ON BOYS Podcast

Our boys often wear metaphorical masks.

We all do, in fact. At work, we typically wear our confident, professional faces. At home, we aim for warm, nurturing and competent. But underneath, we may be feeling anger, frustration, sadness or shame. Our "masks" allow us to go about our days and meet our responsibilities without ruffling too many feathers or attracting too much attention.

Boys don masks for the same reason. Our boys are swimming in a soup of messages that tell them exactly how boys should look and behave. So, to meet expectations and find social acceptance, boys often adopt personas and attitudes that conceal their true personalities and feelings.

Ashanti Branch, founder and executive director of Ever Forward Club, helps boys (and girls) identify and remove their masks. He helps them get in touch with their inner selves and emotions, so they can connect authentically with themselves and others. He also helps educators understand and connect with students.

 

In this episode, Janet, Jen & Ashanti discuss:

* Social pressures that affect boys

* Why telling a boy he's "the man of the house" is harmful

* The #100K Mask Challenge

* Why it may take boys a long time to remove their masks

* Why treating boys as if they're giving their best is often a better option than nagging or negatively engaging

* How to create space for boys to be human

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Ever Forward Club -- Ashanti's non-profit

The Mask You Live In -- 2015 documentary about boys' struggles with masculinity; features Ashanti. The film is currently available on Amazon Prime.

#100K Masks Challenge --  Ashanti & Ever Forward's effort to engage 100,000 people from all over the world in self-reflection

The Masks We All Wear -- TEDx talk by Ashanti

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Do you know what sensory processing disorder (SPD) is? 

Many parents (and teachers) don't, but 5-15% of all children exhibit symptoms of SPD, which affects how they learn, socialize and interact with the world. It's possible that your child has a sensory processing problem that you haven't yet recognized as an issue with available & effective interventions.

Nancy Peske, aka The Sensory Smart Parent, is a co-author of Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues. She's also the mother of a son who has SPD.

Nancy Peske

According to Nancy, children who have sensory processing issues may:

Have problems eating (particular textures may bother them, for instance)

Be overly sensitive to stimulation -- or under-sensitive to stimulation

Struggle with body awareness and control

Exhibit language delays

Constantly seek movement

Be easily overwhelmed and distracted

Have difficulty with reading and fine motor control

For some reason, the bodies and brains of people with sensory  issues process sensory stimuli differently than most people. Their experience of the world is very different, and that can lead to misunderstanding.

The more you know about sensory processing challenges, the better prepared you'll be to recognize and respond to the symptoms.

In this episode, Janet, Jen & Nancy discuss:

What sensory processing is

Signs & symptoms of sensory processing disorder

Why you should always trust your instincts (Got concerns about your child's development? Talk to your pediatrician. Keep pushing. Ask for an evaluation.)

How to find help for children with sensory challenges

Sensory diets

Interventions to help children with sensory processing issues

How movement helps boys with sensory issues

The role of "heavy work" in manage sensory processing disorder

How the changing expectations of childhood may be contributing to a rise in SPD diagnoses

Screen time and sensory processing disorder (Spoiler: "Kids with sensory issues often have a different relationship with technology than you might expect," Nancy says. "It's often helping them learn.")

How teachers can accommodate sensory processing issues

Why recess should NEVER be taken away from children with sensory challenges

Classic children's games that can help kids with sensory issues

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

sensorysmartparent.com -- Nancy's website (includes links to all her social channels)

Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues, by Nancy Peske & Lindsey Biel

Helping Boys with Sensory Issues -- 2016 Building Boys interview with Nancy

Sensory Processing Disorder Symptoms Checklist

Balancing Screen Time for Boys & Kids with Sensory Issues -- YouTube video featuring Nancy & Jen

Creating an Inclusive Classroom -- Scholastic Teacher article by Jen; mentioned at 28:17

STAY CONNECTED:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on “Understanding Boys Better – and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever”

and  BuildingBoys.net

Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetallison/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferlwfink/

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you know what sensory processing disorder (SPD) is? 

Many parents (and teachers) don't, but 5-15% of all children exhibit symptoms of SPD, which affects how they learn, socialize and interact with the world. It's possible that your child has a sensory processing problem that you haven't yet recognized as an issue with available & effective interventions.

Nancy Peske, aka The Sensory Smart Parent, is a co-author of Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues. She's also the mother of a son who has SPD.

Nancy Peske

According to Nancy, children who have sensory processing issues may:

* Have problems eating (particular textures may bother them, for instance)

* Be overly sensitive to stimulation -- or under-sensitive to stimulation

* Struggle with body awareness and control

* Exhibit language delays

* Constantly seek movement

* Be easily overwhelmed and distracted

* Have difficulty with reading and fine motor control

For some reason, the bodies and brains of people with sensory  issues process sensory stimuli differently than most people. Their experience of the world is very different, and that can lead to misunderstanding.

The more you know about sensory processing challenges, the better prepared you'll be to recognize and respond to the symptoms.

In this episode, Janet, Jen & Nancy discuss:

* What sensory processing is

* Signs & symptoms of sensory processing disorder

* Why you should always trust your instincts (Got concerns about your child's development? Talk to your pediatrician. Keep pushing. Ask for an evaluation.)

* How to find help for children with sensory challenges

* Sensory diets

* Interventions to help children with sensory processing issues

* How movement helps boys with sensory issues

* The role of "heavy work" in manage sensory processing disorder

* How the changing expectations of childhood may be contributing to a rise in SPD diagnoses

* Screen time and sensory processing disorder (Spoiler: "Kids with sensory issues often have a different relationship with technology than you might expect," Nancy says. "It's often helping them learn.")

* How teachers can accommodate sensory processing issues

* Why recess should NEVER be taken away from children with sensory challenges

* Classic children's games that can help kids with sensory issues

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

sensorysmartparent.com -- Nancy's website (includes links to all her social channels)

Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues, by Nancy Peske & Lindsey Biel

Helping Boys with Sensory Issues -- 2016 Building Boys interview with Nancy

Sensory Processing Disorder Symptoms Checklist

As we in the United States celebrate our nation's independence, we reflect on our boys' drive for independence. 

Toddlers cry, "I do it!" when we attempt to put on their clothes. Our teens scowl when we tell them what time to be home. Their frustration -- toddlers' & teens' alike -- is driven by their desire for mastery and control. Children are wired to learn. They're wired to gradually take on more and more responsibility.

"Kids," Jen reminds us, "have an innate drive for independence. You can use that to your advantage."

Of course, it's not always easy for adults to release control. Our boys' judgement seems questionable at times (often, in some cases!). We worry for their safety. And sometimes, we simply don't recognize that our little ones are capable of more. We don't see the ways in which our well intentioned actions may be handicapping our boys' development.

It's never too late to begin giving your boys more independence.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

Age-appropriate responsibilities

Why ages 0-7 is the perfect time to introduce skills & healthy habits (Spoiler: O-7 is the Age of Imitation)

Why investing in right-sized tools is a great investment in your child's development

How to make time to allow your child to develop his skills

How building a child's independence prevents entitlement and apathy

Why it's so hard to give our boys autonomy

How to get buy-in from older boys who aren't used to managing their own affairs

How to deal with resistance

Dealing with the heartache & pain of letting go

Independence vs interdependence

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Why Boys Need More Independence -- Building Boys post

Parenting: Raise Independent Children -- excelled Psychology Today post

5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting - Janet's online course; mentioned at 12:20

How to Deal with an Unmotivated Boy -- one of Building Boys' most popular posts

Hygiene Help for Tween & Teen Boys -- On Boys episode 120; mentioned at 15:30

The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives, by William Stixrud PhD & Ned Johnson 

Waldorf Education turns 100 this year.  Find out more about Waldorf Education here:  https://www.waldorfeducation.org/

STAY CONNECTED:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on “Understanding Boys Better – and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever”

and  BuildingBoys.net

Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetallison/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferlwfink/

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

As we in the United States celebrate our nation's independence, we reflect on our boys' drive for independence. 

Toddlers cry, "I do it!" when we attempt to put on their clothes. Our teens scowl when we tell them what time to be home. Their frustration -- toddlers' & teens' alike -- is driven by their desire for mastery and control. Children are wired to learn. They're wired to gradually take on more and more responsibility.

"Kids," Jen reminds us, "have an innate drive for independence. You can use that to your advantage."

Of course, it's not always easy for adults to release control. Our boys' judgement seems questionable at times (often, in some cases!). We worry for their safety. And sometimes, we simply don't recognize that our little ones are capable of more. We don't see the ways in which our well intentioned actions may be handicapping our boys' development.

It's never too late to begin giving your boys more independence.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

* Age-appropriate responsibilities

* Why ages 0-7 is the perfect time to introduce skills & healthy habits (Spoiler: O-7 is the Age of Imitation)

* Why investing in right-sized tools is a great investment in your child's development

* How to make time to allow your child to develop his skills

* How building a child's independence prevents entitlement and apathy

* Why it's so hard to give our boys autonomy

* How to get buy-in from older boys who aren't used to managing their own affairs

* How to deal with resistance

* Dealing with the heartache & pain of letting go

* Independence vs interdependence

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Why Boys Need More Independence -- Building Boys post

Parenting: Raise Independent Children -- excelled Psychology Today post

5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting - Janet's online course; mentioned at 12:20

How to Deal with an Unmotivated Boy -- one of Building Boys' most popular posts

Hygiene Help for Tween & Teen Boys -- On Boys episode 120; mentioned at 15:30

The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives, by William Stixrud PhD & Ned Johnson 

Waldorf Education turns 100 this year.  Find out more about Waldorf Education here:  https://www.waldorfeducation.org/

STAY CONNECTED:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on “Understanding Boys Better – and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever”

and  BuildingBoys.net

Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and 

Ahhhh, summer! Relaxed lazy days....oh, who are we kidding?!? For most parents in the Northern hemisphere, summer is a time of stress. The kids are home from school and the parents have to somehow juggle their regular work schedule while also trying to keep their kids engaged, active and on screens for less than 12 hours a day.

Navigating summer responsibilities and expectations is a challenge for the whole family. If we can give you one piece of advice, it's this: Relax your standards. You don't have to take the kids to the pool weekly. Your kids can stay up later; strict bedtimes really aren't as important if the kids don't have to be anywhere in the morning. PJs are perfectly acceptable summer attire, at least sometimes. And no one -- seriously: no one -- is expecting a gourmet meal every night.

Focus your attention on what's important to you and your children instead. Our summer tips will help you do just that.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

Common summer challenges

Why boredom is perfectly OK (in fact, it's important!)

Balancing scheduled vs unscheduled activity

How to prevent "summer slide" (loss of academic skills)

Fun FREE activities

Summer jobs for kids (even kids younger than 16)

Summer schedules

Recording summer memories

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Surviving Summer -- classic Building Boys post

Kids Bowl Free -- 2 free games of bowling daily for registered children at participating centers

Planet Fitness Teen Challenge -- high school teens ages 15 - 18 can work out at any of  1,800 locations throughout the United States and Canada for FREE all summer long

Free Meals -- No Kid Hungry runs a summer meals texting service. Text ‘FOOD’ to 877-877 to find free summer meals sites in your neighborhood.

On Boys Episode 117: Summer Jobs

On Boys Episode 114: Sleepovers, Camp & Separation Anxiety

On Boys Episode 118: Business Tips for a 12-Year-Old Entrepreneur

Keeping Bored Boys Occupied During the Summer Holidays -- Building Boys post

Summer Safety: Preventing Injuries -- Building Boys post

 

STAY CONNECTED:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on "Understanding Boys Better - and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever"

and  BuildingBoys.net

Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetallison/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferlwfink/

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ahhhh, summer! Relaxed lazy days....oh, who are we kidding?!? For most parents in the Northern hemisphere, summer is a time of stress. The kids are home from school and the parents have to somehow juggle their regular work schedule while also trying to keep their kids engaged, active and on screens for less than 12 hours a day.

Navigating summer responsibilities and expectations is a challenge for the whole family. If we can give you one piece of advice, it's this: Relax your standards. You don't have to take the kids to the pool weekly. Your kids can stay up later; strict bedtimes really aren't as important if the kids don't have to be anywhere in the morning. PJs are perfectly acceptable summer attire, at least sometimes. And no one -- seriously: no one -- is expecting a gourmet meal every night.

Focus your attention on what's important to you and your children instead. Our summer tips will help you do just that.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

* Common summer challenges

* Why boredom is perfectly OK (in fact, it's important!)

* Balancing scheduled vs unscheduled activity

* How to prevent "summer slide" (loss of academic skills)

* Fun FREE activities

* Summer jobs for kids (even kids younger than 16)

* Summer schedules

* Recording summer memories

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Surviving Summer -- classic Building Boys post

Kids Bowl Free -- 2 free games of bowling daily for registered children at participating centers

Planet Fitness Teen Challenge -- high school teens ages 15 - 18 can work out at any of  1,800 locations throughout the United States and Canada for FREE all summer long

Free Meals -- No Kid Hungry runs a summer meals texting service. Text ‘FOOD’ to 877-877 to find free summer meals sites in your neighborhood.

On Boys Episode 117: Summer Jobs

On Boys Episode 114: Sleepovers, Camp & Separation Anxiety

On Boys Episode 118: Business Tips for a 12-Year-Old Entrepreneur

Keeping Bored Boys Occupied During the Summer Holidays -- Building Boys post

Summer Safety: Preventing Injuries -- Building Boys post

 

STAY CONNECTED:

Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group

Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on "Understanding Boys Better - and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever"

and  BuildingBoys.net

Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive

Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys 

LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.

What do you get when you mix two fitness- and outdoors-minded dads with two moms who are staunch advocates for boys? A freewheeling discussion that touches on everything from fatherhood to weapons play and the current lack of movement in schools.

Janet met Jaremy Day, co-host of the podcast Backcountry & Barbells, when she spoke at an event in Washington state. As a former boy and current dad of 2 boys & a girl, he's all too familiar with the challenges facing boys today.

His co-host, Joe Szymanek (pronounced Sh-mon-ek), is also a father. He has three young children (one is a boy) and also teaches middle school.

Despite the fact that they are both former boys & current parents of boys, neither Joe nor Jaremy were really aware of the obstacles and challenges that make life difficult for boys -- until Joe discovered Christina Hoff Sommers & The War on Boys via Joe Rogan and Jaremy heard Janet speak. Think about that: we are a culture that pins so much blame on individual boys that even men and boys aren't aware of all of the ways school and society work against boys' interests. All too often, boys, parents & teachers think the problem lies within the boy, without recognizing the many ways we've all contributed to the problem.

For instance, in many schools, students who do not have PE that particular day stand or move for less than one hour a day. (Joe actually calculated this out with his students.) Growing children who NEED movement to develop their bodies and minds are denied the opportunity to move and often punished if they do so out of turn. (Raise your hand if your son has ever gotten in trouble for wiggling or squiggling or refusing to stay on the rug in the classroom.)

via GIPHY

In this episode, Janet, Jen, Jaremy & Joe discuss:

The value of outdoors time & play

The war on boys

How schools contribute to boys' struggles

Corporal punishment

The influence of coaches

Creating a culture of movement (including specific ideas parents & teachers can use at home or in the classroom)

Screen time (because a group of parents cannot come together today without touching on screen time!)

The plight of high-energy boys

Hunting and guns

Weapons play

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Backcountry & Barbells -- Jaremy & Joe's podcast

StandUpKids.org -- website mentioned at 13:58

NASP -- National Archery in Schools Program

Joe Rogan Experience #724: Christina Sommers -- podcast episode mentioned at 5:03

The War Against Boys: How Misguided Policies Are Harming Our Young Men, by Christina Hoff Sommers -- book mentioned at 5:43

Hudson Highlands Nature Museum -- includes the Grasshopper Grove natural playground mentioned around 37:45

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What do you get when you mix two fitness- and outdoors-minded dads with two moms who are staunch advocates for boys? A freewheeling discussion that touches on everything from fatherhood to weapons play and the current lack of movement in schools.

Janet met Jaremy Day, co-host of the podcast Backcountry & Barbells, when she spoke at an event in Washington state. As a former boy and current dad of 2 boys & a girl, he's all too familiar with the challenges facing boys today.

His co-host, Joe Szymanek (pronounced Sh-mon-ek), is also a father. He has three young children (one is a boy) and also teaches middle school.

Despite the fact that they are both former boys & current parents of boys, neither Joe nor Jaremy were really aware of the obstacles and challenges that make life difficult for boys -- until Joe discovered Christina Hoff Sommers & The War on Boys via Joe Rogan and Jaremy heard Janet speak. Think about that: we are a culture that pins so much blame on individual boys that even men and boys aren't aware of all of the ways school and society work against boys' interests. All too often, boys, parents & teachers think the problem lies within the boy, without recognizing the many ways we've all contributed to the problem.

For instance, in many schools, students who do not have PE that particular day stand or move for less than one hour a day. (Joe actually calculated this out with his students.) Growing children who NEED movement to develop their bodies and minds are denied the opportunity to move and often punished if they do so out of turn. (Raise your hand if your son has ever gotten in trouble for wiggling or squiggling or refusing to stay on the rug in the classroom.)

via GIPHY

In this episode, Janet, Jen, Jaremy & Joe discuss:

* The value of outdoors time & play

* The war on boys

* How schools contribute to boys' struggles

* Corporal punishment

* The influence of coaches

* Creating a culture of movement (including specific ideas parents & teachers can use at home or in the classroom)

* Screen time (because a group of parents cannot come together today without touching on screen time!)

* The plight of high-energy boys

* Hunting and guns

* Weapons play

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Backcountry & Barbells -- Jaremy & Joe's podcast

StandUpKids.org -- website mentioned at 13:58

NASP -- National Archery in Schools Program

Joe Rogan Experience #724: Christina Sommers -- podcast episode mentioned at 5:03

The War Against Boys: How Misguided Policies Are Harming Our Young Men, by Christina Hoff Sommers -- book mentioned at 5:43

Hudson Highlands Nature Museum -- includes the Grasshopper Grove natural playground mentioned around 37:45

The Boy Code. The Man Box. Whatever you want to call it, our boys are constrained by a largely unspoken set of expectations that exert pressure on them to behave and act in certain ways.

Jonathon Reed helps boys -- and others -- understand and question these expectations. His podcast, Breaking the Boy Code, features real boys talking about their real, lived experiences. Reed adds the voices and insights of experts to each episode, and it's impossible to listen to even one episode and not be moved by the plight of boys and men. It's impossible to listen and not learn something.

Jonathon Reed, creator of Breaking the Boy Code podcast, & friend

While many people talk about boys, Jonathon talks with boys. He gives them a safe space to explore their thoughts and experiences of masculinity, and he gives them a venue to share their insights with others.

For instance, after reports of sexual assault and hazing at St. Michael's College in Toronto made international news, Jonathan asked boys about their experience. Was the episode at St. Michael's an aberration, or something boys commonly experience? Why does hazing persist? How does it affect boys?

The resulting episode, In That Moment You're Scared: Boys & Hazing, is a must-listen. Seriously: if you are raising boys, teaching boys or coaching boys, you need to go listen to it. Right now.

(We'll wait.)

As a child, Jonathon says, "I got told everyday, 'The way you're being a boy is not okay.'" Today, he helps boys understand that it's perfectly okay to be themselves.

In this episode, Janet, Jen & Jonathon discuss:

Hazing

Building relationships with boys

The Boy Code

How to help boys handle social stereotypes and peer pressure

Why you need to know what's going on in your son's life

How to talk to boys about social expectations -- & how to support them when they want to step beyond the norm

The search for safety

How boys' experience & express emotion

How to equip boys to handle spaces with no supervision (such as locker rooms)

Why you shouldn't take your boy's moods personally

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Breaking the Boy Code podcast

In That Moment You're Scared: Boys & Hazing -- Episode 1 of Breaking the Boy Code

Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys, by Adam Cox -- book mentioned at 24:21

Next Gen Men -- a Canadian-based nonprofit organization engaging, educating, and empowering men and boys around gender in schools, communities, and workplaces

Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood, by William Pollack -- the first book by the author mentioned at 14:50

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy