Revisiting the topic of limiting beliefs, Joe and Brett explore what prevents us from seeing them, what keeps them stuck, and how to see through and integrate these beliefs in a way that enables a more free and easeful existence.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The logical fallacies, ignorance, and avoided consequences that make us not see many of our hidden beliefs
• How we can see a belief and still be limited by it
• Exploring the “latticework” of beliefs that hold structures of identity in place.
• Three core beliefs that commonly underlie others, and how to find evidence that loosens them.
• What we can do once we see our beliefs and how we can use awareness and inquiry to easily integrate them.

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In this episode, coach Mina Lee joins Joe to explore the nature and emotional dynamics of overwhelm. They inspect how it shows up in our lives and the emotional blocks, beliefs, and nervous system responses that keep it in place.

Tune in for a fresh perspective on how to embrace the intensity of overwhelm and tap into an internal sense of safety that facilitates the real-time processing of big emotions and life challenges. Learn how overwhelm flows through a company and inhabits its culture, and how focusing less on reducing overwhelm and more on driving flow can lead to a more relaxed, productive, and fulfilled team.

Resources:
Mina Lee

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In this follow-up on the recent episode “How Relationships Reveal Us”, Alexa joins Joe and Brett to dive deeper into the premise that we’re all attracted to the partners who trigger us the best. What does this mean, and how do we follow these triggers toward our mutual growth and freedom?

We discuss how trigger and attraction are related and how avoiding the feelings underneath our triggers can produce relationship dynamics that last for years if left unexamined. Learn to recognize and welcome your own triggers as well as those of a partner, finding the empowerment to draw boundaries and share desires from a place of kindness.

Also, hear Brett sing.

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Resources:

Coaching with Alexa: flourishment.life
Coaching with Brett: brett.kistler.life
Courses: artofaccomplishment.com

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Our sense of identity is composed of the ideas and emotional states — even the gut reactions — that we identify as who we are. Identity is how we recognize ourselves. It guides the structure of our thoughts, emotions, and visceral responses.

Most people don’t spend their lives learning how to make their identities more transparent. We often think it’s hard to change aspects of ourselves. The reality is that transforming our identity isn't inherently difficult — it's just that a large part of it is allowing the unfelt emotional experience that our beliefs about ourselves hold in place. It’s hard to change identity from our head, and it's hard to change aspects of identity that we aren't even aware of.

If you're running a business or team, it's absolutely being influenced by your identity. Identity limits the emotions we're willing to feel, the information we're willing to receive, and the actions we'll consider taking. These patterns propagate from leadership into a company.

In this episode, Joe and Brett share perspectives and tools to see and feel through the limits of identity on the intellectual, emotional, and physical levels. They explore how bringing awareness and transparency to our unconscious structures of identity can reduce rigidity and cultivate a healthy, adaptive sense of self. 

"Having a fight with your identity is only more identity — it makes it stick harder. The object isn’t to get away from identity, kick it, or beat it into submission: it’s to love it and see what it is."

- Which aspects of your identity have recently been brought to your awareness? 
- What emotional or visceral experience came along with these insights?

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What can we learn about ourselves from the way we engage in relationships?

Brett and Joe address curiosities from listeners about how to approach relationships in a healthy way, riffing on the observation that we find ourselves attracted to the people who most perfectly hook into our triggers, traumas, and projections. Seeing this pattern as a feature rather than a bug, relationships become a vessel for deep healing and personal growth.

Examine how an agreement that “we’re together to make each other happy” leads to resentment and kills a relationship. Consider a relationship built on each partner finding their own freedom while being kind and supportive to one another.

Learn how relationships involve a continuous grieving process for our identity and bring us into contact with the helplessness of loving another without trying to change them.

• How can we welcome one another’s needs without neglecting parts of ourselves to make them happy?
• What does it look like to be authentic and open-hearted in the face of an attack?
• When a relationship ends, how do we not close down and repeat the same pattern next time?

We’ll be following this episode up with others in a new series on relationships. 

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Anthropologist and coach Alexa Anderson joins the podcast again for a deep dive with Joe into the emotional and practical value of grieving fully.

They examine several forms in which grief can arise, the relationship between grief and identity, various mysteries of the way grief moves, and how unfelt grief underlies interpersonal and societal conflict.

Alexa and Joe discuss the tools they’ve used to help them move their grief in the wake of painful losses and to pre-grieve losses that haven’t yet occurred. They share examples of deep transformation that followed the processing of grief all the way through.

Tune in to deepen your relationship with grief as an intimate experience of love and care, and a doorway to the freedom available on the other side.

“Without the grief, we recreate the cycle.
Without the grief, we relive the trauma.
Without the grief, we don’t find the freedom on the other side of the limited identity.”

References:

• Stages of Grief
• Alexa's coaching practice: flourishment.life

Learn more about our free workshops and online courses at artofaccomplishment.com

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“Never rob a man of his pain or his gold because both will serve him equally well.”

Super Bowl champion Aaron Taylor reflects on a journey to emotional freedom that continues far beyond his accomplished career in the NFL. For every feeling he'd been pushing away, Aaron came to find that “on the other side is infinite possibility.”

Join Aaron, Brett, and Joe as they talk about performance anxiety, feelings in the locker room, and how faith affects decision-making. They touch on the nature of accomplishment, how to raise children who hear their own voices of approval, and the value of having our identity shattered to pieces. Aaron shares a tearful moment with his absent father that produced an unexpected gem of gratitude. The episode closes with the story of a critical choice Aaron made at age 15 that changed his life.

“At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what we do, it’s about who and what we become in that process.”

Links and references from the episode:

1. Mentalhealthbestpractices.com
2. Check back in 16 years for a follow-up interview with feedback from Aaron on the referenced conversation with his son.

About Aaron:

CBS Sports Analyst and College Football Hall of Fame inductee, Aaron Taylor, has a "larger than life" personality, but its roots may surprise you: the former Super Bowl Champion credits his success to the principles of Gratitude, Service, and Teamwork.

Instilled from an early age, these principles became the inspiring foundation for the creation of college football’s only non-individual award, the Joe Moore Award, annually recognizing the Most Outstanding Offensive Line Unit in College Football. Through the Joe Moore Award, Aaron set out to not only preserve the legacy of his coach but also to shift the focus from a “Hey, look at me!” mentality to a culture of teamwork, of putting the greater good above ourselves in society at large.

Aaron was a decorated offensive lineman at the University of Notre Dame from 1990-1993, earning unanimous All-American honors both his junior and senior years. In his final season in South Bend, he won the prestigious Lombardi Award, annually given to the best interior lineman in the country.

In an incredible culmination of his childhood dream, Aaron was drafted by the Green Bay Packers in the first round of the 1994 NFL Draft and was a member of the Packers’ Super Bowl XXXI championship team. After a two-year stint with the San Diego Chargers, Aaron was forced to retire due to injuries after the 1999 season.

Off the field, Aaron is a moving and inspirational speaker. His candid approach and sense of humor make him an effective storyteller who is able to weave a powerful message of resilience, perseverance, and the importance of having a championship mindset. 

Behind the winning smile and accolades, Aaron finds meaning and feels “most alive” when being of service or bringing value to others. Shortly after retiring from the NFL, Aaron established the Aaron Taylor Impact Fund and recently co-founded The Foundation for Teamwork, dedicated to fostering the most essential aspect of all societal endeavors: Teamwork.

Aaron currently resides in Southern California and New York with his wife and three children.

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Shame is nature’s way of training us to fit into our culture and society. Like an electric fence, it outlines the contours of the identity we’ve grown into and discourages us from straying outside the lines.

This boundary around our comfort zone is often a poor match for ourselves and the world we live in. When we feel shame, our emotional experience stagnates, dampening our evolution and our enjoyment. People often find themselves stuck in the same shame cycles for years.

In this episode, Joe and Brett examine the structure of shame and how to melt it on an intellectual, emotional, and somatic level.

Transformed through awareness and love, our shame becomes a natural set of guide rails that help us live our life in alignment with our deepest values.

"All we're doing here is freeing the blocking of emotions by feeling into our body and creating love where there was abandonment."

The following is the “wall of shame” referenced at the end of the episode, compiled from Brett’s journal and submissions from our listeners:

• Shame of being amateur/inexperienced
• ...of missing opportunities
• ...of being incompetent
• ...of backing down or giving up
• ...of not creating value
• ...of being wrong, and then being hard-headed about it
• ...of being an outsider who doesn't speak the lingo
• ...of asking for help
• ...of being 'transactional'
• ...of not being present enough
• ...of hovering anxiously
• ...of having shame and hiding it
• ...of being a 'hypocrite'
• ...of being a know-it-all
• ...of being helpless or clueless
• ...of not 'deserving it'
• ...of failing as a result of either over- or under-control
• ...of upsetting people or scaring them with the truth
• ...of showing hurt or disappointment
• ...of not following my intuition
• ...of not being clever, determined, or forthright
• ...of not being ambitious, or of being too ambitious
• ...of disagreeing
• ...of telling people they are wrong
• ...of being withdrawn
• ...of needing people to change their behavior
• ...of needing time
• ...of thinking slowly
• ...of not knowing how
• ...of not feeling good when others are socializing
• …of not being enough (strong, present, resourceful, smart)
• …of freezing when action is required
• …of hurting the people I love

Send yours with the feedback form on our website to add to this list. Submissions will, of course, be anonymized.

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Joe coaches a course participant through an exploration of self-trust. Beginning with an intellectual question about conflicted inner parts, our guest embraces the underlying emotional experience and touches the essence of who she is.

"What's the ultimate thing that you're running from?" 
"Some sort of spiral effect -- I've seen people I love spiral into depression or spiral into madness."
"There's an abyss in you that you're avoiding, and your fear is that if you go into that, you won't come out. So let's go."

**Full transcript coming soon! Check back HERE for the link.**

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Apologies are commonly associated with shame, power games, or beliefs about who’s right and who’s wrong. In this episode, we talk about the freedom to be had in making apologies without shame and in full ownership of our experience.

“When you make an apology that's upright, that's empowered, it feels fantastic. You feel strength in it. You feel responsible. You feel empowered."

What We Discuss in Episode 54:

3:52   Why apologies are sometimes used to appease our own guilt.

11:05   How to apologize in a shameless, empowered way.

17:20   The notion of power struggles in apologies — how to recognize when it’s happening and what to do about it.

20:07   Why forgiveness is more for you than the person you’re forgiving.

26:54   Tools and practices for becoming more aware of the relationship you have with apologizing.

**Full transcript coming soon! Check back HERE for the link.**

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