Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Aging with ADHD often hides in the background of our conversations, even though so many of us feel its effects every day. In this episode, we bring it forward with help from Jami Shapiro, whose work sits right at the intersection of ADHD, transitions, and later-life planning. She’s a senior move manager, ADHD coach, and the voice behind Grandma Has ADHD. Her mix of humor, candor, and lived experience sets the tone for a conversation that feels both comforting and disarming.

Jami’s ADHD diagnosis arrived in her mid-40s, long after she had built a career, raised children, and weathered major life changes. The bigger surprise came later: realizing her mother had been living with ADHD as well, completely undiagnosed into her seventies. That discovery reshaped not only Jami’s understanding of her family history but also the emotional patterns she had carried for decades. It softened old misunderstandings and gave her and her mother a way to talk to each other that hadn’t existed before.

From there, the conversation widens into the many transitions that come with midlife and beyond—downsizing, empty rooms once filled by children, changing routines, and the simple pressure of making decisions when every choice feels weighty. Jami explains how emotional intensity, uncertainty, and decision fatigue show up more sharply for ADHD adults, especially as responsibilities shift and long-established structures fall away. She walks us through what makes these transitions overwhelming and what actually helps when “just start somewhere” doesn’t land.

We also spend time on the parent–child dynamic that emerges when adult children try to help their aging parents with organizing or downsizing. Jami gives a clear look at why these roles easily tangle, how shame gets triggered on both sides, and why a neutral guide often makes the work calmer for everyone involved. Her stories from years of senior move management reveal patterns that many families will recognize instantly.

There’s also a practical side to this conversation: how to create a floor plan before a move, how to sort sentimental objects without spiraling, how to use photos and “family show-and-tell” conversations to preserve memories, and how to stay grounded when technology becomes a barrier. Jami talks openly about scams, tech overwhelm, and the very real worries older adults carry about cognitive decline—topics that are easier to avoid than to name, but essential for keeping ourselves and our loved ones safe.

The heart of this episode is simple: learning about ADHD later in life doesn’t erase the years behind you, but it can change how you interpret them. It can ease old guilt, untangle family stories, and give you permission to approach the next chapter with more clarity and less self-blame. Jami’s work is full of that spirit, and her guidance makes the process of aging with ADHD feel less isolating and more like something we can navigate together.

Links & Notes

• Jami Shapiro
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

We’re revisiting a classic — and for longtime listeners, a foundational topic: the Tolerations List. These are the small, nagging things we put up with every day — the crooked picture, the squeaky door, the wrong clock time — that quietly drain our focus and energy. Pete and Nikki first talked about tolerations all the way back in episode 106, and a decade later, they’re still finding new lessons in this deceptively simple coaching exercise.

In this episode, they explore how tolerations evolve over time and how ADHD brains are especially vulnerable to letting them pile up. Nikki brings fresh perspective from her early coaching school days, where the idea originated as a way to identify and release mental clutter. They dive into how tolerations become invisible over time — from broken stove knobs and unpainted bathrooms to window coverings that never got ordered. Together they unpack the emotional undercurrent of these seemingly minor annoyances: why we live with them, how we rationalize them, and what it means to decide which ones are worth fixing versus simply accepting.

They also revisit one of their most endearing long-running debates: is it a toleration or a project? From broken dishwashers to cluttered garages, they draw the line between avoidance, acceptance, and intentional deferral. And, in true ADHD fashion, they discuss how everything feels urgent — until you realize that not everything is.

By the end, Pete and Nikki offer a practical guide to managing tolerations using the GPS Planning color system: identifying red (urgent), green (important), and blue (non-urgent) tasks, and intentionally tackling the ones that genuinely lighten your cognitive load. You’ll learn how to make the invisible visible, how to reclaim small pockets of energy, and how to let go — compassionately — of the things that no longer deserve your bandwidth.

Links & Notes

• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

This week, we’re talking about what it means to be both introverted and ADHD, and how those two identities can collide—or beautifully harmonize—when you finally understand yourself. Our guest is Kyrus Keenan Westcott, better known as Ky, the creator behind The Vibe With Ky. With more than 1.5 million followers across TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, Ky has become a leading voice for ADHD awareness, mental health, and the art of adulting without apology.

Ky joins Pete and Nikki to share his story of a late ADHD diagnosis at age 35—how it reshaped his understanding of his past, and how he processed it through stages of grief, anger, and acceptance. We talk about what it means to find peace after years of wondering, “If I had only known sooner.”

Then we dig into introversion. Ky helps us debunk the myths—no, being an introvert doesn’t mean you hate people, and it’s not the same as social anxiety. It’s about energy: how you spend it, how you recover it, and how to protect it through healthy boundaries. From managing “introvert guilt” to learning the beauty of traveling solo and saying no without shame, Ky brings humor and humanity to the experience of living quietly in a loud world.

Oh, and yes—there’s Gilmore Girls talk. Plus, Ky reveals his brand-new fragrance collaboration: “Why Did I Walk Into This Room?”, a cherry-pie-and-cinnamon scent honoring the spirit of adult ADHD.

If you’ve ever wrestled with the feeling that you’re “too quiet,” “too tired,” or “too late,” this episode will remind you that your timing and your energy are perfect—just the way they are.

Links & Notes

• Why Did I Walk Into This Room? collaboration with The Vibe With Ky
• The Vibe With Ky
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

When Dr. Nachi Felt first joined us, he introduced two big ideas that stuck with a lot of listeners—the Cycle of Ambiguity and the Cycle of Agency. Those conversations gave language to what so many of us experience every day with ADHD: the frustration of getting stuck, and the relief that comes when we finally start moving again.

This time, Nachi is back to take the next step forward with something new: the Cycle of Accountability. It’s not about guilt or discipline or “holding yourself to higher standards.” It’s about what happens when you stop treating accountability like punishment and start seeing it as connection—to your values, to your sense of purpose, to the people who matter to you.

Together, we dig into how meaning drives motivation for ADHD brains, why avoidance feels so sneaky and familiar, and how the smallest acts of self-acceptance can spark real change. Along the way, Nachi talks about trauma, growth, and what it means to finally believe that you matter enough to take ownership of your own story.

Links & Notes

• Clearheaded by Dr. Nachi Felt • Sign up and get the introduction to the new book right now!
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

We love to say it: “Your future self will thank you.” It’s a mantra for hopeful planning, a reminder that the effort you put in now will pay off later. But for people with ADHD, that phrase can land like a challenge you keep failing to meet — because the gap between Now You and Future You can feel impossibly wide.

This week, we welcome back our friend James Ochoa, licensed professional counselor, author of Focused Forward, and creator of the new reflective tool 11Q Your ADHD. Together, we’re digging into what makes long-term planning feel so fraught for ADHD brains — and how we can reconnect with the version of ourselves we’re trying to help.

We’ll talk about the emotional weight of goal-setting, how perfectionism sabotages progress, and why redefining responsibility as self-support — not pressure — changes everything. James highlights how planning isn’t about control or productivity; it’s about compassion. When you treat “future you” like someone worth caring for, you create the emotional safety that makes real progress possible.

We also explore practical scaffolding: tools, community, and systems that “have your back” when motivation dips — because ADHD management isn’t a solo project. Whether you’re learning to forgive past missteps or just trying to make tomorrow a little easier, this conversation will help you find hope and grace in the small choices that compound over time.

And stay tuned — James introduces his new project, 11Q Your ADHD, a reflective experience designed to help you strengthen your internal guidance system and cultivate a kinder, more curious relationship with yourself.

Future You isn’t a stranger. They’re someone you can start taking care of — today.

Links & Notes

• 11Q Your ADHD - Free Vision Exercise | James Ochoa
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

In 1992, a struggling advertising executive in Manhattan walked into his Upper East Side doctor's office with what he thought might be a revelation. His boss had just been diagnosed with ADHD, and the symptoms—the scattered thinking, the time that evaporated, the constant feeling of running to catch up—sounded eerily familiar. The doctor listened, nodded, and delivered his professional opinion: "ADD is a myth created by the media. You just need to do more crossword puzzles."

Alan Brown took that advice seriously. For five years, he became exceptional at the New York Times crossword puzzle—almost able to complete the notoriously difficult Saturday edition. His ADHD, however, remained completely uncured.

This week on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, Alan Brown—now known as the ADD Crusher—returns after nine years to unpack a question that haunts nearly everyone with ADHD after diagnosis: Now what?

Because here's what nobody tells you: getting diagnosed is the easy part. The hard part is learning to ask for what you need without drowning in shame. The hard part is figuring out how to advocate for yourself when the very act of asking feels like admitting defeat.

Alan walks us through a discovery that transformed his career: the moment he refused a shared office space and, instead of being fired or labeled difficult, ended up with a private office overlooking lower Manhattan. It wasn't magic. It wasn't luck. It was understanding something fundamental about advocacy that most people miss entirely.

The conversation reveals two deceptively simple mindset shifts that unlock the door to effective self-advocacy. The first: replacing "I suck at this" with "I'm trying." The second: swapping "I should be able to" with "I am willing to." These aren't just feel-good affirmations—they're the difference between staying stuck and making progress.

But there's a deeper pattern here in the concept of "expansionist thinking"—the ADHD superpower of seeing connections and possibilities everywhere—and how it becomes weaponized against us. One small failure explodes into "I suck at everything." One unmet expectation spirals into complete self-doubt. Understanding this pattern is the first step to interrupting it.

Throughout the conversation, a central question emerges: When are you at your best? Not when do you think you should be at your best. Not when does everyone else seem to be at their best. When are you actually, genuinely at your best? Answer that question honestly, and you've identified every accommodation you'll ever need.

Alan shares his upcoming presentation at the ADHD conference in Kansas City—"Ten Simple Mindset Shifts for More Doing and Less Stressing"—and offers his free ebook at ADDCrusher.com: "Five Things We're Doing Every Day That Make Our ADHD Worse."

Because it turns out the real question isn't whether you deserve accommodations. The real question is: what becomes possible when you finally ask for what you need?

Links & Notes

• ADDCrusher.com
• International Conference on ADHD 2025
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Imagine this: one person spends ten minutes with their doctor, walks out with a prescription, and calls it an ADHD diagnosis. Another spends an entire day in a psychologist’s office, testing memory, attention, and executive function, only to arrive at the very same conclusion. Which one is “real”? Which one counts?

In this episode, Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer talk with psychologist Dr. Amie DeHarpporte, who has spent her career living at the intersection of these contradictions. Once a high school teacher and now a specialist in ADHD assessment, Dr. DeHarpporte has seen how elusive—and yet how desperately needed—a clear diagnosis can be. She explains why ADHD is simultaneously overdiagnosed and underdiagnosed, how TikTok has blurred the boundaries of what people think ADHD looks like, and why the process is as much art as it is science.

But the story isn’t just about tests and checklists. At its heart, a diagnosis is about validation—about someone finally saying, yes, what you’ve been experiencing all these years is real. Dr. DeHarpporte takes us inside her practice, showing how thorough assessment can unravel years of shame, rewrite self-narratives, and reveal strengths hidden in plain sight.

What you’ll discover is that ADHD diagnosis isn’t a binary. It’s a lens, a way of telling the story of your life with more clarity. And sometimes, that clarity is the most important prescription of all.

Links & Notes

• Dr. Amie DeHarpporte’s practice: Portage Psychology
• Unapologetically ADHD paperback release October 28
• Support the Show on Patreon
• ADHD Discord Community
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Here's a puzzle that will stop you cold: ADHD has exploded into public consciousness. More diagnoses than ever. More research. More conversations. And yet? Turn on your television. What stares back at you?

The class clown. The scatterbrained sidekick. The walking punchline.

Something doesn't add up.

This disconnect—between lived reality and screen reality—forms the heart of this week’s conversation with Matthew Fox, whose passion for dissecting genre media runs as deep as their own neurodivergent experience. Fox hosts Superhero Ethics and other podcasts that examine the ethics woven through our most beloved stories. But today, they’re hunting bigger game.

Consider this: Maria von Trapp. "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" Sound familiar? Fox argues she's ADHD incarnate. Flighty. Unpredictable. Out of focus. The nuns can't pin her down. Neither can we, apparently. Because nobody—not once—uses the words.

That's the pattern. Characters burst with hyperactivity, impulsivity, attention challenges. Dennis the Menace in the '50s. Tigger bouncing through the Hundred Acre Wood. Calvin racing after imaginary adventures. All ADHD-coded. None explicitly labeled.

Why does this matter? Because children search desperately for themselves in stories. Adults do too, though less consciously. When representation gets frozen in stereotype—or worse, buried in subtext—it shapes how teachers see students, how employers evaluate talent, how we see ourselves.

The conversation zigzags through terrain both familiar and startling. Percy Jackson, where ADHD becomes a god-given power. Phil Dunphy, the endearing but scattered dad. Jake Peralta solving crimes through controlled chaos. Then the darker territory: Barney Stinson using ADHD as an excuse for predatory behavior.

But here's where it gets interesting. Fox points out a part of the conversation that is too often forgotten: the gender patterns. Hyperactive male character? Meet his organized, grounding female partner. It's everywhere once you see it. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Modern Family. New Girl. The narrative is always the same—love of a steady woman tames the chaotic man.

And buried within all of this lies a more uncomfortable truth. In our hunger to see ourselves on screen, we claim characters who were never intended as representation. We read ADHD into Kirk and Spock, into Hiccup and his dragon, into anyone who shows even a glimmer of recognition.

Is that enough? Should it be?

Whether you're searching for positive examples for your children or trying to untangle how decades of media have shaped your own relationship with neurodivergence, this conversation might just shift how you watch ... everything.

Links & Notes

Shows and Movies

• Modern Family - Phil Dunphy as ADHD-coded character
• Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Jake Peralta as positive ADHD representation
• How I Met Your Mother - Barney Stinson as problematic ADHD portrayal
• New Girl - Nick and Jess relationship dynamic
• The Simpsons - Bart Simpson and Ritalin episode (2000)
• Community - Abed Nadir as autism-coded character
• Parenthood (TV series) - Autism representation
• Arrow - Felicity Smoak as ADHD-coded character
• K-pop Demon Hunter - Zoe as positive ADHD representation
• The Sound of Music - Maria von Trapp as ADHD-coded
• Finding Nemo/Finding Dory - Dory as ADHD representation
• How to Train Your Dragon - Hiccup as ADHD-coded

Books and Characters

• Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan - ADHD as demigod trait
• Calvin and Hobbes - Calvin as ADHD-coded
• Dennis the Menace - Classic hyperactive representation
• Winnie the Pooh characters as neurodivergent representation

Podcasts by Matthew Fox

• The Ethical Panda
• Superhero Ethics
• Star Wars Generations
• Marvel Movie Minute (co-hosted with Pete Wright)
• The Once and Future Parent(Coming soon!)

Links & Notes

• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Money is rarely just about math—it’s about stories, habits, emotions, and, for ADHDers, often a deep sense of shame. In this episode, Pete and Nikki sit down with Nicole Stanley, financial coach and founder of Arise Financial Coaching, to unpack the hidden ways ADHD intersects with our finances—and how we can finally start to build a healthier, ADHD-friendly relationship with money.

Nicole shares her own diagnosis journey and the challenges of postpartum depression, financial anxiety, and feeling “not enough” as a new mom. From there, she walks us through how our early experiences shape money beliefs (most of us make up our financial mindset by age seven!), and why traditional budgeting advice so often fails the ADHD brain.

This conversation is a blueprint for anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed, behind, or just exhausted trying to “do money right.” Nicole reframes key concepts: how to spot the real root of your financial stress, why automating your systems might be better than trying to “budget harder,” and how to emotionally connect to your goals so you’re actually excited to follow through.

Plus: what financial coaches really do, how ADHDers can leverage dopamine to create a positive money loop, and the five core financial problems that every person needs to identify before they can move forward. Whether you’re in credit card debt, unsure where your money’s going, or just sick of feeling behind—this episode is your permission to drop the shame and start where you are.

Links & Notes

• Arise Financial Coaching
• YNAB (You Need A Budget)
• Become a Supporting Member
• Join the ADHD Discord Community
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

Books Mentioned in This Episode:

• The Simple Path to Wealth by J.L. Collins
• Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin & Joe Dominguez
• I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi
• Happy Money by Ken Honda
• You mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo
• Die with Zero: Getting All You Can from Your Money and Your Life by Bill Perkins

• (00:00) - Introducing Nicole Stanley

Money and ADHD: two words that often stir up stress, shame, or avoidance. But what if we stopped thinking of planning as punishment and instead saw it as a path to clarity, confidence, and even peace of mind? This week, Pete and Nikki welcome Ben Barlowe and Ernie Reppe—the Budget Nerds of YNAB—to talk about why the word budgeting is going out of style and how we’re still all-in on the money mindset.

They share how to build a money mindset that’s about purpose, not restriction, and why giving every dollar a job is the simple shift that makes all the difference. From impulse spending and forgotten bills to shame spirals and the fear of facing financial reality, this conversation gets real about the unique challenges ADHD brings to money management—and how to take the sting out of them.

Whether you’re brand new to planning your finances or you’ve tried before and burned out, this is your invitation to make peace with your money and take back control.

Links & Notes

• Getting Started with YNAB with Ben and Ernie
• YNAB for High Income Earners
• Get your 34-day Trial of YNAB
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast