Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

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How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Join the RESOLVE course waitlist

2. Grab my free mini-course

3. Work with me one-on-one

***************************************

In every woman's life, there comes a point when she must confront the gap between who she had to be as a child and who she’s trying to become as an adult. Somewhere between these two selves lives a quiet tension of a little girl who carried too much and a grown woman who questions if she’s enough.

We learn how to smile through pain, overachieve through exhaustion, and show up for others while secretly wondering who will show up for us. The world praises our strength but never asks about the weight. And now, in adulthood, that strength feels like both a badge of honor and a chain because while it helped us survive, it also taught us to silence our needs, minimize our dreams, and question our worth.

The truth is, the nurturing and emotional validation that is often lacking in childhood shapes how we feel about ourselves as adults. It's that simple validation, like being told, "You're doing great," that builds confidence and self-trust. Without it, we’re left questioning ourselves even though we know how to manage a million things at once.

In this episode, we talk about the difference between showing up as a grown woman and reacting from the little girl who never felt safe. I share how the Black mother wound can confuse your sense of self, especially if you were the first-born daughter who had to grow up too fast. This is an honest conversation about identity, responsibility, and how old survival patterns can still show up in adult life.

"The older we get, the more responsibility we get but we don't get more freedoms because we're still not trustworthy." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:03:17) Facebook Marketplace

(00:06:28) Why get a garden?

(00:07:34) Are you a child or an adult?

(00:09:11) What is a parentified child?

(00:13:20) Made responsible but still not trustworthy

(00:16:32) The power of just one positive statement

(00:24:06) Book Recommendation: Overcoming Underearning 

(00:25:22) Elevate the little girl inside of you 

(00:26:55) Resolve the inner conflicts

(00:28:27) Be good to yourself

Key Takeaways:

“Write a note to that little girl… tell her how proud you are of her.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound 

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.

***************************************

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Join the RESOLVE course waitlist

2. Grab my free mini-course

3. Work with me one-on-one

***************************************

Mother's Day can feel like a minefield when your relationship with your mother has been painful or distant. Society tells us to celebrate with flowers and praise, but what if that’s not your truth? You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to perform. You are allowed to be honest about how you feel.

Instead of being swept up in the pressure and performance, start focusing on what’s real for you. This week, pay attention to what lifts you. Celebrate the people and the progress that remind you you’re loved, seen, and growing. Let your joy come from within, not from forced expectations.

And if sadness shows up—let it. Feel it. Care for yourself with compassion, not shame. Healing doesn’t mean you never hurt. It means you know how to care for yourself when you do.

This Mother’s Day, center yourself. You get to define what this day means to you now. And that, in itself, is powerful.

In this episode, we talk about how to care for yourself before and during Mother’s Day, especially if your relationship with your mom is painful or complicated. I share why it’s important to be honest about how I really feel, stop telling fake stories, and stay grounded in my truth. Instead of forcing happiness or pretending everything’s okay, I offer real ways to comfort yourself, feel your feelings, and find joy in your own life. This is a gentle, honest conversation to help you stay grounded during a tough time.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:12) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:04:24) Be honest about how you feel

(00:05:59) Society can confuse your real feelings

(00:07:35) Mine for good feelings

(00:09:28) You create your feelings

(00:20:31) The fantasy is your underdeveloped ego

(00:22:54) Your responsibility is to you

(00:23:42) Resolve doors are open

(00:24:50) Fireside Chat Question

Key Takeaways: 

“Healing really is about taking back control of your own mind.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound 

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Join the RESOLVE course waitlist: www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com

2. Grab my free mini-course: www.BlackMotherWoundHealing.com

3. Work with me one-on-one: https://bit.ly/bmwresolve

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True power comes from knowing your worth doesn’t depend on what others think. Healing starts when you let yourself try, fail, and be imperfect.

When you feel out of control, you might wait for others to approve of your decisions. This need for approval can hold you back from growing and healing. Giving yourself permission means accepting your imperfections, mistakes, and risks. It’s about trusting yourself, not waiting for approval.

You might be waiting for the “perfect” moment or the right tools, but it’s not about being fully prepared. It’s about taking the first step, even if it’s not perfect. When you show up as you are, you build trust and confidence in yourself. Stop waiting for others to say it’s okay. The most important permission you need is from yourself. That’s where healing and growth begin.

In this episode, you'll learn how to give yourself permission to take action, make mistakes, and grow without seeking approval from others. Discover how to build trust with yourself, create internal safety, and let go of the need for external validation. Tune in to learn how to stop waiting for others to grant you permission and start empowering yourself to move forward.

"You have to start giving yourself permission to do it poorly. There has to be a level of permission to make a mistake, to make a mess." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:45) Black Mother Wound was a finalist!

(00:05:17) Syndication means expansion

(00:07:33) A win that is both validating and surreal

(00:11:32) I joined the Black Effect family

(00:13:01) Finding Belonging

(00:17:19) Give yourself permission to do it poorly

(00:19:16) Start with what you have

(00:22:35) Build safety within your own life

(00:23:10) Where are you saying no to yourself? 

(00:27:08) No one else can save you; it’s on you

(00:29:23) Stop worrying about what others think

(00:31:29) Be good to yourself

Key Takeaways: 

"When black women heal, everybody heals."

"When you lack autonomy, you are constantly looking for permission from someone else."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram:

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Join the RESOLVE course waitlist

2. Grab my free mini-course

3. Work with me one-on-one

***************************************

In a world where perception is currency, we’re often more concerned with how things look than how they feel. We smile for pictures when our hearts are heavy, post about joy when we’re barely making it, and perform perfection while silently falling apart. And somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves that pretending is noble—that enduring quietly is strength.

The truth is, many of us have become so skilled at hiding our pain that we forget it’s even there. We’ve learned to function in dysfunction. To mistake high performance for healing. To believe that being needed means we’re okay.

Freedom begins when we admit we’re tired of performing—tired of holding it all together while silently falling apart. It’s not weakness to let go of the image of being the strong one; it’s worship. It’s trusting that we’re still loved when we’re not impressive, allowing God to meet us in the mess. Being honest about our needs isn’t a burden—it’s the first step toward real freedom.

In this episode, I challenge the self-righteous label of perfectionist and expose what often lies beneath it—deep feelings of unworthiness and fear of rejection. I share how trauma, especially from childhood experiences with our mothers, can shape how we show up in the world and stop us from even trying. I unpack how language reveals our pain and how healing invites us to change our behavior. If you've ever felt paralyzed by the fear of not being good enough, this one’s for you.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:01:56) Home is my paradise

(00:03:39) Stop calling yourself a perfectionist

(00:05:41) What perfectionism really says

(00:06:52) The trauma behind trying

(00:09:14) The only way through is exposure

(00:11:45) Stop hiding behind perfectionism

(00:12:51) Start messy, grow anyway

(00:14:27) Growth is scary when you don’t believe

(00:17:09) Perfectionism is abusive

(00:18:19) Re-examine your language

(00:20:00) You can’t keep rejecting the younger you 

(00:22:31) Where are you harming yourself?

(00:24:45) Even high-performers feel self-doubt

(00:26:40) I can't do perfect

Key Takeaways: 

"Healing is an action verb. It's about how you change your behavior."

"The only way you can prove to yourself that you are worthy is to put your shit out there and then do the reparenting work to soothe yourself in the process."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Join the RESOLVE course waitlist: www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com

2. Grab my free mini-course: www.BlackMotherWoundHealing.com

3. Work with me one-on-one: https://bit.ly/bmwresolve

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In a world that values selflessness, it's easy to confuse being good to others with genuine goodness. We often pride ourselves on being helpful, but the real question is: Are we truly good people, or have we mastered self-betrayal in the name of seeking love and validation?

Self-betrayal isn’t always obvious. It’s a slow shift from what matters to us, where we compromise our values or ignore our needs in the name of kindness.

While selflessness can seem virtuous, sacrificing our well-being for others can cause us to lose touch with who we are. Setting boundaries and caring for ourselves isn't selfish—it's necessary. Only when we prioritize our own needs can we truly show up for others.

In this episode, I ask a powerful question: Are you truly a good person—or have you just mastered self-betrayal? We explore how childhood trauma and the need for our mother’s love often teach us to abandon ourselves in the name of being “good.” I break down how that shows up in adulthood, especially in friendships and relationships, and what it really means to stop trying to make difficult people love you.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:12) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:13) Free Mini Course

(00:03:16) About the Resolve Program

(00:05:13) Centering you, not her

(00:07:07) Are you a good person or self-betraying?

(00:10:30) Winning your mother’s approval

(00:12:49) The “Good Person” Mask

(00:15:06) Why we choose the wrong people

(00:17:49) Indebted to love

(00:21:38) Addiction to validation

(00:23:13) Boundaries with yourself first

(00:25:49) Start the awareness work

(00:27:12) Being “Good” isn’t always healthy

Key Takeaways: 

"The mother wound is a spectrum, and the people that I help the most are the women who have an acute pain."

"Stop trying to make difficult people be good to you."

“Somebody can do all those things and still not be good to you.”

“Real friends are gonna tell you some shit you might not wanna hear.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound 

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

How we can stay connected and work together!

1. Join the RESOLVE course waitlist  www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com
2. Grab my free mini-course  www.BlackMotherWoundHealing.com
3. Work with me one-on-one  https://bit.ly/bmwresolve

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Many women struggle with the idea of having children because they fear repeating the same mistakes their mothers made. They worry that they’ll pass on the same pain, the same unhealthy habits, or the same emotional scars. These fears are often rooted in their own experiences growing up, where they might have felt unheard, unsupported, or unloved.

However, it’s important to remember that breaking the cycle is possible. Healing starts with acknowledging these fears and choosing to do things differently. Instead of letting the past control the future, women can choose to learn from it and use it as a guide for what they want to change.

Part of breaking the cycle means understanding that parenting is not about being perfect. It’s about being present, being honest with yourself, and showing your children love and care. When you take time to heal your own wounds, you’re better prepared to help your children grow without repeating the mistakes of the past.

In this episode, I share how healing from a mother wound can transform your parenting. As a solo parent, I emphasize the importance of focusing on your relationship with yourself over perfection in your relationship with your child. I talk about parenting with transparency, vulnerability, and seeing your child as their own person. It’s about doing the inner work to parent from a place of self-awareness, not fear. Tune in for insights on breaking the cycle and creating a healthier relationship with your child.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:10) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:01:21) Vincent got a car!

(00:03:19) The freedom of parenting older kids

(00:04:28) When parenting became triggering

(00:06:07) Heal your childhood trauma

(00:07:50) Parenting isn’t about fixing your childhood

(00:09:50)  Parenting isn’t one-way

(00:11:26) Be real with your kids

(00:13:10) A parent is a child’s first relationship

(00:14:04) What is human parenting?

(00:17:01) Teach boundaries with love

(00:19:10) Feeling “taken from” can trigger hidden wounds.

(00:21:08) Motherhood doesn’t come with all the answers

(00:23:17) Self-awareness leads to better parenting

(00:24:32) The real parenting goal: trust.

(00:26:00) Trust leads to responsibility

(00:27:00) Connection comes from repair

Key Takeaways: 

"You will make mistakes. So if you are trying to avoid every mistake, you are already fucking your kids up even worse."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram:

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

How we can stay connected and work together!

1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist 

2. Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course

3. Work with me one-on-one 

4. Order my book on Amazon 

5. Listen to the Podcast 

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Who are you beyond the labels?

You’ve spent years contorting yourself to fit expectations that were never yours. Your mother’s voice still echoes. She called you irresponsible, and you wore it like a name tag. She labeled you selfish, and you shrank under the weight of guilt. You weren’t discovering yourself—you were memorizing the version of you that others created.

But those labels were never yours to keep.

Letting go means trusting yourself in a way you never have. It means unraveling every false belief you inherited. It means rejecting the notion that choosing yourself is selfish. You are not a problem to be solved—you are a person to be seen. You are not a flaw to fix—you are a truth to embrace.

Reclaiming yourself looks like wearing red lipstick, even if she called it vanity. It looks like walking away from what doesn’t honor you, even if she called it reckless. It looks like deciding that your desires, your joy, and your life are yours to define.

You are not who they said you were. It’s time to find out who you really are.

In this episode, I talk about reclaiming your true self after years of being told who to be. It’s time to break free from generational conditioning, release the weight of false identities, and step fully into your power. Tune in for the truth about unlearning, healing, and boldly becoming the woman you were always meant to be.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:08) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:26) How to vacate wonderfully

(00:04:40) I want to be myself, but I don't even know who that is

(00:06:09) How triggers shaped our personalities

(00:08:43) Mislabeling your nature as a flaw

(00:09:48) The cost of living someone else’s life

(00:11:12) The myth of being rewarded for good behavior

(00:13:38) Reestablish integrity with yourself

(00:15:53) Learning to thrive instead of just survive

(00:18:25) The power of self-belief

(00:21:13) No love compares to self-love

(00:23:49) Healing is about relationship with yourself

(00:24:24) Audit your actions & start choosing you

Key Takeaways: 

"Our mother's wounds were triggered by us, and that became our personality—the ways that we triggered her."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instag

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

1. Sign-up for RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
2. Download my FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide
3. Work with me one-on-one
4. Watch the podcast

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Healing is an action verb.

You want to heal, but you don’t want to disappoint anybody. You want change, but you don’t want to risk losing anything. You’re waiting for the right moment, the perfect circumstances—yet the truth is, the right time is now.

Healing is not passive. It is not something bestowed upon you because you waited long enough or believed hard enough. Healing requires movement, choices, and the willingness to disrupt what has always been. It is an action verb—something you do, not something you wait for.

So, what does healing look like in action? It looks like setting boundaries even when it makes others uncomfortable. It looks like therapy, rest, accountability, and unlearning. It looks like choosing yourself, not just in whispers and wishes, but in real, tangible ways. Healing is not waiting for permission. It is not seeking validation. It is deciding, today, that you are worthy of the work. Because healing is not just something that happens—it is something you do.

In this episode, I break down a hard truth: healing isn’t passive—it’s an action verb. I explore how religious beliefs have shaped our understanding of healing and challenge you to take authority over your emotional and mental well-being. Tune in for a real, no-nonsense conversation on what it takes to truly heal.

 "Healing is about not abandoning yourself. It is about showing up authentically, having real self-esteem, and building real community based on who you are—not who you can be of service to." – Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:16) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:44) Healing is an action verb
(00:04:22) The religious influence on healing
(00:06:50) Hands-off approach to healing
(00:07:37) No real change without action
(00:09:41) Why emotional healing is harder
(00:10:42) The historical roots of emotional suppression
(00:14:19) Healing requires consistent action
(00:16:22) Why people can't implement
(00:19:16) Repair
(00:20:08) How you give your authority away
(00:22:27) The right time is now
(00:24:55) Healing is about showing up authentically
(00:25:48) No one is coming to save you
(00:27:42) Accountability is key
(00:28:47) Healing takes time

Key Takeaways: 

"There's a disconnect between you creating the life you want and you staying where you are."

"The greatest changes that we wanted in our lives from a Christian perspective are largely hands-off."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound 

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist

2. Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course

3. Work with me one-on-one

4. Watch the podcast

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Many people misunderstand the mother wound, thinking it’s about blaming or resenting mothers. But it’s not about pointing fingers—it’s about recognizing the emotional gaps and patterns that have been passed down, often without intention.

The mother wound isn’t just about your relationship with your mom; it’s about how her struggles and beliefs have shaped you. If she grew up feeling unloved, overwhelmed, or pressured to be perfect, she may have unknowingly passed those feelings on to you. Not because she wanted to hurt you, but because she never had the chance to heal.

Healing doesn’t mean cutting off your mother or ignoring the good she did. It means seeing her as a person with her own struggles while also choosing to grow beyond the pain. It means making sure the cycle stops with you so that future generations don’t have to carry the same weight.

In this episode, I’m exploring a big question—does every Black woman have a mother wound? We break down what the mother wound really is, how it can exist even in seemingly healthy relationships, and why it affects some women differently than others. I also unpack the loss of autonomy, the weight of generational trauma, and the subtle ways this wound can shape your sense of selfIf you’ve ever questioned your experience, this episode brings clarity. Tune in to learn why healing isn’t just about your mother—it’s about reclaiming you.

"The mother wound is a relational wound, and it has to be healed in relation with others. If you are doing it alone, it is just scratching the surface." - Jennifer Arnise

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:11) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:02:19) The hypothesis: Every Black woman has a mother wound

(00:04:03) What truly is a mother wound?

(00:06:28) A generational wound rooted in patriarchy and racism

(00:08:48) Love doesn’t erase harm

(00:10:35) You can’t heal a mother wound alone

(00:11:46) Healing requires accountability and autonomy

(00:13:09) The dehumanization of motherhood

(00:15:00) Your mother has a mother wound too

(00:16:57) Healing is necessary to break cycles

(00:18:05) The Mother Wound is a societal issue

(00:20:34) Everybody has a crack in their glass

(00:21:01) Shame is a barrier to healing

(00:25:03) Give us your feedback!

Key Takeaways: 

"The mother wound is about the lack of autonomy."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

Connect on Instagram:

Support the show

Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise

Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.

1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist

2. Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course

3. Work with me one-on-one

4. Watch the podcast

***************************************

We all love our mothers, but is that enough?

Healing reaches a point where the next step feels uncertain. The pain has been acknowledged—so what now? For us, that question centers on reconnecting with family. Do we want that? Can we trust ourselves to decide without being ruled by emotion?

We miss our loved ones, but fractured relationships complicate things. Are we reaching out for the right reasons? Missing someone doesn’t mean they’re safe or that things have changed. Reconnection doesn’t guarantee repair.

Conflict drains us. Can we engage while protecting our boundaries? 

The key is preparation. Any interaction must be intentional—not impulsive. We need a plan: pre-engagement, engagement, and post-engagement. We must be well-rested, emotionally regulated, and aware of our triggers. Setting the terms ensures we respond rather than react. This is how we trust ourselves again.

In this episode, I’m doing something special—our first coaching session on the podcast! I coach Alicia, a former Resolve student, through the challenges of reconnecting with her mother after years of no contact. We unpack the emotional weight of this decision, the role of self-trust, and why healing isn’t something you can perfect in isolation. Alicia shares how past conflicts would leave her spiraling for days, and we discuss how to break that cycle with a clear plan—pre-engagement, engagement, and post-engagement. I also share the power of curiosity over judgment, setting boundaries without justification, and shifting from a victim mindset to autonomy. Tune in as we explore how real healing comes from within—not through controlling others.

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00) Episode Snippet

(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:05:53) No contact is not permanent

(00:07:01) Reconnect with the right reasons

(00:10:53) Handling conflict 

(00:16:14) Why are we reconnecting? 

(00:23:53) Owning your decision

(00:32:12) Your healing comes first

(00:35:03) Am I repeating old cycles?

(00:43:10) Stay emotionally disciplined

(00:46:03) Validate your feelings

(00:51:44) Set the date, face the feelings

Key Takeaways: 

"If we want to heal, we have to come out of a victim mentality."

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health-care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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