Secluded Thoughts

In this episode, we're getting into three areas of your life that you need to start looking at differently if you want to stop performing and start building the life you actually want.

In this episode we discuss:

• How to start redefining the rules you live by so you can still be ambitious without needing to prove yourself through everything you do.
• The three areas of your life to start redefining to stop performing and align with the most authentic version of yourself.
• What high achieving women need to prioritize in place of perfection (we tend to conflate these two).
• Why doing things to the highest standard can actually hinder you when you're doing them for this reason.
• The mindset shift that keeps you going when you're not getting the results you want.
• The real reason you can be so attached to a goal that has very little to do with what you actually want.
• Why you need to stop optimizing your life around how things look and what to focus on instead.
• Why achieving your goals won't give you the validation you're looking for if you do them for this reason.
• The questions you need to ask yourself before pursuing your next big goal.
• Inner work journal prompts/reflection questions to start rewriting the rules that shape how you show up

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Diary of a High Achiever Substack
• Podcast Substack (to comment on this episode)

If you're ready to work with me & do the inner work:

Become You 2.0 helps you dismantle the performance that has shaped how you show up, redefine the rules you’ve been living by, and step into the most authentic version of yourself so you can pursue your ambitions, make decisions, and build a life that reflects who you truly are and what you actually want, not just what looks good or meets other people’s expectations.

➡️ ENROLL HERE

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What if the reason you can never seem to feel like you've done enough has less to do with your ambition and more to do with something you learned a long time ago? In this episode, we're getting into the “not enough” fracture underneath the externally validated identity, how it shows up in your work, relationships, and the way you make decisions, and what I've done to start changing the narrative.

In this episode we discuss:

• The wound that created my insatiable desire for more
• Why you may be copying what works for other people even when you know it's not how you actually want to do things.
• How over-strategizing can make you more successful on paper while making you completely disconnected from what you're actually doing.
• The REAL reason you feel like you have to be "useful" in your relationships and have a hard time receiving
• The inner critic that constantly makes you feel like you're not doing enough
• Healing the fracture that created your relentless ambition won't make you lazy (and what will actually happen when you do)
• How to change the motivation behind your ambition so you're no longer using achievement to prove your worth.
• Reflection questions to heal your "not enough" wound and start doing things intuitively instead of doing what you see working for others

Mentioned in this episode:

• 📝 Content creation wouldn't feel like a chore if you stopped treating yourself like a brand
• The Diary of a High Achiever
• Secluded Thoughts Substack (to comment on this episode)

If you're ready to do the inner work:

Become You 2.0 was created to help you dismantle the conditioning behind the patterns we talked about in this episode: the need to prove yourself, suppress who you are, seek validation through achievement, and shape your life around external expectations. You'll learn how to identify and rewrite the narratives driving those patterns so you can stop letting them dictate your decisions and start building the life you actually want. ➡️ Enroll Here

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if some of the goals you’re working so hard to achieve aren’t actually things you want? In this episode, we’re getting to the bottom of what you actually want, why it can be so hard to figure that out when you’ve spent years optimizing for achievement and being impressive, and how my life changed when I stopped doing that.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why nothing could just be a hobby for me and everything had to become a business, side hustle, or something I could excel at.
• Being afraid that dismantling my externally validated identity would make me lose my ambition and drive (and what actually happened when I did).
• The real reason we set impressive goals we don't really care about.
• What I learned after realizing that achieving my goals were not going to give me the "feeling" I thought they'd bring.
• The "arrival fallacy" and why achieving your goals don't always give you what you thought it would or feel how you thought it would feel.
• How I realized I was optimizing for vanity metrics instead of what actually mattered to me.
• What happened when I stopped creating content based on what I thought would perform and started creating based on what I genuinely wanted to say.
• Why my Substack took off when I stopped trying so hard to make it work.
• The real reason behind some of the lofty goals I had.
• The difference between being ambitious and feeling like you have to be exceptional at everything.
• How to completely change the way you set goals so they're aligned with what you actual want.
• What happens when you try to chase the goals you *think* you want with your old identity.
• How to start using your ambition to build what you actually want instead of using it to prove something about yourself.
• Goal + vision board audit exercise & why it's important to do this EVERY TIME you set a goal.

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Diary of a High Achiever
• Secluded Thoughts Substack

Homework:

• Goal + vision board audit exercise + leave a comment on the Substack post for this episode and tell me what you discovered.

Sponsors:

Become You 2.0 helps you dismantle the conditioning behind the externally validated identity that makes you feel like everything has to be optimized, impressive, and validated by something outside of you. It teaches you how to stop letting that identity dictate your decisions so you can use your ambition to build the life you actually want. Enroll Here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sorry, I ghosted y’all. 😂 But there was actually a reason, and it had a lot more to do with the version of myself I was becoming than me simply needing a break. In this episode, I’m catching you up on what happened while I was gone, what I realized about the identity I had built around achievement and being impressive, and why I had to let that version of me go before I could really build the life I actually wanted.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why I disappeared from the podcast after years of never missing an episode, and what made me realize the old version of the show no longer represented who I was.
• Realizing how leaving a successful career meant leaving behind way more of my identity than I ever expected.
• What happened when I was forced to sit with myself because I had nothing impressive to hide behind.
• How being externally validated can show up in your relationships.
• Why I found myself blocking people I knew from seeing my content and what that revealed about me that I wasn't prepared for.
• The connection between high achievement, people-pleasing, and the fear of disappointing people who have gotten used to you always having it together.
• Why being hyper-independent can create a cycle where people genuinely stop treating you like someone who might need help.
• Navigating relationships after you've found out that you've been placed on a pedestal.
• Why asking for help felt so unsafe even when I was struggling.
• What happens when a control freak is in a situation they can't control.
• Navigating life after you realize that everything you've built was around what people expected of you.
• What happens when you try to do the things you want to do but a part of you keeps asking, “What will people think?”

Mentioned in this episode:

• The Diary of a High Achiever
• The Unraveling of a High Achiever Series
• The Weird Grief Of Realizing That People Don't Really Know You
• The Weight of Being Placed on a Pedestal
• Secluded Thoughts Substack

Sponsors:

Become You 2.0 dismantles the performative identity that keeps you stuck in approval-seeking, shape-shifting, and people-pleasing mode, trying to live up to who other people expect you to be, and helps you step into a more authentic version of yourself and build the life you actually want. Enroll Here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I'm gonna be honest about what it actually feels like to be placed on a pedestal you never asked to be on, why vulnerability felt like the enemy for most of my life, and what God had to take me through in 2025 to break all of that out of me (and he was not gentle about it).

This is part two so if you haven't watched part one please start there, but in this episode I'm getting into everything I actually learned coming out of that season because there was a lot.

We'll discuss:

• Why not everybody deserves access to your vulnerability even when you're actively working on it
• The difference between people making deposits versus withdrawals when you open up (and how to tell which one is happening)
• What I actually changed about my standards and my relationships to protect myself going forward

If you can relate to this, know that the high achiever conditioning doesn't just stop at your vulnerability, it affects your ability to actually pursue the things you want in life because you're so used to performing. Once you remove that conditioning from your identity, it opens up a world of possibilities you couldn't step into as that performative version of yourself. For coaching to remove the high achiever conditioning from your identity to step into your next level, enroll in the Spring cohort: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

[Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/

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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you're the one who always has it together, the one everybody expects to be okay, the one who would genuinely rather deal with it alone than give people the opportunity to disappoint you — this episode is going to feel uncomfortably familiar.

I'm gonna be honest about what it actually feels like to be placed on a pedestal you never asked to be on, why vulnerability felt like the enemy for most of my life, and what God had to take me through in 2025 to break all of that out of me (and he was not gentle about it).

We'll discuss:

• Why I disdain vulnerability & why high achievers specifically, struggle with vulnerability
• The four responses you almost always get when you open up as the strong one (and why they make you want to never do it again)
• What being placed on a pedestal actually costs you and how it quietly conditions you to keep everything to yourself
• What it took for me to finally understand why I was so allergic to vulnerability and what it was really protecting me from

If you can relate to this, know that the high achiever conditioning doesn't just stop at your vulnerability, it affects your ability to actually pursue the things you want in life because you're so used to performing. Once you remove that conditioning from your identity, it opens up a world of possibilities you couldn't step into as that performative version of yourself. For coaching to remove the high achiever conditioning from your identity to step into your next level, enroll in the Spring cohort: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

[Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You've been working hard, staying consistent, making sacrifices... and yet just when things finally start working, something in you pulls back. You go quiet, you lose momentum, you forfeit the exact moment you've been working hard for. It makes no sense, and it's been driving you crazy.

This episode is going to explain what is actually happening every time that cycle plays out, (because I promise you it goes way deeper than discipline or how bad you want it), and once you understand it you will never look at it the same way again.

We’ll discuss:

• The REAL reason why you lose momentum the moment things start working in your favor
• Why your hard work and discipline STILL isn't enough unless you get this ONE thing right
• The thing I discovered about myself that finally explained why I kept sabotaging my own breakthroughs
• Practical exercise to do next time this happens so you don't sabotage your opportunity

If this has been happening to you and you’re tired of it, join Become You 2.0 to get the blueprint that will get your nervous system on board with your next level so you stop sabotaging every time things start working out: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha

Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You know that season where you're not who you used to be, but you haven't fully stepped into who you're becoming yet? That in-between phase where you're doing everything right, working hard, and staying consistent, but something keeps blocking you from your next level? Yeah, that's exactly what this episode is about.

And I'm going to tell you something you probably haven't heard before about why you're stuck there and what's actually going to get you out. Because I promise you, it's not what you think.

We'll discuss:

• What the in-between phase actually is and why so many people get trapped here longer than they need to
• The sneaky reason your results keep fluctuating no matter how much effort you put in
• Something that happened to me that revealed exactly what was really standing in my way (and it caught me completely off guard)
• Why everything you've been trying hasn't been working, and the one thing that changes all of it
• A practical exercise you can do today to find what's actually blocking you

If this episode resonated with you & you noticed some resistance when doing the exercise at the end, here's the blueprint to remove those blocks and become the version of you required for your next level: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha

Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I'm getting in your business (you've been warned). I'm breaking down six shifts I had to make that completely changed my life. We'll discuss:

• The mentality that keeps you in a loop of negativity
• The 3 ways you're seeking validation that's holding you back
• The thing high achievers specifically struggle with that quietly destroys confidence (this one might hit different)
• Why waiting for clarity is actually the problem
• The loop keeping you stuck at step one with no progress
• The fear hiding underneath all of it, literally holding you hostage

If this episode resonated with you — especially the parts about victim mentality, fear of being seen, or waiting for clarity before you take action — what you're experiencing are symptoms of a misaligned identity. Meaning: the version of you that's trying to do the thing isn't fully aligned with the life you're trying to build. If you're ready to actually become the version of you required for your next level, I'll give you the blueprint: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha

Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

My first Youtube video was me talking about how I was afraid to put myself out there. And now 2 years later I'm telling you everything I learned that helped me get more comfortable showing up online.

Note: this episode is an oldie but goodie so the community no longer exists, however, I have created a new community with coaching to help you become the best version of yourself.

If you struggle with the fear of being seen, confidence, procrastination, self-sabotage, any anything else that hinders you from becoming the best version of yourself, sign up for coaching with me: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity

Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy