Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

June 26, 2024 403:⏫️ Mio A. revisits
🔸 Self directed play.
2️⃣ Inadequate vs pick yourself up

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
First call is post-news of Derek Scott’s death. And I'm on day 2 of an epic argument with someone close to me. But IFS makes me feel better.
After the first session, Mio emailed to say she needs more frequent sessions and made arrangements with a therapist. The calls were recorded a few months apart.

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2 hr 18 min
June 22, 2024402: Bee A. revisits
🔸 Sold. Down the dark hall, the door I haven’t tried…
🔹 Parts:
P trying not to be needy, you’re the most needy

P now you’ll have to confess, pay for all of your sins

E feels not worthy, sold over and over again. "prostitute, if she gave enough of herself.” Been told what to do, how to act, what not to say.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Been reviewing Dick Schwartz calls again! 1. On the scent 2. Go
I only rushed through the exile steps because calls w Bee rarely go over an hour.

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1 hr 5 min
June 20, 2024401:⏫️ Christine A. revisits
🔸Boulder of suffering. I don't have instructions for this.
2️⃣ Helpless Bob, and a part that needed me to be fine.

📌 Christine followed up (re #1):

you had asked what selfs answer might be to this parts repeated question of “what do i do with the Boulder? All this pain and suffering, wtf do i do?” Self had responded “IFS” as a possible answer.

As I sat more in that response; It felt like its meaning was broader than just my own personal IFS work. As in, perhaps what is “to be done” with this Boulder of pain and things we can’t make sense of… this Boulder will be imperative to the work we do with others moving forward. A sense that this Boulder and the hard questions it presents may be exactly what I’m meant to help others navigate as well my own parts.

(then later)

the part trying to get to the outside resources (holding the boulder):

In that call it expressed that if it could, it would want to help the system be cared for in other ways, get those resources and that connection.

And at another point we talked about recognizing when self is present more, and how that would be helpful to this part.

I’ve noticed recently a part helping me to take in outside help and love more. To notice when someone is expressing care and to open to that more, rather than skipping past it.
It’s felt like it’s helping me get those outside resources simply by being more present and open to them when they show up. It’s felt nourishing. Like allowing more self energy to be present when others show me care
A really impactful shift
🔹 Parts:
P: can't get it right

P: hilarious you think you know what right is
2️⃣
P: Bob, the beat up dummy . Immobilized

P: get over it

P: we need to be fine. To be helpless and hurt means to be

E: not accepted. Like 5yo, keep secret, don’t acknowledge reality.
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I think I am demonstrating "fast is slow" here. I detected the emotion at end of call but didn’t feel I had time to attend to it in the way it deserved. Call started late, parts of me were itching to go do whatever else, and I switched to explaining mode.
2️⃣
If last call was too cognitive, this time my brain kinda under-functioning. Been one of those days where I'm throwing away the banana and keeping the peel. Lots of dreams, parts work, and yes even some social stuff going on lately. Christine holds me accountable, is courageous and direct, which serves as great a stretch for my parts (some discomfort in the moment, most appreciated in the big picture)

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2 hr 40 min
June 18, 2024400: Kerri A. - first call
🔸 What does a powerful doer do when the system is a safer place to be?
🔹 Parts:
P: the imposter, puffed out chest, chameleon. This chronic feeling that I wasn’t living my real life, hyper vigilant of others, do whatever needed to keep mother happy. works in tandem with:

P: Sally, top manager. Achievement oriented . “Sally won’t allow the little one to touch her”

E: the little one under the bed

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1 hr 2 min
June 16, 2024399: Riben A. revisits
🔸 Step 2: "Feel towards"
🔹 Parts:
P: “The manager is cognitive, trying to explain the feelings, not allowing me to connect” trying to fix others is how to show love. How is that done to myself? A lot of screaming, not a lot of learning. Very static childhood. Wants to achieve stature, power.

P: 12 year old “Im not like you anymore, I don’t throw tantrums”

E: keeps going back to that play. So connected w the violence
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Maybe not skillful, but I wasn’t feeling blended. Well, frustrated about call drops, but not toward caller. I could have employed other techniques but I wanted to see where this would take us. What I didn’t voice: was that sleepy part at work?
* At 49:05 she said "its working hard", but that got lost in post editing.

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1 hr 14 min
June 14, 2024 398: Ian A. revisits
🔸 Grief overshadowing. Another death.

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1 hr 2 min
June 12, 2024397: Mimi A. revisits
🔸 Barreling through v Getting it right
🔹 Parts:
Overwhelm, time scarcity

Bulldozing, barreling through

Getting it right, not starting, not putting on paper
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Tech problems destroy my focus because I don't know what causes it. If it's on my end, super frustrating, I've put so much time and energy into making it work right, and now here I am, unable to guide, and making an unintelligible recording. If it's on their end, frustrating for other reasons.
Im trying to be really specific with my questions to get clarity, but I think I may be putting too much on her plate.

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1 hr 8 min
June 08, 2024 396: Christine guides me, James
🔸 Christine's first time ever recording her practitionering!
*Recorded after some Christine-as-client calls that are still waiting to be published

📌 James followed up (the next day): Woke up at 5, went through the points we agreed on, back to sleep : ) And after a week, still significantly better.
🎓 What Christine would like to do differently:
Still finding my rhythm and pace with guiding others. I.e. How much time to spend taking notes vs purely listening. How long to linger on a question or “stage” of understanding with a part. How often to check for self energy, etc. Lots to learn/refine in general. Also, working with James for the first time in this way, I’m finding my rhythm with the role reversal. Part of which looked like working with my own “we’re new at this, he’s the expert!” parts to step back and allow me space to gain more experience.
Thankful to James for speaking on behalf of his parts at the beginning of the call. I can see how that helped clear the path for a more connected session overall.

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1 hr 9 min
June 08, 2024395: Olivia A. revisits
🔸 Daughter: she has to show love to herself.
🔹 Parts:
P: daughter manages everything and wants to get some self for herself. She thinks they’re her parts. Worried she is selfish, not comfy saying “I love myself” so she can’t love other parts unconditionally. “Good enough by self standards but not by my own”. Or else:

P: body part continues squirming

E: suffocating, drowning, what if I get trapped? Scared of death
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I could use some help on this one, this feels new. Perhaps I should have gone with: daughter has parts. I could probably just consider daughter to be Olivia, at least as my own mental shorthand. And maybe the only thing different here is the pronoun (she vs I). But that pronoun shift might be profound. Notice the shift (of pronoun and energy) back to "I" around minute 48. Yes I believe that is the Olivia I'm normally talking to. But the framing definitely challenges me, it's like we're separated by a couple angled mirrors, and I didn’t have the language or clarity to address it in the moment.
At one point I said “I think that she’s good” and she responded along the lines of “you don’t know me very well”, and I could have stayed with that a little longer, been more assertive, and responded that I think you’re good even though I don’t know you, but she had already expressed her frustration with that unearned respect. Would like to have spent more time there, demonstrating and explaining what my care/respect means, and where it originates from.
She’s says “she is narrating right now” so… the logic is kinda breaking my brain. She (the part) refers to herself as she? Navigating the pronouns used in IFS is complex enough already!
If daughter is Olivia, maybe Self is named Grace.

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1 hr 12 min
June 06, 2024394: Genie A. revisits
🔸 Camouflaged, a ripple in negative space.
🔹 Parts:
P: smooth it out, neutral, wants to stop me knowing too much. It likes “weird laugh” as camouflage. Other parts don’t know about it, doesn’t want to be seen by other parts. Angry after noticing loneliness

P: be efficient, make progress

E: little angry me, fighting siblings, awful to little sister
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Hard to say. It’s nice, when a caller and I get to this place, I’m not doing much guiding. Doesn't feel like a problem. Maybe with more experience or training I would know how to guide in these kind of places, but maybe not. IFS is simple.

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1 hr 19 min