While some things randomly happen out of the blue, when it comes to relationships, almost nothing does. Time shows us over and over that seeds are planted way in the past. Our beliefs set the stage for how we see life, leading to judgments and misunderstandings. We have beliefs about right and wrong, but it’s only our perception. Look at your relationships—romantic, friendships, etc. Where did you rescue or people please or act as the “good friend” in order to appear a certain way? The way we see the world and act toward others is directly related to our childhood. In my friendships I was often the fixer, the rescuer and the smart one. I was also tightly wound, grappling with my insecurities and my value.

We often try to convince others we are right, and those with a different perspective are wrong. But then you need to ask yourself why you’re working so hard. Where does your perception come from? It has nothing to do with right or wrong. It just is. Acknowledging and accepting that other people see things differently can have a huge impact on how you interact with them. Judgment of others is a form of protection, so bring the focus back to you and ask why you don’t like that quality in yourself (yep, they’re a mirror for you). If you’re blaming, ask what you want from them, remembering they aren’t seeing things from your perspective. Whatever someone triggers in you isn’t new—it already lives inside