Master Your Marriage

Have you ever thought about your partner, 'Can I trust you?' Are there things you want to tell them but don't, because you're afraid of how they will react? 

If something is holding you back from sharing your feelings with your spouse, or if you and your partner get defensive when negative emotions get brought up, then today's episode of Master Your Marriage is just for you. 

Developing emotional safety requires trust and commitment. Trust is a precursor for commitment, creating a wonderful by-product that is emotional safety. In fact, research has proven that couples who display trust and show commitment to each other actually live longer (as much as ten years!). 

Robert and Sharla, our paragons of relationship intimacy, are articulating the nuanced difference between trust and commitment, and showing how they work hand in hand to deepen our emotional safety. 

Being emotionally available for your partner means tuning into what they're going through. This requires being comfortable with even their negative emotions so you can sense when something is off. So what does listening to your partner actually look like? How can you become less defensive in the moment?

The answers lie within, and of course, as we do the work, we become tolerant of other perspectives – even becoming more open to receiving influence from our spouse. There are some great 'Dos' and 'Don'ts' in this episode that address the skill of listening so that we may feel safe emotionally. Please join us!

 "The underlying issue behind most conflict is, really, 'Can I trust you?' ~ Sharla Snow

"The secret to trust is attuning and listening to each other." ~ Robert Snow 

In This Episode:

- How do we create emotional safety? 

- What is the difference between trust and commitment?

- How trust and commitment have a soothing effect on people's emotions and fears

- How do we build trust?

- How do we become open to receiving influence from our spouse? 

- Why it doesn't help to be dismissive of your partner's concerns

- Understanding the 'Commitment' mindset

- Looking at the counterpart of commitment: betrayal

- The link between conflict avoidance and infidelity

- How can you increase trust and commitment in your relationship?

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What does it mean when we become 'flooded' during a stressful conversation with our spouse? Last week Robert and Sharla unpacked our emotional 'triggers,' which could lead to 'flooding' – the theme of this week's scientifically strategic episode.

It turns out that taking a break during an argument with a loved one can be healthy. It doesn't always make sense to push through a tough conversation just to prove we are invested in our marriage. 

When we are triggered into a 'fight or flight' response, it can cause us to disconnect emotionally, leading to behaviors that cause hurt and pain. We see our spouse as the 'threat.' This can cause ‘emotional dysregulation,’ which is our inability to use healthy strategies to diffuse our own negative emotions. 

There's an entire physiological programming that we are up against that, when understood properly, can be used to our advantage as we 'fight' for the survival of our relationship rather than take 'flight' for the sake of ourselves. 

From understanding our sympathetic nervous system as the accelerator in our body and the parasympathetic branch of our autonomic nervous system as the brakes, we can use tools like breathing and even oximeters for measuring our bpm to calm ourselves down. When tempers flare, self-soothing is the start of showing you still care.

Robert and Sharla expertly unpack how we can better understand and regulate our nervous system and ‘pump the brakes’ so we don't become 'flooded' when faced with an emotional crisis. 

Learning how to harness the tools of simple science may just be the wake-up call you need to prevent 'flooding' leading to 'isolation' and then ultimately 'divorce.' Thankfully, proactive prevention is just one podcast episode away. 

"When we become triggered, we become activated into a heightened physiological and emotional state." ~ Robert Snow

"When we get activated into fight or flight while we're simply talking to our spouse (about maybe a simple disagreement or a difficult subject), that's gonna be problematic, right? Because now our spouse is that perceived threat." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- How our innate physiological programming is intended for 'life or death' situations

- Understanding 'flooding' and the physical reactions we experience when triggered

- What is the 'distance isolation cascade'?

- A deep dive into understanding our autonomic nervous system

- Understanding 'auditory exclusion' and how our hearing can become impaired in stressful situations

- That moment when conflict escalates (and our heart rate goes above 100 bpm)

- What can you 'not do' when you're flooded?

- How do we get our heart rate back to baseline after an argument? 

- How can we get out of the stressful situation we find ourselves in with our partners?

- What are the Three Steps you should take when you're triggered and then flooded?

- How can a pulse oximeter help you manage your bpm levels?

- What should you NOT do when you're taking a break? 

- Homework! Coming up with a strategy (with your spouse) on how to take a break

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

I'm triggered! We hear those words more and more these days, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how can we get better at managing our own triggers?

In today's episode of Master Your Marriage, hosts Robert and Sharla are providing us with the tools we need to better navigate conflict in our own relationship. This starts with a clear definition of what a trigger is and continues with learning how to identify them (and perhaps even their source of origin). 

Whether you get triggered by your loving partner or a stranger on a plane, the physical reaction to being triggered alone can feel debilitating. Your body may well be responding to old wounds.

Luckily, your marriage can be your masterclass in personal growth and development. Robert and Sharla beautifully demonstrate how to engage in trigger-identifying exercises from their own experience that can open the door to more empathy with your partner as well as not trying to change them. 

After all, real empowerment comes from us taking personal responsibility for our own actions. So after exclaiming, "I'm triggered!" your next question should be: what am I going to do about it?

"Triggers are like our emotional baggage that we bring into our relationship. And if we don't take the time to unpack our own baggage, we then blame our partner when they trip over the bags that we've left in the middle of the room!" ~ Robert Snow

"There's also a possibility of a generational pattern that can be involved in these triggers as well." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- What are triggers? 

- How can a trigger be set off? 

- Are you being triggered to fight or flee?

- How to identify your individual triggers

- Understanding emotional intelligence as our ability to recover from triggers

- Robert and Sharla share their own triggers with each other 

- What do you do when you've identified your triggers?

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

How do we go about creating change on an unconscious level? Perhaps you haven't quite harnessed the power of your unconscious mind and are curious to know what it is capable of achieving. What could harnessing that power bring to your relationship?

Call it what you like – the subconscious, unconscious, or even preconscious mind – Sharla and Robert are sharing how that part of ourselves simply wants more. And what we feed it is up to us. It can be knowledge and positivity, or it can be perpetuating negative belief systems that may stem from childhood wounds like abandonment. 

And if we want to show up 'whole' for our partner and feel like we are part of a team in our marriage, we need to be brave enough to work through our baggage so that we don't trip over it! Our power lies in harnessing the conscious mind as the goal-setter, and the unconscious mind as the goal-getter. 

There's much 'more' inside – for both your conscious and subconscious mind. Whatever you believe about your marriage is your marriage. Please join us. 

"The unconscious mind is conditioned to continually want and desire and seek out more." ~ Sharla Snow

"Our unconscious mind seeks more (good or bad), but the question is: more of what?" ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- Understanding Edward Bernays' "Engineering of Consent"

- How are the parameters of our unconscious mind established?

- Unpacking the abandonment wound and the consequences it can cause 

- Examining how life can become a confirmation of your bias 

- What do you truly believe about your marriage? 

- What could your relationship do with a positive belief system? 

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Are you looking to bring more peace and harmony into your relationship? A State Of The Union needn't just be a presidential wartime address. In another wonderfully impactful episode of Master Your Marriage, Robert and Sharla are offering us their version of a 'State Of The Union.'

There are five key steps involved in having an effective weekly check-in with your partner that will no doubt prove to be a total game changer if you are looking to turn your hearts towards one another. 

Because, let's face it: never before has there been so much information out there, from podcasts to AI, and from social media to internet blogs. So what moves that information out of the headspace and into the heart space? 

As Robert and Sharla so eloquently explain, it starts with creating rituals that involve making time for one another. This is a sacred time for the two of you, where you begin making micro-adjustments to your relationship through small conversations.

All of the tools you need to make that higher-level commitment to yourself and your partner can be found in this episode and then practiced in your own unique version of a weekly relationship check-in. Please join us. 

“When we create rituals for our own relationships, we are making a higher-level commitment to the most important thing in our lives." ~ Robert Snow 

In This Episode:

- Unpacking Appreciation – sharing an attribute you love about your partner

- Understanding why creating rituals is so important 

- State Of The Union: How To Have an Effective Weekly Check-In

- 5 steps you can take with your partner in a weekly State Of The Union connection

- Setting the tone of your conversation: 5 positive appreciations

- What went right in your relationship this week? 

- Remembering that conflict has a positive purpose

- No coming in hot! Starting with 'I statements' 

- Learning to listen non-defensively 

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Is it possible to prioritize your marriage without sacrificing your children's needs? Robert and Sharla believe so, and in this episode, they're demonstrating exactly how you can put your children's needs first while also prioritizing your marriage.

There's a biological maternal imperative that kicks in when a child is born. Left to linger for too long (consider a child sleeping in the parent's bed as an example), it can cause resentment. The spouse may find themselves way down the family pecking order over time, prioritized even after the family pet!

And while the statistics on marital satisfaction post childbirth don't make for pretty reading, Robert and Sharla succinctly offer solutions on making transitions through parenthood with far less stress by remaining steadfast in your commitment to your marriage. What does this look like, exactly? 

Tune in to find out just how you can model a healthy marriage to your children, setting them up for eventual relationship success themselves one day, with 'The Magic Six-Hour Week' and other tools that foster marital intimacy without compromising your parental responsibilities. 

"It's crucial for children to experience and witness the love of their parents and the love that they have for one another, not just the love that their parents have for them." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- In what ways do we put our children before our marriage?

- What motherhood has meant to Sharla in terms of her identity

- Understanding the biology of why mothers put their children first

- What kind of relationship do you want your children to have? 

- Assessing how we spend our time – what's working and what's not?

- ‘Making time’ versus ‘finding time’ for your relationship

- The Magic Six-Hour Week - how to prioritize your marriage in just six hours a week

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and process a past fight? Fear not. Today, Robert and Sharla are providing you with a tool for effective repair conversations. 

And to show you how it's done, this masterfully married couple will be processing one of their past fights (they prefer to call them 'regrettable incidents'), and showing you how to let go of stubborn resentments, deal with past hurt, and empathetically engage with your partner. 

There are some ground rules to consider (avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and snowballing), and there are five steps to take that you can then try out as you workshop a 'regrettable incident' of your own. 

From sharing your feelings to sharing your perceptions (and understanding the difference), and from sharing your triggers to taking responsibility, a constructive plan awaits you to prevent a fight from becoming a lingering resentment... one that could poison your marriage, or become stones in your shoe as you walk this long road of life together. 

"The second step is to share our individual realities – and to validate one another's realities. ~ Sharla Snow

"We hope you're excited to incorporate this process in your relationship. As always, if you need coaching or any help applying this, reach out to us – we'd love to help out." ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- How to deal with disagreements in your relationship calmly and empathetically as they arise

- Processing a regrettable incident – Robert and Sharla's real-life 'fight'

- What are the 5 steps that you can use to process a regrettable incident of your own? 

- Getting to a place of renewed empathy and understanding with your partner

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Is there something you had that you didn't know how good it was until you lost it? Don't wait until your relationship is over, poisoned by resentment, to start practicing gratitude. 

Gratitude is a conscious practice where we actively go looking for things to appreciate in our spouse and in our relationship. Practicing gratitude can not only dissolve our resentments, but it can also shift our habits, and help us see the positive in what we already have.  

How can we appreciate those around us in ways that aren't too conditional, so that our gratitude will have the most meaningful impact? 

Appreciation is one of the core pillars in Masterful Marriage's coaching model – and Robert and Sharla are delving into the nuance of how we can understand and show appreciation,  because they know just how valuable it is to change the habit of the mind (94% success rate!). 

From writing letters that need never get sent, to renewing positive feelings you once had by following Robert and Sharla's six-step process that will have you contemplating gratitude for your relationship in ways you'd never imagined, the tools you need to Master Your Marriage are but a listen (and then practice) away. Please join us. 

 "I've always found it fascinating how appreciation can really impact every single relationship for my staff – and then especially in my marriage." ~ Robert Snow

"We know that appreciation changes the habit of the mind: it causes us to focus on the positive attributes in one another, rather than on the flaws or the little mistakes from day to day." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- How appreciation can impact every relationship positively

- Why recognition is different from appreciation

- Shifting into a positive frame of mind where good things are amplified

- Understanding that appreciation is the antidote for contempt

- How do we start practicing gratitude to dissolve resentment? 

- What are the practical benefits of practicing gratitude?

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

Is there a disagreement with your partner that you are still hanging onto? Is the lingering resentment getting in the way of your love? Today Robert and Sharla are talking about resentment – and providing you with three simple steps to overcome it. 

Just like the pile of junk in your basement that starts to build up as your clutter gets pushed out of sight for convenience's sake, so too does resentment accumulate, just waiting for you to trip over it in the dark, and start another argument with your loved one. 

Resentment can blind you to what you really want – peace, love, and harmony, plus all the other good stuff that often lies just on the other side of overcoming that resentment. But how do we do it? What does a relationship spring clean look like? 

The answers lie inside in this absorbing episode of Master Your Marriage, where Robert and Sharla shine a torch on that resentment clutter in your basement and help you to clean it up in three easy steps!

"Resentment is this multi-layered emotion and it can consist of many other emotions, like anger, disappointment, hurt, and sometimes even disgust." ~ Sharla Snow

"When we are in resentment, we actually withhold intimacy from each other." ~ Robert Snow

In This Episode:

- Why resentment is like taking poison – and hoping the other person dies

- Why small conversations are better than no conversations

- The value in paying attention to your negative emotions

- Questioning your own emotional maturity and asking if you have a constant need to be right 

- How resentment impairs our ability to sleep and focus

- What do I want instead? What lies on the other side of your resentment? 

- Focus on what you want: shifting to gratitude

And so much more!

Resources:

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage - ​​https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/8-pillars

- Link to the MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

- Book - Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics): Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: 9780061339202: Amazon.com - https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage

What is the minimum commitment level you need to achieve if you don't want things to deteriorate in your relationship? How many dates are enough? And how much time should you spend talking to each other? 

Human connection is a basic human need. Today we are addressing intimacy – how to improve it, how to feel 'seen' by our partner, and how to experience greater empathy as a result.

There are five categories of intimacy that you can address as you become the master architect of your relationship. Spoiler alert: it's not all about sex. Though we do address the benefits of a 'feel good' cuddle! 

It's the small and simple things that you 'drip' into the cave of your relationship that form the beautiful stalactites that become the rituals of intimacy and strong human connection over time. From road trips to date nights, and cold plunges to being open to perspectives other than your own, the drips of intimacy that can feed your relationship are but one thoughtful action away. 

"Every positive thing that you drip into your relationship will enhance intimacy." ~ Sharla Snow

In This Episode:

- What are the five primary categories of intimacy?

- What is holding us back from intimacy? 

- What won't happen if I don't let down these walls?

- Understanding resentment as a barrier to intimacy

- What does emotional intimacy entail – and how can we create more of it? 

- What is the #1 thing you can do to improve intimacy in your relationship?

And so much more!

Resources:

-Get the Repair Attempt Cheatsheet

- 8 Pillars Of An Exceptional Marriage

- MYM 8-Week Coaching Program - https://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/MYM423

Connect with Robert and Sharla Snow:

- Website: http://masteryourmarriagepodcast.com/

- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage/

- Facebook - http://facebook.com/masteryourmarriage

- TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@masteryourmarriage