Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

In "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking," you're introduced to the unconventional notion that the pursuit of happiness might actually lie down a 'negative path.' Oliver Burkeman invites you to consider embracing life's uncertainties and insecurities, challenging the prevalent culture of positive thinking. Overly optimistic mindsets, he argues, can lead to a denial of reality and set you up for greater disappointment. The book delves into the idea of "negative capability," encouraging you to become comfortable with ambiguity and resist the urge to hastily resolve doubt.

Burkeman guides you through the Stoic philosophy, which emphasizes controlling what you can and accepting what you cannot. He introduces you to the concept of negative visualization, a Stoic practice of contemplating the worst to temper anxiety and build resilience. This conversation also takes you through the paradox of control. Burkeman illustrates how accepting failure can be a conduit to success. He challenges the fixation on goals, advocating instead for a focus on routines, suggesting that happiness is better pursued indirectly as a byproduct of a life lived in alignment with personal values.

Lastly, the book beckons you to confront the uncomfortable directly through practices like mindfulness and to appreciate life's fragility through memento mori. Burkeman introduces the concept of antifragility, where you gain strength from stressors. He proposes a balanced life approach, where accepting death, failure, and uncertainty can lead to a more authentic form of happiness. As you reflect on these ideas, you'll find "The Antidote" not just a critique of Western culture's happiness obsession but a practical guide advocating for a more realistic and accepting approach to the inevitable challenges of life.

Links & Notes

• Buy The Antidote: Happiness for People who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

In his provocative book Four Thousand Weeks, author Oliver Burkeman confronts our culture's obsession with productivity and efficiency. He makes the case that with a limited lifespan of around 4,000 weeks, our pursuit of packed schedules and perfect work-life balance is ultimately futile.

Burkeman urges us to embrace the unchangeable reality that our time is finite. Only by accepting our human limitations, he argues, can we focus on what matters most and live with intention. Rather than desperately trying to find more time, we should recognize that time management is impossible. Every moment we gain elsewhere means a sacrifice of something else.

Confronting the brevity of life is daunting but also liberating. It allows us to pare down our priorities, say no to less meaningful activities, and zero in on how we truly want to spend the days we have. Presence becomes more important than productivity. With mortality as a guidepost, we can live each moment more purposefully.

The book is an enlightening take on time, work, and what makes life meaningful. Burkeman blends philosophical insights with practical advice to fundamentally reframe how we approach our use of time. Four Thousand Weeks is a compelling invitation to examine our values and construct daily routines that align with what we cherish most. Though our weeks are limited, we have the power to fill them with intentionality.

Links & Notes

• Oliver Burkeman
• Buy Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

It's season 28 and we're kicking it off with a look at how we make decisions. See, we all have models through which we see the choices before us. We decided to start this series with a look at some of the acknowledged mental models around decision-making to help us create a vernacular we can use to discuss how our brains are impacted by choices in our lives and our ADHD.

Mental models are bite-sized, condensed views that help us understand ourselves and the world around us. We explore various mental models that can both aid and hinder our decision-making, such as the tendency to want to do something, confirmation bias, hindsight bias, overgeneralizing from small samples, social proof, and opportunity costs. We discuss the importance of using these models with caution and not relying on them entirely for decision-making. Join us as we explore these fascinating concepts and gain insights into how our biases and tendencies can influence our choices.

Links & Notes

• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

We’re having so much fun talking about planning that we’re sticking with it another week! And this time, it’s all about what happens when we fall off the wagon. 

How do you stand up with courage and strength and admit you’ve strayed from your system? How do you face the flood of email when you get back from a well-earned vacation? We’re digging into the tools and practices that will help you get back in the saddle and shake the shame of the struggle along the way!

Links & Notes

• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

We're talking about planning again and we're taking on your questions! Getting started, long-term planning, making transitions, and even AI tools are on deck for this week's show. The big topics:

• How do you get started planning when you haven't done it?
• How do you plan to plan?
• Struggling with personal deadlines?
• What if you’re struggling to make plans more than a few weeks ahead of time?
• How do you plan for things that don't have concrete goals?
• What do I do during transition time?
• AI and how do I use it?
• So... why TickTick?

Links & Notes

• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Pete’s in the hot seat this week as Nikki walks through a listener question of the motivational variety. For reference, here it is:

“When we have a plan of quadrant two tasks, important but not urgent, it is impossible to focus on those at all if there are ANY quadrant one tasks... urgent and important... unresolved. What’s interesting is that you might think, sure ... do those. They’re urgent and important. But the problem is that maybe you’ve done your part on them. You’re waiting for an email response... you are time-blocked from doing anything about it because a store isn’t open... something like that. It’s unresolved, AND you can’t do anything about it, AND you can’t focus on anything else that is on your list that would move other projects forward as a result.”

There’s an emotional yo-yo at work here, and you can bet there is a healthy dose of limiting beliefs. But there is also a very real connection between this attachment and the ADHD brain. Nikki walks Pete through an exercise that aims to make this relationship a bit softer.

Links & Notes

• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

On this week’s show, Pete and Nikki break down how to create and implement planning systems that work with the ADHD brain.

“There is not a perfect calendar, planner or task manager for ADHD,” notes Nikki. “What matters is that you build trust and consistency with your chosen tools.” 

They start by addressing common misconceptions about finding the “right” organizational system. As Nikki explains, no one tool determines success - only your willingness to use it consistently builds planning skills. She cautions against getting distracted searching for a flawless system. What matters is finding tools that fit your workflow and building habits around using them daily.

What causes so many to abandon their carefully chosen systems? They share the psychological traps that sabotage trust in planning tools, from perfectionism to learned helplessness. They discuss how forgetting to use the system consistently or failing to personalize it to your needs also hinders success. Tune in to gain insight into why your tools may be failing you.  

The key to results is forming a habit of using your system, not the system itself. They offer tips like starting small, scheduling planning time and allowing flexibility as you build consistency. Nikki emphasizes that mistakes are part of the process - you must persist through frustration to cement reliability. 

Create order amidst the chaos of ADHD through insights on building planning systems you can trust. Pete and Nikki guide you through myths, pitfalls, and practical strategies for long-term consistency. Discover how small steps create big change.

Links & Notes

• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

In this week's episode of Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, hosts Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright interview Dr. Tamara Rosier about motivation and ADHD. Dr. Rosier, author of "Your Brain's Not Broken," shares insights from her experiences as an ADHD coach and professor to uncover motivation strategies for those with ADHD.

As Dr. Rosier explains of those living with ADHD, "There is really no research explaining our success in the modern world." Her book aims to send a "love letter" to those struggling, affirming that "You're okay. And I know it feels hard for you, but you're still okay."

The hosts dive into the complicated relationship between ADHD and motivation. Dr. Rosier notes that while ADHD can make people appear self-centered as they struggle to survive, most "are incredibly sensitive" and "heart forward." Pete adds that ADHD allows people to "forget the important things"—like basic needs—while seeking self-actualization. Dr. Rosier agrees this makes success especially difficult, as "easy things are very difficult" for those with ADHD, yet they still accomplish much.

To build motivation, Dr. Rosier suggests first assessing your values—why something matters. She coaches Nikki to uncover beliefs like "I should enjoy cooking" that create pressure. Next, acknowledge the difficulty but willingness to do hard things. Tie actions to values, not beliefs that demotivate. Dr. Rosier advises imagining your future self; what actions would serve them well? For her, laying out morning clothes helps future Tamara. Finally, notice existing successes instead of dismissing them. Despite feeling inconsistent, for example, Pete already walks his dog each and every morning.

While discussing motivation, Dr. Rosier exposes thought patterns that sabotage us. Beating yourself up rarely helps. Instead, start by naming emotions and difficulties without judgment. Accept dissonance between wants and responsibilities. Motivation takes self-awareness, values exploration, and celebrating every step forward.

Here are a few key takeaways:

• How ADHD impacts motivation and success
• Steps to take to understand and build motivation
• How to shift from self-judgment to self-acceptance
• Strategies to uncover motivation blocks like beliefs
• The importance of aligning actions with values
• Ways to celebrate small consistency wins

With compassionate insight, Dr. Rosier exposes why motivation is so complex yet possible. This inspiring episode explores practical strategies to overcome motivation challenges. Anyone seeking to understand themselves and build motivation from within will find this a thoughtful listen.

Links & Notes

• Learn more about Dr. Tamara Rosier
• Follow Dr. Tamara Rosier on LinkedIn
• Get the book: “Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD” by Dr. Tamara Rosier

• (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright aim to explore the meaning of joy, the differences between joy and happiness, and practical ways to cultivate more joy in daily life living with ADHD.

This episode dives into the essence of joy, including surprise moments as well as practices that help align us to experience joy more frequently. Nikki shares insights from a recent retreat focused on sound, music, and vibrations for generating joy and harmony in life.

Key points covered:

• Defining joy as moments of transcendent happiness sparked by surprise, versus the overall state of happiness. "Joy involves changes in visual perception. Colors seem brighter, motor behavior, physical movements feel freer and easier, smiling happens involuntarily."
• Happiness as a constant state, while joy represents fleeting peaks within the state of contentment. An analogy: "Happiness is a 100-story building and joy is the elevator that takes you to higher floors briefly."
• The importance of letting difficult emotions move through you rather than ruminating endlessly. "Feel the storm, and then let it move through you."

Questions we answer in this episode:

• What is the difference between joy and happiness?
• How can we cultivate more joy in daily life?
• What are tools for moving through grief or trauma to regain joy?

Key Takeaways:

• If seeking joy, focus on aligning practices toward joy.
• Turn toward positive thoughts, music, sights that spark joy. What you focus on grows.
• Meditation, journaling, and talk therapy help stop rumination loops.

This is an uplifting episode on aligning ourselves to notice and generate more joy in daily life. Quotes like "the past no longer counts, the future hasn't been written yet" inspire us to be present for fleeting moments of joy.

Links & Notes

• Learning to Learn and the Navigation of Moods: The Meta-Skill for the Acquisition of Skills
• The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage
• Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett: How to Understand Emotions - Huberman Lab
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

The world can be a tough place. We know that our ADHD doesn't make that any easier. But our health and well-being depend heavily on the worldview we cultivate in spite of our challenges. This week, we're talking about optimism, how we find it, and how we make it a practice in the face of struggle. 

We’ll talk about the things that get in the way of our efforts to feel optimistic like emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, an impulsivity. The thing is, in the face of all those challenges, we’re already wired with our other tools to regain control. We’re generally OK with therapy and strengths-based approaches to wellbeing, for example. 

So let’s explore mental models that impact us. These include Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset, Cognitive-Behavioral models, and Martin Seligman’s Explanatory Style theory. That’s the one that has impacted Pete the most this month. For the sound of a mind being blown, listen in. 

This episode is brought to you by Stimara. Get your next favorite fidget and engage your brain with a fidget designed by neurodiverse adults for neurodiverse adults and save 15% along the way. Visit Stimara for yours today, and thank you to Stimara for Sponsoring The ADHD Podcast!

Links & Notes

• Sponsor: Stimara
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast