Children are brilliant at rationalizing how a parent could simultaneously LOVE them, but also hurt, punish and abandon them. As children we had to make it all fit in our minds but if you’re STILL doing this as an adult – and a lot of us get stuck in that pattern – you may have gotten stuck in "cognitive dissonance. "That’s the psychology term for the mental disturbance and stress you feel when you vaguely realize that what you’re experiencing – and the story you TELL yourself about what you’re experiencing -- don’t line up at all. Like someone is treating you horribly and making your life miserable, and YOU keep finding ways to believe it’s the best relationship ever. But when you’re IN cognitive dissonance, it can be hard to think clearly, or take sane action to protect yourself. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is describing a horrible relationship, and struggling to see that it's a horrible relationship.

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