications on individuals striving to be in healthy connection with the LDS church.

Their believe is that as the church has shaped us, it is our divine business to help reshape the church when there is evidence that one of its foundational theological concepts inadvertently wounds and estranges us from our divine identities.

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Join Valerie in her analysis of the recent breaking news regarding the financial settlement between the LDS church and the United States Securities and Exchange Commission regarding tithing holdings.  In this episode Valerie breaks down the following:

• An analysis of why, in a healthy relationship between ANY two parties [including between an individual and their church], one party does not decide unilaterally that ANY "matter is closed" especially in situations that involve a sacred breach of trust.
• What needs to happen after a violation of trust between two parties to heighten the possibility that trust can be restored. 
• A proposal that the chief truth claim of the LDS church makes it vulnerable to struggles with honesty, transparency, and accountability.
• The correlation between institutional perfectionism, underlying shame, and struggles with honesty, transparency and accountability.
• A breakdown of valid and integrity-based victim responses that might follow a breach of trust when the perpetrating party chooses not to be transparent or accountable upon discovery of broken trust.
• An invitation to step into the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, admit wrongdoing, and activate the potential for relational healing between the institution and the parties betrayed (both God and the tithe-paying membership of the LDS church).

Research Mentioned in this episode:

Books:

• Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith, by Linda King Newell
• The Challenge of Honesty: Essays for Latter-day Saints, by Frances Lee Menlove

Helpful Links:

• SEC Order Against Ensign Peak and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Podcasts: 

• At Last She Said It | What About Tithing?
• Latter Day Struggles | Episode 35: The Shadow of Joseph's Polygamy and its ongoing Institutional Reverberations
• Mormon Stories Podcast | 1732: LDS Church Fined $5 Million for Hiding Money w/ Mark Pugsley

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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part III of XII]

In this third of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage.

In this episode Val and Brannon address the twin evils that profoundly impact every level of identity within the LDS church from the macro to the micro levels:

PATRIARCHY and it’s painful offspring, POLYGAMY.

Their analysis highlights that:

1. while patriarchy continues to be institutionally endorsed, true partnership on any level [institutionally or within a marriage] can never be fully achieved, and that
2. the eternal polygamy doctrine as currently still taught by the LDS church damages real-time marriage relationships and creates a corrosive power differential between partners that makes true healthy relationships of equality impossible to achieve unless/until this doctrine is rejected by both partners.

Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.

The doctrines discussed in today’s episode highlight the negative impact of institutionalized gender hierarchies both on earth and in the next life. 

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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part II of XII]

In this second of a multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick continue to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage and all of its complex  implications in the real lives of real people, often finding the “plan of happiness” feeling more like the “plan of sadness” as life progresses in ways that almost inevitably do not line up with what doctrine frames as the ideal and only way to achieve God's highest heaven. 

IN THIS EPISODE Val and Brannon dig into the inner experience of those who might legitimately feel like second, third, or even 'steerage' class citizens in Mormondom…the divorced, widowed, never married, and all sexual and gender minorities…basically everyone except the cisgendered, temple attending, married couple.

Clearly this is a LARGE POPULATION of people internalizing messages about themselves, their place, and their value not only in the church, but also in God’s eyes in this life and throughout eternity. 

Val and Brannon invite us all [members at every level of the LDS church] to look honestly and with humility at the theological ideas that shape [or misshape] our implicit sense of worth, and work together to receive more truth and light that is more consistent with the nature of our divine parents and our Savior and their incompressible love for all of their children.

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Series Title: Psychological Health Check on LDS Theology of Marriage & Family [Part I of XII]

In this multi-part series, Valerie and therapist colleague Brannon Patrick begin to unpack the very multifaceted doctrine of eternal marriage and all of its complex  implications in the real lives of real people, often finding the “plan of happiness” feeling more like the “plan of sadness” as life progresses in ways that almost inevitably do not line up with what doctrine frames as the ideal and only way to reach heaven.

Valerie and Brannon open this series by introducing a framework for human growth that emphasizes that the primary task in life is for each of us to realize our own fullest and unique potential and that the healthiest framework within which to realize this self growth is one where one's growth is celebrated, even as it departs from one set, rigid, predetermined framework. 

This model makes space for ALL women and men and does not diminish one’s salvation potential based on earthly or even heavenly relationship constellation.

This philosophy opens the way for persons of all sexual/gender orientations who are:

1. single (never married, divorced, widowed),
2. the married couple where one partner is non-religious or practices any other religion, and
3. the married couple where one person is expanding in the LDS faith and no longer conforming to various forms of dogma.

In this more expansive way of looking at human development, God’s children are able to more fully partake in a truly all-inclusive plan of happiness. 

In this re-imagined plan of growth, our close relationships [intimate and otherwise] are experienced as an expansive, unconditionally loving supportive network. 

This sounds like heaven to us…Because this framework is grounded in realizing every human’s growth potential and infinite worth.

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This episode was recorded for "The Sisterhood Podcast" recently and takes a deep dive into issues of womanhood, LDS culture, and the vital importance of women learning how to truly be active agents of their own lives. Valerie addresses several topics including the following:

1. the influence that the church's gendered teachings have had on some women who foreclosed early dreams and desires because they felt that these parts of themselves were "wrong",
2. the importance of learning to claim one's own personal authority and learn to tolerate the discomfort of others' not approving of our self-affirming life's choices, and
3. strategies for helping children and adolescents of both genders learn how to think in complex ways that
4. affirm their ability to know that they are capable of connection with their own true selves and their divine creators, who can help them craft a value-driven life.

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