Permission for Pleasure

As Gina Gutierrez, the co-founder of Dipsea, says in her Ted Talk, “Using their memories, fantasies, and some focus - women can turn themselves on with their thoughts.” In this conversation, Gina and I discuss exploration of fantasy, the differences between erotica and porn, ways to figure out what turns you on, and barriers to pleasure. I like the way Gina puts it, "Your desire is not a problem to be solved, but a fire to be stoked." You may discover a new tool to spark the flame in this episode.

More on this topic
The pleasure crisis and why good sex matters
Orgasm is a big brain event
Women's Anatomy of Arousal book review
Come As You Are book review
Exploring your perspective of pleasure
Fantasy and play in the bedroom
Female arousal takes more than 5 minutes
How desire really works with Dr. Lori Brotto
Your brain and sex video

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Most of us didn’t get a lot of education around sex, let alone how to talk about sex with a partner. Just like any new language, sexual conversation is a learnable skill that gets more comfortable with practice. Use the questions and prompts in this episode as conversation starters. Designed to be used with a partner, these are great for date night, weekend walks or on your next long drive together. Learn to talk about sex - one chat at a time.

More on this topic:
Conversation Prompts
Talking with a partner about sex
Sexual communication
Want better sex? Ask yourself these questions
Toys, Fantasy and Play in the Bedroom
Get out of your foreplay rut
Desire Styles
Partner Desire Discrepancies
Sexify your space
Sensual Play

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My guest Matthias Roberts, psychotherapist, and author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms says, “Wherever there is sex, there seems to be shame.” Matthias writes and speaks nationwide about the intersections between gender, sexuality, mental health, and theology. He feels one of the first steps in fighting shame is to practice recognizing it. Together we discuss how to identify our shame, acknowledge our worthiness, and allow ourselves pleasure.

Find Matthias Roberts

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There are many options available to treat your symptoms during the menopause transition. I continue my conversation with Dr. Shyama Mathews, a Board Certified OB/GYN, and NAMS Certified Menopause Specialist about perimenopause. We discuss non-hormonal prescriptions, systemic hormonal therapy, vaginal estrogen, moisturizers, and lubricants for sex. Dr. Shyama also shares how to find qualified menopause clinicians and why we should all ask for a pelvic floor physical therapy referral.

Visit our episode sponsor UBERLUBE use code CINDY

Learn more about Dr. Shyama Mathews

More on these topics:
Find a menopause practitioner through NAMS
Midlife & Menopause: Let's Go Girls with Heather
Sexual Reset for Midlife Women
Do you ever think your sex life is broken with Dr. Kelly Casperson
Tips for speeding up arousal
Pain and Sex
Guide to Lube
Pelvic Health
How to talk to a provider about sexual health

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
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Education is key to entering the menopause transition knowledgeable and prepared! In this episode, learn what you need to know about perimenopause with Dr. Shyama Mathews, a Board Certified OB/GYN, Minimally Invasive Gynecologic Surgeon, and NAMS Certified Menopause Specialist. We discuss when changes start, the common symptoms experienced, and what your hormones are doing. Don’t “gut out” the menopause transition, instead feel empowered to advocate for your health.

Learn more about Dr. Shyama Mathews

Visit our episode sponsor UBERLUBE use code CINDY 

More on these topics:
Find a menopause practitioner through NAMS
Pain and Sex
Guide to Lube
Pelvic Health
How to talk to a provider about sexual health

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
VISIT my website and blog

"Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have." Dana B. Myers, self-described as a sensually empowered voice for women, joins me to talk about how to embrace your sensuality and sexuality to boost your confidence. Dana and I get practical with tips for sexy talk, sexy texting, and how to communicate your desires. This episode will help you feel more turned on, assertive and engaged with your sensuality for a sexier YOU!

Learn more about Dana B. Myers

More on these topics:
Foreplay using your senses
Ten ways to explore being a sexual person
Make some noise during sex
Get out of your foreplay rut
Talking about sex with a partner
Scheduling sex

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
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My guest Ruthie Lindsey invites us into the liberating process of unlearning the stories we have been told about our bodies and finding delight in reclaiming pleasure. Having survived a catastrophic accident that left her living in chronic pain, Ruthie shares her journey toward embodied living and the many tools she’s found to help her along the way. Although the pain still visits her, Ruthie has found healing by learning to love and listen to her body. “Love is always inviting us back home to ourselves, to our bodies, and to healing.”

Learn more about Ruthie Lindsey

Learn more about these topics
Learning to Listen to Your Body
Dating Your Body
Unlearning Body Shame and Understanding Consent
Coming Home to Yourself with Arielle Estoria
My Letter to Young Women

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This is the second most downloaded episode of all three seasons! Originally called Pleasure Techniques (Episode 41), I cover two important topics. First, I share the four specific techniques women can use with vaginal penetration to experience more pleasure and potential for orgasm. Then, I talk about how faking orgasms can undermine your pleasure and cause sexual miscommunication with a partner. If you’re new to my listening community, missed it the first time around, or want a refresher, give this quickie a listen. 

More on this topic
OMGyes!
Pairing demo
Shallowing demo
Rocking demo
The clitoris - it’s a network!
Questions about orgasm
The key to female pleasure
Pleasure techniques
Faking orgasms
Let’s talk orgasms

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Did you know the medications you take can have an impact on your sex life? Learn about medications known to have sexual health side effects and what those common side effects are. I also offer talking points and my best nurse tip for having a conversation with your healthcare provider about any concerns or inquiries you might have pertaining to your sexual health and the medications you are taking. Get curious and be empowered to ask questions and advocate for your health!

More on this topic
Medications and your sexual health
SSRIs and sex
Talking about sexual health with a healthcare provider

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
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Join me for a conversation with Abby, a devoted volunteer for our podcast and member of our community. We dive into the challenging waters of unlearning body shame, dismantling beliefs around our bodies and reclaiming sexual health education. Abby shares her experiences of how the pandemic era has shaped new perspectives on bodily autonomy and navigating consent. Learn more about what consent is, what it isn't and how to cultivate discussions around it.

More on this topic:
Dating Your Body
Learning to LIsten to Your Body
Coming Home to Yourself
Evolving Out of Purity Culture
Less Shame - More Sex Ed
Why Sex Ed Really Matters
Reclaim Your Arousal Mindset
My Letter to Young Woman
Exploring Your Perspective of Pleasure
10 Ways to Be Sexual Without Masturbating

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
VISIT my website and blog