Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

Trauma-bonding is circular. The abuser creates the trauma, and then wants you to turn to them when you're hurt and traumatized. You are traumatized by something the abuser does, and you want the abuser to feel understood and you lean in. Circular!

That's why it is SO important to understand the fourteen signs of a trauma-bonded person that I talk about in this episode. You may recognized the patterns--and the drama--that you are experiencing or have experienced. So helpful!

Dr. Patrick Carnes in The Betrayal Bond says that traumatic bonding occurs when "victims have a certain dysfunction attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. There often is seduction, deception, or betrayal. There is always some form of danger or risk."

That is that the very thing that hurts you draws you closer. No more, right? This episode could be a turning point in your life and in your relationships.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• The definition of trauma-bonding
• Understanding the addictive nature of trauma-bonding
• 14 signs of trauma-bonding from Dr. Patrick Carnes
• How you might mistake intensity for intimacy when in a relationship with a #Hijackal
• Dr. Shaler's definition of toxic relationships
• Insights into why you have felt as you do in destructive, toxic relationships

You did not set out to be trauma-bonded. It's nothing that you did. You were set up for it earlier in life, either by being healthy and happy and never imagining this could be the case, or by having been in traumatic relationships earlier in your life. It's not your fault.

Now, that this is all clear to you, you're better equipped to make progress towards a happier, healthier life.

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#traumabonding #traumabonds #addictedtoabuse #addictedtotoxicrelationship #stopthecrazymaking #howtraumabonds #signsoftrumabonding #intensityisnotintimacy

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

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Shame is often not spoken of, or acknowledged on both sides of an emotionally abusive relationship with anyone. Today's episode puts the spotlight on this component of emotional abuse, for both the perpetrator and the recipient.

My guest, Beverly Engel, wrote in her most recent book, Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing From the Shame You Don't Deserve:

"Shame is the most destructive aspect of emotional abuse and it can be the most difficult to heal."

Sometimes people stay in abusive relationships BECAUSE they feel that leaving one is shameful. After all, you chose to enter it, if it's a romantic relationship. Know this: emotionally abusive people pose as potential soulmates to lure you into giving them control over time. It's not your fault! You couldn't have known, in most cases. So, this episode will be ABSOLUTELY affirming for you, and can give you a new perspective that is empowering.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Differences between conscious and unconscious abusers
• How we accept shame when we have had childhood abuse, childhood emotional neglect, or adverse childhood experiences
• Differences between shame and guilt
• Why shame is so hidden and, therefore, damaging
• The link between shame and narcissism
• Why Beverly Engel suggests that shame's counter emotion is pride

GUEST: BEVERLY ENGEL

Beverly Engel is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of toxic relationships and sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of 23 self-help books, including 3 bestselling books on emotional abuse: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, The Emotionally Abused Woman, and Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and has been practicing psychotherapy for 40 years.

She is author of the forthcoming book, ESCAPING EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Healing from the Shame You Don’t Deserve (Kensington, January 2021). She writes about the insidious damage of emotional abuse – a form of domestic violence - and the forms it can take (such as saying or implying that you are ugly, a bad parent, stupid, incompetent, or that no one else could love you). Once a person finally realizes they are being emotionally abused, it is debilitating shame that prevents them from first creating the emotional armor necessary to shield one’s identity from abusive messages, and then stepping away from the relationship.

Engel shares the Five-Step Program she offers in her therapy practice, which has helped her victims overcome the shame of Emotional Abuse, and will also serve as a guide for your listeners who provide services to the emotionally abused.  

GIFT FOR YOU: Not at this time

CONNECT WITH BEVERLY ENGEL:

WEBSITE: https://www.healmyshame.com

PODCAST: 

FACEBOOK: http://m.facebook.com/beverly.engel.96

YOUTUBE:  

INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/beverlyengel

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverly-engel-2164217

TWITTER: 

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Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER! I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#healmyshame #healingmyshame #toxicshame #shameandemotionalabuse #escapingemotionalabuse #beverlyengel

#passiveaggressive #childhoodemotionalneglects #CENS #adversechildhoodexperiences #ACEs

#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #hijackalabuse #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #unhealthyrelationships #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #passiveaggressive #notgoodenough #relationshiphelp #verballyabusive #stopemotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse #emotionaltrauma #narcissism #psychopath #sociopath

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

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You think you're doing your best, giving your all, compromising, and cooperating.

In a healthy relationship, that's great.

In a toxic relationship, you'll be expected to over-give and more. 

It's a setup for emotional abuse. Listen in to see it even more clearly! 

You may hear the word "enabling" and know that it is not a good thing. That's true. Knowing what it IS so you can clearly observe it and recognize it is primary. My definition of enabling is:

"When you usually step in to fix, solve, excuse, rationalize, justify, or make the consequences go away for the poor choices of others."

Does that sound familiar?

Sometimes, you're so exhausted that you let it wash over you, I know. That's just how #narcissists and #Hijackals want you to be: too tired, confused, and worn down to put up any resistance to their having more and more power in the relationship.

You CAN stop enabling their behaviors, and stop in small steps. (That's what I help my clients do, and you can use my new client, one-time offer for a full hour session for only $97.)

You are likely a good person who has done everything you can think of to please your partner or parent. #Hijackals simply won't be pleased for more than a hot minute. You've experienced that, right? So, lean in and listen, so you can think of your next best steps.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• 4 main reasons why you might enable a toxic relationship to continue
• What you may be hoping you'll get in response to the enabling (You won't.)
• Why being your wonderful self will never be good enough for a #Hijackal
• The dynamics of being with a toxic partner and their blame, shame, guilt, and fault-finding
• 8 ways a #narcissist or #Hijackal perpetrates emotional abuse

When you get enmeshed and entangled in enabling, it leads to further and further emotional abuse. See it clearly now, and take action...no matter how small you start. Start!

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#highcostofemotionalabuse #enabling #enablingdefinition #enablinganarcissist #enablingahijackal #stopenabling #makingconsequencesgoaway #whatisenabling #amianenabler #whytostopenabling #whyienable #stoptheemotionalabuse

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

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Every now and again, everyone has an off minute, and says or does something unkind, thoughtless, or just plain hurtful. Toxic people have many traits that happen too consistently...and, too often.

The difference between a person having a toxic moment, and a person who has many toxic traits is that the healthier person will acknowledge, take responsibility for, and apologize after behaving poorly. A #Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult, often narcissistic one--will not be accountable or responsible. They are even likely to blame their poor behavior on you!

That's why it is SO important to take stock of what is going on in your relationship with a partner, parent, sibling, adult child, or co-worker. This episode will help you do that. I suggest you create a tally as you listen. How many of these 40 traits does the person exhibit? Oops!

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• My personal definition of a toxic relationship
• Why healthy people often give toxic people too much understanding, compassion, and "wiggle room."
• Passive-aggressive behaviors (Read my book on Amazon, Stop! That's Crazy-Making! How to Quit Playing the Passive-Aggressive Game )
• 40 behaviors that create toxic relationships
• Ways to understand issues you may not have had your finger on before now
• Understanding the nature of a toxic relationship to make decisions about your future.

If you had a toxic parent, you'll be more susceptible to finding a toxic partner acceptable. That's really something to watch for.

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#signsofatoxicrelationship #signsyouareinatoxicrelationship #amiinatoxicrelationship #amiinatoxicrelationshipwithmymother #toxicrelationshipwithparents #toxicrelationshipwithpartner #toxicrelationshipwithsibling #toxicrelationshipsatwork #underminingbehaviorsinarelationship #underhandedbehaviors

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Toxic relationships are created when a partner exploits the vulnerabilities of the other. If you have ADHD tendencies, you may easily miss red flags as you pay attention to the charms, and are intrigued by the possibilities of the fake future they paint so readily.

Fear and shame also play a part you need to recognize. Hijackals have a honed sense of recognition of vulnerabilities. They are on high alert, looking for these to use to their advantage. You can be the most successful person and they'll see you as a challenge. Not good, at all!

Diann Wingert shares her insights and studies to help us understand why people with ADHD may not see toxic relationships clearly, and stay too long even though they are experiencing emotional abuse.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• How ADHD affects your ability to see red flags when you meet someone new
• Traits women with ADHD have that makes them more susceptible to toxic relationships
• Why intuition sometimes fails to discern patterns of manipulation when ADHD is present
• Why verbal abuse and emotional abuse are sometimes not enough to make someone with ADHD leave a narcissist
• Reasons that people with ADHD fail to leave toxic relationships and to recognize emotional trauma

GUEST: DIANN WINGERT

Diann Wingert is a mindset and productivity coach for female entrepreneurs who identify with the traits of ADHD, officially diagnosed or not. During her 20-year career as a licensed psychotherapist, Diann saw many brilliant and ambitious women struggle with unidentified ADHD, including Diann herself. Since her own mid-life diagnosis, she now mentors women who are “driven but distracted” to get focused and overcome procrastination, perfectionism, and people-pleasing so they can craft a life and business they love.

Diann offers both individual and small group virtual coaching and mentoring to women all over the world. She is a dynamic podcast guest on the topics of ADHD in high ability women, the mental health challenges of entrepreneurship, self care for the self employed and how women can cultivate an entrepreneurial mindset.

GIFT FOR YOU: Wow! Diann is offering you three things at NO cost:

6 Steps to ADHD Mastery, The Driven Woman's Roadmap and the ADHD Signature Strengths Quiz.

https://www.diannwingertcoaching.com/free-stuff

CONNECT WITH DIANN WINGERT :

WEBSITE: https://www.diannewingertcoaching.com

PODCAST: The Driven Woman https://www.diannwingertcoaching.com/podcast

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/diannwingertcoaching

YOUTUBE:  

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/coachdiannwingert/

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/diannwingertcoaching/

TWITTER: 

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Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER! I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#toxicshame #adhd #add #attentiondeficitdisorder #attentiondeficityhyperactivitydisorder #whyadhdcausesmetomiss #impulsivitywithadd #missingredflags #diannwingert #thedrivenwoman #adhdcoachforfemaleentrepreneurs #femaleentrepreneurswithadhd #diannwingertcoaching #ihaveadhd #adhdandtoxicrelationships

#passiveaggressive

#relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #hijackalabuse #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #unhealthyrelationships #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #passiveaggressive #notgoodenough #relationshiphelp #verballyabusive #stopemotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse #emotionaltrauma

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People with narcissistic tendencies and traits want to have their way, and want you to do their bidding.

If they really, really, really want something, or, if they are really, really, really afraid of losing something, they sometimes promise to change.

How many promises has a narcissist--a narcissistic #Hijackal--made to you about changing behaviors? How many of those promises were kept? Right! Not many.

Oh, yes, maybe for a hot minute things improved. That is usually to get you to believe that they sincerely mean what they say. The proof, though, is in the long-term, sustained changes. How many of those changes did you see?

Learning more about why change isn't sustained is important. BUT, it doesn't excuse it. Save yourself from further emotional abuse.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Why admitting a mistake is so difficult for a #narcissist, a #Hijackal
• 5 reasons #narcissists will give you the impression they are going to change
• Why #narcissists seldom change and narcissistic abuse prevails
• Why you get your hopes up when a #Hijackal changes even a little more to the positive
• Why toxic relationships stay the same
• How promising to change and not doing it contributes to emotional abuse

Narcissists are abusive. Their very real fear of closeness gives them little ability or willingness to move in your direction. Promising to change but never actually changing is one way this shows up. See it clearly, even when hope tries to get in your way. You and your children need to be in healthy environments where there is no verbal abuse, no emotional abuse, and no other kind of abuse, either.

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#whynottobelieveanarcissist #promisesofnarcissists #alwaysbelievebehavior #narcissistsseldomchange #dontgetyourhopesup #canIbelieveanarcissistspromises #believinganarcissist #believeanarcissist #promisestochange #narcissistpromisestochange #saveyourselffromabuse

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hijackals use chemistry to manipulate and control you. They exploit it to feel they have power over you. It is a significant part of trauma-bonding. Get clear on what's really happening when you think you're in love, rather than knowing you're being used. 

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• What lust, attraction, and attachment have to do with creating toxic relationships
• Why #Hijackals want to recreate their trauma from a position of control
• What part trauma-bonding plays in thinking you have chemistry with a toxic person
• How #Hijackals depend on the chemistry to keep you hooked in a toxic relationship, a verbally abusive relationship
• How misused chemistry can lead to emotional abuse

Chemistry may draw you back to a relationship of narcissistic abuse and emotional trauma. You may confuse it with love. It isn't love. Don't be fooled. Stop the trauma-bonding, too!

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#traumabonding #chemistryisnotenough #verballyabusive #dontgobacktoabuse #lust #attraction #attachment #don'tmistakechemistryforlove #chemistryisnotcaring #goingbacktoanabuser #gotchemistry #sexualchemistrycanbedangerous

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Constant emotional competition is exhausting.

Most people only do it in one or two small areas of life. When you have a Hijackal parent or partner, it is a daily occurrence--even minute-to-minute--in large and tiny ways. Some ways, you may not even recognize. Listen to learn ten tips to help you emotionally disengage! That's the first, and maybe most important, step!

#Hijackals turn every relationship into a competition. Even things you would not imagine they would find a need to win in, they will! Sad.

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• Why #Hijackals feel the need to compete in relationships
• How something you think couldn't possibly matter gets turned into a battle with a #Hijackal
• Why knowing Hijackals have fragile ego is no reason to coddle them
• Why Hijackals NEED to break you, and feel gratified in doing so
• 10 internal tips for starting to disengage from the competition you don't want

A very important thing to remember if you have a #Hijackal partner, parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker:

You didn't break them: You cannot fix them. It's not your job.

(Hint: all the love, patience, struggle, acceptance, forgiveness, understanding, or willingness will not cause them to change. Got it? Good!)

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#narcissistscompete #competitionwithnarcissists #whyiseverythingacompetition #hijackalsarecompetitive #narcissistsarecompetitive

#relationshipcompetition #competitioninrelationship #competitiveparents #competitivepartners #toxiccompetition #competitionintoxicrelationships

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's common for Hijackals to ruin holidays. Narcissistic folks can be counted on to do it, too.

What's up with that? They'll do it for any celebration.

This episode will help you understand why it happens, AND offers practical suggestions for responding to it in healthier ways.

You don't want to dread the holidays, yet that often happens. You just know that things are going to be tense, at a minimum, right?

There are reasons why these sad folks get so mean around the holidays, or any celebration that is not focused on them.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Listen in and take this to heart. It will save you heartache!

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• 7 sad reasons that narcissistic people ruin celebrations and #Hijackals ruin the holidays
• Knowing why they do it, what you can do
• How being emotionally prepared for things to go wrong helps
• How being physically prepared for when things go sideways in the holidays helps
• Remember, it's not your fault
• Why no amount of trying to please a narcissistic person will work

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#narcissistsruinparties #narcissistsruincelebrations #narcissistsruinholidays #hijackalsruincelebrations #hijackalsruinholidays #whynarcissisticpeoplehavetoruinholidays #ruiningtheholidays #ruiningthecelebration #allaboutthenarcissist #hijackalsneedthespotlight

#needingattention #mustbethecenterofattention

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You might give someone the benefit of the doubt too often. You may be on the receiving end of verbal abuse AND it's important to be clear about it.

Verbal abuse is bullying to win. It's unacceptable. Recognize the many faces of verbal abuse now!

According to USLegal.com, verbal abuse is

"words used to cause harm to the person being spoken to."

It's all about the intent to cause harm: verbal, emotional harm. That can include shouting, insulting, intimidating, threatening, shaming, and demeaning. Do any of those sound familiar?

Lean in and learn all the many ways that verbal abuse shows up. You may have slowly grown accustomed to it, and that's what needs changing now. See verbal abuse for what it is: a gateway to other forms of abuse.

It may be time to accept that you are being verbally abused, and that needs to stop.

Let's talk if you need to: BeAClient.com I'll help you with strategies.

Big hugs!

Rhoberta

HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

• A clear definition of verbal abuse
• Why verbal abuse equals personal attack
• The differences between a "normal" argument and verbal abuse
• The many faces of verbal abuse
• How verbal abuse is the gateway to emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and spiritual abuse
• The importance of recognizing the forms of verbal abuse

Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97

CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.

FOLLOW DR. SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

#recognizingverbalabuse #signsofverbalabuse #verbalabusetoemotionalabuse #verbalabusegateway #gatewaytoemotionalabuse #stopverbalabuse #saynotoverbalabuse

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.