Rebel Buddhist

I have a lot of Freedom School students who come to me stressed out and anxious because they have no idea what their life purpose – and they’ve been waiting a long time to figure it out.

They have a longing – as we all do – to know what and who and how they are “supposed to be” in this world.

I know it’s totally cliché to for a life coach to be talking about life purpose - but it actually makes a lot of sense because it creates a lot of suffering for people when they don’t know.  It’s also why I’ve always focused on helping people get clear about this. After all, is there anyone who hasn’t wondered what their purpose was?

There’s a lot of talk about people being born with a purpose and that all we have to do is discover it… like some mystical quest or vision. Then, suddenly, everything will become so clear, the burden will be lifted, and you can start to DO.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not quite how it works.

I’ve tried everything before: fasting alone in the wilderness for days… taking various psychedelics… doing coaching, journaling, programs…

Sure, I’ve gained insight into my purpose, but I didn’t just wake up one day with an AH HA! I ahd to also get clear through experimenting.

I’ve also learned that when my clients discover their purpose, they often realize it was right in front of them the whole time.

Why? Because we already live our purpose in our everyday lives. We just don’t see it because we have this expectation of what it should look like, feel like, or what it will be like to discover it.

Instead, all we “discover” is distress because we have a deep longing to live our purpose and still don’t know what it is.

Years ago, as a full-time midwife, I was also growing my coaching practice. I knew that part of my purpose was to help people live fully and with meaning.  To live intentionally, in alignment with their values. And I loved doing it.

But I loved catching babies too! I thought these two were totally disconnected, but a psychic told me (yeah – I tried that too;), “you catch babies, you are the FIRST person they see - you are the first to look into the baby’s eyes. You can help them know their purpose at that moment.”

And how true was that? Turns out: very (more on that in the pod).

The more I’ve studied how humans discover their purpose, the more I believe we are born with the ability to see our purpose clearly.

We are all here for a reason. And so we are all important.

You are needed in this world, and if you do not fulfill your purpose, something would be irrevocably and missing from the world.

A lot of people feel this kind of inquiry into our unique purpose is very ego-driven and “wordly” and has nothing to do with spiritual growth. I beg to differ.

So, what does finding purpose have to do with Buddhism or the dharma… or any spiritual practice?

Most of us are not enlightened yet. We live in a relative reality that uses sensory perceptions and our brain to drive how we feel and act, moving around in this goddess pod of a body doing this human experience thing with a perception that we are separate from all that surrounds us. It is said that enlightened beings, on the other hand, don’t “escape” that relative reality. Rather, they have one foot in relative reality, and another foot in the ultimate reality of emptiness and oneness.

Those of us who are living mostly in relative reality long for fulfillment because we are humans, we have a body and a brain that work a certain way, and there are parts of our psyche that we need to attend to while having this human experience, and not abandon them.

When we don’t attend to this very human longing for purpose and meaning and instead try to transcend it altogether, , we feel distraught, anxious, unsettled, maybe even hollow or angry or...unworthy.

I believe that if we dissociate from any part of our wholeness as a human, we will experience suffering, imbalance, and division within us. We aren’t supposed to be attached, to what our purpose is “supposed” to look like and what life is “supposed” to be like - but we can enjoy life and the fulfillment of living our purpose!

It’s not purpose-finding that’s the problem. It’s when we get attached to what it’s supposed to be/look like.

Now, the trick to discovering your purpose will requiring not so much learning new things, but rather the unlearning of many societal a nd cultural norms you’ve been taught to believe are unquestionable.

Unlearning how things are “supposed to” look like. Unlearning the boxes we’re put into. The rules we’re “supposed to” follow.

Our purpose can be expressed in many different ways. For me, it has been expressed in being a midwife, a life coach, a climbing guide, and more. There was no “right way” for me to bring my purpose to the world. So we need to unlearn what we think it is supposed to look like. We need to remember that our purpose is not the same as the delivery system.

How do you know if what you’re doing is your purpose or if it’s just what you’ve been taught to believe? I talk a lot about this in the podcast, but I take you through a process that Martha Beck taught me called The Three N’s: Notice, Narrow, and Name. Notice what lights you up. Narrow those down to the things that light you up the brightest. Name that thing.

Remember, the path will never be 100% happiness. That’s just not life. Life has it all - the contrast of experiences; and that’s natural and nothing has gone wrong if it isn’t all joy.

But even when it gets tough, following your own path, your own purpose, has meaning.

So what is that for you, rebel? Find that… and then DO THAT! Trust that you've always known it. It’s right there.

// Why it’s so important to find your purpose
// How to not confuse your purpose with the delivery system
// The 3 N’s to finding your purpose without all the confusion

// Check out Episode 63 on the first noble truth: suffering and the different types

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course – and we have only TWO spots left before we start in October! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com If you see this after registration has closed, you can get on the waitlist for the next one because it is going to be the experience of the YEAR for the people who come.

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.

I’m currently caught in the middle of a fairly common decision: what fun thing do I want to do this weekend? If you have FOMO, you know you can spend some serious energy debating all the options: outdoor music, road trip, camping with friends, and outside of a pandemic, which party/band/event to go to.

Lots of times, when we have a decision to make, we sit and debate because we want to make the “best” choice. But really, sometimes we never know what the “best” choice is until we’ve made the decision and start living it. And lots of times, making that decision is straight-up exhausting because we really really really want to get it right.

Then there are moments where you’re less caught between options and given fewer choices. And these – interestingly - are usually easier.

Barry Schwartz, psychologist and author of The Paradox of Choice, talked about living in a culture that assumes more choices is better. What his research shows is that having lots of choices is actually a sort of curse on our happiness!

He divides people into 2 categories: those who, when faced with many choices, try to maximize their gain, and those who satisfice (satisfy + suffice) by accepting the first available option to meet their criteria.

Now, satisficing isn’t a new idea… but it basically means that when presented with a decision to make, someone will first consider what they want to gain/preserve, then evaluate their options to find the solution that meets those needs.

Between the two, maximizing is a form of perfection… and we all know how stressful that can be. There’s even a Maximization Scale that assesses the degree to which people engage in behaviors to try to get the BEST result with the BEST possible option. Research with this scale shows that there are also positive correlations between maximization and depression and regret, too.

Then, after all that stressful work of trying to make the “best” decisions, maximizers are usually less satisfied with purchasing decisions AND are more likely to engage in social comparison. The root of this seems to lie in experiencing regret.

This is true whether maximizers have to make everyday decisions or big decision. Maximizers may be able to narrow down options, but if there are multiple choices that could be great, they freeze and can’t make a decision because... what if it’s wrong? Enter: Analysis paralysis.

The problem with wanting to know it was the “right” decision in advance is that in addition to the fact that we don’t know until we DO the thing, most of us can’t predict the future. So we will never know. After the fact, we still don’t know what all the other options could have brought – even though we like to think our imagination is always right  ;)

In contrast to maximizers, we find the satisficers. They aren’t “settling” for less than what they want. They also don’t just pull a choice out of a hat and say LET’S GO! They just approach the decision-making differently.

Why bother with finding out if you maximize or satisfice? Because they relate to your happiness – and happy people tend to satisfice!

Us perfectionists may find this hard to believe, because we think our high-standard obsession will make better decisions, which SHOULD equal happiness. But really, we may miss out on a good opportunity when we keep waiting for a better one. And we usually are not ultimately happier… we just end up more stressd and regretful.

The thing is, regret is a decision! WE get to decide whether we made the right choice. WE get to decide to stop comparing options and wondering, “What if?”

So what’s a maximizer to do? I got into lots of things in the podcast, but some starting points are: 

// Outline your key criteria for success FIRST. What is it you want? Get really clear about this and make sure your criteria are objective so you know if something meets it or not.
// Choose the first option that satisfies that criteria. (gasp! I know, right?!)
// Then once you've decided, don’t look back. Don’t waffle. Focus on the positive aspects of the choice, not what “might” have been.

Remember that we all have a limited capacity for decision making on any given day. Don’t overdraw on that decision-making account baalnce, because that diminishes the quality of the decisions you make too.

The bottom line is this: it's important to change our thinking that when we don’t explore all the options, we will end up settling.

Choosing something that meets your key criteria and the key things you want is not settling.

When you practice satisficing, you can be happier in the long run. You will have more energy and clarity for those big decision-making moments too.

And if you need to, practice satisficing this week with little things then work your way up to bigger decisions.

Remember - regret is a choice. Don’t let it rule your life. Get out there and satisfice!

In this episode you’ll learn:

// The key differences between maximizing and satisficing
// Why too many choices can be a bad thing
// How to make decisions and avoid regret
// Why satisficing ultimately makes you happier than maximizing
// Tips to get started satisficing today

// Check out Episode 69 on Defining what is “enough” for you

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.

As a life coach, I dislike - maybe even loathe - seeing business coaches talk about “making six figures off your first launch.” Or when they use cheesy marketing ploys that promise six-figures... but only if you study their blueprint, map, or 6-week program. Why?

Well, who came up with 6-figure earnings being THE GOAL anyway?

I recently took a good look at my own finances with the goal of finding out what my true minimum income would be for me to not just pay my bills, but to be happy and feel fulfilled with all the things I want to do in life! What was truly enough for me?

All these 6-figure gurus have pushed this idea that once you make 6-figures, you will be happier and healthier and, let’s face it, some even give the vibe you’ll even be sexier. And of course if we look at this from a literal perspective, that money won’t really make you happy in the deepest sense of the word…

But studies have shown that, contrary to earlier findings, happiness does grow the more money you make. Previous studies suggested a plateu of the relationship between happiness and money – somewhere around $75k a year. But more recent research shows income is “robustly associated” with positive feelings in day-to-day moments and overall life satisfaction.

So can money buy happiness?

Not exactly.

I admit that I got sucked into this idea of 6-figure success and used this in my early days of coaching to measure my own success. What sucked was that using that goal negated all of the amazing work my clients and I were doing BEFORE that 6-figure mark.

Nothing was good enough to me until I reached that goal, even though I used to live an amazing, fulfilling life, traveling the world and only making $14,000 a year as a climbing guide.

Clearly I needed to take a look at that 6-figure goal and find out if that was truly my “enough.” I was aiming for that for all the wrong reasons.

After I explored what I truly needed and wanted – not to avoid being destitute but what I needed to create simple abundance – it turns out I was much closer than I thought. I’m guessing the same is true for you too.

How did I go about discovering that sweet-spot number for myself? How did I discover the minimum I needed to create simple abundance, to be happy and thriving - paying my bills, having fun, and offering my gifts to the world?

I dive into that in this podcast.

First, we need to make sure our ambition is rooted in what is truly important to us. We often think that we are not enough. We need to do more, have more, because of patriarchal consumerism and capitalism… this idea that more more more equals more worthiness.

Instead, we can shift to find abundance in what is fun and sustainable and where our growth is motivated by first knowing our inherent worthiness and NOT basing our goals from a sense of lack and scarcity and fear (which is what I used to do when I had my 6-figure goal when I first started).

If you are looking at your “must have” list and you aren’t sure, remember this: When you know what “enough” truly is for you, abundance flows even more freely. So don’t be scared to go to enough. More will flow.

In other words, when you simplify your life, you will find abundance flows in more freely. I believe this partly because once you know your minimum, anything above that is easy to see as a blessing. As more than enough.

Second, don’t stop striving for that 6-figure goal if you want to! It’s not the number in and of itself. We need to not define our self-worth and happiness by that number.

Third, remember that your “enough” isn’t the bare minimum you need to live on in order to not become homeless or destitute. It’s the minimum you need to create your version of simple abundance, to be happy and thrive!

We need to also remember that we may need to revisit this number as we –and our lives – change.

It can be pretty tricky to figure out, and the mind can certainly mess with us in regards to what we “need” vs what we want, but it’s absolutely worth doing. And while you strive to create abundance, may you also remember to put in the thoughtwork, the active mindfulness, to remind yourself of your true power within to live a life of integrity and joy.

// Can money really buy happiness?
// Why do we correlate money with emotional wellbeing?
// How patriarchy has skewed our version of “enough”
// How “enough” can naturally lead to abundance
// How to find our own version of “enough” - or simple abundance - using my handy spreadsheet I created for you!

// Check out Episode 41 on Money and Right Livelihood 

// Download the Simple Abundance Budget Sheet I refer to here: Excel Version & Numbers Version 

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com - applications are open and we are filling up! 

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life. 

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com. 

Today, we talk about adventure and being devoted to it.

Adventure is essential to our evolution.

When I was a child, I would get soooo bored. I was an only child in a poor neighborhood that had so much gun violence I wasn’t even allowed to play in the front of the house because of all the drive-by shootings…let alone walk to a friend’s house.

I made a promise to myself that when I grew up, I would never—ever—feel bored again.

While this promise ended up creating a full-blown addiction to adventure, what I didn’t expect was that adventure also helped me along my spiritual path in surprising ways.

Adventure is a very personal word, and my definition of adventure doesn’t have to be yours

You can feel adventure when climbing a mountain; you can feel it overcoming a physical challenge like a marathon, or experiencing an illness like cancer; you can feel it when you risk your heart to be with your soul mate. I even feel adventure when I go to a new city, check out a new restaurant, try a new yoga pose, or learn a new skill. Or, more recently, move to a new state.

Good ol’ Merriam Webster defines adventure as:

1: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks
2: an exciting or remarkable experience

Adventure often involves risk – but not necessarily danger. It can be very self-limiting to confuse the two.

The main take-home is that adventure includes an element of something out of the ordinary.

Definitely not routine.

Definitely not boring.

So why exactly is adventure – and the risks we take with adventures – important to our evolution?

When things get too familiar or routine, our minds grow dull, and the negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that we all have are harder to break.

Things feel more permanent and real. We think we have “proof” that they are permanent and real because nothing seems to be changing.

But this isn’t true.

They only appear to not be changing because to be efficient, our brains prefer to travel down the same neural pathways and do things the same way they’ve always been done.

Therefore, we do the same thing, and we get the same results.

Nothing changes.

Then we say, “See! That’s how things really are!”

When we think things are static, that’s when we think we don’t have a choice. That’s when we suffer and get stuck. That’s when we give up.

It becomes the Same. Old. Sh*t. Every day.

Adventure helps us get unstuck. And it is essential to your evolution.

// What being DEVOTED to adventure looks like
// How adventure changes our brain
// How to live an adventurous life on your own terms
// Things you can do to bring adventure into your life every day

// For the geeks, you can check out the 2011 study by Ben Fletcher here.

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com – applications are open now

// Learn more about Kahea and what they do to protect Hawaiian land - and please consider donating to this important indigenous cause. Check it out here.

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.

This week’s pod is all about how to fail – and do it well… and fair warning, it’s got some tough love in it!

Now, many of us give up too easily and we complain about our perceived failures way too much, right? And we both know that what I teach is all about freedom -  to free your mind and free your life.

The thing is: avoiding failure – having low failure resilience - is costing you your dreams, success, growth, learning, and expansion!

When I see someone who is afraid to fail and not willing to take action (because a main reason why people don’t take action is fear of failure), I see something amazing that is being put off, or that might never manifest. When I see someone indulging in excuses, blaming or pointing the finger I see no benefit – just that we are staying stuck.

So today is about how you can increase your failure resilience. One of my superpowers is seeing what’s possible for people, especially when they can’t see it for themselves. And I really see a lot of people quit too early on their dreams. Many of us want to get out of debt… want to get healthy...want to have a more meaningful career… want better mental health...  But we also often want it to be easy! We want the result, but don’t want to do the work. Or at least not do it when it ends up being more than we expected.

We're afraid of the journey because it’s probably going to be painful. But we ALL have been there. AND… we were born ready to fail! It’s like babies falling over and over when they learn to walk. They HAVE to fall – its part of the learning. And think of where we’d all be if we gave up whenever we failed a bunch of times in a row. None of us would walk or eat. For realz.

So even though the grit is innate in us, somehow it gets deconditioned. We start to worry about what people think. We think failure is a permanent part of who we fundamentally are, and that it somehow defines our worth. And we’re even taught to avoid it, like in school when we’re taught that a failing grade somehow means you aren’t good enough.

Learning how to fail starts with changing what failure means. Instead of it meaning something about who we are, about our worth, it can be just an example of the thoughts we have about a result we create. “I failed” is a thought. Not a fact, no matter how much we think it’s a fact.

I don’t care if you got divorced. Didn’t get the job. Weren’t accepted to the grad school of your choice.

It’s not failure unless – until - we think of it that way.

The next step is to figure out how to get it done. And how do we do that? By taking action.

Sure, there are places in life where it might be helpful for an expert to tell you what to do or give you the answers. But you can’t wait for someone to tell you when it comes to the really important decisions in your life. That’s all you. And we have to do things to get clear. To get unstuck. Otherwise, if we’re just “deciding” about something, we are just avoiding the possibility of failure.

And you can’t have a major life shift without doing. Clarity through action. Learning through action. And yes… that means lots of failure.

Remember: failure is not factual. Failure is a result we created with action or inaction, and “feeling like a failure” is the result of a thought we had about a result we created, which is totally optional.

So saying, “I failed” is actually a thought. It feels like a fact - we didn’t get the job. We weren’t accepted into the program. We didn’t get pregnant. We filed for divorce.

Those are facts. Failure is a thought. 

So, are you all in on your dreams?

It’s one thing to be asked, “What would you do if you could not fail?”

But it’s a whole new level when you’re asked, “What are you willing to do even if you know you’ll fail?”

That’s what I want to talk with you about today.

“What are you willing to do even if you know you’ll fail?”

Then do that. Go for it. Try. Don’t be confused. Pick something. DO it.

Then if it doesn’t work out, do something else or do it differently. Tweak it.

Go out there, rebels, and find out what’s possible for you.

// What failure actually IS and why we’re so afraid of it (hint: it’s not what you think!)
// Why we must fail in order to succeed, and what happens when we avoid it
// How to increase your failure resilience 

This week’s pod is all about how to fail – and do it well… and fair warning, it’s got some tough love in it!

Now, many of us give up too easily and we complain about our perceived failures way too much, right? And we both know that what I teach is all about freedom -  to free your mind and free your life.

The thing is: avoiding failure – having low failure resilience - is costing you your dreams, success, growth, learning, and expansion!

When I see someone who is afraid to fail and not willing to take action (because a main reason why people don’t take action is fear of failure), I see something amazing that is being put off, or that might never manifest. When I see someone indulging in excuses, blaming or pointing the finger I see no benefit – just that we are staying stuck.

So today is about how you can increase your failure resilience. One of my superpowers is seeing what’s possible for people, especially when they can’t see it for themselves. And I really see a lot of people quit too early on their dreams. Many of us want to get out of debt… want to get healthy...want to have a more meaningful career… want better mental health...  But we also often want it to be easy! We want the result, but don’t want to do the work. Or at least not do it when it ends up being more than we expected.

We're afraid of the journey because it’s probably going to be painful. But we ALL have been there. AND… we were born ready to fail! It’s like babies falling over and over when they learn to walk. They HAVE to fall – its part of the learning. And think of where we’d all be if we gave up whenever we failed a bunch of times in a row. None of us would walk or eat. For realz.

So even though the grit is innate in us, somehow it gets deconditioned. We start to worry about what people think. We think failure is a permanent part of who we fundamentally are, and that it somehow defines our worth. And we’re even taught to avoid it, like in school when we’re taught that a failing grade somehow means you aren’t good enough.

Learning how to fail starts with changing what failure means. Instead of it meaning something about who we are, about our worth, it can be just an example of the thoughts we have about a result we create. “I failed” is a thought. Not a fact, no matter how much we think it’s a fact.

I don’t care if you got divorced. Didn’t get the job. Weren’t accepted to the grad school of your choice.

It’s not failure unless – until - we think of it that way.

The next step is to figure out how to get it done. And how do we do that? By taking action.

Sure, there are places in life where it might be helpful for an expert to tell you what to do or give you the answers. But you can’t wait for someone to tell you when it comes to the really important decisions in your life. That’s all you. And we have to do things to get clear. To get unstuck. Otherwise, if we’re just “deciding” about something, we are just avoiding the possibility of failure.

And you can’t have a major life shift without doing. Clarity through action. Learning through action. And yes… that means lots of failure.

Remember: failure is not factual. Failure is a result we created with action or inaction, and “feeling like a failure” is the result of a thought we had about a result we created, which is totally optional.

So saying, “I failed” is actually a thought. It feels like a fact - we didn’t get the job. We weren’t accepted into the program. We didn’t get pregnant. We filed for divorce.

Those are facts. Failure is a thought. 

So, are you all in on your dreams?

It’s one thing to be asked, “What would you do if you could not fail?”

But it’s a whole new level when you’re asked, “What are you willing to do even if you know you’ll fail?”

That’s what I want to talk with you about today.

“What are you willing to do even if you know you’ll fail?”

Then do that. Go for it. Try. Don’t be confused. Pick something. DO it.

Then if it doesn’t work out, do something else or do it differently. Tweak it.

Go out there, rebels, and find out what’s possible for you.

// What failure actually IS and why we’re so afraid of it (hint: it’s not what you think!)
// Why we must fail in order to succeed, and what happens when we avoid it
// How to increase your failure resilience 

// Check out Episode 18, How to Coach Yourself: Applied Mindfulness

// Check out Episode 62, Commitment and How to Take Massive Action

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com - applications open soon

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com - applications open soon

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.

This past weekend was my BIRTHDAY! Normally, when it comes to celebrating a big day in our lives, my family goes exploring or takes a wild trip somewhere. So when my husband asked me what I wanted to do and I just said I wanted to go to our yurt and relax, he was more than just surprised. He didn’t even quite understand the concept. 

To him, doing nothing meant doing something mellow.  

After settling into the yurt, I decided I’d love to drive out to one of my fave restaurants in a small town nearby, since I love having other people cook for me and not having to do the dishes

But when we walked to listen to some live outdoor music, I felt it... 

THE WALL. 

I hit the wall and suddenly felt so tired. 

I left my husband and friends to dance the night away and went back to the yurt and let myself have some downtime. It felt like such a luxury - to sit around and not have to do anything - not have to write or do laundry or study or read scientific journals. 

I just sat there and listened to the rain - which started right when we pulled back up to the yurt. I remembered the need for this started well before I was exhausted too – like week back. Oops. I had put it off for too long.  

Ideally you don’t want to wait until you’re exhausted to do nothing because it’s actually a great technique to keep you from getting exhausted and to keep your mind, body, and creative juices flowing. 

Now for those of us who have serious FOMO (fear of missing out), it can be hard to reign that sh*t in. We say, “Yes!” even when we’re already exhausted because we want to live life to the fullest. We don’t always understand how people could sit around and do nothing. 

But a business coach of mine offered this alternative way to see it: when we do nothing, we create the space needed so our brains have a chance to download new concepts and we can later get really creative and come up with some of our best ideas. I was ALL ABOUT it (because I was doing something while doing nothing;). But as I started to practice it, I realized just how much I needed it for so many other reasons. 

Y’all, this recharge time is essential. Not just because your brain will be able to come up with amazing new ideas, but because we also notice some things in the quiet still moments that we might not have ever noticed otherwise. 

True – it isn’t always pleasant. Sometimes we notice our anxiety. Our fear. Our anger. The tension. Perhaps that’s why a lot of us don’t want to be still. But those are things that tell us our life is out of alignment and we need to change things up. This is good to notice. 

But we also notice the trees. The rain. Our hands. Our body. Our place. The birds. We are present with our life as it truly is. 

Doing nothing CAN totally be a waste of time (this tends to be what boredom really is), but it can also be an art form.  

Italian culture has a phrase, “l’arte de non fare niente.” This means, “The art of doing nothing.” Leave it to the Italians to have that phrase! 

We may think we know how to do nothing, but when I started trying this, I had no freaking clue what to do when there was... nothing to do, so I want to give you some tips that might help you become a master at this, and I dive into them in the pod...including how to incorporate sensuality. 

The Real Test: How do we incorporate this into daily life?  

It’s one thing to do nothing when you’ve intentionally set aside time, but being able to do nothing on the daily is a lot trickier!  

Practice doing nothing when you’re waiting. That’s right – no book. No phone. Practice when you’re in line at the doctor’s office or when you’re at the airport. You can also practice while driving because how many of us get in the car and immediately turn on the radio or call a friend or listen to a podcast (thank you for listening though!)? Answer: a lot. Try...just driving.  

At first you might feel like you’ll spontaneously combust. But you won’t. 

Remember, l’arte de non fare niente takes practice. It’s the art of doing nothing, and like all types of art, we get better at it by practicing. 

I give you all sorts of tools to use to get better at this in the pod. 

// Why we need to do nothing in order to do really cool sh*t
// The difference between doing nothing and being bored
// 7 tips to master doing nothing
// Ideas for sensual ways to make doing nothing more enticing (no batteries needed;)
// Jedi-level nothingness 

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com - applications are open for the next cohort! Retreat spot? Hawai’i!

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.

If you’ve been around me for any time at all, you’ve definitely heard me talk about Ziji. Ziji is all about confidence. But not just any confidence.

Ziji is a Tibetan word that means radiant inner confidence.

What makes it so...essential to a full, meaningful life of freedom, adventure and purpose?

Let’s start by imagining what life was like before anything “bad” ever happened to us. As we grow and learn, we see the outside world as a place with both good and bad experiences. Over time, as we experience the bad ones, we want to protect ourselves from the hurt we feel. So we lock ourselves down. We shut the windows and doors - and the opportunities that go with them.

Here are a few examples of things that cause us to close off to the world and shut those windows and doors of opportunity:

• Being told it isn’t realistic to live our passions (dreaming shuts down!).
• A partner leaving you for someone else (trust shuts down!).
• Hearing your parents argue day and night about money (being comfortable with money and abundance shuts down!).
• Putting on your first art show and nothing sells (believing you can be successful living your passion shuts down!).

We lock ourselves down in these moments because we want to be safe. We think we’ve managed to protect ourselves from those bad experiences ever happening again, but we’ve also closed ourselves off to any possible opportunities, joy, and light. We don’t take risks where there is even the remote possibility of failing. 

But the result of not taking any real risks is you never know what might actually be possible should you live life full-out. And you’re scared as hell that you don’t have all your bases covered and something is going to sneak in and knock you around again. And it probably will. 

Why do we protect ourselves with such fervor? Usually, it is because we don’t think we’ll be able to take what comes next, that we’ll be able to handle it again, or because we imagine the worst case scenario and we know we just don’t LIKE being uncomfortable (and its myriad manifestations of intensity)! 

We are lacking...ziji. 

In her book Unconditional Confidence, Pema Chodron describes life as standing at the ocean’s edge. There will always come a wave that will knock us down. When the huge scary ones in life arrive, we try to protect ourselves by running or grounding ourselves against them. 

The thing is, the ocean is powerful. The waves we’re talking about here always knock us down. It’s just part of being human. Like in last week’s episode about how Being Human is Hard. You can try with all your might to be “strong,” plant your feet, and not get taken out… but it’s exhausting, and once you’re knocked down, you’re just more tired at the end of it all. But what we seem to fail to notice is: we ALWAYS get back up! 

So our fear in the end isn’t in the waves themselves… it is the fear that we might not get back up.

So instead of trying to protect yourself, remind yourself of all the times you have gotten up in your life. THAT is where true radiant inner confidence – Ziji – comes from. And you can’t develop Ziji without having been knocked down and getting back up again. 

If you start to embrace the waves, and if you cultivate your Ziji, your inner confidence, when these waves take you down, you will get up faster and faster each time. And the waves will feel smaller and smaller each time. And somewhere deep inside, you will know that wondering “what if” is a hell of a lot worse than getting knocked down and getting back up. ZIji is inside you. In all of us. 

The waves in life WILL happen, whether you accept them or not (they have!). 

You WILL get knocked down (it’s happened!). 

And you WILL get back up (you DID!). 

So keep those windows and doors open, let in the light and the opportunities. The rewards are priceless: joy, fulfillment, passion, unshakeable confidence, contentment, peace of mind, growing beyond your wildest dreams, doing what you never thought possible, inspiring others around you to do the same. 

So do it. Ziji Up! The perfect antidote to fear is action…even small action.
 

Bring it: make a list of the times you’ve been taken down by a wave and stood up again. See this as proof of what you already know: you have all you need inside of you.

What have you been putting off doing, or saying? Do it! What grudge have you been holding? Let it GO! Most importantly, who have you been putting off BEING? Be it now!

// Why we shut down from opportunity, and why it will always fail
// The REAL reason we’re afraid to take risks
// How to cultivate Ziji - your inner confidence
// How to believe new things
// Why we NEED to adventure
 

// Listen to the episode about Why We Need to Adventure

// Check out this episode about Cognitive Dissonance and How to Believe New Things

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com - applications open soon

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com

How many of you think life can often be a little...difficult?  Yeah, me too. But what I’ve found is that when I stop resisting that life can be hard sometimes, and when I stop thinking something has gone terribly wrong just because things aren’t easy or I’m not happy, then I can start embracing life more fully and savor the good times even more. Today I want to talk about how while being a human is hard, accepting that truth can be to our advantage.

When the Buddha first taught, he could have taught anything, right? He had just woken up completely and his mind was free. The interesting thing is that at first, out of all the options he could have mentioned first - buddha nature, clarity, nirvana, bliss, and more (all those things many of us aim for in meditation or yoga practice) - he chose to talk about suffering.

The way I have learned to see this is that he chose to talk about how being a human is hard.

This concept is important to grasp because while it may initially seem like a bummer to focus on, if we are to free our minds - and therefore our lives - we can’t keep resisting reality. And we need to recognize the pain in our lives so we can acknowledge that this too, is a part of life.

Dukkha is a Pali word often translated as “suffering.”  Our lives are entwined and characterized by dukkha, meaning our mental experiences of discomfort, pain, stress, instability, inadequacy, failure, and disappointment - each of which is felt as suffering in our mind.

This teaching is also often referred to as the “Truth of Suffering,” and in it there are three kinds of suffering:

The first is the obvious suffering caused by physical discomfort (from minor pains to injuries and chronic disease) and emotional suffering, like being frustrated that things don’t go your way, or being worried about meeting others’ expectations or about what they think about you.

The second suffering is caused by the fact that life is constantly changing.  The impermanent nature of things. An example is when something awesome happens, eventually something challenging happens and that joy ends...albeit temporarily. And we have a lot of suffering when things change – when our happiness fades, when we lose people we love, when we have to move on before we’re ready.

We can’t escape from this. It is an impersonal, universal truth of life. It’s not just happening to you. None of us gets to be an exception. We all feel pain, we all lose loved ones, we all get sick, and we all die.

The third type of suffering the Buddha identified is a sort of existential angst due to life's intrinsic instability. This is a type of suffering we’re most likely not to recognize, yet the one we can learn the most from when we do.

It’s the general background of anxiety and insecurity that hangs in the background of even our happiest moments. Deep down, we fear that life doesn’t offer us solid ground and that our very existence is questionable. A good example of this is how often in your adult life have you experienced the queasiness and unease that come from a sense of meaninglessness in your life? Or that you aren’t living your purpose? That.

Some people think that if we acknowledge suffering is part of life then we call more of it in. They think that we will manifest more of it because we will acknowledge it and it will be in our mind. But I’ve found the opposite is true. When we deny that being human is hard and hard shit does happen, we spend all this time wondering, “Why me? Why now?” and we spend a lot of time feeling guilty or ashamed or confused or wishing it weren’t so and fighting reality. And all that does is manifest more suffering.

The take-home here is that while being a human is hard and that pain is inescapable, suffering is an experience of the mind. This teaching isn’t offering us complete relief from pain, unlike the false promises of advertisements or our consumerist society. Rather, it’s offering us relief from the mental reactivity that causes our mental suffering, our emotional suffering.

And I don’t know about you, but I want me somma that!
 

It’s important to remember there is a difference between the pain of life and our reaction to it. And when we can embrace the reality that being human is hard, we can then stop resisting it and we can start to live more fully.

// How we are wasting time, money and energy trying to avoid suffering at all costs
// Why there is nothing wrong when things go bad
// What possibly behind those days when you’re in a funk and don’t know why
// 3 tools you can use to make peace with the challenge of being a human in a body
// How to live life more fully by embracing reality instead of fighting it

// Check out Episode 60 on avoiding unnecessary suffering and the “second arrow”

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com

I’m sitting here looking at Blackburn Mountain and the Staircase ice falls - one of the biggest ice falls in the world - and I was reminded of all the hard things I’ve experienced on mountaineering trips and how amazing it felt to achieve our goals...or sometimes, to even have just survived.
 

And that inspired me to talk about massive action vs passive action and how that all relates to commitment.
 

First, a few brief definitions - massive action is keeping on taking action until you achieve your goal. No matter what. And massive action also produces a result - it’s not just thinking about something, for example. 
 

With passive action, you’re doing something but not creating a result. So, you might be reading or learning or studying - which feels really good. It’s like you’re doing something, but not in a massive action sense because you haven’t created a result.
 

So another way to compare the two is massive action is creating and passive action is consuming...taking IN information, or consuming your own thoughts about something (aka “thinking” about it).

As some of you know, I used to be an international climbing guide, taking people up mountains in the Himalayas and all over the world - actually climbing not just hiking.
 

When you’re going up a mountain, massive action is relatively easy to take, because the circumstances sort of force you to do it. For example, you have to get to the top, because the descent starts there and to retreat from where you are would be totally unsafe or take four times as long. So even though you’re scared, or your knees are bleeding and bruised, or you can’t feel your hands, feet, or your face because it’s so cold, you keep going.

But even in that scenario, our mindset plays a huge role.

You know what my climbing partners would say about me? I love climbing with you because you know how to suffer. Translation: when it comes to climbing, I know how to do hard things. Without whining or wondering why it’s happening the whole time. With climbing, I don’t get lost in how hard things are. I know these things are a PART of climbing, a part of achieving the goal. I just see what has to happen and I do it. I know the suffering is usually worth it (well, those are the thoughts I have about it).
 

On a climb, I’m committed, and the end being in sight - or the consequences of not making it being clear - make committing and taking massive action easier for me.
 

Many of you have likely had this experience too. Like having a baby (I used to be a midwife, so I know the courage it takes no matter how that baby comes out). You’re committed to the end result
 

Or on a more day-to-day level you can see it when you work for someone and you show up for work even if you don’t want to. You are committed to the work.
 

But in our lives, especially as we create more freedom and do things like become our own boss or starting making our OWN plans and not just let others decide our lives for us, we are the ones who have to create that sense of commitment to the goal. It’s not as in-your-face as a mountain, and the end is not always in sight.

If we don’t show up for ourselves, often it’s not as consequential as...getting fired,
 

But notice: isn’t it interesting that we are willing to work so hard for other people’s dreams and be committed to working every day for them...but for our own dreams we can be so...wishy washy?

How many of you want to have more freedom in your life - financial freedom, freedom from our emotions that hook us, to be location independent, to create your own schedule?

That would be awesome, right? 
 

Here’s an important thing to remember: Wanting is a form passive action. 
 

The definition of wanting is: “to desire something, to wish for something” NO ACTION REQUIRED.
 

This makes it easier, familiar, comfortable - and more preferred by our reptilian brain motivated by that motivational triad of seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and doing what’s easier.
 

But all wanting does is create more DESIRE to create what you want - not the actual result of what you want. So just wanting creates a bigger and bigger gap between what you want and what you have. 

More DESIRE for something that you’re not willing to GO GET.
 

Conversely, the definition of commitment is, “to follow through on a course of ACTION.” This is very different from wanting and other passive action. With commitment, “action” is in the definition.
 

COMMITMENT is where you go from WANTING it (passive) to GETTING it via ACTIONS that produce RESULTS (masive action).

Let’s say you want to earn $100K this year, or to go on a round the world trip, or do a 3-month meditation retreat or a yoga teacher training - no matter how much we lament about how hard we’re already working or how desperately we want it, if we’re not taking ACTION that produces RESULTS, it’s passive action.
 

So I want to ask you again, a bit differently: When it comes to creating freedom, are you just wanting it? Or are you taking action, every day, to get it?
 

And are you committed to the end? For the long haul?
 

We often do so much to get towards something and then give up...right before the chips are going to fall and i’ts like watching it you’re thinking OMG all you hve to do is ONE more step and then the chips are yours!
 

But we give up because often we expect it to be easier or faster.
 

I don’t want you to worry about feeling excited or happy or joyful. Or a big one I hear a lot from my clients is they want to feel motivated before doing something. Like the reason they’re not taking action is “I’m not motivated to do it.”

Motivated is NOT what you wait for to get shit done.
 

I want you to think about how you can feel COMMITTED, because while taking massive action can feel tiring, not achieving your goal is its own kind of exhaustion 
 

And remember that this doesn’t just apply to more “tangible” goals like a house or a job, to be more fit, or an income level or stamps in your passport - but it can also be applied  to spiritual goals - like more patience, more compassion, more kindness, to finally FORGIVE. Because there are things we can DO - actions we can TAKE to move towards those goals too, like a regular meditation practice. Retreats. Tong Len practice. Self-coaching (one of the many things I teach in Freedom School). It’s not just thinking about growing spiritually and wishing it. We need to practice. THAT’s how we create results.

This episode will teach you how to not wait to feel motivated or wait until it feels “good.”

We walk about feeling COMMITTED.

// The subtle differences between massive and passive action
// Sneaky ways you’re likely engaging in passive action
// The importance of commitment in being able to take repeated action – and how to feel it
// Long-haul vs short-term commitment
// 4 things you can do to avoid passive action
// One question you can ask yourself to keep yourself out of confusion and into taking action every day towards your goals.

// Check out episode 61 on perfectionist procrastination

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com