ON BOYS Podcast

Photo by John Mackie via Flickr

Nearly 1 in 3 high school seniors tried vaping in the last year. 

Middle schoolers are vaping too. According to the Centers for Disease Control, e-cigarette use among middle school students increased by 48% between 2017 and 2018. Now, nearly 5% of middle school students in the United States vape on a regular basis. Kids and teachers alike say that middle and high school students are vaping in the bathroom, in the halls and even in class.

Vaping is so prevalent among tweens and teens that the U.S. Surgeon General declared youth vaping an epidemic in late 2018.

The makers of e-cigarettes say that their products are intended to help adult smokers quit smoking tobacco cigarettes. Some have questioned the sincerity of that claim, noting that vape pens and juice come in shapes and flavors that appeal to children. The Juul, a common vape device, looks like a USB drive and is so popular among youth that the word "Juuling" is often used to mean "vaping."

Juul e-cigarette and vape juice pods

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is preparing to release new rules designed to limit kids' access to vaping products. Among the rules under consideration:

* A ban on the sale of flavored e-cigarettes (except menthol and mint flavors) in stores that don't have areas prohibiting children under the age of 18

* New age-verification standards for online stores selling e-cigarettes

* Increased enforcement of rules banning e-cigarette marketing toward minors

Such rules may limit kids' access to e-cigarettes in the future, but right now, there are a whole lot of teens, tweens and families grappling with the issue of vaping. In this episode, we talk with Renee, a mom of twin teenage boys who vape. As she learned firsthand, it's not easy to help a son who's hooked on vaping.

If your child vapes or smokes, visit teen.smokefree.gov for resources to help them quit including the quitSTART app and a text messaging program (Text “Quit” to 47848).

In this episode,  Jen, Janet & Renee discuss:

* Signs and symptoms of vaping

* How to talk to your kids about vaping

* Why kids who would never dream of smoking a cigarette are comfortable with e-cigarettes

* How to help your kids resist peer pressure, including phrases you can teach your child to use when someone offers an e-cigarette

* A possible link between anxiety and vaping

* Health risks of vaping

* What it's like to help a teen quit vaping

* What to do if your son is vaping

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 155:

Teens and Vaping: 9 Things Parents Need to Know -- article by Jen

How to Talk with Your Kids About Vaping -- guide from the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Electronic Cigarettes (E-Cigarettes) -- basic intro by the National Institute on Drug Abuse

Photo by Russ Allison Loar via Flickr

Sweet 16.

Here in the United States, age 16 has long been an eagerly anticipated milestone, largely because teens are eligible to get a driver's license at age 16. In the minds of many teens, age 16 = driver's license = increased independence. In the minds of many parents, age 16 = increased insurance costs and anxiety regarding their child's safety.

In fact, fewer teens are getting drivers' licenses at age 16. According to an article published on Wired.com, just 71% of high school seniors have a driver's license; that's the lowest percentage in decades. Societal changes account for the decline: the prevalence of ride-sharing services such as Lyft & Uber means that many teens don't need to drive to get from one place to another, and social media now allows teens to socialize without leaving home. Economic challenges are a factor as well: 36% of non-driving teens cite "overall cost" as a contributing issue.

Whether your teen gets a driver's license or not age 16 is a big deal. It's a step toward independence, and time to talk about responsible decision making.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

Learning to drive as a rite of passage

The importance of following your son's lead (Some are ready to drive at age 16; some have no desire)

How to tell if your son is ready to drive

How to set limits and guidelines that fit your son

Why parents may not be the best driving instructors for their children

How to talk to kids about the risks & responsibilities of driving (Hint: sharing scary stats does not work.)

How graduated driver's licenses help teens build experience

The role of role-modeling (Don't want your teen to text & drive? Don't text and drive!)

The cost of driving -- how parents & kids can share the expense

Things to consider when purchasing/helping your son purchase a car

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 154:

How to Intervene When Life Gives Your Grown Son a Lemon -- article mentioned by Jen at about 20:00

Parent-Teen Driving Contract -- template created by the American Academy of Pediatrics and Centers for Disease Control

Street Survival driving school -- driving school mentioned by Janet at 10:02

Age 16 & Learning to Let Go - blog post about what happened after Jen's son got his license

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Photo by Russ Allison Loar via Flickr

Sweet 16.

Here in the United States, age 16 has long been an eagerly anticipated milestone, largely because teens are eligible to get a driver's license at age 16. In the minds of many teens, age 16 = driver's license = increased independence. In the minds of many parents, age 16 = increased insurance costs and anxiety regarding their child's safety.

In fact, fewer teens are getting drivers' licenses at age 16. According to an article published on Wired.com, just 71% of high school seniors have a driver's license; that's the lowest percentage in decades. Societal changes account for the decline: the prevalence of ride-sharing services such as Lyft & Uber means that many teens don't need to drive to get from one place to another, and social media now allows teens to socialize without leaving home. Economic challenges are a factor as well: 36% of non-driving teens cite "overall cost" as a contributing issue.

Whether your teen gets a driver's license or not age 16 is a big deal. It's a step toward independence, and time to talk about responsible decision making.

In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:

* Learning to drive as a rite of passage

* The importance of following your son's lead (Some are ready to drive at age 16; some have no desire)

* How to tell if your son is ready to drive

* How to set limits and guidelines that fit your son

* Why parents may not be the best driving instructors for their children

* How to talk to kids about the risks & responsibilities of driving (Hint: sharing scary stats does not work.)

* How graduated driver's licenses help teens build experience

* The role of role-modeling (Don't want your teen to text & drive? Don't text and drive!)

* The cost of driving -- how parents & kids can share the expense

* Things to consider when purchasing/helping your son purchase a car

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 154:

How to Intervene When Life Gives Your Grown Son a Lemon -- article mentioned by Jen at about 20:00

Parent-Teen Driving Contract -- template created by the American Academy of Pediatrics and Centers for Disease Control

Street Survival driving school -- driving school mentioned by Janet at 10:02

Age 16 & Learning to Let Go - blog post about what happened after Jen's son got his license

Janet & Jen had very different reactions to The New Childhood: Raising Children to Thrive in a Connected World, by author and educator Jordan Shapiro. Jen loved it. Janet has some, uh, questions. And concerns. So, we decided to talk to the author.

Jordan was happy to talk with us. He's an assistant professor at Temple University who specializes in game-based learning, digital play and screens. As a senior fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop,  he coordinates research and advocacy around digital technology and playful education. He's also a dad of two boys, ages 11 and 13, so his knowledge of screens and digital play is more than academic. Like all 21st century parents, he grapples with technology and parenting every single day.

Our society, he says, is changing. The digital age is here, and interconnected technology is changing everything -- how we work, relate, socialize, play, learn and plan. The pace of change has been fast and furious, and as a result, a lot of adults are feeling overwhelmed and somewhat fearful. But fear of technological and societal shifts won't help us teach our children to use the tools of the digital age in intentional, ethical and moral ways. To effectively parent today's kids -- and prepare them for the future -- we must open our minds, get clear about our values and talk to our kids about their digital engagement.

In this episode, Janet, Jen & Jordan discuss:

How parents' fear of screens can disrupt the parent/child relationship & inhibit child development

How our ideas of "healthy behaviors" are based on and influenced by when and where we live

What's really going on when kids are staring at separate screens

Parallel digital play

How screens can lead to connection (vs. disconnection)

How non-techy parents can guide kids through the digital age (hint: it's all about values)

Screens in schools

Reading on screens vs reading text -- pros and cons

Digital note taking vs. hand-written notes -- what does the evidence say?

Whether or not screens and apps are "manipulating" us

How our children internalize our voices and values

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 153:

https://www.jordanshapiro.org/ -- Jordan's website (includes links to his articles and videos of his talks)

The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World -- Jordan's latest book

'The New Childhood' and How Games, Social Media are Good for Kids -- Variety article that brought Jordan's book to Jen's attention

Screens and Boys -- On Boys episode 106

iGen - On Boys episode 137

Video Games & Boys (with special guest Greg Wondra) - On Boys episode 108

Tap, Click, Read: Growing Readers in a World of Screens by Lisa Guernsey & Michael H. Levine -- book mentioned by Jordan at about 21:30

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Janet & Jen had very different reactions to The New Childhood: Raising Children to Thrive in a Connected World, by author and educator Jordan Shapiro. Jen loved it. Janet has some, uh, questions. And concerns. So, we decided to talk to the author.

Jordan was happy to talk with us. He's an assistant professor at Temple University who specializes in game-based learning, digital play and screens. As a senior fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop,  he coordinates research and advocacy around digital technology and playful education. He's also a dad of two boys, ages 11 and 13, so his knowledge of screens and digital play is more than academic. Like all 21st century parents, he grapples with technology and parenting every single day.

Our society, he says, is changing. The digital age is here, and interconnected technology is changing everything -- how we work, relate, socialize, play, learn and plan. The pace of change has been fast and furious, and as a result, a lot of adults are feeling overwhelmed and somewhat fearful. But fear of technological and societal shifts won't help us teach our children to use the tools of the digital age in intentional, ethical and moral ways. To effectively parent today's kids -- and prepare them for the future -- we must open our minds, get clear about our values and talk to our kids about their digital engagement.

In this episode, Janet, Jen & Jordan discuss:

* How parents' fear of screens can disrupt the parent/child relationship & inhibit child development

* How our ideas of "healthy behaviors" are based on and influenced by when and where we live

* What's really going on when kids are staring at separate screens

* Parallel digital play

* How screens can lead to connection (vs. disconnection)

* How non-techy parents can guide kids through the digital age (hint: it's all about values)

* Screens in schools

* Reading on screens vs reading text -- pros and cons

* Digital note taking vs. hand-written notes -- what does the evidence say?

* Whether or not screens and apps are "manipulating" us

* How our children internalize our voices and values

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 153:

https://www.jordanshapiro.org/ -- Jordan's website (includes links to his articles and videos of his talks)

The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World -- Jordan's latest book

'The New Childhood' and How Games, Social Media are Good for Kids -- Variety article that brought Jordan's book to Jen's attention

Screens and Boys -- On Boys episode 106

iGen - On Boys episode 137

Video Games & Boys (with special guest Greg Wondra) - On Boys episode 108

Happy Anniversary....Happy Birthday .... Any way you slice it - we're thrilled to bring you this special edition of ON BOYS.

After a year of conversations - that's well over 50+ hours of talking, laughing, lamenting, and inspiring each other - and hopefully, our listeners - Jen and Janet learn some new and surprising things about each other in this episode ... and daydream about the day when they will FINALLY meet in person!

Thank you, dear listeners, for supporting ON BOYS this year -- and for being boy champions!

Much love,

Janet & Jen

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy Anniversary....Happy Birthday .... Any way you slice it - we're thrilled to bring you this special edition of ON BOYS.

After a year of conversations - that's well over 50+ hours of talking, laughing, lamenting, and inspiring each other - and hopefully, our listeners - Jen and Janet learn some new and surprising things about each other in this episode ... and daydream about the day when they will FINALLY meet in person!

Thank you, dear listeners, for supporting ON BOYS this year -- and for being boy champions!

Much love,

Janet & Jen

Rosalind Wiseman's work is based on the belief that young people's experiences are important, but often discounted.

Adults, she says, frequently give young people advice without listening to them first.

Boys often tune out adult's well-meaning messages because we fail to recognize that they are the subject matter experts of their own lives. However, if you respect their experiences and listen to their concerns, boys will work with you.

Wiseman says that parents and teachers who want to communicate more effectively with boys should:

Stop freaking out. Don't let anxiety drive your interactions with boys.

Stop making assumptions about boys. Ask, don't lecture.

In this episode, Wiseman answers some tough questions from parents, and drops wisdom that's sure to change your approach to (and relationship with) the boys in your life.

In this episode,  Janet & Rosalind discuss:

Why most social-emotional learning experiences alienate boys -- and why it's so important to consider boys' needs as we create programs to teach them character development, empathy & kindness

How parents can more effectively listen to boys

Why overwhelming boys with questions is exactly the wrong thing to do

The importance of simply showing affection to your boys (vs. showering them with questions)

How moms' intensity can cause boys to shut up or lash out

The hypocrisy of adults (Boys aren't wrong when they call out adults as hypocritical and unfair!)

The tightrope boys walk: On some level and in some instances, males have privilege and power that amplifies their voices. But in other cases, boys' voices aren't respected.

Why there are no clear-cut answers to parenting dilemmas

The importance of acknowledging the fact that adults sometimes make things worse

How parents and teachers can partner with boys to help them solve tough problems

Why it's so important to listen to and honor teen boys' fear of being falsely accused of sexual assault

How to role-model apologies and healthy conflict resolution

How to cope with boys' anger (Pro tip: Ask him what he needs, and let him walk away)

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 151:

CulturesofDignity.com - organization founded by Rosalind Wiseman. Works with communities to shift the way we think about young people's physical and emotional well-being

Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World, by Rosalind Wiseman

Masterminds & Wingmen -- BuildingBoys' review of Wiseman's book

Q & A w Rosalind Wiseman, Author of Masterminds & Wingmen -- 2013 BuildingBoys post

Owning Up curriculum -- Wiseman-developed curriculum created in collaboration with children and teens. Designed to help kids deal with bullying, harassment, racism, gossip, media and self-image

Creating Culture's of Dignity - Wiseman's speech discussing adult & child/teen perceptions of "respect"

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Rosalind Wiseman's work is based on the belief that young people's experiences are important, but often discounted.

Adults, she says, frequently give young people advice without listening to them first.

Boys often tune out adult's well-meaning messages because we fail to recognize that they are the subject matter experts of their own lives. However, if you respect their experiences and listen to their concerns, boys will work with you.

Wiseman says that parents and teachers who want to communicate more effectively with boys should:

* Stop freaking out. Don't let anxiety drive your interactions with boys.

* Stop making assumptions about boys. Ask, don't lecture.

In this episode, Wiseman answers some tough questions from parents, and drops wisdom that's sure to change your approach to (and relationship with) the boys in your life.

In this episode,  Janet & Rosalind discuss:

* Why most social-emotional learning experiences alienate boys -- and why it's so important to consider boys' needs as we create programs to teach them character development, empathy & kindness

* How parents can more effectively listen to boys

* Why overwhelming boys with questions is exactly the wrong thing to do

* The importance of simply showing affection to your boys (vs. showering them with questions)

* How moms' intensity can cause boys to shut up or lash out

* The hypocrisy of adults (Boys aren't wrong when they call out adults as hypocritical and unfair!)

* The tightrope boys walk: On some level and in some instances, males have privilege and power that amplifies their voices. But in other cases, boys' voices aren't respected.

* Why there are no clear-cut answers to parenting dilemmas

* The importance of acknowledging the fact that adults sometimes make things worse

* How parents and teachers can partner with boys to help them solve tough problems

* Why it's so important to listen to and honor teen boys' fear of being falsely accused of sexual assault

* How to role-model apologies and healthy conflict resolution

* How to cope with boys' anger (Pro tip: Ask him what he needs, and let him walk away)

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 151:

CulturesofDignity.com - organization founded by Rosalind Wiseman. Works with communities to shift the way we think about young people's physical and emotional well-being

Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World, by Rosalind Wiseman

Masterminds & Wingmen -- BuildingBoys' review of Wiseman's book

Q & A w Rosalind Wiseman, Author of Masterminds & Wingmen -- 2013 BuildingBoys post

Owning Up curriculum -- Wiseman-developed curriculum created in collaboration with children and teens. Designed to help kids deal with bullying, harassment, racism, gossip, media and self-image

Creating Culture's of Dignity - Wiseman's speech discussing adult & child/teen perceptions of "respect"

Meet Stay-at-Home Dad, Homeschooling Dad, and Mankind Project participant and advocate, Mark.

Dad of Sam, age 8, husband of Corissa, living in Portland, Oregon, Mark retraces his journey as a boy who didn't feel listened to by his mom and dad, struggling with his identity as a stay-at-home dad, and his striving to be an emotionally available, strong role model for his family.

Mark's story may feel familiar to many men. A dad who was distant and detached. A mom who seemed to ignore his attempts to share his deeper feelings. Mark was left wondering what was wrong with him and wishing for more connection to himself and his family.

When Mark discovered The Mankind Project, he discovered a brotherhood of men who are committed to bringing

The Mankind Project states, "We believe that emotionally mature, powerful, compassionate, and purpose-driven men will help heal some of our society’s deepest wounds. We support the powerful brilliance of men and we are willing to look at, and take full responsibility for, the pain we are also capable of creating – and suffering. We care deeply about men, our families, communities, and the planet."

Mark's conversation with Janet is touching, inspiring, and thoughtful. Listen until the end to hear Mark's heart-warming conversation with his dad - one that he wished had happened years earlier.

Article of interest, too:

https://goodmenproject.com/parenting/the-stigma-surrounding-stay-at-home-fathers/

 

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