Strength was never meant to cost this much.
What looked like maturity was often a child trying to survive. Needs were set aside. Feelings were handled alone. Responsibility came too early, and being “the strong one” slowly became a way of life. It was praised and even admired, but underneath it all was a quiet loss of comfort, safety, and being cared for without having to earn it.
That way of living does not stay in childhood. It follows into adulthood and shapes how love is experienced. Care becomes something to give, not receive. Worth feels tied to what can be offered. And even when love is present, it can feel unfamiliar, hard to trust, or difficult to fully accept.
There is also a quiet grief. Growing up too fast, carrying too much, and doing it all alone. Beneath that grief is a question that lingers. What would life feel like without the weight?
Healing begins with awareness. Noticing the patterns. Questioning the beliefs behind them. Making space for something different. A life where care is not earned, but received.
In this episode, I sit down with Dorcas Asuming Opoku to unpack the reality of the parentified child and the lasting impact of the mother wound. We talk about the hidden loneliness behind high performance, the blurred line between protection and control, and the internal conflict of longing for love while struggling to receive it. This conversation offers language for what has been felt but rarely named, and a starting point for creating a life that is no longer shaped by survival alone.
“Sometimes the mother does not see the daughter as a separate individual, you are an extension of her. She can't see you as separate.” – Dorcas Asuming Opoku
Topics Covered:
00:00:00 — Episode snippet
00:00:58 — Introducing our guest, Dorcas Asuming Opoku
00:03:22 — Why choosing a new path is allowed in life
00:05:26 — What is a parentified child?
00:09:50 — The hidden cost of being “the strong one”
00:13:02 — When is the breakthrough moment in healing?
00:18:44 — Where shame begins in childhood
00:21:30 — Sharing breaks shame
00:28:28 — Why “explainable” is not the same as “excusable”
00:31:10 — The mother as authority and savior figure
00:37:01 — The grief of lost time and lost self
00:42:54 — Protection versus control in parenting
00:48:59 — Daughter seen as extension, not separate self
00:50:27 — Daughter as “redemption plan” for mother’s unmet life
00:52:37 — Fear and control when daughters individuate
00:56:10 — How does guilt shape us?
01:00:37 — Approval-seeking becomes identity
01:02:28 — Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing people
01:05:51 — Prioritize yourself
01:10:27 — Regulation over reaction in triggering relationships
01:12:07 — Community as support in healing
01:13:56 — Relationship is a dance
01:14:41 — Building a new emotional ecosystem
01:16:02 — Building a new emotional ecosystem
Key Takeaways:
“Every shame that she holds within, she also sees in you. Everything that she dislikes about herself, she also sees in you.”
“You are my redemption plan. If I didn't go to college, you have to do this. You have to do that.”
“With guilt comes obligatory loyalty.”
“The number one way a black woman can… show that she's a good person is that she does what her mama says.”
“You get the most affirmation from a mother who compliments you very minimally.”
“You no longer really understand who you are because you're constantly on a journey of performing.”
“You have to choose you over her.”
“Community is a pillar in healing.”
“You still exist wholly, even if she sees you differently.”
“Stop allowing your mother to dictate your environment. The people in your life are a representation of your own ecosystem.”
About the Guest
Dorcas Asuming Opoku is a Black British Ghanaian integrative psychotherapeutic counselor based in London. She supports high-achieving professionals who are tired of people-pleasing and holding everything together, helping them address deeper emotional patterns through a trauma-informed and culturally attuned approach.
Connect with Dorcas Asuming Opoku
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dorcas.asumingopoku
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dorcas.asumingopoku/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dorcasopoku
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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