Live IFS

By Internal Family Systems SessionsHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Live IFS episodes

July 10, 2024 413: Riben A. revisits
🔸 Whispering secrets game

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr 19 min
July 09, 2024 412: Christine guides me, James
🔸 Challenges with Live IFS. And I'm sick of being sick.
📌 James followed up: I came up with a solution for one of those challenges. I drafted a "whatever happened to..." page. Will sleep on it, probably publish later.
🎓 What Christine would like to do differently:
I think I could have been clearer and much more thorough in my recapping of the Sick of talking about part. I can see how that would have strengthened the understanding and connection a bit more. Also, acknowledging and appreciated this parts shame that it mentions at one point. I think in an effort to not pry or push too much, I may have backed off a little too much here. Would have liked to have asked my own reserved parts to step back a bit more and allow more self presence. Grateful for the opportunity to learn and meet more parts with James

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr
July 08, 2024411: ⏫️ Justine A. revisits
🔸 Keeping it light, no light.
2️⃣
Pink: you’re to blame
Red: Full catastrophe. I blame myself, I wanted so much not to do damage.
🔹 Parts:
P: Self hatred (critic), collapsing, self medicating. howling w the deep dark music. Underneath is the rage being squashed in a box. Wants to relive 20s, build things, have fun.

P: Agenda looking for the answers, conflicting w

P: Resistance to going back that far, keep it bottled in, keep it light. Dry. Beige. related to how my mom is.

P: Judgement of above

P: Spacey trying to pull me out

P: You don’t know how to talk to parts (testing Self energy)

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
We spoke for 30 minutes before the meditation . That’s why we seemed short on time.
2️⃣

After this call Justine took a break from working with me.

Started with a brand new tech problem on my end. Then throughout the call my neighbor is firing his gun, it sounds like it's right outside my window. I'm tallying each shot for Ivan "12 gunshots between 6:22pm and 6:24... 8 more between x & y..." It goes on for an hour, an unusual amount and pattern; it dawns on me it's likely a salute, that his old dog, my daily walking partner, finally died. I've felt off for a few days, it's been the hottest week of the year, and I'm spending an hour or more beekeeping around noon each day. I have a hard conversation scheduled right after this call, I assume the hardest I'll have this year.

My protectors are up in the beginning, wanting to protect Justine. They're upset "Justine's therapist made her cry!" And my pushback / question: "is that a fair/reasonable question? Who remembers being content?" I've encountered the question in other modalities, but never in IFS. Sounds to me like one that would reliably upset a significant percentage of people. I've been challenging myself to speak more for parts that are up for me, because the alternative is often checking out. And I'm not asking to dive straight in because I can tell she’s on edge. So I'm offering hypotheses, asking surface questions.

We keep encountering this disparity in how we're assessing her ability and progress, which I feel like I'm failing to address. If she has this part, or if it’s true that she’s "bad at IFS", and my parts are saying that’s objectively not true, what next? It feels like the one thing I can't go along with. Tell me you’re bad at anything else, and ok, what the fuck do I know? But bad at IFS? It’s axiomatic: I insist you can’t be. Feels like my confidence conflicts with my empathy here.

After an hour I make the move, and I don’t think it's a misstep to ask “who is ‘doing it wrong’ cuz that ain’t self”. It might have not gone well, but it’s not just a redirect, it’s an attempt to facilitate unblending, because she’s saying “me”.

A few mins later “they want me to spend more time in a not disregulated place" and "they want to support me in not being so blended with damaging parts." Good! I feel like we’re all on the same page. Im seeing light and opportunity, from mutual compassion and understanding.

Then “not doing it hasn’t been a bad thing”. Cheerleaders, trying to keep her from feeling judged for not doing solo work. I want to push back: we’re at an hour and a half, we finally befriended these critic parts, let's not abandon them! Now's our chance to advocate for them!

Then “be in self a little bit each day, a useful suggestion” I laugh, my parts: "What the hell am I doing wrong! What makes that such a helpful suggestion, and mine, which I see as the same, not? What is wrong with me, if I still can't even such a critical distinction?"

Also I realize that “break a couple eggs” is probably the worst analogy I could use...

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord
🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:
Itunes
YouTube
How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
2 hr 24 min
July 07, 2024 410: Christine A. revisits
🔸 This happened and I love you, I'm here. (Continuing with exile from last call)

📌 Christine followed up:
https://open.spotify.com/track/756ziR2z4iXkK35qwBLUiY?si=o1X1ie1QyyYVZ9fnPAjQ
Thank you again for holding that tender space with me, it really means a lot more than words can really say.
Poured myself a cup of tea and put some music on shuffle. The first song that came felt like a direct nod to what we just did and the love that was shared towards her. Made me smile 🙂

Lots came up and became more clear in the relistening of this episode. So thankful for these recordings and the work we’ve done.
I’d like to list some of the points from this exile that became more clear in listening back. So that I have a record of sorts to help remember.
part of the redoing or being with her back in her time would have looked like this for her:
- someone telling her the truth. Her brother was lying to her as he did what he did. Saying it wasn’t happening. Denying her concerns. She needed someone to say things like “what he’s doing is wrong” and “you’re right to feel like this is wrong”
- She needed someone that didn’t deny or dismiss her fears. Someone that heard her and was honest with her. It was so hard for her to trust herself when everything she thought she felt was being denied and pushed aside.
- She needed someone to explain to her brother, that this was not the place or the person to put his confused feelings onto. This is a child. This is your sister. She needs you to love and protect her. She needs you to be a safe space for her. What you’re doing is hurting her and you. This is not the place for this. Stop denying what you’re doing and see that it’s hurting her, hurting you both.
-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord
🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:
Itunes
YouTube
How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
59 min
July 06, 2024409: Mimi A. revisits
🔸 Disintegration, trying to play too many roles at once.
🔹 Parts:
P: Anxious puppeteer, manage, protect, avoid drama

E: 6,7,8 kept down, stifled. Completely unsupported, humiliating. Needed containment. Abandoned
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
My guesses weren't on point but didn’t take us off track, and all the mining/searching didn't cause disruption, but also didn’t get the clarity of exile that came when I got back to the script.

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr 13 min
July 04, 2024408: Charlotte A. revisits
🔸 A plain fact. Internal family standards of beauty.
🔹 Parts:
P: this is a small minded problem, im over it, they’re obsessed. Would by wiped out by:

P: starve myself, obsessed w appearance

E: age 4,5,6 Locked in the basement. Dishwater hair, forgettable and plain. Total defective inadequacy, gross, badly formed, hopeless. I didn’t draw a good hand. you’re not pretty. Odd one out, never get it right, needs to be fixed.

P: don’t want james to know about E

P: other ways to be beautiful: ingenuity, Charm

P: brisk, she’s fine

P: fixer upper
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Yes, somewhat stormy. I didn't feel like we could get there without spending another hour, and call started 20m late. Part of me says “there’s gotta be a better way to exit” and another says "no, by its nature that situation will be messy, not ideal." It’s feels like planning to make dinner, getting started cooking, and then the oven breaks halfway through. You didn’t know ahead of time that you wouldn't be able to finish cooking, and now you gotta put in just as much work to stop and put it away.

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr 25 min
July 02, 2024407: Onyx A. revisits
🔸 The lower chamber: Anger's place.
🔹 Parts:
P: Anger, radiating brambles around grief and fear bodies.

P: Annoyed by depth of anger and lots of things. Helps get the job done

E: not seen/understood, stuck

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Parts of me are hesitant to share this call. When we see a caller struggling, we can all relate. But these big movements are uncommon and hard to explain, which I can imagine triggering a listener's “frustrated cuz I'm bad at IFS” parts.
What I can do differently is not get in her way. She seems to need what I need (and is the selfish reason I started the pod): an accountability buddy reminding her that the work is worth doing, without making it feel like a chore.

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr 4 min
June 30, 2024 406: Christine guides Me, James
🔸 Vietnam is too fun, too dangerous.
🎓 What Christine would like to do differently:
I’d like to relax into the experience more.
Which could look like: working some more with the part that’s been concerned we’re going to fuck this up. That part of me takes this role (of coach/guide) very seriously and doesn’t have any room for error. I can notice parts of the call where I’m more focused and tuned in than others; when I’m able to get space from that part and drop in more.
Update: Ending up working with this part in Monday meet up today. Thanks to the lovely guidance of Brandon and Riben. They asked some great questions which really unlocked a new level of understanding around this part for me

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
58 min
June 29, 2024 405: Genie A. revisits
🔸 Christmas sucks. And “If I can’t explain IFS, why bother?”

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I was on the fence about sharing the philosophical stuff, just wanted to offer an off-ramp.

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr 17 min
June 28, 2024404: Theresa A. revisits
🔸 (Veterinary) Emergency mode.
🔹 Parts:
P: Don’t cry (out loud), stop exposing this, it’s too messy, sounds pathetic, you won’t be understood. “Do not pity me”

P: that part is a hard ass, policing is pointless

P: emergency mode, frantic, vigilant. I’m failing if cats aren’t well, research more, projection, catastrophizing. What else am I supposed to do? This is how we avoid: sitting down and crying. Predict all possible outcomes you won’t get blindsided.

E: grief, guilt

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I thought about calling attention to one who thinks crying is ugly, but didn't want to risk distraction by semantics.

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord

🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:

Itunes

YouTube

How to leave a review - iPhone
👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire
1 hr 17 min