The Evolved Marriage Podcast

Feeling distant? Stuck in the same fight on repeat?
Today’s episode is your roadmap out of the loop. In this conversation, Kate and I break down the real skill that keeps long-term marriages strong: repair.

Not avoiding conflict. Not pretending everything’s fine.
Repair. Clean, honest, connected repair.

You’ll hear us dig into:

➡️ What makes repair the backbone of a healthy marriage

Most couples aren’t struggling because they fight.

They struggle because they don’t repair.

➡️ Why so many people avoid repairing

Is it pride? Shame? Fear of being wrong?

We get raw about what stops each of us from stepping in.

➡️ The 5-Step Repair Map we use in our own marriage

This is the exact framework we teach inside Evolved Marriage and EMC.

Simple. Clear. Repeatable.

You’ll learn how to:

➡️ Own what you did without excuses

➡️ Attune to your partner’s experience even when it’s uncomfortable

➡️ Show real remorse (not the “fine, sorry” version)

➡️ State one specific thing you’ll do differently next time

➡️ Invite reconnection in a grounded, low-pressure way

These steps will help you:

➡️ Break disconnection cycles

➡️ Build trust that lasts

➡️ Strengthen emotional and physical intimacy

➡️ Feel like a team again

And you’ll hear us use real examples from our own marriage… the messy ones included.

➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠

Every couple hits this wall: the power struggle.

You both want to feel heard, safe, and respected—but somehow every disagreement turns into a tug-of-war instead of teamwork.

In this raw, honest conversation, Eric and Kate break down why power struggles happen, what’s really hiding underneath them, and the simple shift that turns conflict into connection.

They share real stories from their marriage, moments of tension around parenting, and how they learned to stop trying to win—and start working together.

If you ever find yourself walking on eggshells, defending yourself, or trying to fix your partner’s mood, this episode will hit home.

• Why every couple ends up in a power struggle (and how to break the loop)

• What it means when you’re protecting instead of connecting

• How to spot your adaptive child in action—and move into your wise adult

• The mindset shift from me vs. you to us vs. the problem

• 5 steps to move from competition to collaboration

• Real tools to repair faster and reconnect deeper

➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠

If you’ve ever felt unseen, unheard, or like your partner should just know what you need, this conversation is going to change the way you do love.

In this episode, I sit down with Monica Tanner, relationship coach and author of Bad Marriage Advice, to unpack one of the biggest roadblocks to long-term intimacy: the gap between what we need and what we actually share with our partner.

We talk about why asking for what you want can feel risky, how to turn complaints into clear requests, and the simple shifts that make your relationship feel safer, more connected, and more playful again.

• Why so many couples struggle to ask for what they want and what to do instead

• How childhood attachment patterns play out in adult relationships

• The difference between complaining and clearly requesting what you need

• The power of modeling vulnerability instead of demanding it

• How to create emotional safety so both partners can open up

• The “STAY” Framework for deeper vulnerability
  

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Favorite Moments

💬 “Unsaid needs are premeditated resentments.”
💬 “If my partner really loved me, they’d know what I need—that story is killing your connection.”
💬 “It’s not about managing your partner, it’s about helping them win.”
💬 “Model the vulnerability you want to see.”

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Monica Tanner is a relationship coach, podcast host, and author of Bad Marriage Advice, a book that exposes 15 common half-truths that quietly destroy connection (and what to do instead).

You can learn more about her work at monicatanner.com

Grab Monica’s Book: Bad Marriage Advice

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➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠

In this episode, Eric and Kate unpack how to bring back sexual pleasure and real connection in marriage.

They get honest about what makes sex feel deeply good for both partners.

They cover:

→ The Pleasure + Connection rule

→ Why orgasm is not the only marker of great sex

→ How to spot the desire mismatch

→ How to talk about what you actually want without shame

➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples

Most couples think affection means sex but that mindset quietly kills emotional safety and intimacy.

In this episode, Eric and Kate get real about the difference between physical affection and sexual connection.

You’ll learn why touch matters, how to rebuild it when it’s gone missing, and simple ways to bring warmth and playfulness back into your marriage without pressure, rejection, or awkwardness.

If your relationship feels a little “cold” or distant lately, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn:

→ The difference between affection and foreplay (and why couples confuse them)

→ Why non-sexual touch is essential for safety and trust

→ The biological reason affection makes you feel close (hello, oxytocin)

→ Why physical affection often disappears in long-term relationships

→ How to rebuild affection safely when it’s been missing for years

→ Simple daily habits that reignite connection (without making it about sex)The “hug until relaxed” and “six-second kiss” practices that deepen love

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➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠⁠

Feel distant and stuck on “good”? Here’s how to rebuild real closeness that lasts.

Most couples want emotional intimacy but can’t name it. In this episode we define it, show why it fades, and give you simple daily practices to get it back. We cover emotional safety, bids for connection, and how to stop living on surface talk and start feeling close again.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• What emotional intimacy really means—and why it fades.
• The everyday habits killing closeness (and how to stop them).
• How to answer bids for connection so your partner feels seen.
• Simple daily moves to rebuild trust, safety, and passion.

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➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠⁠

Too many husbands and wives walk through life silently hoping their needs will be met, then end up frustrated, resentful, and disconnected when they aren’t.

In this episode, Eric and Kate break down one of the most important skills for creating a healthy marriage: advocating for yourself.

You’ll learn

• Why we stay silent: fear of conflict, rejection, being “too much.”

• The clean request formula your partner can say yes, no, or “alternative” to.

• Boundaries that protect connection, not avoid it.

• How to own your desires without shame or apology.

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➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠

In this episode, Kate and Eric reveal how to understand your partner, cut conflict, and build safety, trust, and deeper intimacy.

Why understanding and agreement aren’t the same and how mixing them up keeps couples stuck in the same fights.

• Practical tools: reflective listening, curiosity, and even short silences that create space for closeness.
• The role of timing: how to check your partner’s capacity before diving into hard conversations.
• Emotional safety builders: labeling feelings and asking, “Do you want advice or just a witness?”
• Advanced skills: empathy, attunement, and the Experience Cube for moving beyond surface talk into genuine intimacy.

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➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠⁠

In this episode, Eric and Kate open up about what real trust looks like in marriage and how to build it through conscious communication.

🔑 They talk about:

• What trust looks like (and doesn’t) in marriage

• Why words need to match actions

• How to speak truth without being harsh

• Holding space without getting defensive

• The link between trust and emotional + sexual intimacy

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➡️ Download the FREE Reignite Your Marriage Blueprint:

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.evolvedmarriage.com/go⁠⁠⁠⁠

➡️For Couples: Complete your Relationship Assessment

⁠⁠⁠⁠https://form.jotform.com/ericmacdougall85/EMcouples⁠⁠

In this episode, Kate and Eric dive into why so many couples feel stuck in a transactional “Groundhog Day” relationship and how vision and values can help you create momentum again.

TOPICS DISCUSSED:

• Why vague or borrowed visions keep couples stuck

• Peace as a value vs avoiding conflict

• Personal stories of alignment and misalignment

• Vision as the horizon you move toward