The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant

What is black and white thinking? It's thinking in extremes and absolutes. We're for something or against something else, and in between there is nothing. Something is good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, successful or a failure. Of course, as you're reading this, you probably think the whole concept sounds ridiculous, and you're right! But of course, that's the danger here: many people are unaware that they are black and white thinkers.

Why do people do this? Thinking in absolutes helps us to feel safe, that at least in this area, we understand the world, maybe we control it a bit. Gray area represents misunderstanding, lack of control, and it's scary and unsafe.

But black and white thinking can also create anxiety and depression. It's a function of our Adolescent Chair, and today we're going to help you get a handle on your own absolutes, find consciousness, test some of your own black and white positions for your Adult Chair!

It's not your job to fix those most important to you. Not your mom, not your dad, not your parents, not your friends… and when you take ownership of the responsibility for others' well-being such that it impacts your life? You may be struggling with codependency in your relationships. That's where we start this week, with a primer on the stuff that trips most of us at some point or another. From there, we offer five tools you can use in your life to make sure that you're active in relationships free of codependency, and healing your own tendencies, too!

Links & Notes

• 11: Codependency: I'm OK if You're OK
• 54: Narcissism, Codependency, and the Self-Love Deficit with Ross Rosenberg

Clint from Cape Town, South Africa writes in with a comment and question we wanted to face head on this week. It's a terrific question and one we've all faced at some time or another in our lives. He writes: "I have really always struggled with authority figures and powerful personalities — can you help me sit in the adult chair during meetings with these types of people?"

Yes! This week we're going to do just that by facing our outdated programming and replacing it with updated maps to help us all navigate our adult world. You'll be on the road to feeling confident in these scenarios, but the tools can take you much further! Thanks for the great question, Clint, and let us know how it goes!

Links & Notes

• Michelle's Introduction to Emotional Freedom Technique

The ending of relationships can be hard, especially when we don't understand why they are ending or feel hurt over how they ended. When we look at relationships from our Adult Chair, it can change our perspective on why some relationships don't last and we gain understanding and even comfort. In this episode, we talk about relationships that end from the perspective of our Adult Chair and in turn bring resolution and honor to the growth between us.

We all experience emotional pain off and on throughout our lives. Relationships end, people and pets die, jobs end. Pain could be just around the next corner! The problem is that as humans we think that facing pain means putting it away, hiding from it, dealing with pain as we so love to say.

We don't need to deal with our pain, we need to feel our pain and that is where we go wrong. This week on the show we're talking all about experiencing emotions and I have some tried and true techniques that will help you work through your own pain, anger, frustration … whatever! … and get right back to the important work of living your life!

Links & Notes

• Unlock the Secret to Truly Helping Others in Pain
• What I do with my Feelings and Emotions

When we are met with a friend or family member in pain — or grief, sadness, really any emotion — our instinct is to console them, to somehow help relieve their discomfort or even fix their pain. Here's the problem: that doesn't help. There is way to help others with their pain but it's not what you'd think. When we demonstrate awareness, love, and willingness to be present in another's pain, it provides a platform for change, and that's what we're going to teach you how to do on the show today.

Links & Notes

• Workshops with Michelle
• Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor

Have you ever found yourself listening to us talking about connecting to our inner child, and wondered, "right, I get it, but how?" We're going to help you today! The hardest part about doing this inner child work on your own is getting past the awkward feeling, the self-judgement that you're not doing it right. It will likely feel strange to start, but once you get into the practice, you'll feel right at home with the practical visualization of actually connecting with your inner child, and get to the peace, support, and love that follows!

As our kids move into their teenage years, they begin to distance themselves from us as parents. It's perfectly normal! But that doesn't make it any easier on us, and it forces us to change our approach to communicating with them.

As they push back on us in an effort to find space themselves, we're tempted to push back on them, to control and make demands of their time and attention. It's a recipe for disaster in your relationship! Instead, try guiding them, focusing on their explorations as a reflective listener. These are just some of the tools talking about today to help you come to terms with your budding adult child!

According to Arielle Ford, one in three relationships that end in marriage start online today. And she ought to know; her work in the field of relationships over the last 30 years has earned her the title, "The Fairy Godmother of Love." She's on the show today to talk to us about soulmates, our search for love, and the law of attraction that can help us to find our next perfect partner. Already found your soulmate? Don't worry, Arielle has some great advice for you, too, that will help you rekindle the excitement in your relationship no matter how long you've been together!

About Arielle Ford

Arielle Ford has spent the past 30 years living and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is the author several books including THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction, Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate and her latest Inkspirations Love by Design: Coloring the Divine Path to Manifest Your Soulmate a unique, transformational coloring book. She's been called "The Cupid of Consciousness" and "The Fairy Godmother of Love" and you might have read her article "Finding Big Love is possible at any age" in our February edition of Michelle's Magazine!

Links & Notes

• Soulmate Secret — Sign up for Arielle's Newsletter!
• Soulmate Secret 7 Week Online Course
• Find Arielle's Books on Amazon
• Follow Arielle Ford on Facebook
• Follow SoulmateSecret on Facebook

Our relationship with food is supposed to be one of healthful nurturing, building a strong family and community connection, growth and bounty. But what happens when our food connection becomes spoiled? Today on the show, Karly Randolph Pitman joins us to share her insights on food struggles, especially when it comes to sugar and addiction. She brings some truly surprising insights around where our relationship with food and sugar goes wrong and how we can get back on track and love ourselves along the way.

Karly Randolph Pitman is a teacher, and the woman behind Growing HumanKindNess where she works with those looking for a new way of relating to food, body and sugar struggles. She's author of Overcoming Sugar Addiction: How I kicked my Sugar Habit and Created a Joyful Sugar Free Life! And offers a number of courses herself including Overcoming Sugar Addiction: The 30 Day Lift, and her signature course, When Food is Your Mother.

Links & Notes

• About Karly Randolph Pitman
• When Food is Your Mother
• Growing Humankindness Facebook Group
• Karly Randolph Pitman on Amazon.com