The BPD Bunch

Why can losing someone feel like losing your entire world when you have BPD?

In this minisode, Xannie, Katja, Carys, and Justin answer a viewer’s question about why lacking a stable sense of identity can make loss feel so devastating. Through personal experiences, they explore what happens when your sense of self depends on people or things outside your control, and how developing your own identity can help you navigate grief without feeling completely consumed by it.

Topics discussed: BPD identity disturbance, fear of loss, chronic emptiness, relationship dependence, personal values, mindfulness, BPD recovery.

Have a question for The BPD Bunch? Drop it in the comments! We might answer it in a future minisode.

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About Our Minisodes: Between seasons of The BPD Bunch, we keep things a little more casual with shorter episodes (15–20 minutes) where we answer viewer questions, play games, and chat about all things BPD.

Our regular seasons feature longer, in-depth discussions on different BPD topics. Season 8 returns in spring 2027!___Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

What if the way BPD is diagnosed doesn’t actually capture what you’re experiencing?

In our Season 7 finale, Xannie, Katja, and Justin reflect on what they learned about the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD) and how it compares to the traditional DSM-5 criteria.

In this episode:

* BPD diagnostic criteria: DSM-5 vs. AMPD

* Why identity struggles may be central to BPD

* Feeling empty even after BPD symptoms improve

* How the AMPD measures personality disorder severity

* The potential for misdiagnosis and clinician bias

* Why diagnostic labels can still be important for finding community

If you’ve ever read the BPD criteria and felt like they didn’t quite explain your experience, this conversation explores what might be missing.CATEGORICAL MODEL

5 of 9 criteria required:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. Unstable, intense relationships alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least 2 potentially self-damaging areas (e.g., spending, sex, substance use, reckless driving).

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-injury.

6. Marked mood reactivity (intense dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent outbursts, constant anger, physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

AMPD

A. Moderate or greater impairment in at least 2:

Identity: Unstable/poorly developed self-image, self-criticism, emptiness, stress-related dissociation.

Self-direction: Unstable goals, aspirations, values, or career plans.

Empathy: Difficulty recognizing others’ feelings/needs; sensitivity to slights; negative bias toward others.

Intimacy: Unstable, conflicted relationships; mistrust, neediness, abandonment preoccupation, idealization/devaluation, overinvolvement or withdrawal.

B. At least 4 of 7 traits, one of which must be impulsivity, risk taking, or hostility

1. Emotional lability: Easily triggered, intense, shifting emotions, out of proportion.

2. Anxiousness: Panic/tension, interpersonal stress, worry about past/future, uncertainty or losing control.

3. Separation insecurity: Fear of rejection/separation, excessive dependence or loss of autonomy.

4. Depressivity: Low mood, hopelessness, shame, low self-worth, suicidal thoughts/behavior.

5. Impulsivity: Acting without planning or considering outcomes; trouble following plans; self-harm in distress.

6. Risk taking: Dangerous activities despite consequences; dismissing limits or personal danger.

7. Hostility: Frequent anger/irritability, over minor slights.In the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:Watch part 1 here: https://youtu.be/MD3kL0yQAYUWatch part 2 here: https://youtu.be/KtVhStCqH1A___Love what we do? Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Have you ever gotten so angry that you knew you were making things worse, and still couldn’t seem to stop?In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie, Mo, Raf, Georgette, Katja, and Justin get honest about what it took to change their relationship with BPD rage and hostility. From explosive arguments and pushing loved ones away to learning how to walk away before things escalate, the cast shares what actually helped them respond differently.They also discuss the emotions hiding underneath their anger, why calming down can feel impossible in the moment, and how even small changes in behavior can make a huge difference.In this episode:* BPD rage and explosive anger* How to stop lashing out at loved ones* BPD anger and relationship problems* Emotional dysregulation and anger urges* DBT skills for anger and distress tolerance* Taking space during arguments* Sadness, rejection, and fear underneath anger* Learning to manage hostility in BPD recoveryIf you’ve ever looked back at something you said in anger and wished you could take it back, this conversation is for you._____This season, we’re discussing BPD through the lens of the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD). To meet criteria for BPD in this model, a person must have difficulties in at least two areas of personality functioning (Criterion A): identity, self direction, empathy, or intimacy, along with four or more pathological personality traits (Criterion B): emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity (which are sub-traits of negative affectivity), impulsivity and risk taking (sub-traits of disinhibition), and hostility (a sub-trait of antagonism).In the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:Watch part 1 here: https://youtu.be/MD3kL0yQAYUWatch part 2 here: https://youtu.be/KtVhStCqH1A___Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Have you ever been so angry at someone that hurting them felt completely justified?

In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie, Mo, Raf, Georgette, Katja, and Justin get brutally honest about their experiences with BPD and hostility. From holding grudges for years to deliberately targeting someone’s insecurities, they share the behaviors they once defended and the damage those behaviors caused.

They also explore what was happening underneath the anger, including shame, fear, perceived rejection, and the belief that they were protecting themselves or someone else. Sometimes the hardest part of looking back is realizing that being hurt didn’t make every reaction justified.

In this episode, we discuss:

• BPD and hostility
• BPD rage and intense anger
• Holding grudges and long-lasting resentment
• Shame turning into anger
• Verbal aggression and hurting loved ones
• Splitting and perceived hostility
• Passive-aggressive behavior in relationships
• Justifying harmful behavior when emotionally dysregulated

If you’ve ever looked back at something you did in anger and wondered how you convinced yourself it was okay, this conversation is for you._____This season, we’re discussing BPD through the lens of the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD). To meet criteria for BPD in this model, a person must have difficulties in at least two areas of personality functioning (Criterion A): identity, self direction, empathy, or intimacy, along with four or more pathological personality traits (Criterion B): emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity (which are sub-traits of negative affectivity), impulsivity and risk taking (sub-traits of disinhibition), and hostility (a sub-trait of antagonism).In the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:Watch part 1 hereWatch part 2 here___Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Understanding why you behave a certain way doesn’t always mean you know how to change it.

In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie sits down with Bob Drozek, director of the Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT) Clinic at McLean Hospital, to explore how MBT helps people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) better understand their thoughts, emotions, and relationships.

They discuss what mentalization actually means, why intense emotions can make it harder to consider other perspectives, and how MBT differs from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

Xannie also shares how trying to understand the origins of her own BPD sometimes became a way to explain away behaviors rather than work toward changing them.

In this episode:

• ​What mentalization is and why it can be difficult with BPD
• ​How MBT works and how it differs from DBT
• ​Understanding the feelings and needs underneath our reactions
• ​How MBT approaches identity, shame, and dissociation
• ​Why knowing the reasons behind a behavior doesn’t always change it
• ​How therapists help people explore their own mental states
• ​What MBT can offer people working toward BPD recovery.

Whether you’re exploring treatment options, trying to understand your own reactions, or supporting someone with BPD, we hope this conversation gives you a useful introduction to MBT and a different way to think about change.

Buy the book:

https://amzn.to/4hTJej0

(As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. If you click on the links below and buy a product, we receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting the show!)

Worksheets and handouts for the book:

https://global.oup.com/booksites/content/9780198916857/

Mentalization Coach app:

https://www.resiliens.com/en/mentalization-coach

Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!

Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Disclaimer:Although several of our panelists work in the mental health field, we are all coming to you as people in functional recovery from BPD, and are not here to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

What does it actually take to stop taking risks when they’ve become your way of coping?

In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie, André, Georgette, Melanie, Justin, and Dan talk about what has actually helped them manage risk-taking and impulsive behavior with BPD. From delaying purchases and putting roadblocks around spending to writing the angry email without actually sending it, they share the practical ways they’ve learned to create space between an urge and an action.

They also get into the harder part: tolerating uncomfortable emotions, recognizing when “fun” is actually a pattern that keeps ending badly, relying on other people, and learning that struggling with an urge doesn’t mean the work isn’t working.

Topics include:

* BPD and risk-taking

* BPD and impulsivity

* Impulsive spending

* Acting on intense emotions

* Substance use and risky behavior

* Sitting with uncomfortable emotions

* DBT skills and wise mind

* BPD recovery and behavior change

If you know the consequences and still struggle to stop yourself in the moment, this conversation gets into what can happen between “I want to do this” and actually doing it._____This season, we’re discussing BPD through the lens of the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD). To meet criteria for BPD in this model, a person must have difficulties in at least two areas of personality functioning (Criterion A): identity, self direction, empathy, or intimacy, along with four or more pathological personality traits (Criterion B): emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity (which are sub-traits of negative affectivity), impulsivity and risk taking (sub-traits of disinhibition), and hostility (a sub-trait of antagonism).In the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:Watch part 1 here: https://youtu.be/MD3kL0yQAYUWatch part 2 here: https://youtu.be/KtVhStCqH1A___Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Have you ever known something could end badly and still felt like the risk barely mattered in the moment?

In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie, André, Georgette, Melanie, Justin, and Dan get brutally honest about how risk-taking showed up in their lives with BPD. They share experiences with drugs, sex, unsafe situations, reckless driving, impulsive spending, validation seeking, and choices that made perfect sense in the moment and looked completely different afterward.

They also dig into what was happening underneath those choices: chasing immediate relief, escaping painful emotions, wanting acceptance, feeling invincible, and sometimes simply not caring enough about themselves to think about what could happen next.

Topics include:

* BPD and risk-taking

* BPD and impulsivity

* Drugs and substance use

* Sexual risk-taking

* Reckless driving

* Impulsive spending

* Instant gratification and dopamine

* Self-destructive behavior and BPD

If you’ve ever looked back at something you did and thought, “How did that not feel dangerous to me at the time?” this conversation is for you._____This season, we’re discussing BPD through the lens of the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD). To meet criteria for BPD in this model, a person must have difficulties in at least two areas of personality functioning (Criterion A): identity, self direction, empathy, or intimacy, along with four or more pathological personality traits (Criterion B): emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity (which are sub-traits of negative affectivity), impulsivity and risk taking (sub-traits of disinhibition), and hostility (a sub-trait of antagonism).In the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:Watch part 1 here: https://youtu.be/MD3kL0yQAYUWatch part 2 here: https://youtu.be/KtVhStCqH1A___Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Have you ever known an impulsive decision would probably end badly and still felt like you had to do it anyway?

In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie, Mo, Céline, and Melanie talk about what actually helped them manage BPD impulsivity, from sleeping on decisions and distracting themselves long enough for an urge to pass to checking their choices against their values.

They also get into the deeper part: why impulsivity can become a way of escaping emotions, why consequences don’t always stop the behavior, how they learned to trust their judgment, and what changed as impulsive urges became less intense during recovery.

Topics include:

*BPD and impulsivity

*Acting on intense emotions

*DBT skills for impulsive urges

*Escaping and avoiding emotions

*Thinking through consequences

*Trusting your own judgment

*Core values and decision-making

*Reducing impulsivity in BPD recovery

If you’ve ever looked back at an impulsive decision and wondered why the consequences felt so obvious afterward but not in the moment, this conversation is for you_____This season, we’re discussing BPD through the lens of the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD). To meet criteria for BPD in this model, a person must have difficulties in at least two areas of personality functioning (Criterion A): identity, self direction, empathy, or intimacy, along with four or more pathological personality traits (Criterion B): emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity (which are sub-traits of negative affectivity), impulsivity and risk taking (sub-traits of disinhibition), and hostility (a sub-trait of antagonism).In the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:Watch part 1 ⁠here⁠

Watch part 2 ⁠here⁠___Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!________Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Have you ever known something was bad for you and still missed the intensity when it was gone?

Freya joins Xannie and Jack to talk about a BPD recovery journey shaped by chaotic relationships, chronic emptiness, emotional avoidance, burnout, identity, and a constant need to stay distracted. She shares why “constant peril” once felt like living, why a full calendar made her feel loved, and what happened when she finally stopped running from difficult emotions.

Freya also opens up about being trans with BPD, how she personally distinguishes gender dysphoria from BPD identity disturbance, receiving her diagnosis after hospitalization, and the roles DBT, ACT, and psychodynamic therapy have played in her recovery.

In this episode:

* BPD and chaotic relationships

* Chronic emptiness and identity disturbance

* BPD and gender dysphoria

* Staying busy to avoid difficult emotions

* BPD burnout and emotional overwhelm

* Splitting and relationship patterns

* DBT, ACT and psychodynamic therapy

* BPD recovery and learning to tolerate emotions

If you’ve ever chased intensity, distraction, relationships, or busyness because slowing down meant having to feel everything, Freya’s story may feel very familiar._____Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference! 🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________Disclaimer:Although several of our panelists work in the mental health field, we are all coming to you as people in functional recovery from BPD, and are not here to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Have you ever felt something so intensely that doing anything to make it stop seemed like a good idea in the moment?

In this episode of The BPD Bunch, Xannie, Céline, Mo, and Melanie get brutally honest about what impulsivity actually looked like in their lives: impulsive tattoos, self-harm, drinking and drugs, binge spending, quitting jobs, cutting people off, and reacting to shame with anger instead of facing it.

They also talk about the strange experience of getting better and realizing that the impulse itself doesn’t necessarily disappear. What changes is the ability to pause, tolerate the emotion, and make a different decision.

Topics include:

* BPD and impulsivity

* Impulsive self-harm

* BPD and substance use

* Binge drinking and spending

* Anger and impulsive behavior

* Cutting people off and splitting

* Shame and defensiveness

* Managing impulsive urges in BPD

If you’ve ever looked back after an intense emotion passed and thought, “Why the hell did I do that?” this conversation will probably feel familiar.

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This season, we’re discussing BPD through the lens of the Alternative Model of Personality Disorders (AMPD). To meet criteria for BPD in this model, a person must have difficulties in at least two areas of personality functioning (Criterion A): identity, self direction, empathy, or intimacy, along with four or more pathological personality traits (Criterion B): emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity (which are sub-traits of negative affectivity), impulsivity and risk taking (sub-traits of disinhibition), and hostility (a sub-trait of antagonism).I

n the first two episodes of the season, Dr. Carla Sharp, Dr. Frank Yeomans, and Dr. Alex Stein explain what the AMPD is, how it changes from the current categorical model, and how the BPD diagnosis is changing. In case you missed it, here are the links:

Watch part 1 here

Watch part 2 here

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Love what we do? Your support fuels these important conversations on BPD and mental health. Consider joining our Patreon community to help us continue this valuable work and unlock exclusive content. Every contribution makes a difference!

🔗 Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch ________

About Us: The BPD bunch is a YouTube talk show, featuring a panel of people who are in functional recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. Each week we discuss BPD-related topics to help give you insights into the different ways BPD can be expressed in someone’s life. We also cover the different paths we followed on our recovery journeys to give you hope and direction for your own ❤️ Thank you for being on this journey of healing with us!

________

Disclaimer:This video is for education only and is not meant to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.