Master Your Marriage

Compromise never feels perfect.

Great, now that we've got that out of the way, let's be honest about what compromise DOES feel like.

It can feel like you're giving up too much... like you're losing your identity... Or like your partner is the reason you don't get your dreams fulfilled.

Do these resonate with you?

Well, good news. It doesn't actually HAVE to feel that way. 

Gottman research shows that before we start compromising at all, we need to dig deeper into understanding one another to really be able to make compromising decisions. The goal isn't to let go of your dreams, or lower your expectations -- it's to find a solution that honors both of you, and that can't be done if you don't have a strong understanding of the needs, dreams, and core values of your partner.

Join us on this episode to learn the 6 steps recipe for compromise. Trust us, it’s a game changer. 

"Always have the mindset that when you hit an obstacle or conflict, it's a good opportunity to learn and grow together." - Robert Snow

In this Episode:

• What causes us to vilify each other in the relationship
• The danger of going into resolution mode too fast
• Understanding one another on the deepest level
• Knowing yourself more also helps - what can you be flexible about?
• The temporary nature of compromise 

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

When do perpetual problems in our relationship become a PROBLEM? When do we need to worry? 

When partners get so entrenched in their positions, they go into 'gridlock.' And gridlock leads to emotional disengagement and a cascade of isolation – bad news if you're looking to stay in a loving relationship.

So how do successful couples handle problems? Sharla and Robert are sharing a powerful communication process that can help you identify what is really going on when you get 'stuck' with your partner. This process fosters real empathy as you seek to understand, not solve. 

Because the real win-win that we are striving for here is to support each other in our dreams. As we learn to listen and not judge, understand, and not persuade, we learn to grow. 

And therein lies the opportunity in what we may perceive as an insurmountable problem: personal growth that fuels our capacity for love. 

Learn too about how 69% of conflicts are perpetual and what it takes to make strides in dealing with them, as well as how to identify the value that lies behind the issue that we are stubbornly staking our identity to. 

With Robert and Sharla at the wheel, we can soon be well on our way to getting out of gridlock and driving off into a sunset of mutual understanding. Please join us. 

  "Problems aren't the problem. Problems actually provide adaptive value to the individuals who are in the relationship. They increase our capacity to love and find mutual understanding for one another. They essentially grow us up." ~ Sharla Snow

"When you pick someone to have a relationship with, you inherently pick the problems that you're going to have for the next 20, 30, 40 years. And if you don't like those problems, you can pick somebody else. But you'll just have a different set of problems for the next 20, 30, or 40 years." ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- Why problems aren't the problem: seeing the opportunity to grow

- When you choose your partner, you choose your set of problems

- Time, Sex, and Money: the 3 biggest sources of conflict for most couples

- Understanding the three different types of conflict: solvable, perpetual, and gridlocked

- A listening process for cultivating emotional safety and productivity

- Learning to understand, not solve

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How are we building emotional resilience so that we can show up as our higher self in order for our relationship to grow? One proven way is through the power of our breath, something that we are all already doing anyway!

Debra Heslin is in conversation today with Sharla Snow, and together, they are exploring ideas around emotional resilience, and creating 'coherence' so that our four connected systems (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) are in balance, allowing us to get into a healthy rhythm as we go about facing the day's challenges. 

Both Debra and Sharla are trainers in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Debra's backstory is that she came from high-powered corporate America, and realized there has to be a better way. 

Now she is a high-performance coach, specializing in NLP, hypnosis, and timeline therapy – and also a trainer for the HeartMath Institute. 

Learn all about Heart Math, depleting emotions, and how to practice what we do already anyway (breathe) with volition and awareness that then proffers a different result. 

We do have control over how we respond to the things that happen to us in life. And with some scientifically proven breathing techniques (and some practice), we begin to breathe in the coherence, hit reset, and shift our baseline for what we are capable of responding to in advance so that we don't have to put out fires later on. 

We have more choices than we realize we have when life throws us situations that are uncomfortable. And what greater gift can we give to one another than our own inner peace and calm? 

When we do that, we bring our higher selves to our conversation. Please join us in this highly practical and illuminating episode of Master Your Marriage that all starts with our breath.

 "Basically, we see the world through how we feel." ~ Debra Heslin

In This Episode:

- What is Heart Math?

- What does Coherence mean?

- Understanding depleting emotions

- Learning from the 8 Predictors For Divorce

- Developing Emotional Resilience by breathing into our heart

- How do our batteries get depleted? 

- Recognizing our depleting emotions

- Debra shares the scientifically proven effects of the Quick Coherence Test

- A 'Shift and Lift' breathing technique

- How do we breathe in these emotions of self-care? 

- Practice shifts our baseline: 'self-mastery is spelled WORK'

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

- HeartMath Coherence Advantage Training for U.S. times - Use "Heartmath" as the code at checkout. https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/offers/FnwQaDFe/checkout 

- HeartMath Coherence Advantage Training for AU and NZ times - Use "Heartmath" as the code at checkout. https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/offers/r7Mk4rbe/checkout

Connect with Debra Heslin:

- Website - https://www.debraheslinwellness.com/

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How do you see yourself? How do you see your partner? And how do you think your partner sees you? Decoding our sexual desire is the theme of this week's episode, as Sharla and Robert debunk the Hollywood ideas of what sex 'should' be like in a relationship.

Together they get to the heart of what is required to maintain a deep, desire-driven relationship well into the years when cellulite and old age may traditionally start to impact the level of sexual desire for your partner that you would expect to have. 

Drawing on the work of renowned therapist David Schnarch, they look at the traditional drives of love and desire – Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment –  and then turn the spotlight on the all-important, less-understood 4th drive: your sense of self. 

The good news is that desire and attraction can get better as we age together in our relationships. 

Being secure and honest in who we are, appreciating the differences in the other person, and allowing yourself to be fully seen are just some of the ingredients to this as we learn that our own sense of self is perhaps the biggest driver of our sexual desire. 

Your chance to be fully seen and fully desired awaits. Please join us. 

 "When you believe that sex always works naturally and easily – and then that is not your experience – it's easy to go down the rabbit hole of 'I'm defective' or 'There must be something wrong with me.'" ~ Robert Snow

"There is always a ‘higher desire’ partner and a ‘lower desire’ partner." ~ Sharla Snow 

In This Episode:

- Sharla shares her sexual education (confusion, shame, and trauma)

- How desire drops when we think there is something wrong with us

- What can go wrong when we satisfy our ‘lower desire’ partner

- The Three Drives of Love and Desire... and then a Fourth!

- Understanding how our sense of self impacts our desire

- What does having a 'reflective sense of self' mean? 

- 'Giving up or growing up': shifting our locus of self-worth

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

- David Schnarch Intimacy and Desire Book - Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship - https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825306299/

- David Schnarch Passionate Marriage Book - Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships - https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What does sex mean for you? Now ask yourself: what does sex mean for your partner? And what about intimacy? Do you and your partner have a clear understanding of each other's needs for both intimacy and sex? 

Sex, intimacy, and vulnerability. These three ideas end up colliding in the bedroom and either creating amazing sex and connection or creating resentment and distance in your relationship. 

In this week's episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla are gingerly shining a light on the nuances of sex and intimacy because (as they often witness in their relationship counseling) we often end up conflating sex with intimacy, creating confusion.

What societal stereotypes are real, and how much are they just a part of our current culture and conditioning? With a bit of historical perspective, we can debunk the myth that men are sex-crazed and that a woman's sexuality should be villainized. 

Robert and Sharla also explore what goes on in the bedroom for most couples, and then, drawing from personal experience, ask us to widen our scope of interest as we consider what it means to be intimate and vulnerable with each other throughout the day. 

As we create relationship rituals that foster intimacy and bridge the divide between any awkward expectations when it comes to the act of sex, we can begin to truly express our intimate love and understanding of our partner's needs. 

* Please be advised that while the content of this episode is not explicit, it may not be suitable for children.

"Deep intimacy is about being with someone in their wholeness. It's about figuratively being naked with each other." ~ Robert Snow

"I think when you have a lot of intimacy in your day-to-day life, intimacy isn't always the requirement for sex." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- Understanding that sex and intimacy are not the same thing

- How sex is portrayed in the media - questioning the stereotypes 

- The Second Great Awakening - when did women's sexuality become villainized? 

- What do men want from sex? 

- Does sex always need to be intimate? 

- How are we creating intimacy in the non-sexual moments in our relationship? 

- Exploring some of the relationship rituals that can foster intimacy

- What prevents us from being intimate?

- Understanding what the meaning of sex is for your partner 

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Defensiveness in relationships has become increasingly pervasive, posing a significant challenge in modern times. It hinders genuine connection, fosters negativity, and breeds resentment. 

However, Robert and Sharla are here to guide you toward a transformative path.

Discover the psychology behind defensiveness as Robert and Sharla shed light on its roots and why it fails as a constructive coping mechanism. 

Armed with valuable insights, they equip you with practical strategies to overcome defensiveness and reclaim the harmony and intimacy in your relationships.

Learn to navigate triggering moments gracefully as they share powerful phrases that can de-escalate conversations, fostering understanding and compassion. 

Whether it's for your marriage, family bonds, or overall well-being, developing the skills to manage defensiveness is a vital step toward personal growth and healthier connections.

Prepare to dismantle the barriers that obstruct genuine connection as Robert and Sharla provide you with the tools to break free from defensiveness and embark on a journey of trust, vulnerability, and renewed love.

As always, be kind to each other, take care of each other, and put each other first. Remember that it is the small and simple things we do every day that create strong relationships.

"Being defensive means rushing to defend yourself when you are faced with an uncomfortable situation or a feeling, rather than being able to sit in it, listening and really talking about whatever that problem is." ~ Sharla Snow

  "Defensiveness really is a coping strategy that makes you feel better only in the moment. But it’s not a positive strategy because the cleanup afterward is far, far worse." ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- The impact defensiveness has on trust and communication

- Why is defensiveness more prevalent today than it was before? 

- The psychology of defensiveness 

- Reasons why we get defensive

- What defensiveness looks like 

- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that predict divorce 

- Suggestions to overcome defensiveness 

- Phrases you can use to de-escalate a conversation 

- What can you do if you have a chronically defensive partner? 

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

{Get the guidebook that accompanies this episode: "Building Love Maps Guidebook, a practical guide to rich and meaningful conversations}

Even the best therapy in the world won't work if it only focuses on conflict and fails to focus on building friendship and positive systems of affection with your spouse. 

In today's episode, Robert and Sharla introduce a skill to help you create a deeper and more fulfilling relationship with your partner. 

This skill, known as "love maps," was created by Dr. John Gottman. Love maps refer to the knowledge and understanding partners have about each other's inner worlds, including their likes, dislikes, dreams, and aspirations.

Robert and Sharla delve into the fascinating realm of love maps and explore how this powerful tool can enhance and strengthen relationships.

They discuss the importance of building,  maintaining, and updating love maps and how these maps contribute to fostering intimacy, emotional connection, and long-lasting love.

By sharing harrowing personal stories and practical tips, Robert and Sharla offer valuable guidance on creating love maps with your significant other. 

From deepening understanding to sparking meaningful conversations, this episode unravels the transformative potential of love maps in nurturing thriving relationships. 

Join us to learn about another skill that will help you take your friendship and intimacy to a new level. There is a companion guide that goes along with this episode, which can be downloaded here.

"Building love maps means taking a genuine interest in your partner and making mental space to be able to store information about their world." ~ Sharla Snow

  "It’s important to keep returning to these love maps. Return and update. Update your knowledge about yourself and each other." ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- What to do after managing conflict in your marriage to restore friendship and connection

- What are love maps? 

- Why the transition into parenthood is difficult for most couples 

- What to do to prevent your marriage from deteriorating when having a child

- How to focus on your love maps and not neglect them 

- How to build a love map from scratch 

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

-Building Love Maps Guidebook, A Practical Guide To Rich and Meaningful Conversations (A companion guide to this episode)

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Resources mentioned:

- Book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert” by John Gottman PhD and Nan Silver - https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718 

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

As humans, we all have specific thoughts that don't bring the desired results. These thoughts can make our lives more difficult and cause hardships in our relationships. 

You may not have chosen them. You may have absorbed them when you were a child, and you have carried them during your life. 

But the good news is that these thoughts can be changed. 

In this episode, Robert interviews Sharla to uncover their romantic relationship's different transformations, thanks to changes in their thought patterns. 

Sharla explains how the tools she got from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) allowed her to change her rigid thinking patterns and understand that different people perceive different things. When she accepted this radical fact, she realized there was no need to convince someone she was right. 

We all have our preferences, but when we decide to grow and stop blaming others for our circumstances, we internalize that diverse perceptions are normal and natural rather than threatening. Embracing this will bring more peace and zen to your relationships. 

Robert and Sharla invite you to challenge your existing thought patterns and consider whether a shift in thinking may bring more peace in your life. And remember, it's the small and simple things we do every day that creates strong relationships.

  "Either we can let our old software keep running our life and our emotions on autopilot the way we have since we were a small child and we first learned them, or we can take charge, change our software, create a new course, and navigate our life and our relationships." ~ Robert Snow

"I choose to believe that we tend to attract and marry the person that mirrors exactly what we need in this life." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- A brief overview of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

- The early days of Sharla and Robert’s marriage

- What is the “model of communication”? 

- Why do we all perceive reality differently?

- We didn’t choose most of our beliefs (but we can change them)

- Your beliefs about other people are more about you than the others

- Our spouse is our most realistic mirror 

- What part of our mind controls projections?

- Where does empowerment come from? 

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How do successful couples manage external stress in their relationships? Learning how to become allies with your partner and creating a buffer between the two of you and the pressures of the outside world is the subject of today's important episode.

The power of stress-reducing conversations in relationships is a secret ingredient that can elevate your connection, increase your intimacy, and improve trust between you and your partner.

Couples that are better equipped to manage the spillover of stress into their relationship are those that embrace the idea of teamwork – seeing their partner as their ally and having a mindset of 'it's us against the world.' 

What a stress-reducing conversation can look like for you, and how to go about creating that sacred space and precious time for you and your partner to actually hear each other's fears are just some of the insights Robert and Sharla offer in this transformative episode of Master Your Marriage.  

We trust this information and advice will leave you feeling calmer and more prepared to deal with life's stresses as a united front. Remember, it’s the small and simple things we do every day that creates strong relationships. Please join us. 

  "One of the tenets of our coaching program is teamwork. How can we come together and work together as a team?" ~ Robert Snow

"Try to show affection and comfort in some way. Let your partner know that they're not alone and that whatever it is that you're facing, you'll face it together." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- How can men learn to take off their 'armor' from the day? 

- Having stress-reducing conversations to create teamwork

- What does a stress-reducing conversation look like?

- Learning to be a comforting presence (and not just offer solutions)

- Is it essential for you to take your partner's side? 

- How to practice empathy and validate your partner's emotions

- Showing affection – the power of touch 

- Turning a stress-reducing conversation into an everyday ritual

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What if there was a better way for your words to have their intended effect on your partner? Honest, non-defensive words have the power to reverse a difficult interaction and restore connection and intimacy in our relationship. 

How we learn to speak more gently for greater effect is achieved by first appreciating the difference between content and context in any challenging conversation. 

Robert and Sharla are delicately defining this for us, as well as providing us with the practical tools required in the heat of the moment, such as expressing your 'starting position' with regard to how you actually feel before diving headfirst into an argument that you intend on 'winning.' 

When we speak softly, we can also express our truth more authentically. Robert and Sharla's unique approach also allows for more personal introspection and growth that we can then bring into our relationship. 

You have the power to improve your relationship by choosing words that heal, uplift, and strengthen the bonds of your love. We trust you will find this episode to be of great value.  

  "If we want to be heard, we have to come in more gently." ~ Sharla Snow

"Understanding always precedes solution-seeking." ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- 'Talk to me like I am someone you love' – lessons in communication from Nancy Dreyfus

- Learning to speak our truth gently

- What is the distinction between content and context in our conversations?

- Articulating your 'starting position' (how you feel) before you begin an argument

- 'We are never upset for the reasons we think' – getting to your context 

- How understanding precedes resolution

- Finding a compromise that honors both parties - bringing an energy of connection

- Why 'truth' is in the context

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

- Talk to me like I’m Someone You Love (Nancy Dreyfus’ Book) - https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Like-Someone-Love-revised/dp/0399162003

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage