Situationship to Soulmate

Ever wondered how understanding the menstrual cycle could be the secret key to unlocking the patterns in your mood, energy levels, and sex drive? This episode is your ultimate guide to decoding the four phases of the menstrual cycle and their profound effects on your daily life. From the low energy and low libido during the menstrual phase, to the peak energy and libido levels of ovulation, and the mood swings and low libido of the luteal phase, our menstrual cycle impacts intimacy in many ways. Drawing from personal experiences and professional insights as a therapist-in-training, Shelly demystifies how our hormonal changes impact relationships and sexual health.

Learn how heightened libido and increased lubrication during ovulation can spice up your intimate moments and why period sex might actually alleviate cramps. We also underscore the importance of communication with your partner, especially during the luteal phase, when PMS or PMDD could amplify anxiety and relationship doubts. Fluctuating libido is perfectly normal, and self-compassion is key. 

Want to learn more about your menstrual cycle and tracking your period and ovulation? Check out my free guide: https://shamelesslyshelly.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/period-cycle-tracking-guide

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In this episode we dissect the psychological impacts of ghosting and breadcrumbing, and what you can do if you experience them. I walk you through the difference between ghosting and breadcrumbing in terms of mental health and implications on your dating life, and how you can find empowerment through boundaries and healthy communication. We also talk about how situationships often include breadcrumbing, and ways you can learn to stop attracting these types of people into your dating life. At the end of this episode I share journal prompts for you to use for self-reflection if you have been ghosted or bread-crumbed.

I draw inspiration and use quotes from the following articles in this episode:

https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/04/health/what-is-breadcrumbing-meaning-wellness/index.html

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/how-to-respond-to-breadcrumbing

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“Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as ‘the giver,’ feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as ‘the taker.' — Dr Exelburg, Verywellmind

Do you often feel you are giving more than your partner in relationships? Do you find yourself walking on eggshells, always being the one who apologizes first, feeling sorry for the other person even when they hurt you, or struggling to find time for yourself? These are all signs of a codependent relationship! In this episode, Shelly covers the definition of codependency, what research shows about the potential causes of it, and advice for overcoming codependent tendencies. 

We talk about how situationships are often inherently codependent, with one person being the "giver" and the other the "taker." Shelly talks about experiences she's had in past situationships that felt codependent in hindsight. 

Some of the key tips for overcoming codependency we cover in this episode include: 

• Work on self-awareness and learning more about the patterns you have in relationships 
• Become the president of your own fan club
• Stand up for yourself and set boundaries 
• Take steps towards separation and independence 

Articles referenced in this episode:

• Codependency: How To Recognize The Signs
• What Is Codependency?

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Have you recently been through a situationship ending? Or maybe you're reflecting on past situationships? Or you can feel that the situationship you're in now has run its course? This episode is all about navigating the "breakup".

Just because it wasn't a "real relationship" doesn't mean situationships aren't just as difficult, if not sometimes MORE difficult, to heal from after they end. In this episode, Shelly shares her personal stories from the 3 main situationships in her 20s, and how she dealt with the ending of them. She also shares do's and dont's for navigating the end of a situationship. 

Some highlights and tips from this episode include: 

• DONT try to stay friends 
• DO go no-contact
• Focus on hobbies and interests you haven't had time for
• Give yourself validation...situationship breakups SUCK! 

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This week's episode includes special guests Rowan and Cal, both queer, non-binary and trans, and polyamorous. They share their personal relationship story which began while Rowan was married, and share the unique challenges they've had and discoveries they've made together throughout their relationship. 

We dive deeply into the complexities, misconceptions and societal views surrounding polyamorous and queer relationships and identities. We examine the dynamics in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships, and the importance of communication, consent, honesty, and trust in navigating any relationship structure. 

Rowan and Cal share their personal journeys with gender, sexuality, and relationship structures, their coming out processes, and how this relationship has helped them each to discover themselves in a deeper way. They offer invaluable insights into maintaining a relationship while undergoing personal transitions, and the need for understanding and support in our lives. Don't miss this enlightening conversation that not only challenges societal norms but also opens up new perspectives on love, identity, and relationships. 

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Do you feel like you mask your true self, just to fit in? Are you feeling frustrated and hurt by your dating experiences, but aren't sure how to change them? Join me as I share why letting go of shame is the key to finding a happier, healthier life, and the key to finding your soulmate. I share my experiences from high school, college, and my twenties, and how a sense of shame shaped my relationships and self-image in a negative way. I also share how my recent ADHD diagnosis was the key that unlocked the understanding of why I felt the need to hide my authentic self. 

Transitioning from shame to empowerment, I'll recount how I harnessed the power of social media, personal development, and healing. Hear how I confronted my fears head on, creating a support group for sexual assault survivors and an online community to talk about consent and sexual health. I'll explain how I learned to let go of the need to please others, embraced authenticity, and found a partner who accepts me and loves me in a way I never knew was possible. This episode isn't just about my journey, but a beacon of hope and guidance for those going through similar experiences.

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If you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this: PEOPLE CANNOT READ YOUR MIND!

Ever expect your partner to magically read your mind, only to be met with disappointment? You're not alone. Drawing from my personal experiences and advice from my own therapy sessions, this episode covers the importance of communication within relationships and why it's crucial to bravely express our feelings and needs, instead of expecting others to just know them. I talk about how fear of the other's reaction often causes us to hold back, leading to misunderstandings and resentment. I also explore how good communication forms the very foundation of a successful relationship, offering actionable steps to enhance your communication skills.

I share examples of effective and ineffective communication in relationships, and offer advice for how to  have better communication in your dating life, whether it's a longterm relationship or a situationship. Learn how to acknowledge and express your feelings effectively, stand up for your needs and transform your relationships through the power of good communication. 

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Are you scrolling through dating apps feeling frustrated, lost, or even hopeless? I've been there too. From my initial hesitance to dive into the app-based dating world to the frustrations that followed, I’ll be sharing it all in this episode. It wasn’t all swiping left, though - I’ve made genuine connections, including meeting a close friend through a dating app. But finding ways to represent myself authentically on the apps brought its fair share of frustrations.

In this episode I share my tips for making the most of your dating app experience, from figuring out what you're really looking for to displaying your authentic self, and even knowing when to take a step back and assess if it's all worth it. 

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Have you ever considered how alcohol affects your dating experiences? Join me as I sit down with Julia, @that1soberfriend on TikTok and Instagram, for a revealing conversation on navigating dating and drinking in your 20s.

We get honest about how we used to rely on alcohol to mask insecurities and lack of confidence, and how this habit can steer us towards wasted time, energy, and missed red flags. Hear our personal stories of how alcohol played a role in preventing us from being our unfiltered selves and finding authentic connections for many years. We challenge the notion that first dates should be alcohol-centric, and instead suggest a shift towards discovering chemistry, connection, and intimacy with a completely clear mind. We underline the significance of embracing awkwardness and discomfort in dating, and that feeling awkward on a first date is completely normal and doesn't have to be avoided. We question the idea of using alcohol as a confidence booster, and shed light on how this can actually be a sign of insecurity. The episode concludes with a contemplation on dating and sobriety, championing the idea that stepping out of our comfort zones can open doors to authentic relationships and personal growth. Tune in for an enlightening dialogue that promises to redefine your perspective on the connection between dating and alcohol.

Follow Julia @that1soberfriend on TikTok and Instagram
Listen to Julia's podcast: "The Young, Fun, And Sober Podcast"

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Welcome to the Situationship to Soulmate podcast, your guide to navigating the complicated world of dating, relationships, and sex in your 20s. 

In today's episode I bring on my very first guest....my boyfriend Colin! As an interracial couple, we had to overcome both of our own preconceived notions and stereotypes about the idea of dating outside our own race, as well as push past the judgement and ignorance that is still alive in our society today.  We've chosen to use our experiences from our 2 year relationship to spark important dialogues about race and relationships. Join us as we unveil real experiences of navigating the nuanced world of interracial dating and general misconceptions we've had to confront.

The evolution of our relationship has been quite a learning curve. From understanding the concept of white privilege and its implications on our relationship to navigating cultural differences, we've grown tremendously. Hear how we deal with differences in food preferences and communication styles, and how our relationship has become more natural over time. This is a candid conversation about love, race, privilege, and the constant journey towards understanding and acceptance. Join us for this intimate conversation and gain insights into the often overlooked dynamics of interracial relationships.

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