In this episode, Ryan and Mike take on one of the most hotly debated topics in the ADHD parenting space: do kids with ADHD actually need consequences? Social media influencers say no — just connection, co-regulation, and emotional validation. Ryan and Mike push back hard with decades of research showing the opposite: ADHD is a disorder of performance, not knowledge, meaning behavior is governed by immediate consequences far more than by understanding or insight, and kids with ADHD need more consequences, not fewer — clearer, more consistent, and delivered in the moment. They also dismantle popular labels being used to justify removing consequences altogether — masking, rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), pathological demand avoidance (PDA), and vague "nervous system disorder" language — and explain why these frameworks, however emotionally compelling, leave parents stuck without real strategies. The takeaway: authoritative parenting, warmth plus structure, is what the evidence supports, and parents can step into that authority with confidence.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}

[00:00:00] Start

[00:00:39] Research vs. Social Media Parenting Myths

[00:02:41] ADHD as a Disorder of Performance, Not Knowledge

[00:04:21] Connection Is Not the Problem

[00:07:39] Why Parents Are Over-Connecting and Over-Functioning

[00:08:48] Authoritative Parenting: Warmth Plus Structure

[00:11:08] Feelings Talk vs. Behavior Change

[00:13:53] Why Therapy Alone Doesn't Work for ADHD

[00:15:10] Masking, RSD, PDA, and Nervous System Labels Debunked

[00:19:03] Real Reasons Kids Act Out at Home

[00:20:31] Help vs. a Hug: What Parents Actually Need

[00:21:09] Act Don't Yak: What Keeps Parents Stuck

[00:23:41] The Bottom Line on Consequences and Praise

[00:25:05] School Accountability and the Principal Strategy

Research Citations:

Wolraich, M. L., Hagan, J. F., Allan, C., et al. (2019). Clinical practice guideline for the diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 144(4), e20192528.

Doffer, D. P. A., et al. (2023). Sustained improvements by behavioural parent training for children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A meta-analytic review of longer-term child and parental outcomes. JCPP Advances, 3(4).

Dekkers, T. J., Hornstra, R., van der Oord, S., et al. (2022). Meta-analysis: Which components of parent training work for children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder? Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

Luman, M., van Meel, C. S., Oosterlaan, J., & Geurts, H. M. (2009). Are ADHD symptoms associated with delay aversion after controlling for neuropsychological functioning? Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 37, 587–598.

Hulsbosch, A. K., et al. (2024). Behavioral and emotional responding to punishment in ADHD.

Today's episode is a re-release of Episode 43, because the message is just that important.

In this episode of The ADHD Parenting Podcast, hosts Ryan Wexelblatt and Mike McLeod explore what it means to “step into your parental authority.” Drawing from research and clinical experience, they discuss how authoritative parenting—balancing warmth with structure—helps children with ADHD develop self-regulation, emotional safety, and independence. The hosts challenge social media’s rebranding of permissive parenting as “gentle” or “compassionate” and explain why consistency, clear expectations, and calm modeling are key. They also tackle the fears many parents have about being “too firm,” offering practical examples of how to set limits with empathy and predictability while nurturing connection and confidence in their children.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠

In this episode of the ADHD Parenting Podcast, Mike and Ryan answer several listener questions about common challenges parents face when raising children with ADHD. They discuss why some children struggle to initiate friendships despite wanting them, the role of social anxiety and executive functioning in social behavior, and why screen time can reinforce avoidance of real-world interaction. The hosts also address sibling conflict when children are at different developmental stages, explain why brain scans and “types of ADHD” promoted by certain authors lack scientific support, and offer strategies for parents dealing with teens who claim to feel sick to avoid responsibilities.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}

[00:00:00] Start

[00:01:01] Podcast Intro And Updates

[00:04:10] Question: Child Struggles Making Friends

[00:09:00] Social Anxiety And ADHD

[00:13:00] Path Of Least Resistance Brain

[00:15:55] Sibling Conflict And Age Gaps

[00:23:20] Brain Scans And ADHD Myths

[00:28:55] Teen Avoidance And “Feeling Sick”

In this episode, Ryan and Mike discuss how screen time impacts the executive functioning skills already delayed in kids with ADHD — things like impulse control, attention shifting, and cognitive flexibility. They challenge the popular online messaging that frames screens as "social" or "regulating" for neurodivergent kids, arguing that these messages make parents feel better but don't actually build skills in children. They also cover practical advice for managing school-issued devices, why parents don't need their child's buy-in to set screen limits, and why short-term calm from screens comes at the cost of long-term development.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}

[00:00:00] Start

[00:00:34] Screen Time Realities for Working Parents

[00:03:44] The 2025 Longitudinal Brain Study

[00:04:28] How Screens Alter Executive Function Development

[00:05:45] Why In-Person Interaction Builds Skills

[00:08:05] The Myth That Screens Are Social

[00:10:19] Why "Screens Are Regulating" Appeals to Parents

[00:11:30] Your Child Is Not Your Co-Parent

[00:14:13] Addressing Screen Use on School Devices

[00:16:20] Best Predictors of Future Success

[00:17:51] Key Takeaways and Closing Thoughts

CITATIONS:

Shou, Q., Yamashita, M., & Mizuno, Y. (2025). Association of screen time with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder symptoms and their development: The mediating role of brain structure. Translational Psychiatry, 15, Article 447.

Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168.

Diamond, A., & Ling, D. S. (2016). Conclusions about interventions, programs, and approaches for improving executive functions that appear justified and those that do not. Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 18, 34–48.

Doebel, S. (2020). Rethinking executive function and its development. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 15(4), 942–956.

Nigg, J. T. (2017). Annual research review: On the relations among self-regulation, self-control, executive functioning, effortful control, cognitive control, impulsivity, risk-taking, and inhibition for developmental psychopathology. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 58(4), 361–383.

In this episode, Mike and Ryan walk through the core questions parents often ask about independence, responsibility, and executive functioning in kids with ADHD—using the framework developed in Mike’s recent book and workbook.

Rather than focusing on behavior management or short-term strategies, the conversation centers on how internal skills develop over time and how parents can support that development in realistic, age-appropriate ways.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}

[00:00:00] Start

[00:03:33] Executive Functioning Playbook Framework

[00:07:00] Internal Skills Vs Behavior

[00:12:55] Self-Awareness, Social Skills, Screens

[00:16:57] Motivation, Burnout, Expectations

[00:18:40] Mental Movies And Self-Evaluation

In this listener Q&A episode, Ryan and Mike tackle some of the most challenging real-life situations parents of kids with ADHD face at home. From bedtime anxiety that spirals into nightly meltdowns, to medication concerns around mood changes and irritability, to constant attention-seeking and dysregulation at home, this episode focuses on what’s really driving these behaviors—and how well-intentioned parenting can sometimes make them worse.

They also discuss how to think about summer camps for kids with ADHD, especially when explosive behavior has led to removals from programs in the past. As always, the emphasis is on practical, research-informed strategies that help kids build independence while protecting parents’ sanity.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube

{{chapters}}
[00:00:00] Start
[00:02:12] Listener Q&A Overview
[00:05:45] Bedtime Anxiety And Sleep Struggles
[00:07:24] Parental Accommodation And Anxiety
[00:12:15] Medication And Mood Changes
[00:14:12] Inconsistent Medication Effects
[00:19:13] Child Dysregulation And Attention Seeking
[00:22:45] Teaching Self-Regulation At Home
[00:27:13] Summer Camp Decisions For ADHD
[00:31:18] How To Submit Questions

In this episode of the Mike and Ryan break down four widespread myths about ADHD that continue to circulate on social media, in parent groups, and even in professional settings. Using research-based evidence and clinical experience, they explain what’s accurate, what’s not, and why these misconceptions can be unhelpful for families.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}
[00:00:00] Start
[00:00:48] Mike’s Book Announcement
[00:01:42] Ryan’s Certification Program
[00:02:53] Myth One: Seven Types Of ADHD
[00:06:45] Myth Two: Genetic Testing For Medication
[00:10:29] Myth Three: AuDHD As A Diagnosis
[00:14:08] Myth Four: Masking At School
[00:15:15] Why ADHD Behavior Is Context Dependent
[00:24:46] Final Takeaways And Closing Thoughts

This episode breaks down the major misconceptions about ADHD treatment and clarifies what decades of research, major clinical guidelines, and leading experts actually recommend. Ryan and Mike explain why weekly talk therapy is not an evidence-based treatment for ADHD, why parent training and environmental structure are consistently shown to improve outcomes, and how parents can make informed decisions without getting pulled into common myths.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube

{{chapters}}
[00:00:00] Start
[00:02:21] What clinical guidelines actually recommend
[00:05:27] Dr. Barkley’s research on effective ADHD treatments
[00:09:11] Evidence on CBT, DBT, and play therapy
[00:19:21] Why office-based therapy doesn’t translate to real-world behavior
[00:22:29] Rumination and how talk-heavy approaches can backfire
[00:31:19] Treatments with the strongest evidence (medication, parent training)⁠⁠⁠

Citations:

1. AAP Guideline (Parent Training + Medication as First-Line)Wolraich, M. L., et al. (2019). Clinical practice guideline for ADHD in children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 144(4), e20192528.

2. AACAP Treatment Parameter (Medication + Behavioral)Pliszka, S. R., & AACAP Work Group. (2007). Practice parameter for ADHD. JAACAP, 46(7), 894–921.

3. Barkley: ADHD as Performance DisorderBarkley, R. A. (2012). Executive functions. Guilford Press.Barkley, R. A. (2015). ADHD: Handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press.

4. CBT Evidence (Adolescents/Adults, Not Young Children)Safren, S. A., et al. (2010). CBT vs relaxation for adults with ADHD. JAMA, 304(8), 875–880.Solanto, M. V. (2011). CBT for adult ADHD. Guilford Press.Langberg, J. M., et al. (2008). Organization skills intervention for adolescents. JCCP, 76(6), 967–982.

5. DBT-Informed (Pilot Trials, Emotion Dysregulation)Murray, D. W., et al. (2022). DBT skills group for adolescents with ADHD. J Attention Disorders, 26(11), 1421–1430.

6. Play Therapy (Insufficient Evidence)Hassan, R. A., & Shaker, N. S. (2014). CBPT for ADHD symptoms. Int J Psychology & Behavioral Sciences, 4(6), 221–229.

7. EF Skills: Experience-Based, Not Language-BasedBarkley, R. A. (2012). Executive functions. Guilford Press.

8. Rumination and ADHDOstojic, D., et al. (2021). Mind wandering and rumination in youth with ADHD. J Abnormal Child Psychology, 49, 1203–1216.Seymour, K. E., et al. (2014). Emotion regulation mediates ADHD-depression relationship. J Abnormal Child Psychology, 42, 611–621.

9. Time Blindness/Temporal ProcessingToplak, M. E., & Tannock, R. (2005). Time perception deficits in ADHD. J Abnormal Child Psychology, 33(5), 639–654.Barkley, R. A., et al. (2008). ADHD in adults: What the science says. Guilford Press.

10. Parent Behavior Training (Evidence-Based)Chronis, A. M., et al. (2006). Evidence-based treatments for children with ADHD. Clinical Psychology Review, 26(4), 486–502.Evans, S. W., et al. (2014). Evidence-based treatments for ADHD. JCCAP, 43(4), 527–551.

11. Medication as First-LineFaraone, S. V., et al. (2021). Stimulant effectiveness and safety. World Psychiatry, 20(3), 314–329.Swanson, J. M., et al. (2017). MTA study long-term outcomes. JAACAP, 56(3), 228–240.

This is part 2 of "Your Child Is Not Your Co-Parent". Ryan and Mike continue examining why popular “gentle” and heavy emotional-validation parenting approaches often backfire for kids with ADHD. They break down the research, explain the leadership needs of ADHD brains, and outline why overtalking, overprocessing, and overnegotiating increase dysregulation rather than calming it.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}
[00:00:00] Start
[00:00:46] Rise of emotional-validation parenting
[00:01:58] Why emotional processing overwhelms ADHD brains
[00:02:48] ADHD kids’ need for clear leadership and hierarchy
[00:05:20] How “armchair therapy” increases dysregulation
[00:07:07] Why too much talking makes tasks feel bigger
[00:08:29] Non-hierarchical relationships and rising anxiety
[00:10:08] Impact of inconsistent leadership
[00:12:26] Comfort-zone parenting and avoidance
[00:13:58] The “four D’s” and building flexibility
[00:15:48] How avoidance worsens anxiety and rigidity
[00:17:13] How guidance—not rescue—builds confidence
[00:18:16] Three core takeaways for ADHD parents

Citations:

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56–95.

Chronis-Tuscano, A., et al. (2011). Parenting behavior and child conduct problems in children with ADHD. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 40(1), 44–57.

Evans, S. W., Owens, J. S., & Bunford, N. (2014). Evidence based psychosocial treatments for children and adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 43(4), 527–551.

Johnston, C., & Mash, E. J. (2001). Families of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 30(4), 479–495.

Ma, I., van Duijvenvoorde, A. C. K., & Scheres, A. (2020). Cognitive rigidity in ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders, 24(5), 707–718.

Steinberg, L. (2001). We know some things: Parent adolescent relationships in retrospect and prospect. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 11(1), 1–19.

In this first half of a two-part episode, Ryan and Mike break down why many modern parenting approaches—especially those centered on constant negotiation and seeking a child’s input for every decision—backfire for kids with ADHD. They outline how clear leadership, predictable structure, and authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting create emotional safety, reduce conflict, and support executive functioning.

Find Mike @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.grownowadhd.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠IG⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Find Ryan @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.adhddude.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ & on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠

{{chapters}}
[00:00:00] Start
[00:00:41] What “co-parenting” your child means
[00:03:14] Authoritative parenting overview
[00:04:13] Research: structure supports regulation
[00:07:42] Research: clarity improves social functioning
[00:09:40] Routines, EF, and independence
[00:12:00] Why negotiation backfires
[00:16:10] Cognitive rigidity & too many choices
[00:19:00] Inconsistent expectations worsen symptoms

Citations:

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56–95.

Chronis-Tuscano, A., et al. (2011). Parenting behavior and child conduct problems in children with ADHD. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 40(1), 44–57.

Evans, S. W., Owens, J. S., & Bunford, N. (2014). Evidence based psychosocial treatments for children and adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 43(4), 527–551.

Johnston, C., & Mash, E. J. (2001). Families of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 30(4), 479–495.

Ma, I., van Duijvenvoorde, A. C. K., & Scheres, A. (2020). Cognitive rigidity in ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders, 24(5), 707–718.

Steinberg, L. (2001). We know some things: Parent adolescent relationships in retrospect and prospect. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 11(1), 1–19.