Stuck Not Broken

Is your self-help routine actually making things worse?

The self-help industry has one answer for everything: do more. More habits, more discipline, more effort. But for a nervous system that's already overwhelmed — stuck in sympathetic flight/fight, freeze overdrive, or dorsal shutdown — more doing can mean more frustration, more overwhelm, and more defeat.

In this episode, I break down 5 common self-help habits that may be working against you if you don't yet have the nervous system capacity for them.

Capacity Builder Live (live meditation sessions) → https://www.stucknotbroken.com/c/calendar/?topics=182524 Unstucking Academy → https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy Previous episode on trauma narrative → https://youtu.be/pvJNSJ8q1aM

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Stop forcing yourself to relive the most painful moments of your life before your body is ready to handle them.

Traditional therapy often skips the most critical step — building the physiological capacity to actually process what comes up. Justin Sunseri breaks down why flooding your system with past trauma makes things worse, and what to do instead.

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Justin Sunseri dives deep into the paradox of meditation and anxiety. If you've ever felt that meditation or breathing exercises make you more anxious, you're not alone—and you're definitely not broken. Justin explains how your nervous system might be signaling for a different approach, especially for those who experience freeze dominance.

🌸 What You'll Learn:

• Why freeze types often need movement instead of stillness
• The three reasons you might experience anxiety after safety practices
• How to work within your capacity and avoid overwhelming your system
• Movement-based alternatives to traditional meditation
• Understanding the "thawing" process and what to expect

🌸 Resources Mentioned:

• Stuck Not Broken: Book 2 (available now) - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
• Stuck Not Broken: Book 3 (coming mid-2026)
• Free Mindful Moments sessions in the Calendar - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/c/calendar/
• Unstucking Academy community - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Does a mental health diagnosis explain why you are suffering, or does it just give your suffering a name?

In this episode, I challenge the traditional way we look at mental health labels. While a diagnosis (like depression, anxiety, or ADHD) can be a helpful shorthand for professionals, it often becomes a trap for the person receiving it—convincing them they are "broken" rather than adapting to their life context.

To illustrate this, I share the story of two hypothetical clients: Penny and Milton. Both come to therapy with the exact same heavy symptoms.

• Penny receives a diagnosis, is told she has a disorder to manage forever, and leaves feeling defective.
• Milton is met with a nervous system perspective, learns his feelings make sense based on his history, and is given the tools to actually heal.

Join me as we explore why your diagnosis is a description, not a life sentence. We’ll discuss how to shift from "fighting a disorder" to building safety in your nervous system, so you can stop merely managing symptoms and start getting unstuck.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Why a diagnosis in the DSM describes what is happening but rarely explains why.
• The critical difference between the "Disorder Model" vs. the "Nervous System Model."
• How to stop rejecting your feelings and start building safety (the "Milton" approach).
• Why your symptoms are likely a normal response to an abnormal situation.

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

What if I told you that your ability to practice Stoicism isn't just about willpower or mindset—but about the actual physiological state of your nervous system? In this episode, I dive deep into a profound quote from Epictetus that perfectly illustrates how our autonomic nervous system affects our capacity to respond wisely to life's challenges.

Using the metaphor of water, light, and appearances, we'll explore:• Why some days Stoic practices feel effortless while other days feel impossible• How your nervous system state acts as a "filter" for all incoming reality• The real reason willpower alone isn't enough for lasting change• 3 practical daily practices to "steady your internal waters"• How nervous system regulation enhances (rather than replaces) Stoic philosophy

Key Quote: "Such as is a dish of water, such is the soul. Such as is the ray of light, which falls on the water, such are the appearances." - Epictetus

0:00 Introduction

0:40 The Epictetus Quote

1:17 Breaking Down the Metaphor

3:32 The Coffee Example

5:10 Connecting to the Nervous System

8:21 How Reality Filters Through Your State

9:36 Person A vs Person B

13:22 What To Do About This

15:39 The Problem with Traditional Stoic Practice

19:06 Settling the Water

20:26 Practical Steps You Can Take Today

22:54 Closing & Resources

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

There's more to me than Polyvagal Theory—I'm also a dad. And sometimes the best lessons come from the most unexpected places... like watching my son walk barefoot in sandals through a cold, rainy parking lot.

In this reflective episode, I share a simple family moment that reminded me: mindfulness looks different for everyone. When my son told me he loves feeling "the air flowing between his toes," I realized he'd found his own way to be present—even if it made his parents cringe.

Key Takeaways:

→ Kids often know what they need and can make informed decisions (even about socks)→ Mindfulness doesn't require meditation cushions or apps—it can be as simple as cold air on bare feet→ Wise parents pick their battles; natural consequences teach better than artificial ones→ We all have our own version of "sockless mindfulness"—mine is opening the bathroom window during a hot shower

A Question for You:What's YOUR unconventional mindfulness practice? The thing that grounds you that might seem weird to others?

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

"That was a long time ago. I don't think it affects me anymore."

Have you ever said this about something from your past? In this deeply personal episode, Justin shares his own recent experience of discovering how past trauma still lives in the body—even when we're not thinking about it.

After a major spinal surgery in 1997, Justin thought he'd moved on. But when new back issues required x-rays nearly 30 years later, he felt something unexpected surface: a saddened familiarity, an inward collapse. The past was still there, waiting.

This episode offers a real-time example of what self-regulation can look like during difficult moments—and an invitation to extend more compassion toward yourself and the feelings that surface, even when they're unexpected.

Key takeaways:

• Why "I don't think about it" doesn't mean it's resolved
• How to permit your feelings while staying anchored in safety
• The value of building your Safety Baseline before the unexpected arrives
• What it looks like to balance difficult emotions with safety in real time

A different kind of episode. A different kind of connection.

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

A balloon floated down from the hotel ceiling. My son said, "Hit it back."

I was sitting on a bench, quietly processing—reflecting on a loud, joyful Italian family reunion the night before, thinking about my upbringing, the conversations with my brothers, how my wife and I are raising our own kids. I wanted to stay in that quiet space.

But then a wave of irritation hit me. And in that fraction of a second before the balloon touched my head, a thought arrived:

This moment may never happen again.

In this episode, I share a simple story from a family trip to San Jose—and what it taught me about:

• Recognizing when we shift out of safety and into fight or flight
• The quiet power of playfulness as a pathway back to connection
• Why seizing small moments matters more than we think

This isn't about grand gestures or life-changing epiphanies. It's about a balloon, a 10-year-old boy, and the choice to hit it back.

Consider this as me hitting a balloon to you. 🎈

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

When your spouse is dysregulated, shut down, or lashing out in anger—what's really happening? And more importantly, what can YOU do about it?

In this episode, I break down:

✓ The biological difference between being technically safe and *feeling* safe

✓ Why your partner may not identify you as a safety cue (even if you're trying)

✓ The "Polyvagal Ladder"—how shutdown → anger → safety actually works

✓ Why fight activation coming out of shutdown is actually a GOOD sign

✓ The painful relationship cycle (and how to break it)

✓ 4 practical tips to shift relationship dynamics

KEY TAKEAWAY: If you want your relationship to change, it falls on YOU to show up differently. You can't control your partner's nervous system, but you can regulate yours—and that's powerful.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

0:00 - Introduction: Understanding Dysregulation in Relationships

0:32 - Listener's Question: Navigating Marital Challenges

2:01 - The Concept of Safety in Relationships

7:31 - The Role of Fight Activation and Safety

11:03 - Breaking the Cycle: Self-Regulation and Boundaries

20:12 - Practical Tips for Changing Relationship Dynamics

26:45 - Conclusion: The Journey to Self-Regulation

👉 Resources from this episode:

"Self-Regulate to Co-regulate" episode - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ZflmdCZyE

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Two years ago, I said AI couldn't replace therapists. I was wrong—about the technology, anyway. In late 2025, AI can now see you, hear your voice, and remember everything you say. But just because it can doesn't mean it should. In this episode, I'm exploring what's actually possible, who AI might actually help, and the uncomfortable questions we're not asking yet. This one might upset you. Good.

📱 Ready to practice self-regulation? Try the Stuck Not Broken app for free - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/app?src=podcast

🌸 Not sure which stuck state you're in? Recognize where you're at and join the free community here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=stuck-page

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point here - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=how-i-can-help

🙂 Don't know the Polyvagal Theory? Catch up here - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)