Master Your Marriage

***If you're struggling with resentment, please consider joining our Forgiveness Mini-Course https://forgive.masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/ ***

“Why can’t we stick to focusing on happy, positive things, rather than creating problems where problems don’t exist?” - Person on Social Media

This was the question that came their way as Sharla and Robert shared about their weekly meeting agenda which included asking each other if there was anything they’ve done to hurt each other that should be processed and forgiven.

Well, Person on Social Media, buckle up. Your mind is about to get blown.

In this episode, we’re covering a lot of deep and also scientific ways our minds work. From inaccurate memories, to negative and positive sentiment override, and even how resentment manifests as physical pain, there’s an abundance of evidence that shows that letting go is better for you than holding on.

Tune in to listen to stories of forgiveness and strategies for how to break free from resentment.

 “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to discover the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B. Smedes

In this Episode:

- Where do unprocessed hurts go?

- Negative sentiment override

- Why memories are not reliable markers

- What you compromise when you hold onto resentment

- Misconceptions about forgiveness

- What if you don’t know who you’re needing to forgive?

- What is Ho'oponopono?

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

You’ve seen those couples that just seem like they have it all together, haven’t you?

They’re so good it’s almost gross.

Robert calls these “unicorn relationships,” but whatever you call them, you just know they’re pretty extraordinary.

So, what sets them apart? Why are they just so darn good at being together?

It comes down to integrity. From doing what they say they’re going to do to looking in the mirror and admitting fault when they make mistakes, good couples are honest even when it’s not easy.

So, the question is, can you handle the truth?

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Have you found yourself wondering lately - is this all there is?

Today, let’s uncover the sneaky ways complacency can creep into even the strongest relationships.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The subtle ways taking your partner for granted can start to pull you apart
• Red flags to watch for, like disregarding opinions, and brushing off bids for connection
• The power of discovering each other's core values

And so much more.

Sharla and Robert will guide you through their practical and simple approaches to building meaningful rituals to rekindle that spark.

Tune in to prevent complacency from taking hold.

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Do you shudder at the touch of your partner? Do you feel on edge and easily triggered lately?

You might not even know where it’s coming from – it just happens suddenly. And it makes having sex extremely difficult.

If this describes you, you’re not alone. Most couples will experience a sense of disconnection with their partner at some point(s) in their relationship. 

Life happens, people change, and negative anchors start taking deep holds in our mood together.

In this episode, Sharla and Robert discuss a very simple but profoundly helpful exercise that could help you and your partner break the wall standing between you.

Fifteen minutes is all you need.

Need extra help reconnecting with your partner? Consider signing up for coaching. https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/apply-for-coaching 

In this Episode:

• The benefits of Hugging
• Benefit 1: Building connection and intimacy
• Benefit 2: Rewiring triggers (Negative anchors)
• Benefit 3: Regulating your nervous system
• The 15 minute exercise that rewires our connection
• Step 1 - Calm down
• Step 2 - Stand face to face
• Step 3 - Move forward
• Step 4 - Get comfortable
• Step 5 - Quiet yourself down

And so much more!

Resources Mentioned:

• Hugging until Relaxed Exercise comes from “The Passionate Marriage” book by David Schnarch https://a.co/d/hvYyLuJ 
• Ivan Pavlov’s Theory of Conditioned Reflex: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326/#:~:text=To%20test%20his%20theory%2C%20Pavlov,sound%20of%20the%20bell%20alone

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

“Most people are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person." - Esther Perel

It was just one marriage ceremony between Sharla and Robert but if you knew them as a couple in the last three decades, the distinct differences in who they were together would paint 3 completely different pictures.

Like asking a child, an artist, and a color-blind person to paint the same image. They’d unlikely look even remotely similar.

Change is imminent. It cannot be avoided.

So, what do we do when our relationships are being put to the test? We BURN OUR BOATS.

We evolve as individuals and as couples, and while sometimes that change can be painful, by burning our boats (and bridges), we decide that it’s better not to hold onto what’s familiar.

If you can tolerate the discomfort of growth, together, one day, you’ll realize the incredible meaning and richness that comes to your life for making it through together.

Tune in to hear how Robert and Sharla’s relationship has dramatically shifted from a once self-centered validation machine to a now connected and renewed supportive partnership.

In this Episode:

• "Burn The Boats" principles
• Redefining our relationship
• 1st Marriage: Infatuation and Validation
• Pattern Interrupt; Being out of sync
• 2nd Marriage - Complacency
• 3rd Marriage - Renewal and Reconnection; Our Most True Self

And so much more!

Resources Mentioned:

• “When your army has crossed the border, you should burn your boats and bridges, in order to make it clear to everybody that you have no hankering after home.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

AI has taken over the business world. But can it help in marriage too?

Maybe… if you ask it to plan dates for you. Or write your spouse a poem…

No, instead, we’re in an era where we should be asking, “If not intellect, what other skill makes me stand out amongst the robots?”

The answer? Emotional Intelligence. Or EQ.

The ability to understand your own emotions and to accurately perceive the emotions of others is actually a skill many of us struggle with (one that robots haven’t learned yet either).

But without EQ, marriages, and relationships in general, suffer. In fact, Gottman’s research has shown that the 8 predictors for divorce have ONE major theme in common: Low Emotional Intelligence.

And this same research was 90-94% accurate at predicting which couples would make it and which ones wouldn’t, by the way…

That’s why Sharla and Robert are walking us through 3 ways we can work towards strengthening our emotional intelligence.

So, if you’re ready to become smarter than the robots, tune in and gain the skills to improve conflict resolution, resilience, and empathy.

“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” - Epictetus

In this Episode:

• What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
• How EQ helps us strengthen our marriage and endure tough times
• Recap on Gottman’s research
• The importance of self-awareness and knowing who you are
• Taking responsibility for reactions and responses 
• How EQ thrives on Empathy 

And so much more!

Resources Mentioned:

• The Gottman Method - The couples therapy technique discussed

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Sharla and Robert are on the hot seat today as Deevo from “A Little Impolite” Podcast questions them on all things marriage, divorce, infidelity, substance abuse,  childhood trauma, and even religion.

It’s clear by the numbers on success rate that Marriage isn’t always easy. Here are some that are discussed on this episode:

• Since the early 1900s, the average age of first marriage has risen to 28 for women and 30 for men, compared to 21 for women and 24 for men historically.
• Cohabitation before marriage has increased over 900% in the last 50 years.

• In 1960, 72% of all adults were married, but by 2000 that number dropped to 50%.

• The percentage of children living with two parents declined from 80-88% to 69% in the early 2000s.

• Contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.

The landscape of marriage is changing. With over 30 years of marriage under their own belts, Sharla and Robert provide a wealth of wisdom from their experiences helping countless couples.

For anyone questioning the meaning of marriage or seeking to strengthen their own relationship, this episode offers meaningful takeaways and insights. Sharla and Robert demonstrate how communication, mutual understanding, and personal development are keys to finding fulfillment, whether married or not.

Tune in if you dare be challenged.

“The beauty of this thing is that she will help me, my partner will help me to become a better person, by uncovering some of that crap that I need to deal with. Then I can learn to grow, and I can learn how to get past it.” - Robert

“I think a lot of us use our kids as a way to not deal with this stuff in our relationship. It's a little bit of a scapegoat. And that's not a good thing. There's a way to do both. There is a way to create an actual win-win. And that's not a win-win.” - Sharla

In this Episode:

• There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
• How we handle disagreements and conflicts says a lot about the health of a relationship.
• Being able to understand each other's perspectives, regulate emotions and compromise are important skills.
• Unresolved childhood trauma can unconsciously impact our adult behaviors if not addressed. 
• Fulfilling long-term relationships takes ongoing communication, mutual understanding and a willingness from both partners to support each other through challenges. 
• Personal development benefits individuals and the relationship.

And so much more!

Resources Mentioned:

• The Gottman Method - The couples therapy technique discussed

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Deevo Tindall:

• Check out A Little Impolite HERE
• LinkedIn -  https://www.linkedin.com/in/fusionphotog/ 
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fusionphotog/ 

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

When you get married, it’s easy to become consumed in the togetherness of it all. But can too much togetherness be a bad thing? What about too much individuality?

If your path to “becoming one” has felt a lot like losing two selves, this episode is for you.

Robert and Sharla experienced this early on in their own relationship. Their past experiences shaped their patterns in marriage, and between abandonment issues and subconscious manipulation, they were doing more harm to their relationship than good. They were counting on each other heavily to validate their individual self.

But they were losing themselves in the process. And not taking any ownership for it. Putting so much pressure on the perfection of the other to make up the difference.

And that’s where differentiation comes into play. What is differentiation?

The short answer is that it’s the ability to balance attachment and autonomy. Becoming responsible for your part in the equation.

Tune in to find out why well-differentiated couples don't need to control each other and how it can have a positive impact on intimacy, sex, and conflict resolution. 

“Most of us marry and subconsciously hope that we are locked into this validation system. Someone to give us all the validation that we ever wanted. To continue propping us up [...] to make us feel worthy, smart, and good about ourselves. Giving us this positive reflected sense of self.” - Robert

“But, it's not real. It’s a borrowed sense of self. And that makes it fleeting, that makes it fragile.” - Sharla

In this Episode:

• How your Coping Strategies might be affecting your marriage
• Are you lacking emotional and psychological maturity?
• What is differentiation and why does it matter?
• Developing a Strong Sense of Self
• Borrowed Functioning: Are you dependent on external validation?
• What does it look like to be a well-differentiated individual?
• Debunking Misconceptions about Differentiation
• The Paradox of Control
• Benefits of Differentiation

And so much more!

Resources Mentioned:

• Book: Intimacy and Desire by Dr. David Schnarch https://www.amazon.com/Intimacy-Desire-Awaken-Passion-Relationship/dp/0825305675 

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Do any of these describe you and your relationship?

- You love your spouse, but you sort of hate being alone with them

- When you’re alone with your spouse, you feel bored, anxious, or uncomfortable

- You’re so stressed out in life, but when you try to relax, you just can’t

- You don’t trust your spouse to go on trips together without it becoming a negative experience

- You’re getting bored with your sex life

- Or maybe, you’ve felt like this about your spouse:

“I don’t even know if I love you or if I want to be married to you.”

Even if you said yes to just one of those, it could be time to consider taking a vacation with your spouse ALONE.

That means no kids, no social media, no friends, no buffers…

Work, life, finances, kids – it can all tend to make us distracted, stressed, or even disconnected from our spouses. Even when you’re doing date nights, and trying to be intentional about connecting with your spouse within your regular life schedule, there’s a lingering sense of life’s demands just begging for your attention.

If you’re not careful, this could have painful repercussions in the long run. 

So, for the sake of your marriage’s future, tune in to this episode to learn how couple-only vacations can lead to better communication, rekindled romance, and stronger emotional connections.

"Lack of deliberate connection can turn us into strangers" - Robert Snow

“A lack of intentional effort is leading to significant detachment and missed chances for connection.” - Sharla Snow

In this Episode:

• How novel experiences trigger your brain's reward system, leading to those feelings of early-stage romantic attraction.
• How couple-only vacations introduce novelty into your relationship, sparking renewed passion and connection.
• How getting away can reignite your sex life.
• Understand how couple-only vacations offer unhurried conversations, a precious opportunity to delve into deep discussions.
• Couple-only vacations as an investment in your relationship and individual well-being
• Gain insights into budget-friendly travel ideas and effective planning strategies to overcome common challenges.

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

By the time a couple is ready to call it quits, chances are one, or both, of the parties involved have been complaining for quite some time – and eventually, someone just gets too tired of the complaining.

So, how do you avoid becoming THAT couple?

Well, you start by accepting influence. Being flexible enough to shift your viewpoint or response based on your partner’s feedback, taking those complaints and letting them affect you — this is what’s necessary to transform your conflicts into opportunities for connection.

You might be thinking, “It’s my partner that needs to shift their viewpoint, not me.” Or, “It’s them who needs to be influenced.”

Don’t worry. In this episode, we’ve got a secret for how to make yourself more influential too. So, press play as we dive into a “yielding to win” mindset.

"[Accepting influence] doesn’t mean we have to surrender our deeply held values or dreams, or even agree with everything our partner says ." - Robert Snow

“It's crucial to remember that acknowledging your partner's influence doesn't mean you're conceding defeat. It's really just about creating emotional safety and respect, where both of you can express yourselves freely and without fear.” - Sharla Snow

In this Episode:

• What it means to accept influence
• Different ways to respond to criticism and requests
• How to become more powerful in the relationship
• Phrases you can use to de-escalate criticism and accept influence

And so much more!

MYM Resources:

• 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars
• Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

• Website: https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/
• Facebook - https://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage