Life Uncut

Jeff Guenther AKA TherapyJeff is here to help you take control of your dating life, by tuning into who you are, what you want, and how you can get there. Therapy Jeff has over 3.8 million followers on socials. He is a licensed therapist with twenty years’ experience in private practice. Today we are going to unpack a bit of the psychology behind why we are the way that we are in relationships and how that impacts different aspects of our dating lives!

Today we chat about:

• Growing up with a mum who is also a therapist. Is that good or bad?
• Can we blame our parents for who we are attracted to?
• Why is dating so hard right now?
• If you’re on dating apps, you could be dating an AI avatar of the person
• When we ARE the problem and how to take control of that
• Patterns: are you after chaos and drama or a healthy stable relationship? No, but really what are you actually searching for?
• How much can you change someone to help them meet your needs?
• How to spot the difference between love bombing and the honeymoon phase
• Can you survive cheating? What determines whether you can or can’t

Find more from Jeff’s website
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Hey Lifers,
Sorry for the start of today's ep. Not sure what else to say about it to be honest. If you've had the 'back' lasered, how do you get it done? What's your therapists 'go to' position?

Britt is headed to Romania to see Ben! She shares how some of the challenges of being in a long distance relationship have affected her and why she's looking forward to seeing him so much!

Unions are pushing to keep bosses from 'trawling' social media and reprimanding employees because of what they're getting up to on the gram. It could be a faked sickie, or a perspective that doesn't align with the values of the business. 
Do you think employers should be able to reprimand their employees for things that they post on social media?

We also speak about the brave woman Gisele Pelicot, who has chosen to waive her right to anonymity after her husband drugged her and allowed her to be sexually abused by 70+ men. 
We speak about the shift in the way that society views victimhood and the strength that it takes for victims to publicly share their stories to advocate for justice. We also look at the role the media and legal systems play in shaping the choices of survivors.

If this conversation brings up anything for you, a confidential information, counselling and support service is available at 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

On the show: 

• Britt has a fight with a taxi driver
• Mitch gets his regular
• Ask Uncut
• Yo-Chi Icks
• The kid who broke a 3500 year old urn
• Mitch's Pitch

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Hey Lifers,

This is ask uncut where we answer all of your deep and burning questions after we've had a bit of a gasbag about our own personal dilemmas!

Have you noticed that children's dolls are now wearing g-strings? How do you feel about that? 
Vibes for the week:

Britt Netflix doco The Lie: The Murder of Grace Millane
Laura Glass Podcast by Shameless Media
Keeshia Love and Loss Piece by Zara Seidler

Then we jump into your questions!

PARTNER WATCHES PORN BEFORE WE HAVE SEX
My fiancé and I have had issues in the bedroom for years. He’s struggling with anxiety and takes a medication  which has massively affected his sex drive. Over the past few months he’s been asking me if I want to have sex, but it's always been after he’s been on his phone in bed, and already has a raging boner - so I assumed he’s watching porn. I looked at his google browser history on the computer we share (the same google browser on his phone), and it turns out he’s been watching porn right before asking me for sex, as I assumed. I know I shouldn’t have looked at his history but I was going crazy. I’m in two minds. One is complete jealousy as I feel like he needs another girl to turn him on before he can sleep with me. But I also know that he’s probably just doing what he needs to to get it up and get the job done as I’ve been putting the pressure on lately. For context: we have a great relationship, we’re getting married in a month, I know he finds me attractive - he’s constantly tapping me on butt, grabbing my boobs etc, but I’m just struggling to be okay with this. I also don’t want to tell him that I’ve looked at his browser history so I don’t know how to talk to him about it.

FAMILY NOT COMING TO KIDS BIRTHDAY
I come from quite a messy family. I have 6 siblings, all half. My dad is on to his 4th marriage and my mum has had 2 divorces. I’ve always been close with my mum but have only become close with my dad in the past 5 or so years. My parent’s break up was very messy and they’ve never been amicable since. I now have a beautiful partner and a darling little daughter who is just about to turn one. We’re throwing her a party and have invited all our friends and family. However, a few weeks out, my Dad has just said that no one from his side of my family (himself, my step mum, brother and his family) will be coming because they feel uncomfortable and they would like to have a seperate party for my daughter instead. I’m so disappointed! It’s been over 20 years since they divorced, he’s had 2 marriages since! How are they still hung up on this to the point that they can’t be in the same room for an hour? I never wanted my daughter to have to celebrate everything twice like I have. What would you do? Do I suck it up and throw two parties? Or just say to my dad that he’ll unfortunately have to miss out?

DITCHING A WAKE
Should you ditch a wake (after a funeral), to go to a footy match? Our team has made it into the finals, but the day of the game is the funeral of a grandparent. My sibling thinks it’s ok to go to the service and skip out after to make the game, but I think that is in very poor taste. What are your thoughts?

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Eleanor Mills is an award winning journalist, editor and broadcaster who has taken a bit of a pivot in her mid life by creating a community called ‘noon’. At 49, Eleanor was abruptly made redundant from her role as the editor of the Sunday Times Magazine and chair of women in journalism. 

She lost her sense of purpose, and her identity - and her family lost its main source of income. She felt washed up and burnt out; like everything which had defined her life for the last 25 years was gone. But then she noticed something: she wasn’t alone.

Today we are going to unpack what Eleanor calls the midlife cluster fuck, our perceived value as we age and a lot of the motivators and values that we hold as career driven women. 

We spoke about:

• Identity in ‘success’ and our jobs
• What happens when that identity is shattered
• Real life ‘Succession’ after working for Rupert Murdoch for 23 years
• Gendered ageism in our culture vs what we truly have to look forward to
• ‘Queenagers’ - the freedom of becoming the woman you always wanted to be 
• Power is fleeting when it’s based off of fecundity and fuckability 
• The double edged sword of speaking about menopause; exposure vs it being weaponised against up
• How Eleanor has helped so many women realise that there’s much more to come past 50

Eleanor’s new book titled ‘Much More to Come’ can be found here
Eleanor’s Instagram
Eleanor's organisation Noon can be found here!

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Britt's had a baby!!! Well, technically her sister Sheri just gave birth, but we are claiming it as our surrogate Life Uncut baby. She was 5 weeks early and we have a bit of a chat about whether the person closest to Britt having a baby has shifted the needle on whether Britt wants to have kids of her own! Did your sibling or best friend having a baby change your drive to have one of your own? 

Matt went and got a tattoo while Laura was away and it's... not good! How did you and your siblings know who the 'favourite' kid was? Was it because they were the 'password' kid? Was it because only one of you is tattooed on a parent's body?

Armie Hammer has entered stage 3 of his 'redemption' arc. He's shared a video on instagram about how he is selling his beloved truck because he can't afford to put gas in it anymore. We unpack false victimhood and all different kinds of celebrities performing authenticity online. How do we know the difference between real suffering and performative authenticity and can Armie Hammer be uncancelled? We unpack our thoughts. 

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

On the show: 

• Mitch has beef with Delilah
• Gen Alpha slang
• Strava scams
• A little Mecca mishap 
• Petty Revenge
• A special message on Father's Day

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey Lifers! 
Welcome back to therapy Thursday where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions!
Is there anything more awkward than the entire restaurant/bar singing happy birthday to you? What the heck do you do? Smile and sing along??

Would you like to know that you were getting proposed to or prefer it to be a surprise? Britt and Keeshia met a couple where she definitely knew it was happening!

Vibes for the week:
Britt: Netflix American Murder: Laci Peterson
Keeshia: House of Sculpt Pilates
Laura: Couples Therapy on SBS on Demand/Paramount plus

Then we jump into your questions!

DO I TELL MY MUM I GOT SENT HER NUDES?
Just over 2 years ago, I was getting ready for bed one night when I got a notification on messenger for a message request from someone I didn’t recognise. It said “I just thought you would like to know what your mother had been up to lately” followed by nude images of my mum and screenshots of texts exchanged between her and this person's husband. I was shocked and hoped that she hadn’t sent these to any of my other siblings. I ignored the message as much as I could until my youngest brother called me in hysterics telling me that he had just received the same message. I ended up reading the whole text exchange. There was a week where she visited him in his home town on her week off work. I looked at the dates and it all hit me again. She was meant to come visit me and my newborn interstate that week but said she had covid and had to stay where she was (his hometown). As terrible as I feel for my mum's partner, this is what shook me the most. She used me and my child as a reason to go where she was going just to “inconveniently” get covid and not be able to travel any further. She used us to cheat and it makes me sick. Ever since I found this out I haven’t been the same around her. I haven’t told her I know and I haven’t told her partner either. It’s an unspoken thing between my brother and I but we both feel the same towards her. I am also so mad at this woman for sending these explicit things to us as if we had anything to do with it. Why punish us and make us bear the weight of it all? Anyway, my questions are…My mum and her partner are still together with no bumps in sight. Do I tell my mum I know? Do I need to tell her partner? Or with it being over 2 years since do I just need a top notch therapist to deal with this myself?

CAN WE HAVE SEX WHEN OUR CHILD IS ONLY METRES AWAY?
My partner and I recently took our 2 year old daughter on her first family holiday. We all stayed in the same room with 2 queen beds. She slept in her own bed and I slept with my partner. My partner wanted to have sex on the holiday and would always make jokes like "what are you doing later" which were good for him shooting your shot. BUT my mindset was how can oh have sex when your child is sleeping legit no more than 1 metre away from you isn't that strange ? I guess my question is, are people having sex on holidays in the same room as their kids?? Is this a thing because it makes me cringe but he thinks it's so fine because she's asleep?

DO I REFUND HER
I sold a labour tens machine on facebook marketplace a few months ago for $60. I had originally purchased it as an ex hire machine but did not use it for my labour as it was too fast. I had tested it and it seemed to work fine to the best of my knowledge. Up until I sold it, it had sat in the pack it came in without the battery in it, untouched. Before I sold it to the lady I checked it again and it all seemed to work fine still. She had told me she wanted a receipt for the item as she had some trouble buying off marketplace before. I empathised with her but told her I can’t provide a receipt for it. Now a few months have passed and she has contacted me saying that it was rubbish, didn’t work as it should and is not in good working order. She also said that it impacted her birth and her experience was horrendous. I have sincerely apologised and explained my situation but I know she’s fishing for a refund. Do I refund her the money or just ignore her messages and move on?

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Gus Worland is a TV, podcast and radio host, and the director and founder of the mental health foundation Gotcha4life. Gus is a passionate advocate for building mental fitness. Gus is particularly good at helping women connect with the men in their lives in ways that enable vulnerable and real conversations about their mental health.

We chat:

• Gus’ childhood friendship with Hugh Jackman, or ‘Jacko’ as he calls him
• Whether Gus is jealous of Hugh’s friendship with Ryan Reynolds
• What mental fitness is & why we have such an issue with mental health now
• Where men disproportionately struggle
• Why so many men are suffering in silence and don’t speak up when they’re struggling
• Not letting anyone struggle alone
• Creating ‘villages’ around us 

Gus also speaks about some really practical ways that we can connect with blokes, not try to ‘fix’ everything and create relationships where they feel comfortable speaking up.
You can find more from Gus on Instagram

Gotcha 4 Life Instagram

Gotcha 4 Life Website

If this conversation brought up things for you, please reach out for 24/7 support at Lifeline or call 13 11 14

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Hey Lifers,

We are back from a little few day vacay! Laura's friend catch up FINALLY made it's way out of the group chat and into reality! She had a little mishap at the airport and there's a valet parker who hopes she never comes back.
Britt and Producer Keeshia went to Bali to sus out Britt's wedding venues and food tastings. They ended up getting sick and missing some of the important parts. 
Chaos and motion sickness; very on brand for life uncut!

The world is in mourning as JLo and Ben Affleck file for divorce! Lots of the world are talking about whether you think it's ever a good idea to go back to your ex. But, we're more interested in whether you think divorce can make you a better parent.
There was a really interesting article by Kathryn Jezer-Morton in the Cut that explored the idea that the end of a marriage, while challenging, can lead to personal growth and improved parenting skills. 
We discuss:

• Whether our experiences of divorce or parents staying together influenced our views on relationships and marriage
• Whether you should or shouldn't stay in a step kid's life
• Whether we think divorce is always traumatic to kids
• How it shaped our views of conflict
• Parents who are only staying together for the kids - is this a good thing or a bad thing?
• Does being a 'child of divorce' make you more 'realistic' about marriage?

We mentioned a podcast that we recorded with Esther Perel

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