One of the things that we never talk about on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is if your values match up with your exes.

I learned a long time ago that when you are dealing with someone who is going through a breakup they don’t necessarily care if their ex have the same values as them.

They get what I like to call “tunnel vision.”

Tunnel Vision: Not caring about anything except the goal that’s right in front of them.

But there’s a major problem with this kind of thinking.

You see, the way I look at it is that right now you are at a crossroads and you are about to make a decision that’s going to affect the next few months of your life greatly,

Do you try to get him back?

Or

Do you try to move on?

How do you know what the right decision is for you?

Well, that was the question I posed to today’s guest Chase Kosterlitz,

Now, Chase is an interesting guy.

He runs a very popular podcast on iTunes called “IDo Podcast” with his wife so I thought I would have him on the show to pick his brain on breakups.

Specifically I asked him how you know when you should try to get someone back as opposed to letting them go.

His take was fascinating.

He thinks that you really need to look at your core values and see if they match.

Check it out!

To date, Matt Marr may be one of the most interesting guests that I have ever had on the podcast.

He describes himself as a,

But perhaps the thing that immediately drew me to him is that he has been featured in some GIGANTIC commercials,

And acting is just one of this guys passions.

Anyways, after complimenting him on his amazing work acting I quickly steered the conversation towards breakups.

I was eager to get a licensed therapists take on what one should do after they go through a breakup.

And some of the insights that Matt had were astounding.

It’s not often that I say this but this may actually be one of my favorite episodes that I have ever done.

And no, it’s not because I am talking about the no contact rule, AGAIN!

Let me give you some background so what I say will make sense.

Dr. Glenn Livingston is a superstar in the “Binge Eating” world.

(I promise this will make sense in a moment.)

In fact, this guy is so credentialed I was a little in awe while I was interviewing him,

Now, originally I had planned to make this interview all about the poor eating habits that I have seen women adopt after a breakup.

However, after Glenn and I got to talking something interesting began to happen. Instead of only focusing on binge eating we turned our attention to the no contact rule.

Specifically the issues that people have when it comes to NOT contacting their exes.

As it turns out, the technique that Glenn created to prevent people from binge eating is a perfect fit to stop people from breaking the no contact rule.

Now, I have written a massive book on this topic, “The No Contact Rule Book”, so feel free to check it out!

Now, bear in mind that this is a book for binge eating. However, almost everything in it can be in some way, shape or form be applied to the no contact rule.

Oh, and if you think this isn’t something that is worth your time to read you might want to rethink that because I was so impressed with Glenn’s technique that I am going to modify it and add it to my overall core strategy when it comes to the no contact rule.

Check out our interview below,

About a month ago I got a really interesting email from a woman named Jessy,

The gist of the email from Jessy said that she broke up with her ex and using Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO she ended up getting him back. Not only that but he proposed and they got married.

Now, this actually hasn’t been the first time that I have had a hand in getting a couple married.

Some of you may remember Marueen one of my original success stories but this was on an entirely different level.

Why?

Well, it’s probably due to the fact that Jessy was so forthcoming with her situation. She was willing to get on camera (with her husband) and make a testimonial for me,

And on top of that I actually got her to agree to coming on the podcast to talk about what she did to win her ex back.

Honestly, I think it’s best if I cut right to the chase on this one.

One of the worst predicaments that you can find yourself in when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back is that somewhere down the road you come to the realization that he isn’t the right guy for you.

I mean, I can’t tell you how often I have woken up to an email like this from a woman,

“Chris, I ended up getting my ex boyfriend back (thank you) but after dating for a few weeks I came to the realization that he isn’t the man I want anymore. I think I made a mistake. What should I do?“

Sometimes we can get what I like to call “tunnel vision” when it comes to getting an ex back which basically means you can ignore some pretty important signs telling you that he isn’t the right guy for you because you are so focused on getting your ex back.

And that’s why I brought Marni Battista in for you.

Who is Marni Battista?

Well, Marni runs the very popular website, Dating With Dignity, and she has been featured in publications like ABC, CBS, Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan and Glamour.

To say that she knows her stuff would be an understatement.

She’s an expert in the selection process of men. And the thing I really love about Marni is the fact that she opens up and tells her own story about the mistakes she’s learned along the way.

And I have to say it’s an incredible story that you can read.

But like I said, I brought her on today to talk about how YOU should be making YOUR selection process when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back.

Check it out,

The no contact rule is one of those strategies used by all sorts of experts out there in the “ex back” niche. However, I will be the first person to admit that most of the people who recommend it are scammers looking to make a quick buck.

It’s sad but true.

My general rule of thumb is that if someone isn’t willing to get in front of a camera to teach then they aren’t worth your time.

Well, with that segue I would like to introduce you to Brad Browning,

Brad pretty much is the “go to” guy for YouTube advice (as you can see from the picture above) on getting your ex back and his advice WORKS!

He has also written one of the only books that I am willing to recommend on getting an ex back outside of my own,

The Ex Factor Guide

Brad is one of the very few experts on the planet that I trust. He is also one of the very few experts who you should listen to (me being the other one of course .)

I had the pleasure of having him come on the site to talk about the no contact rule and his best selling book, The Ex Factor Guide.

Now, the amazing thing about Brad was how open he was to talking about things that most people would charge you for.

Check it out,

Marina Margulis is pretty much a super star.

She is the founder of NY Socials,

Which offers a number of personalized matchmaking services, which vary from a range of individual matchmaking packages to our signature Socials memberships or any combination of both.

She has been certified as a professional CMM (certified match maker)

She makes a living by being a dating/relationship coach

Oh, and to top it off in 2014 she was named woman of the year by the NAPW (National Association of Professional Women)

To say that this woman knows her stuff when it comes to dating is an understanding and I was lucky enough to convince her to come on the show to talk to you!

Now, usually when I am trying to get someone to come on the show I do what’s called a “pre-interview.”

Pre-Interview- Essentially this is the interview before the interview. Think of it like a “get to know you” session.

Well, when I conducted my pre-interview with Marina here I was blown away about how passionate she was about empowering women. I mean, I could hear it in this woman’s voice. Which is why we agreed that we wanted this episode to be all about empowering you AFTER your breakup.

Check out the epic episode below,

When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back one of the most asked questions that we get is,

How do I text him?

And if you are pretty familiar with our site you would know that I have put together quite a few guides over the years detailing exactly what to do. Well, I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

Imagine that you read all of my “in-depth” guides and had a pretty good idea of how I teach texting. And yet, when you actually went to implement my teaching it turned into a disaster.

Well, this is the exact thing that happened to the woman featured in today’s episode.

She sent a string of text messages and they didn’t work out too well for her.

Well, today I am going to dissect her messages and show you what she should have done.

Pretty crazy, right?

Here’s a better explanation of the situation we are talking about in this episode,

It’s not often that I say this but you really need to listen to this podcast episode.

Not only because it can help you with your ex but it can help you with pretty much any relationship you find yourself in.

Today’s guest is a man by the name of Erik Newton!

Now, the interesting thing about Erik is the fact that he used to be a divorce lawyer. Yes, that means that the man has probably seen more breakups than I have which makes him a very interesting resource for you.

Of course, I say he “used” to be a divorce lawyer but he quit to follow his true passion.

Yup, he quit to talk to couples about relationships through his website and his podcast “Together” which ironically my wife and I were on.

Anyways, so far this has been my favorite episode that I have ever done.

I don’t think I have laughed this hard in a long time.

Not only does Erik have a fascinating view of what it takes to make a relationship work but he also taught me a lot of things in this interview.

Check it out!

First off, I want to bring your attention to the fact that Erik and I had the exact same headphones!

Great minds think alike I guess.

What do you think of these videos?

Are they helpful for you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

About a year ago I announced on my podcast that I was considering doing coaching. Of course, that coaching was going to be paid.

I know…

I know…

I’m greedy.

But that all changed a few months ago when I was sitting with my wife in my office and I asked her one simple question,

I want to create content that blows people away. Something that they have never seen before…

That’s when she suggested that instead of asking people for money to coach them that I do it for free.

I’ll admit, it took me a little while to fully wrap my head around the idea because no relationship consultant, dating coach or match maker would ever do what they do for free.

But I guess we do .

That’s what makes us different.

That’s why people trust us and continually come back to visit this site.

Whitney was someone who I had been helping for about a month so I knew her situation pretty well. I had identified her as a potential coaching client because her situation was interesting enough to feature.

After some bartering back and forth we agreed that she would be the ideal first live coaching client that I would take on. Here’s the video of our session,

Now, the thing that I am expecting you to get out of this is the simple fact that this is free.

Also, I am doing these live coaching sessions to prove a point.

The Point I Want To Prove: That out of all the “get your ex back” people out there I am pretty much the only one who has the guts to get on camera and coach someone.

My belief has always been that the proof is in the pudding and someone shouldn’t be a coach to someone if they don’t know what they are doing.

In other words, I am trying to show you through actions that I know what I am talking about.

But enough of the “power trip” by me.

Let’s take a look at Whitney’s situation.

Before we started our one hour live session I asked Whitney to send me anything she could to help me better her chances.

Well, she did just that.

She did just that in spades.

I remember opening up my email and receiving this uber long PDF document highlighting all of their important dates. Now, normally I would attach this document so you could see it with your own eyes. However, it’s important that we respect Whitney’s privacy.

So instead, I would like to show you the notes I took on her situation.

But before I do that I would like to let you in on what really is confusing Whitney.

Whitney want’s to know how to handle the first interaction with her ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

That’s really where she stuck and really what we talked a lot about during this live coaching session.

Ok, so here is a quick rundown of her situation,

Hmm… you know what. We do a much better job of covering her situation in the actual recording so I will just leave it there.

I’d like to show you the notes I took on her situation

Looking at Whitney’s situation I can tell that there are going to be some major “headwinds” that she is going to face when it comes to getting him back.

Headwind #1: Why Did He Really Break Up With Her?

Things seemed to be going so well and then “all of a sudden” he does a complete 180 and breaks up with her, why?

The Potential Reasons For Break Up:

Headwind #2: Did You Date Long Enough To Form A Lasting Connection

Generally the better/stronger the connection that you have with your ex the easier it is to get them back.

She dated her ex for a little under two months. This probably wasn’t enough time to build a super strong connection.

So, we are going to have to find a way to make him establish more of a connection with her. We are going to try to weave that within her conversations with him.

Side Note: Most of the words written beyond this point are reminders to me on what to teach her during the live coaching call.

Whitney is actually in the minority of people who have approached the no contact rule in the right way. Make sure to congratulate her.

Make sure you make her list out every positive thing that she did during the no contact rule.

Has she utilized “The Holy Trinity?”

Emphasize the “Dating Yourself” philosophy to see if this is someone who she really wants to put the effort into winning back.

This seems to be where Whitney is stuck. She is afraid to start a conversation with her ex.

Her Goal With Texting Should Be…

The Tide Theory Mentality: Slowly but surely advancing the conversation intensity and frequency

The ultimate goal here is to get back on the speaking terms with her ex. Much like she was at the beginning of the relationship. However, I want her to be utilizing a few principles throughout the period that she attempts this.

Interdependence Theory: Teach her about the interdependence theory to highlight why he wouldn’t commit. Basically the interdependence theory states that human beings commit to each other based on a cost and benefit scenario. We try to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs. Three main factors are looked at,

Whitney can utilize her conversations with him to improve satisfaction, lower his alternatives and improve his investment in you

The other thing I want her to weave into her conversations is to utilize “The Peak-End Rule”

Peak-End Rule: Human beings usually remember an experience based on the peak of it and the end of it. Since you have such a STRONG peak and such an amicable end I think she would do well by doing subtle things to reinforce her peak or things that make him remember it.

Finally, I need to teach her how to construct a perfect first contact text message utilizing the following factors,

Almost immediately after I had stopped recording our live coaching session Whitney wanted to try out the first contact text message that we had constructed on the coaching call.

I literally watched as she sent it to her ex.

Do you think he replied?

Of course he did!

I got this email from Whitney,

With this text message attached to it,